First timer

hopeful2009
hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi everyone,
Well it's my first time posting here, it's my first time being diagsnosed with breast cancer and Thursday will be my first time for Chemo. Can anyone share their first experience?
I' kinda of scared but will not admit that to my family. My husband and family have been great, really trying to be supportive. But I realy just can't get myself to tell them just how scared I am. You know what I mean? Well thanks for reading and hopefully Some of you will share with me.

Thanks
«1

Comments

  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544
    Welcome to this board,
    Welcome to this board, Hopeful. I have not had chemo, so I cannot be of help to you there, but many on the board have, so I am sure that they can offer you many helpful ideas, along with much reassurance. Bc is such a scary diagnosis; I wish you the best in your treatment.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    Tux said:

    Welcome to this board,
    Welcome to this board, Hopeful. I have not had chemo, so I cannot be of help to you there, but many on the board have, so I am sure that they can offer you many helpful ideas, along with much reassurance. Bc is such a scary diagnosis; I wish you the best in your treatment.

    Hi welcome..
    It's normal to be scared going into this frightening, unknown treatment. I was so terrified I almost cancelled. BUT, the reality is so much better than the imagined at this time, It really isn't all that bad. The nursed were great and efficient. The other patients were friendly and whilst it was a scary thought (especially the first time) I got through it, and I am a world class coward! LOL

    Take a good book or some entertainment with you and try to relax. You will soon be out the other side of this nightmare and, if you are anything like me..hardly remember it in detail. I do hope it all goes smoothly for you. The waiting is the hardest part. Hugs to you Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192
    Hi Hopeful
    Welcome! Although so sorry for your reason to be here. I just had my first Chemo last Tuesday. It wasn't scary at all. Do you know what meds you will be on? Do you have a port?
    First,I would say be prepared! Mine took almost 5 hours. Bring a laptop, good book, maybe some healthy snacks & drinks, something to keep you occupied. Or you can even nap! As for side effects,I would also suggest you have some Immodium,(diarrhea)Senokot,(constipation) baking soda,Biotene or Magic Mouthwash(this one is prescribed)-(mouthsores)alot of water,Gatorade,and some soft foods. Make sure you drink ALOT of water and take your anti-nausea meds! Your mouth will probably be dry & you can't taste much,and you won't feel much like eating so it is important to try to eat something! Applesauce,pudding,bananas,potatoes,eggs,jello,etc...use plastic forks & spoons also.
    You should express your emotions to your family. I'm sure they must know that you are scared-how could you not be? How can they be supportive if they don't know how you truly feel? They too are probably feeling much of what you are. This will help them help you.
    If you get the Neulasta shot(to keep up the white blood count)which is given the next day, make sure you get Claritin or ask your Oncologist what to take. I had throbbing pain on my scalp,feet,knees and hands! Not fun! I hope this helps!
    Hugz,
    Cathy
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    Tux said:

    Welcome to this board,
    Welcome to this board, Hopeful. I have not had chemo, so I cannot be of help to you there, but many on the board have, so I am sure that they can offer you many helpful ideas, along with much reassurance. Bc is such a scary diagnosis; I wish you the best in your treatment.

    Thank you Tux, Your
    Thank you Tux, Your friendly words make me feel like I am not alone. I know I always have my family and friends, but it helps so much to have friends out here that have been to similiar experiences and who can share their stories good and bad. Does that make sense?
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    tasha_111 said:

    Hi welcome..
    It's normal to be scared going into this frightening, unknown treatment. I was so terrified I almost cancelled. BUT, the reality is so much better than the imagined at this time, It really isn't all that bad. The nursed were great and efficient. The other patients were friendly and whilst it was a scary thought (especially the first time) I got through it, and I am a world class coward! LOL

    Take a good book or some entertainment with you and try to relax. You will soon be out the other side of this nightmare and, if you are anything like me..hardly remember it in detail. I do hope it all goes smoothly for you. The waiting is the hardest part. Hugs to you Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Hi Tasha_111, Thank you
    Hi Tasha_111,

    Thank you for your supportive words. Did you have to have a port placed in your chest for the chemo and if so did it hurt when they started inseting the IV?

    Hugggs back
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    Cat64 said:

    Hi Hopeful
    Welcome! Although so sorry for your reason to be here. I just had my first Chemo last Tuesday. It wasn't scary at all. Do you know what meds you will be on? Do you have a port?
    First,I would say be prepared! Mine took almost 5 hours. Bring a laptop, good book, maybe some healthy snacks & drinks, something to keep you occupied. Or you can even nap! As for side effects,I would also suggest you have some Immodium,(diarrhea)Senokot,(constipation) baking soda,Biotene or Magic Mouthwash(this one is prescribed)-(mouthsores)alot of water,Gatorade,and some soft foods. Make sure you drink ALOT of water and take your anti-nausea meds! Your mouth will probably be dry & you can't taste much,and you won't feel much like eating so it is important to try to eat something! Applesauce,pudding,bananas,potatoes,eggs,jello,etc...use plastic forks & spoons also.
    You should express your emotions to your family. I'm sure they must know that you are scared-how could you not be? How can they be supportive if they don't know how you truly feel? They too are probably feeling much of what you are. This will help them help you.
    If you get the Neulasta shot(to keep up the white blood count)which is given the next day, make sure you get Claritin or ask your Oncologist what to take. I had throbbing pain on my scalp,feet,knees and hands! Not fun! I hope this helps!
    Hugz,
    Cathy

    Hi Cathy, Thank you so
    Hi Cathy,

    Thank you so much for all the information. I do have a port, I had it done about two weeks ago now. As or meds the first two meds they will be using is Cytoxan and the one they say is pretty harsh - Adriamycin - they tell me this will be every two weeks over an 8 week period, then they will switch me to Taxol and Herceptin for the remainding 4 weeks I think. Then I guess that is when they will schedule the lumpectomy and after that is 6 weeks of radiation. My oncologist tells me the Herceptin I will continue even after all that each week for a year. He said My BC was Her2 positive. I guess that means from what they are telling me it is a more agressive type. I never reralized that there were different types. You learn something new every day.

    I will be taking the Neulasta shots so I will take your advise. I know it is different for each person but I was wondering how long was it before you started with all the side affects?
    I will be trying to work while doing treatment b/c my job is being very good about needing days off even at the last minute.

    Keep in touch
    hugs
    Dawn
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member

    Hi Cathy, Thank you so
    Hi Cathy,

    Thank you so much for all the information. I do have a port, I had it done about two weeks ago now. As or meds the first two meds they will be using is Cytoxan and the one they say is pretty harsh - Adriamycin - they tell me this will be every two weeks over an 8 week period, then they will switch me to Taxol and Herceptin for the remainding 4 weeks I think. Then I guess that is when they will schedule the lumpectomy and after that is 6 weeks of radiation. My oncologist tells me the Herceptin I will continue even after all that each week for a year. He said My BC was Her2 positive. I guess that means from what they are telling me it is a more agressive type. I never reralized that there were different types. You learn something new every day.

    I will be taking the Neulasta shots so I will take your advise. I know it is different for each person but I was wondering how long was it before you started with all the side affects?
    I will be trying to work while doing treatment b/c my job is being very good about needing days off even at the last minute.

    Keep in touch
    hugs
    Dawn

    WelcomeDawn
    Her2 pos. does mean it is more agressive but also you have Herceptin a very powerful drug to fight this. If you get a chance watch "Living Proof" the movie about Herceptin.
    Hugs, Jackie
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072

    Hi Cathy, Thank you so
    Hi Cathy,

    Thank you so much for all the information. I do have a port, I had it done about two weeks ago now. As or meds the first two meds they will be using is Cytoxan and the one they say is pretty harsh - Adriamycin - they tell me this will be every two weeks over an 8 week period, then they will switch me to Taxol and Herceptin for the remainding 4 weeks I think. Then I guess that is when they will schedule the lumpectomy and after that is 6 weeks of radiation. My oncologist tells me the Herceptin I will continue even after all that each week for a year. He said My BC was Her2 positive. I guess that means from what they are telling me it is a more agressive type. I never reralized that there were different types. You learn something new every day.

    I will be taking the Neulasta shots so I will take your advise. I know it is different for each person but I was wondering how long was it before you started with all the side affects?
    I will be trying to work while doing treatment b/c my job is being very good about needing days off even at the last minute.

    Keep in touch
    hugs
    Dawn

    Hi Again
    I didn't have a port, I had a picc. it goes in the inside of the arm and is very restrictive, One guy who I spoke to, told me I should have had a port, you can still bathe, swim, shower, hot tub... and no it didn't hurt at all, was just scary.

    I had 3 rounds of FEC, and 3 rounds of Taxotare. I got totally bald and had a load of fun with totally outrageous wigs (Yeah I'm 48, second childhood I guess)

    Hope this helps a bit. Hang in there HUN! Hugs jxxxxxxxx
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    rjjj said:

    WelcomeDawn
    Her2 pos. does mean it is more agressive but also you have Herceptin a very powerful drug to fight this. If you get a chance watch "Living Proof" the movie about Herceptin.
    Hugs, Jackie

    Hi rjjj,
    Thank you I will

    Hi rjjj,

    Thank you I will watch it. Do you know of any usual side affects of the Herceptin?

    Thanks Dawn
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192

    Hi Cathy, Thank you so
    Hi Cathy,

    Thank you so much for all the information. I do have a port, I had it done about two weeks ago now. As or meds the first two meds they will be using is Cytoxan and the one they say is pretty harsh - Adriamycin - they tell me this will be every two weeks over an 8 week period, then they will switch me to Taxol and Herceptin for the remainding 4 weeks I think. Then I guess that is when they will schedule the lumpectomy and after that is 6 weeks of radiation. My oncologist tells me the Herceptin I will continue even after all that each week for a year. He said My BC was Her2 positive. I guess that means from what they are telling me it is a more agressive type. I never reralized that there were different types. You learn something new every day.

    I will be taking the Neulasta shots so I will take your advise. I know it is different for each person but I was wondering how long was it before you started with all the side affects?
    I will be trying to work while doing treatment b/c my job is being very good about needing days off even at the last minute.

    Keep in touch
    hugs
    Dawn

    Dawn
    Anytime! You will appreciate having that port! I got a prescription for Emla cream, which generically is Lidocaine/Prilocaine that you can put on it an hour b/4 your treatment to numb the area. I didn't expect to have mine last week when I went in because I was congested so I was not prepared. The stick wasn't too bad. Next time I WILL use the cream though! It's no different than having blood drawn,which they will also do through your port. Another advantage! Alot of women here have done the A/C meds & I'm sure they will be along to help with that. I'm doing Taxotere/Carboplatin/Herceptin. I, so far, am only doing two treatments before a Lumpectomy, then Herceptin for 48 weeks thereafter & radiation. These things can change too as I have found out. Especially after surgery. Yes, Her2+ is aggressive. I had my shot Wed. Thursday I was already feeling the pain! I had read on here it takes 2-3 days...not for me! Some don't have any side effects right away either-not my case again! I felt light-headed while doing my treatment, and for a while after, then the dry mouth came the same night. So, again, yep-everybody IS different! That's good that you have a job that will let you take off if need be. Another important thing is to get REST! Your body gets wore down from all these drugs!
    Hugz,
    Cathy
    P.S. You definetely should watch Living Proof! You can rent it @ the video stores. Side effects of Herceptin can be: body pain,weakness,nausea,headache... Better yet-I found all my Chemo drugs @ www.chemocare.com You can study up on all your drugs.
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    tasha_111 said:

    Hi Again
    I didn't have a port, I had a picc. it goes in the inside of the arm and is very restrictive, One guy who I spoke to, told me I should have had a port, you can still bathe, swim, shower, hot tub... and no it didn't hurt at all, was just scary.

    I had 3 rounds of FEC, and 3 rounds of Taxotare. I got totally bald and had a load of fun with totally outrageous wigs (Yeah I'm 48, second childhood I guess)

    Hope this helps a bit. Hang in there HUN! Hugs jxxxxxxxx

    I was thinking of wigs but I
    I was thinking of wigs but I am considering scarves and turbans. There are some pretty ones out there. I keep reading that wigs can be hot an inchy, any advise?

    Hugs Dawn
  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537
    Hi hopeful
    I had the same chemo cocktail as you and just finished the taxol last friday. The port is really a great thing, at least it has been for me. YOu may want to take some gum along with you. When they flush it with saline you get a kind of odor/taste in the mouth and the gum helps with that. Also I use emla cream which I put over the port site about 1 hour before they access it which numbs the area.

    The adriamycin/cytoxan is not easy. They usually gave me meds iv for the nausea and I was given oral meds for nausea to take on days 2 and 3. Usually on day 3 I felt like I had morning sickness but I found that if I made myself eat about 1 time per hour, something small that it helped. I also kept track of how much I drank making sure I got about 10 8oz glasses of fluids per day. I was tired out and the appetite wasnt great until about 1 wk later then I started feeling like myself. I managed to work about 25 hours per week during the first wk, then almost full time during the second.

    The taxol/herceptin is much easier. It doesnt seem to make you nauseated or affect the appetite but it makes you achy. This is from the taxol. Also the infusion takes longer. I wonder if its because of more chance of allergic reaction so they run it slower. Ask your doctor for allegra or claritin for the achiness if ibuprofen doesnt help. The allegra helps me. I still feel achy but its manageable.

    As far as I know, no side effects from the herceptin though the meds are all hard on the heart. It is routine to have a muga scan to check your heart function while you are on the med. I have managed to work 71 hours out of 80 in the past 2 wks on taxol/herceptin and now that I am done with the taxol I dont expect it to affect my work schedule at all.

    You will lose your hair and I have also lost my eyebrows and I expect my eyelashes to go next. Its hard, but what can you do??? My biggest piece of advice is to exercise. Make yourself get off the couch and walk as much as you can. I do yoga every night and walk the dog about 2 miles per night and it will help with the fatigue. Yoga will strengthen your legs and give you more energy believe it or not.

    Most of all, remember that we are here to help you get thru this. This is a very difficult thing to go thru and I believe this diagnosis changes you forever...and not always in a bad way. There are some good things that can come out of this. But dont be afraid to cry and vent...remember sometimes sleepless nights happen, anxiety happens, depression happens but someone is always here and your doctor is a phone call away to help with an antidepressant or antianxiety med if needed.

    Gentle hugs to you

    Linda t
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    Cat64 said:

    Dawn
    Anytime! You will appreciate having that port! I got a prescription for Emla cream, which generically is Lidocaine/Prilocaine that you can put on it an hour b/4 your treatment to numb the area. I didn't expect to have mine last week when I went in because I was congested so I was not prepared. The stick wasn't too bad. Next time I WILL use the cream though! It's no different than having blood drawn,which they will also do through your port. Another advantage! Alot of women here have done the A/C meds & I'm sure they will be along to help with that. I'm doing Taxotere/Carboplatin/Herceptin. I, so far, am only doing two treatments before a Lumpectomy, then Herceptin for 48 weeks thereafter & radiation. These things can change too as I have found out. Especially after surgery. Yes, Her2+ is aggressive. I had my shot Wed. Thursday I was already feeling the pain! I had read on here it takes 2-3 days...not for me! Some don't have any side effects right away either-not my case again! I felt light-headed while doing my treatment, and for a while after, then the dry mouth came the same night. So, again, yep-everybody IS different! That's good that you have a job that will let you take off if need be. Another important thing is to get REST! Your body gets wore down from all these drugs!
    Hugz,
    Cathy
    P.S. You definetely should watch Living Proof! You can rent it @ the video stores. Side effects of Herceptin can be: body pain,weakness,nausea,headache... Better yet-I found all my Chemo drugs @ www.chemocare.com You can study up on all your drugs.

    Cathy,
    I asked the

    Cathy,

    I asked the ocologist nurse about the cream but she said they havn't used it in yrs. I knew about it from when my sister had a port yrs ago for something else. She also said that I will eventually get used to it. Needless to say I did not realy like that answer and thought maybe I was being a big baby about it. Now I am thinking that maybe I should call them tomorrow and ask them to call in a script for the cream since I need to stop and pick up my other meds. smile

    I will check out the video and the web ite thanks so much for all the information.

    Hugs Dawn

    P.S I wish none of us had to go through this but I am certainly glad we have each other to chat with.
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    mlmjt1 said:

    Hi hopeful
    I had the same chemo cocktail as you and just finished the taxol last friday. The port is really a great thing, at least it has been for me. YOu may want to take some gum along with you. When they flush it with saline you get a kind of odor/taste in the mouth and the gum helps with that. Also I use emla cream which I put over the port site about 1 hour before they access it which numbs the area.

    The adriamycin/cytoxan is not easy. They usually gave me meds iv for the nausea and I was given oral meds for nausea to take on days 2 and 3. Usually on day 3 I felt like I had morning sickness but I found that if I made myself eat about 1 time per hour, something small that it helped. I also kept track of how much I drank making sure I got about 10 8oz glasses of fluids per day. I was tired out and the appetite wasnt great until about 1 wk later then I started feeling like myself. I managed to work about 25 hours per week during the first wk, then almost full time during the second.

    The taxol/herceptin is much easier. It doesnt seem to make you nauseated or affect the appetite but it makes you achy. This is from the taxol. Also the infusion takes longer. I wonder if its because of more chance of allergic reaction so they run it slower. Ask your doctor for allegra or claritin for the achiness if ibuprofen doesnt help. The allegra helps me. I still feel achy but its manageable.

    As far as I know, no side effects from the herceptin though the meds are all hard on the heart. It is routine to have a muga scan to check your heart function while you are on the med. I have managed to work 71 hours out of 80 in the past 2 wks on taxol/herceptin and now that I am done with the taxol I dont expect it to affect my work schedule at all.

    You will lose your hair and I have also lost my eyebrows and I expect my eyelashes to go next. Its hard, but what can you do??? My biggest piece of advice is to exercise. Make yourself get off the couch and walk as much as you can. I do yoga every night and walk the dog about 2 miles per night and it will help with the fatigue. Yoga will strengthen your legs and give you more energy believe it or not.

    Most of all, remember that we are here to help you get thru this. This is a very difficult thing to go thru and I believe this diagnosis changes you forever...and not always in a bad way. There are some good things that can come out of this. But dont be afraid to cry and vent...remember sometimes sleepless nights happen, anxiety happens, depression happens but someone is always here and your doctor is a phone call away to help with an antidepressant or antianxiety med if needed.

    Gentle hugs to you

    Linda t

    Hi Linda,
    Wow it seams we

    Hi Linda,

    Wow it seams we are going through the same cocktail... bc/ I am getting a shot the same day as chemo and I have a script for two meds - one is compazine and the other is Emend which I neeed to take the 2nd and 3rd day. I will also be calling in tomorrow and asking them for a script for the Emla cream.

    Thank you soo much for sharing, I really need it!

    huggs Dawn
  • Cat64
    Cat64 Member Posts: 1,192

    Cathy,
    I asked the

    Cathy,

    I asked the ocologist nurse about the cream but she said they havn't used it in yrs. I knew about it from when my sister had a port yrs ago for something else. She also said that I will eventually get used to it. Needless to say I did not realy like that answer and thought maybe I was being a big baby about it. Now I am thinking that maybe I should call them tomorrow and ask them to call in a script for the cream since I need to stop and pick up my other meds. smile

    I will check out the video and the web ite thanks so much for all the information.

    Hugs Dawn

    P.S I wish none of us had to go through this but I am certainly glad we have each other to chat with.

    Believe
    it when we say you have come to the right place! The women here are absolutely amazing. I don't know where I'd be without all their help! My docs even commented on how "knowledgable" I was when I first met them. Eventually get used to it?! What kind of comment is that?! This is about YOU! And whatever will make it easier for YOU during all this! Yes, call & ask for the cream! No,you are NOT being a big baby!
    You can also go to Herceptin.com for more info on that subject. I have found it extremely helpful learning all I can, it makes things alot easier knowing what to expect. We are all here for you 24/7. (some of us don't always sleep too well)Keep in Touch
    Hugz,
    Cathy
  • hopeful2009
    hopeful2009 Member Posts: 13
    Cat64 said:

    Believe
    it when we say you have come to the right place! The women here are absolutely amazing. I don't know where I'd be without all their help! My docs even commented on how "knowledgable" I was when I first met them. Eventually get used to it?! What kind of comment is that?! This is about YOU! And whatever will make it easier for YOU during all this! Yes, call & ask for the cream! No,you are NOT being a big baby!
    You can also go to Herceptin.com for more info on that subject. I have found it extremely helpful learning all I can, it makes things alot easier knowing what to expect. We are all here for you 24/7. (some of us don't always sleep too well)Keep in Touch
    Hugz,
    Cathy

    Thank you again and again
    Thank you again and again for such great information and kind thoughts. I guess I feel the more information I have about meds and side affects even test the more it helps me feel somewhat in control and at ease.

    I will check out this site and call the office tomorrow.

    I will be here for any of you also.. you all have been great!

    Dawn
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598

    Hi Linda,
    Wow it seams we

    Hi Linda,

    Wow it seams we are going through the same cocktail... bc/ I am getting a shot the same day as chemo and I have a script for two meds - one is compazine and the other is Emend which I neeed to take the 2nd and 3rd day. I will also be calling in tomorrow and asking them for a script for the Emla cream.

    Thank you soo much for sharing, I really need it!

    huggs Dawn

    Hi Dawn. Just want to
    Hi Dawn. Just want to welcome you to the site and to wish you good luck!


    Lex♥
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    Alexis F said:

    Hi Dawn. Just want to
    Hi Dawn. Just want to welcome you to the site and to wish you good luck!


    Lex♥

    Dawn
    As Cathy said ... the EMLA cream is great. You just blob it on an hour before your chemo ... put a bandage on it ... and by the time you get to the treatment center the "port site" will be numb and you will hardly feel the needle go in. In fact there have been many times when I didn't feel anything. So ... if you don't have a prescription for EMLA ... ask your oncologist for one. It's great. Oh ... and I also got a prescription for xanax and took one of those an hour before my appointment.

    I had a different type of chemo ... but between the xanax and the benadryl stuff in the drip ... and the soothing/relaxing music on my iPod ...I usually fell asleep fairly soon after chemo started and slept through most of it. I know some people like "company" during chemo and like to be distracted and entertained but I preferred to be alone ... and get in "my own space/zone." (sort of the inhale/exhale type yoga thing). We all have to do what is best for each and every one of us. Some read, knit, watch tv, play cards etc. Just do what makes you most comfortable.

    good luck and big hugs.
    teena
  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    tgf said:

    Dawn
    As Cathy said ... the EMLA cream is great. You just blob it on an hour before your chemo ... put a bandage on it ... and by the time you get to the treatment center the "port site" will be numb and you will hardly feel the needle go in. In fact there have been many times when I didn't feel anything. So ... if you don't have a prescription for EMLA ... ask your oncologist for one. It's great. Oh ... and I also got a prescription for xanax and took one of those an hour before my appointment.

    I had a different type of chemo ... but between the xanax and the benadryl stuff in the drip ... and the soothing/relaxing music on my iPod ...I usually fell asleep fairly soon after chemo started and slept through most of it. I know some people like "company" during chemo and like to be distracted and entertained but I preferred to be alone ... and get in "my own space/zone." (sort of the inhale/exhale type yoga thing). We all have to do what is best for each and every one of us. Some read, knit, watch tv, play cards etc. Just do what makes you most comfortable.

    good luck and big hugs.
    teena

    Hello Dawn
    Chemo is not in the immediate plan for me, so I have no useful advice for you in that regard. I just want to let you know that I'll be praying for God's comfort and protection over you during this difficult time.
    I know you want to appear strong for your family, however I think it is important to share all your feelings with them. They are scared too, not just for how you will tolerate the treatment, but also for the future. The "C word" strikes fear even in the strongest of hearts. Putting up a "brave front" only makes them want to be "brave" for you. However, it's a house of cards, and will sooner or later come crashing down. And when it does, it may all come out in very unpleasant ways...a whirlwind of pent-up anger and emotional "seizures" that confuse and hurt anyone in the way. My daughter and I are so much closer since we have cried together, and now we know that neither of us ever has to cry alone. And you know what?...we also laugh together more now too!
    I hope your first chemo treatment goes well, especially since you will be armed with the information our sisters have shared here. Hugs and God bless. Gracie
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Hi Hopeful,
    It's OK to be scared and not want to admit it. Of course we are scared our first time doing chemo. The fear of the unknown is often much worse than the actual thing feared. I can attest that this was true for my first chemo treatment. The night before, I had to take steroids, which made me pretty hyper. So, I went out to eat with my husband and just talked and talked and talked. I am usually pretty gregarious, but the steriods really ramped it up. In retrospect, I think this was good. It kept me from ruminating on what would be happening the next day. This is what I would recommend for you this evening. Don't sit around thinking dark thoughts, if possible. Go out, do something, stay with the moment. You will probably find that it is not as bad as you imagined. I did, and I was doing 3 different chemo drugs at once. Once you start, you're that much closer to the finish line. Good luck. You will be fine.

    Mimi