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[Deleted User]

Some of you guys may have to use a little personal restraint with this board. Remember our site usage terms and conditions before racing to CSN with the latest off-color joke to hit your inbox. ;-)

If you have a funny cancer story, please feel free to share it here!

Greta
Your friendly CSN staff

soccerfreaks

THIS could be interesting
My last extended stay in the hospital was supposed to be a four-day stay at maximum, the first for the lobectomy to remove a pesky node in my lung, and the next three for the bonus vacation tour of the hospital's halls, which I would walk with IV pole in hand and butt displayed to the world while regaining breath and fitness.

Are you laughing yet?

As it happens, my stay was extended when it was determined I had developed a staph infection (MSSA) and that they would have to revisit my lung while welcoming for nearly an entire extra month of their hospitality.

While I found much of this disappointing and discouraging, I tried to remain faithful to my mantra regarding hope and humor and especially made a point to both tease and flirt with the nurses.

One evening during all of this, I had to make a trip to the bathroom that meant, of course, I was carrying my IV pole along with my not so little box attached to the pipes protruding from the right side of my rib cage.

I will spare you the details regarding what it was they needed for me to collect, but be advised that due to the excellent work ethic of the cleaning staff, my bathroom was always filled, and I mean filled, with toilet paper. Such that it was very difficult to remove from the stainless steel box the roll was harbored within (to the extent I figured they were worried I was going to steal it when I left).

Well, all of the extra bending over (minus a lower right lobe) to extract ONE SHEET AT A TIME made it so that when I left the bathroom, with a clean butt, I assure you, I had lost my breath completely and did not know where to look to find it.

I did manage to wake my sleeping wife, and she showed sufficient alarm and alerted the nurses, who came rushing.

When they had calmed me down and got me breathing again, one of them had the exquisite timeliness to suggest, very seriuosly, "You must have been working really hard in there!"

I nearly lost my breath again, this time mixed with tears of laughter, and were I not already married, would have proposed on the spot.

Take care,

Joe

greta

soccerfreaks said:

THIS could be interesting
My last extended stay in the hospital was supposed to be a four-day stay at maximum, the first for the lobectomy to remove a pesky node in my lung, and the next three for the bonus vacation tour of the hospital's halls, which I would walk with IV pole in hand and butt displayed to the world while regaining breath and fitness.

Are you laughing yet?

As it happens, my stay was extended when it was determined I had developed a staph infection (MSSA) and that they would have to revisit my lung while welcoming for nearly an entire extra month of their hospitality.

While I found much of this disappointing and discouraging, I tried to remain faithful to my mantra regarding hope and humor and especially made a point to both tease and flirt with the nurses.

One evening during all of this, I had to make a trip to the bathroom that meant, of course, I was carrying my IV pole along with my not so little box attached to the pipes protruding from the right side of my rib cage.

I will spare you the details regarding what it was they needed for me to collect, but be advised that due to the excellent work ethic of the cleaning staff, my bathroom was always filled, and I mean filled, with toilet paper. Such that it was very difficult to remove from the stainless steel box the roll was harbored within (to the extent I figured they were worried I was going to steal it when I left).

Well, all of the extra bending over (minus a lower right lobe) to extract ONE SHEET AT A TIME made it so that when I left the bathroom, with a clean butt, I assure you, I had lost my breath completely and did not know where to look to find it.

I did manage to wake my sleeping wife, and she showed sufficient alarm and alerted the nurses, who came rushing.

When they had calmed me down and got me breathing again, one of them had the exquisite timeliness to suggest, very seriuosly, "You must have been working really hard in there!"

I nearly lost my breath again, this time mixed with tears of laughter, and were I not already married, would have proposed on the spot.

Take care,

Joe

LOL
Thanks for sharing! :-)
greta

RE

soccerfreaks said:

THIS could be interesting
My last extended stay in the hospital was supposed to be a four-day stay at maximum, the first for the lobectomy to remove a pesky node in my lung, and the next three for the bonus vacation tour of the hospital's halls, which I would walk with IV pole in hand and butt displayed to the world while regaining breath and fitness.

Are you laughing yet?

As it happens, my stay was extended when it was determined I had developed a staph infection (MSSA) and that they would have to revisit my lung while welcoming for nearly an entire extra month of their hospitality.

While I found much of this disappointing and discouraging, I tried to remain faithful to my mantra regarding hope and humor and especially made a point to both tease and flirt with the nurses.

One evening during all of this, I had to make a trip to the bathroom that meant, of course, I was carrying my IV pole along with my not so little box attached to the pipes protruding from the right side of my rib cage.

I will spare you the details regarding what it was they needed for me to collect, but be advised that due to the excellent work ethic of the cleaning staff, my bathroom was always filled, and I mean filled, with toilet paper. Such that it was very difficult to remove from the stainless steel box the roll was harbored within (to the extent I figured they were worried I was going to steal it when I left).

Well, all of the extra bending over (minus a lower right lobe) to extract ONE SHEET AT A TIME made it so that when I left the bathroom, with a clean butt, I assure you, I had lost my breath completely and did not know where to look to find it.

I did manage to wake my sleeping wife, and she showed sufficient alarm and alerted the nurses, who came rushing.

When they had calmed me down and got me breathing again, one of them had the exquisite timeliness to suggest, very seriuosly, "You must have been working really hard in there!"

I nearly lost my breath again, this time mixed with tears of laughter, and were I not already married, would have proposed on the spot.

Take care,

Joe

:-)
Oh Joe that's hilarious, what a character that nurse must be!

RE

analfighter

After resection surgery,
After resection surgery, they put me on delaudid (spelling??) for my pain killer. I had so many tubes attached I wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom, so they put a potty chair between my bed and the wall. In the middle of the night, I woke up sitting on that chair. I kept looking through all of the tubing for a way to push my bed through the wall to Platform 9 (from Harry Potter, in case I have the platform wrong now). It was very frustrating because I wasn’t strong enough, luckily to push my bed anywhere.

Eventually, I came out of the fog enough to realize where i was and to crawl back into bed.

I don't allow them to prescribe that medication to me any more. I can only see lawsuits in the future for whatever damage I might be able to inflict on the hospital or a roommate when I'm hallucinating. And I DON"T have a wand that could rectify it.