Phone Call from Genetics
But, and it is a big but, I am devastated that there is a 50% chance that my daughter has this as well. She does not have very good health coverage right now. The kids have coverage and Kyle's job covers only him. So her dad and I are going to pay for her to join Kaiser. She is is good health, and a good age so we think her premiums will not be too high. They are just starting out and just moved to a bigger rental home and just do not have extra money right now. Kaiser would be the best choice because the copays are low and they do referrals for all tests that are necessary. As soon as she is covered she can request the blood test for this. She will have a copy of my results so they will know exactly what to test for. If she doesn't carry this (please let this be the case) then she doesn't need to worry any further and her children cannot have it. If she tests and has this, she will have to start now with yearly colonoscopies, yearly uterine biopsies, really ultrasounds of her ovaries, yearly dermatology visits. I was told that if she is done with childbearing she might wish to consider a total hysterectomy. This is because ovarian cancer is so hard to detect early. It's just that she is so young (turned 34, 5 days ago) and shouldn't have to worry about this. And then her children would have the same 50% chance. They would not be tested until they are 18 (not necessary before then) and if they have it they would begin this screening at age 20. I am so praying that she does not have this. My genetics gal told me that Denise can call her and ask any questions she might have. I signed to allow her to give out any of my information to her. I also have to let my brother and sister know so they can be tested. They can be tested if they choose and it is a choice for all of them including my daughter. Some people just choose to do the screenings. If they test with it or choose not to do the test then my niece and nephew will have to decide on doing the same thing as will their children (only one of my great nephews is over 18). I am grateful I have only 1 brother, 1 sister, 1 nephew, 1 niece, 1 great niece and 2 great nephews. And there is 50/50 that my brother and sister don't have this (my prayer as well).
I know this is so long, but I am not dealing with this like I usually do. It's that guy part of me; I want to fix it for all of them and I can't. It is out of my hands and it is breaking my heart. I told my hubby that if I had been given the choice back with my 1st cancer of dying from it and Denise never having this be a consideration I would have. He totally understood what I meant and he has been trying to console me. And Denise has tried to console me. I don't know how I am going to deal with this, if she has it. I know I will be there for her and she is strong but I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. I am sure that woman who carry the BC gene feel the same way. My mind says even if she has this, she might never get a single one of these cancers or any others. She doesn't any of the other risk factors that I had, but that is my mind and my pain is in my heart right now.
I has really helped just to write about this. To get it out here. I know it has nothing to do with breast cancer but you are not only my friends, you are my safe friends, the friends I can tell anything to. I will be fine and I am still glad I have a glass. And who knows what advances will be made in the next few years.
Thank for listening, I have never needed you all so much. I tried all day to write this and just couldn't.
Stef
Comments
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Steph,
I am at a loss of
Steph,
I am at a loss of what to say but know my heart aches for you and I will pray for you. Now you know. And it sounds like you have a plan for your daughter to get the coverage she needs to get the test. My mom had the gene test, because the coverage I have doesn't cover it, and it came back negative. And mom was so relieved ... and I pray that you can have the same relief. And you're right ... she's young, the advances they can make over the next few years are staggering. You're overwhelmed, and understandibly so ... and you want to fight for your daughter. And you're doing that. What an awesome momma!
Hang in there, Steph. I know you feel overwhelmed, but now you know and steps are in place so your daughter can know. You'll get through this together.
{{{{{Much Love and a Big Hug}}}}}
dh0 -
Stef, I am so sorry. But,Dawne.Hope said:Steph,
I am at a loss of
Steph,
I am at a loss of what to say but know my heart aches for you and I will pray for you. Now you know. And it sounds like you have a plan for your daughter to get the coverage she needs to get the test. My mom had the gene test, because the coverage I have doesn't cover it, and it came back negative. And mom was so relieved ... and I pray that you can have the same relief. And you're right ... she's young, the advances they can make over the next few years are staggering. You're overwhelmed, and understandibly so ... and you want to fight for your daughter. And you're doing that. What an awesome momma!
Hang in there, Steph. I know you feel overwhelmed, but now you know and steps are in place so your daughter can know. You'll get through this together.
{{{{{Much Love and a Big Hug}}}}}
dh
Stef, I am so sorry. But, please think positive. You have to. And, if you and your husband can carry the coverage on your daughter, that is great. But, feeling bad because she MIGHT get cancer is not right. That is like some saying that GOD gave this to them. It has nothing to do with anything. Yes, she might, but, she might not too. It is out of your control. It is out of everyone's control. So please, don't let this get to you. It is like they say now that 85% of all breast cancer's have no bc in their family history. So, just because you have it, certainly does not mean that she will.
Hugs to you!0 -
Steph
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your whole family. As mothers our biggest fear I think is that we can't protect our children from the "boogeymen" of life - cancer being one of the scariest. I worry about my daughter and my granddaughter but know that I have no control over what life has in store for them. I can only find comfort in prayer and that God will help us through whatever it is. I will pray for a good result for her testing. Your journey has been a tough one, but you are a survivor of the highest order. You have my full admiration.
God Bless you all and keep you in the palm of his hand. Lola0 -
Stef
Oh, Steph, I am so sorry that you have this to face now on top of all you have gone through. I know you worry more for Denise than for yourself. I will keep her and you and your family in my prayers. God willing, her test will be negative. But, Stef, even if it is not, the knowing part is a good thing.
Denise, like you, can protect herself if she knows what the risks are. It is not fair that you have this to deal with as well, and it's not fair to your beautiful, talented daughter who has such a lovely voice. If Denise is at all like her mom--and I'm betting she is--she can handle this. You and she together. And, as far as feeling guilty, you have done nothing but love and protect your family. You did not DO or NOT DO anything to create those risks. It was a roll of the genetic dice. Please do not feel guilty, ok? I bet if you ask your daughter, she would tell you that she would not trade her mom for any other in this world, syndromes or no syndromes. I bet she'd say she is lucky to have you as her mom. A devoted, fiercely protective, loving, and supportive mother. What a gift. And that is what you are. To her, your family, and to your friends, and this board.
Stef,I do care so very much for you, and I grieve to have you facing this. But you are a strong, unbeatable woman. You and your lovely daughter will be fine. More vigilance may be needed, but you two will survive--and thrive. After all, you've got Jazz and Jo to make you smile and give you all the will you need to survive anything.
Love,
Moopy0 -
So sorryMoopy23 said:Stef
Oh, Steph, I am so sorry that you have this to face now on top of all you have gone through. I know you worry more for Denise than for yourself. I will keep her and you and your family in my prayers. God willing, her test will be negative. But, Stef, even if it is not, the knowing part is a good thing.
Denise, like you, can protect herself if she knows what the risks are. It is not fair that you have this to deal with as well, and it's not fair to your beautiful, talented daughter who has such a lovely voice. If Denise is at all like her mom--and I'm betting she is--she can handle this. You and she together. And, as far as feeling guilty, you have done nothing but love and protect your family. You did not DO or NOT DO anything to create those risks. It was a roll of the genetic dice. Please do not feel guilty, ok? I bet if you ask your daughter, she would tell you that she would not trade her mom for any other in this world, syndromes or no syndromes. I bet she'd say she is lucky to have you as her mom. A devoted, fiercely protective, loving, and supportive mother. What a gift. And that is what you are. To her, your family, and to your friends, and this board.
Stef,I do care so very much for you, and I grieve to have you facing this. But you are a strong, unbeatable woman. You and your lovely daughter will be fine. More vigilance may be needed, but you two will survive--and thrive. After all, you've got Jazz and Jo to make you smile and give you all the will you need to survive anything.
Love,
Moopy
I'm so sorry Stef. I can only imagine how very hard it was to write all of that down ... and to share it with us ... but ... you know we are all here for you.
Big hugs.
teena0 -
Prayer's for you my friend
Stef I wish I could fix this for you, but none of us can do that; what I can do is pray for you and Denise which I most certainly will be doing. I once had a conversation with my mom when we were both having chemo at the same time, she broke down and told me how sorry she was for my cancer battles and that she felt horrible that she had passed on the genetic make up to get bc (she was never tested but it was a no brainer). I was shocked and mortified that my mom had such guilt as a result of my and my sister's bc. I told her in no way did she give me cancer, what she gave me was life, love, happiness, a wonderful grandmother for my children and to me she was a mother I would never ever have traded for one who did not have bc. We cleared the air and cried together, it was a moment I shall carry with me forever. I am quite sure your daughter feels the same Stef, it's not your fault it is simply a fact of life and you have most certainly taken steps to ensure that she will be as protected and as proactive as one can be by having yourself tested (knowledge is power). Please do not beat yourself up over this as it does you and your daughter no good at. Be proud of yourself for the bravery you have shown in your fight to survive and to keep your family as safe from this illness as you can. You are a mom who loves her daughter and it radiates from you. This may all turn out to be a mute point as she may not be a carrier. As I stated above I will be praying for you both.
My Love to you and yours,
RE0 -
Dear Stef...
I am so very sorry for all that you're dealing with right now. Can hardly imagine just how overwhelming it is... Am at a loss for the "right" words.
What I do know is that you are intelligent, compassionate and ultimately very strong. (We all have weak moments in between, no matter how strong.) And, there is a lot of love amongst you and your family. But, please - do not feel "guilty"... About any of it. It's not your fault, not your intention nor choice.
I will pray for good health, for you and all your beloved family members.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
Steph, as a mother, I feel
Steph, as a mother, I feel your pain. I have a daughter and worry about her and the possibility that now that I've gotten bc that she is at a greater risk for it. It's just the way it is. We love each other to death and will support each other anyway possible. I have been reading your posts for several months and as others have said you are a very positive, proactive, and loving person. I have no doubt that you will get through this and your daughter will as well. I'll be praying for negative results for your daughter. Take care.0 -
My Dear Stef. Your postMyTurnNow said:Steph, as a mother, I feel
Steph, as a mother, I feel your pain. I have a daughter and worry about her and the possibility that now that I've gotten bc that she is at a greater risk for it. It's just the way it is. We love each other to death and will support each other anyway possible. I have been reading your posts for several months and as others have said you are a very positive, proactive, and loving person. I have no doubt that you will get through this and your daughter will as well. I'll be praying for negative results for your daughter. Take care.
My Dear Stef. Your post brought me to my knees, and I know you are heartbroken after having found out that your daughter may be at risk. "Knowledge is power", or at least that is the old saying I grew up with. You know the course you have ahead of you, and now you know enough to assist others in your family to seek medical attention as well. That is one positive that comes from all of this. I know you are having a hard time dealing with this tremendously overwhelming news, but know that we are here to listen, console, cry, encourage, or allow you to vent any time you need help. Your life has been so difficult, but you have made it this far. Your spirit is strong, and I know anyone on here would gladly take whatever time necessary to be a part of your world, anytime you need it. We get it! Please know you are thought of often, and will be uplifted in our hearts every day. Hugs.
Judy0 -
I think of this often, do I
I think of this often, do I have something that I passed down to my kids. I don't know. Even if I did, they were given the gift of life. They've had a chance to live. We can't beat ourselves up over it. We are what we are. You are doing what you can to help them and that is all we can do. I'm sorry you had this bad news. But remember all the good times you've had and try to concentrate on these. Work on having as many more as you can. This is what makes life wonderful. I have Parkinson's and I worry that I may have given it to my kids. So I push that thought aside and we are having as many good times as we can and staying close. I am what I am. I can only change some things and have to accept others. Hugs.0 -
So sorryChristmas Girl said:Dear Stef...
I am so very sorry for all that you're dealing with right now. Can hardly imagine just how overwhelming it is... Am at a loss for the "right" words.
What I do know is that you are intelligent, compassionate and ultimately very strong. (We all have weak moments in between, no matter how strong.) And, there is a lot of love amongst you and your family. But, please - do not feel "guilty"... About any of it. It's not your fault, not your intention nor choice.
I will pray for good health, for you and all your beloved family members.
Kind regards, Susan
I wish I knew exactly what to say to you Stef. I am so very sorry with what you are going thru. But, even IF your daughter did get cancer, it is not your fault! Don't ever think that. Things happen out of our control just because. And, don't worry about something that hasn't even happened yet and might not. You have so much to live for and so does your daughter. Live your life Stef and don't let this interfere with it. Praying for your family and you!
♥ Noel0 -
MoopyMoopy23 said:Stef
Oh, Steph, I am so sorry that you have this to face now on top of all you have gone through. I know you worry more for Denise than for yourself. I will keep her and you and your family in my prayers. God willing, her test will be negative. But, Stef, even if it is not, the knowing part is a good thing.
Denise, like you, can protect herself if she knows what the risks are. It is not fair that you have this to deal with as well, and it's not fair to your beautiful, talented daughter who has such a lovely voice. If Denise is at all like her mom--and I'm betting she is--she can handle this. You and she together. And, as far as feeling guilty, you have done nothing but love and protect your family. You did not DO or NOT DO anything to create those risks. It was a roll of the genetic dice. Please do not feel guilty, ok? I bet if you ask your daughter, she would tell you that she would not trade her mom for any other in this world, syndromes or no syndromes. I bet she'd say she is lucky to have you as her mom. A devoted, fiercely protective, loving, and supportive mother. What a gift. And that is what you are. To her, your family, and to your friends, and this board.
Stef,I do care so very much for you, and I grieve to have you facing this. But you are a strong, unbeatable woman. You and your lovely daughter will be fine. More vigilance may be needed, but you two will survive--and thrive. After all, you've got Jazz and Jo to make you smile and give you all the will you need to survive anything.
Love,
Moopy
Your post means so
Moopy
Your post means so much to me. And yes, today I am feeling better. I think that just talking it out on the board helped me. And it's not really guilt I suppose just a sadness about it. I never was good at playing with dice. But you are right, definitely a big yes on the being able to be proactive. It is good that people are more open about the type of cancers they have. Families need to know what type, grade, stage their relatives had. It would have helped if I had known for sure if Grandpa had colon or stomach, what cancer my grandma had, and even when mom died it was from mets from an unknown primary. We think though that this probably came from my dad's side.
You have had quite a big row to hoe yourself and yet you and Aortus are always here for everyone. We are blessed to have you on this board. I also care so much for you and hope that you have NED forever. I wish that for all on this board. I think that NED can be cloned so that we can each have our very own NED.
I was just a little overwhelmed with all the information at first and needed time to absorb it all. I am much better today. Much more me.
Stef0 -
Re,RE said:Prayer's for you my friend
Stef I wish I could fix this for you, but none of us can do that; what I can do is pray for you and Denise which I most certainly will be doing. I once had a conversation with my mom when we were both having chemo at the same time, she broke down and told me how sorry she was for my cancer battles and that she felt horrible that she had passed on the genetic make up to get bc (she was never tested but it was a no brainer). I was shocked and mortified that my mom had such guilt as a result of my and my sister's bc. I told her in no way did she give me cancer, what she gave me was life, love, happiness, a wonderful grandmother for my children and to me she was a mother I would never ever have traded for one who did not have bc. We cleared the air and cried together, it was a moment I shall carry with me forever. I am quite sure your daughter feels the same Stef, it's not your fault it is simply a fact of life and you have most certainly taken steps to ensure that she will be as protected and as proactive as one can be by having yourself tested (knowledge is power). Please do not beat yourself up over this as it does you and your daughter no good at. Be proud of yourself for the bravery you have shown in your fight to survive and to keep your family as safe from this illness as you can. You are a mom who loves her daughter and it radiates from you. This may all turn out to be a mute point as she may not be a carrier. As I stated above I will be praying for you both.
My Love to you and yours,
RE
Your prayers are gratefully accepted and your words about your mom and what she said touched my heart. I felt some guilt back in 2000 when I had my 1st cancer that Denise might eventually develop it too, but I was comforted that Denise didn't carry the same risk factors. It made me feel safe or at least safer that she would not. So I think that is why this threw me for a loop. Your words hearten me. Thank you my friend. You have a knack for the right words.
Stef0 -
I want to thank all of youMarcia527 said:I think of this often, do I
I think of this often, do I have something that I passed down to my kids. I don't know. Even if I did, they were given the gift of life. They've had a chance to live. We can't beat ourselves up over it. We are what we are. You are doing what you can to help them and that is all we can do. I'm sorry you had this bad news. But remember all the good times you've had and try to concentrate on these. Work on having as many more as you can. This is what makes life wonderful. I have Parkinson's and I worry that I may have given it to my kids. So I push that thought aside and we are having as many good times as we can and staying close. I am what I am. I can only change some things and have to accept others. Hugs.
I want to thank all of you for the great words, sound advice, and love that poured from your posts. You are truly my other family (and aren't you glad you are adopted LOL) and I appreciate every word you all wrote. I am feeling much better today. It isn't really guilt just a sadness that she might have all these tests in her future. But she will be armed and that is a big positive. And the biggest positive of all, is that she might not even have inherited this (50/50) so I am back in Steffie form and not borrowing trouble and not letting worry about tomorrow rob me of today. My mantra slipped a bit but it is back in place. She and I will deal with this one day at a time and not fret about the "What Ifs".
Thank you again, all my dear dear friends for lifting my spirit and easing my mind. I am truly blessed.
Stef0 -
My friend Stef ♥fauxma said:I want to thank all of you
I want to thank all of you for the great words, sound advice, and love that poured from your posts. You are truly my other family (and aren't you glad you are adopted LOL) and I appreciate every word you all wrote. I am feeling much better today. It isn't really guilt just a sadness that she might have all these tests in her future. But she will be armed and that is a big positive. And the biggest positive of all, is that she might not even have inherited this (50/50) so I am back in Steffie form and not borrowing trouble and not letting worry about tomorrow rob me of today. My mantra slipped a bit but it is back in place. She and I will deal with this one day at a time and not fret about the "What Ifs".
Thank you again, all my dear dear friends for lifting my spirit and easing my mind. I am truly blessed.
Stef
♥
I don't know what to say. It just tears me up inside to see you so upset, but, I can understand how it would. I wish I had magic words to write to take all of this pain and anguish away from you. I would take it myself, if I could, so that you wouldn't have to go thru these feelings. My Mom always said " Don't borrow trouble", so, even though this is scaring you that Denise might, and, I say might have inherited this, she might not have and she might never ever have any of this come to her. I believe so strongly in faith and prayer Stef, so, I am going to say my Super Duper prayers for you and your family. Live for the day and don't worry about "what if's". As a multiple cancer survivor, you know, as I do, that everyday is a gift and that we need to savor it and try to not let anything get in the way of that. We are all so blessed to have YOU on this board as your postings are always special, just like you. I am here for you Stef.....always!
Love, Jeanne ♥
♥0 -
I am so sorry Stef that youfauxma said:I want to thank all of you
I want to thank all of you for the great words, sound advice, and love that poured from your posts. You are truly my other family (and aren't you glad you are adopted LOL) and I appreciate every word you all wrote. I am feeling much better today. It isn't really guilt just a sadness that she might have all these tests in her future. But she will be armed and that is a big positive. And the biggest positive of all, is that she might not even have inherited this (50/50) so I am back in Steffie form and not borrowing trouble and not letting worry about tomorrow rob me of today. My mantra slipped a bit but it is back in place. She and I will deal with this one day at a time and not fret about the "What Ifs".
Thank you again, all my dear dear friends for lifting my spirit and easing my mind. I am truly blessed.
Stef
I am so sorry Stef that you are upset and worried. I can see where you are, but, your daughter is fine, and, may always be fine. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Angie0 -
Stef
I can only imagine what you must be going through, and I'm glad that coming here has made you feel at least a little better.
As others have said so eloquently, you are strong and will be able to do whatever it takes to deal with the information you now have.
Take care of yourself,
Cindy0 -
Jeanne,Jeanne D said:My friend Stef ♥
♥
I don't know what to say. It just tears me up inside to see you so upset, but, I can understand how it would. I wish I had magic words to write to take all of this pain and anguish away from you. I would take it myself, if I could, so that you wouldn't have to go thru these feelings. My Mom always said " Don't borrow trouble", so, even though this is scaring you that Denise might, and, I say might have inherited this, she might not have and she might never ever have any of this come to her. I believe so strongly in faith and prayer Stef, so, I am going to say my Super Duper prayers for you and your family. Live for the day and don't worry about "what if's". As a multiple cancer survivor, you know, as I do, that everyday is a gift and that we need to savor it and try to not let anything get in the way of that. We are all so blessed to have YOU on this board as your postings are always special, just like you. I am here for you Stef.....always!
Love, Jeanne ♥
♥
Your words and
Jeanne,
Your words and wishes and prayers mean so much. I am much more my own self today. And yes, we will deal with this and get through it. And I am hoping that because Denise has so few risk factors that this will be of benefit. She and Kyle just got health insurance so that is a big relief. And there is a even chance she doesn't have this. And it does not skip generations so the kids would be good then. You are so like me. I want to help take others pain and anquish and fears and take care of them. When my sister got breast cancer just months before me I told her and my best friend that I would rather it had been me. Then when I got breast cancer, my best friend said that someone really wasn't listening, it was supposed to be instead of not along with. LOL Life does throw us curves but I'll just keep my eye on the road and brake going into them and accelerate going out. I should pay more attention to #1 and #41 on my list. Each day is a blessing and a gift and shouldn't be wasted. Denise is handling it well and she knows that we are there for you always.
Again, thank you so much for being a really, really great sister.
Stef0 -
I am sorry too Stef that youcindycflynn said:Stef
I can only imagine what you must be going through, and I'm glad that coming here has made you feel at least a little better.
As others have said so eloquently, you are strong and will be able to do whatever it takes to deal with the information you now have.
Take care of yourself,
Cindy
I am sorry too Stef that you are having to deal with this. I was glad to read that you are feeling better now just from venting and writing about it and from seeing the support for you. My prayers to you!
Debby0 -
No wordsDebbyM said:I am sorry too Stef that you
I am sorry too Stef that you are having to deal with this. I was glad to read that you are feeling better now just from venting and writing about it and from seeing the support for you. My prayers to you!
Debby
As I read your post and all that followed Stef I had not words only tears. I can not find any to express the ache that I feel for your fears and concerns. Or for the hope and restoration I experience as I feel you rebound your strength from the comfort of the support in the posts. Each is sincere and enveloped in prayer and peace and grace. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family; as well as all who reach for this medium to find hope and strength. I am ever so grateful that we all have each other. I am so sorry and you are in my prayers.
Becky0
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