Feeling Blue :(

Akiss4me
Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Well, I guess when your up it's great, but when your down it plain darn stinks! I have been feeling so whipped, blue, under the weather, depressed, and sad REALLY bad today. I am literally so overwhelmed that I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I know this will pass, but it doesn't seem to help having that knowledge. Everything around me seems to be falling apart!
The repair men are driving me insane. They are incredibly nice, but the noise is getting on my nerves! It's been 2 weeks ( although for one of them, I was in hospital), as tidy and neat and clean my house was to be prepared for my return home, became a disaster in short order since I am confined (hubby & son doing their best though...smiles), Daughter closes on her first home Friday and is moving, but I can't be there to help her, and the IRS has audited my 2007 Tax return (random my butt!!). I called them today to inform I have never cheated anyone, but do not have the stamina to withstand this audit and therefor, will bite the bullet and pay what ever else they want back. Geesh, only got a $48.00 refund from them and they want to argue a few medical exspenses! Not worth it to us. Then I still have depositions to go through yet when I can build up some energy (attorney called this AM) Sigh....
I am sure after all I have been through, I could use an antidepressant at this point, just not allowed to take ANY. After several medical issues when I was younger, Docs would hand them out like candy back then....I was the 1% of the population that had the reaction of suicidal tendancys from them and it was not a pretty sight! OK, baring my soul here...had 5 or 6 attempts (did you know ativated charcoal turns your stool black?). so, I have adapted by changing my attitude about things. That's how I became a very postive person (with the Lords help!).
Except today....seems like more of a struggle. But just needed to get things off my chest and OMG!! I think I just "vented" for the first time since I joined! What do you think? Do we blame it on the menopause or my body just taking in too much in too little time? Wow, I would make a horrible critical injury person!
Most of all....thanks everyone for being there for me.
Hugs and hope....♥Pammy
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Comments

  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    Pammy, I'm so sorry you feel
    Pammy, I'm so sorry you feel so blue. You are certainly allowed to vent after all you've been through. It will get better, it's only a matter of time. Don't worry about the housework, just worry about YOU. Take time out to do something you like you do. How about a good movie....a comedy? Laughter is always the best medicine. Reflect on your faith in God and get back to your positive attitude. You'll feel so much better in a positive frame of mind. Sending positive vibes and a great BIG hug your way! Take care of yourself.
  • sgamtd
    sgamtd Member Posts: 124
    Dear Pammy
    I think we can safely blame it on too much on your plate at any one time, and none of it icecream. Please go ahead and vent, vent. vent. It helps to get it off your chest. We care and love you.
    Remember, take deep breaths, hang in there, first get well from the latest surgery, take the meds, rest the bod to let it heal, let hubby and son spoil you, bring you some earplugs and one of those cool sleep masks, and rest some more.
    Get well soon,
    sgamtd
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    MyTurnNow said:

    Pammy, I'm so sorry you feel
    Pammy, I'm so sorry you feel so blue. You are certainly allowed to vent after all you've been through. It will get better, it's only a matter of time. Don't worry about the housework, just worry about YOU. Take time out to do something you like you do. How about a good movie....a comedy? Laughter is always the best medicine. Reflect on your faith in God and get back to your positive attitude. You'll feel so much better in a positive frame of mind. Sending positive vibes and a great BIG hug your way! Take care of yourself.

    Pammy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    So glad you are home, sod all the stuff that needs doing and snuggle up with a good tub of Ben and Jerrys! A good movie and a glass or 2 of Vino Collapso!...
    I'm sorry you are so down, are there any natural 'Uppers' like St Johns wort that you could take?

    OK, I'll lead the singing... "Always look on the bright side of life.........."

    Huge healing Hugs to you sis... Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Vent away
    Pammy, after all you have been through it is only natural that you will have these down days and feel so overwhelmed and unhappy. I am glad that you bared your soul to us. You know we can relate. I think sometimes we work so hard to get away from bad feelings that it's some sort of defeat to feel less than perfectly happy at all times. Like we've let ourselves down or something. But bad, overwhelmed, and uncomfortable feelings are part of it. They make the good times even sweeter. Let yourself sit with your feelings and be kind to yourself. Do things to help yourself out of the pit, but don't expect instant results and don't punish yourself. Sadness is part of you, just as happiness and joy are. Shift your actions to reflect this reality. Slow down, be meditative, take long baths, do whatever it takes to honor yourself and how you feel. Be confident that you will be happy and joyful again.

    And on the anti-depressant issue, I wonder if there are new drugs now that won't result in the suicidal ideation side effect? Maybe you can be on one of them with close monitoring? And yes, menapause and all your body has been through will absolutely contribute to these feelings. You are not alone.

    Mimi
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    mimivac said:

    Vent away
    Pammy, after all you have been through it is only natural that you will have these down days and feel so overwhelmed and unhappy. I am glad that you bared your soul to us. You know we can relate. I think sometimes we work so hard to get away from bad feelings that it's some sort of defeat to feel less than perfectly happy at all times. Like we've let ourselves down or something. But bad, overwhelmed, and uncomfortable feelings are part of it. They make the good times even sweeter. Let yourself sit with your feelings and be kind to yourself. Do things to help yourself out of the pit, but don't expect instant results and don't punish yourself. Sadness is part of you, just as happiness and joy are. Shift your actions to reflect this reality. Slow down, be meditative, take long baths, do whatever it takes to honor yourself and how you feel. Be confident that you will be happy and joyful again.

    And on the anti-depressant issue, I wonder if there are new drugs now that won't result in the suicidal ideation side effect? Maybe you can be on one of them with close monitoring? And yes, menapause and all your body has been through will absolutely contribute to these feelings. You are not alone.

    Mimi

    Mimi is absolutely right
    All that you've been through and the medications can contribute greatly to depression, and definitely the other stressors... even the IRS GEEZ!!!

    Take the advice of our wonderful sisters here and be kind to yourself. I hope your feeling better soon, and vent away! we are here for you.
    hugs, jackie
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    rjjj said:

    Mimi is absolutely right
    All that you've been through and the medications can contribute greatly to depression, and definitely the other stressors... even the IRS GEEZ!!!

    Take the advice of our wonderful sisters here and be kind to yourself. I hope your feeling better soon, and vent away! we are here for you.
    hugs, jackie

    Vent away ... that's what we're here for
    Pammy ... don't feel bad about venting ... there are just times when we need to get something off our chest (no pun intended!) or we feel like we'll explode. We've all been there ... done that. And ... we're all here to listen and give you our cyber hugs.

    I'm wondering too about the possibility of new antidepressants that might help you. New medications are coming along all of the time ... so there just might be something out there that could help you. And ... what about xanax. Isn't that an anti-anxiety drug ... would that help?

    It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now ... and I just wish there was something I could say or do to make everything better.

    But ... just know that we are all here for you ... love you ... and care about you. So any time you need to vent ... just vent away!

    big hugs.
    teena
  • e_hope
    e_hope Member Posts: 370
    I know how you feel... I am
    I know how you feel... I am having a blue day today also... I posted my I hate cancer post... I think it helps to write your feelings out...

    Where all here for you...

    (((hugs)))
  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537
    Hey Pammy
    If you need to vent you just go ahead and vent girl!!!! You certainly have been there for all of us and you have been thru so much you have every right to let it all out.

    Life certainly can be a struggle sometimes cant it? But I have learned one thing since I was diagnosed with breast cancer...that I am not doing this alone...I have all of you helping me when I am down and I have a new belief in something bigger than me that I didnt have before. I still get down, but knowing that I am not alone makes it easier somehow.

    Hang in there Pammy and know we are all here for you cuz you are one special person to us.
    Gentle hugs
    LIndat
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    e_hope said:

    I know how you feel... I am
    I know how you feel... I am having a blue day today also... I posted my I hate cancer post... I think it helps to write your feelings out...

    Where all here for you...

    (((hugs)))

    You
    Really do have alot going on and sometimes the cork just blows and well it's time to let it all out.. You have been there for us now it's our turn!!! I hope you feel better just getting all that off your chest and putting it in writing!!! Now you can concentrate on getting better.. Your life is certinly not boring.. and when all the chaos has died down and you can take a deep breath... Remember we are ALWAYS here lean on us!!!

    (((BIG HUGZ)))

    Calleen
  • jennytwist
    jennytwist Member Posts: 896
    You came to the right place to
    vent and let it all out. We have all been depressed and though we each have had different paths, we all share that awful beast - cancer! We are here for you and no matter anything will be here to listen to you, cry with you, pray for you and love you - mo matter anything, always!! Just hang in there - I know, it seems like when the depression hits, an hour can seem like days - it will pass & be better.
    ...sending you hugs and much love,
    -Jenny
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    Pammy, I hope things get
    Pammy, I hope things get better for you. I am a 1 yr breast cancer survivor. I was diagnosed stage 4, there is only so much we can take. I hope you will read my post that starts with I hate cancer, But.
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    Vent all You Need
    Pammy, if you ever have vented on here before, I sure missed it. So glad you let it out the first time. And the next time, and any time you need. We are here for you, just as you have been for us.

    Really, maybe YOU should have a musical based on your bc experiences, IRS and all. Unbeatable Pammy. Because that is who you are. You're having some bad hours and days, but you will get through them. You will be yourself again, and all these months will be just a bad memory.

    Until then, you remain in my prayers.

    Sending you positive thoughts,
    Moopy
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    Thanks everyone!
    It did feel better to get it off my chest. It felt really good to read your responses and comforting to know your there for me. I guess my biggest downer has been the halt to my life that seems to drag. I'm so tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of appointments. I'm tired of my physical restrictions from healing. I'm tired of having all these things in my head that I want to get done but are not able to. Sigh....well, there is only one thing left to do....take my medicine like a big girl and declare this an ice-cream moment! Pammy
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    Hi Pammy.
    I am so sorry your feeling so down.We have them days.I had one Sat,I was thinking how at first when I found out about the BC, lots of people was around.And now hardly no one is.And i felt like I was in this deep hole and alone.I hate it when i get this way.But I think its normal.we always bounce back.And you will two.it will be nice to have the repairs finished soon,and maybe that will help.Take care.Love and Prayers.(Pat).
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    Pammy, You are always so
    Pammy, You are always so positive all of the time. So for you to be down and out once in a while, I think thats good. Must mean your normal. Take care of yourself. Hugs
    Kathy
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    I have been putting off
    I have been putting off answering your post all day long...I had to have at least one martini (something I rarely do!)eat a medium rare steak, and have a glass of Pinot Noir at a restaurant before I even atempted a response. And why...you may rightly ask? I didn't know until your post that you are OMG...one of us! A real woman with insecurities, fears, depressions, suicide attempts, and an innate ability to write prolificly, humourously and seemingly untouched by Life and the Beast...even while you were going through it.

    I do dearly hope you know me well enough to be both smiling and wanting to strangle me! We are all survivors, with all of the trappings of life surrounding us as well. The Beast has never been a gift~ at the very least, I will begrudgingly admit that it gave us the opportunity to put potential disasters on hold while we did battle~but the "other stuff" didn't go away, it was just in the background. And eventually , it re-asserted itself and moved closer to the front of the line again. Not that we wanted it to, or that we ever wanted the Beast usurping its position, but .....

    You have been figuratively holding your breath for months now. And now, that the worst is behind you, those things and emotions that already existed are standing up and making you feel the way you do. It is all a cancer of sorts, sweet Pammy! Treat all of these monsters the way you did the bc~ fight for your life! You and your family and even your unseen cyber but loving CSN cyber family know you can!

    I am so proud of you for letting it out here with us~ you are so brave! If you truly cannot be medicated, because of past "sins", let US be your non judgemental, always here, anti-depressant. Lord knows you have been a life line for so many of us.....

    Love and Hugs, sweet Sister in Pink

    Chen♥
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Did you hear about the
    Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
    He sold his soul to Santa

    What is a zebra?
    26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

    and finally....

    "Doctor, doctor! Birds keep building nests in my horses' manes! What should I do?" "Sprinkle yeast on them and call me in the morning." "But why?" "Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet!"


    Pammy, I hope it doesn't hurt you to giggle or groan. I am the depression queen, so fluff up those pillows and listen. Of course you are feeling like sh#t. How many months have you been sliced, diced and burned to pink madness? How many hours waiting in waiting rooms, recovery rooms, hospital rooms - not to mention, waiting for test results?

    You have shared your gifts with all of us and handled everything with such bravery and humor...you are awesome and you've got outstanding hustle. So plug in those meditation tapes, take some deep yogic breaths, listen to crying music, smell some good smells, and vent your heart out. The sun IS going to shine again.

    xoxoxoxo Lynn


    xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    lynn1950 said:

    Did you hear about the
    Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
    He sold his soul to Santa

    What is a zebra?
    26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

    and finally....

    "Doctor, doctor! Birds keep building nests in my horses' manes! What should I do?" "Sprinkle yeast on them and call me in the morning." "But why?" "Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet!"


    Pammy, I hope it doesn't hurt you to giggle or groan. I am the depression queen, so fluff up those pillows and listen. Of course you are feeling like sh#t. How many months have you been sliced, diced and burned to pink madness? How many hours waiting in waiting rooms, recovery rooms, hospital rooms - not to mention, waiting for test results?

    You have shared your gifts with all of us and handled everything with such bravery and humor...you are awesome and you've got outstanding hustle. So plug in those meditation tapes, take some deep yogic breaths, listen to crying music, smell some good smells, and vent your heart out. The sun IS going to shine again.

    xoxoxoxo Lynn


    xoxoxoxo Lynn

    I can't say it any better
    I can't say it any better than all of the others. I know that you have never vented here and I am sure that this build up has just caused your pot to boil over so to speak. I have had that kind of depression where you want to just go to ground and hide out and pull the blankie over your head and shut out the whole world. Talk with your doctors, there are so many more anti depression meds now and maybe with monitoring you can find one that will work without the wicked side effects. Of maybe a good therapist to vent to and of course there is us. We are always here for you. You have been one of the top supporters and helpers on this site. Now it is our turn. So use us, vent with us, eat ice cream with us and know we are here for you. And isn't it just like you to tell us of your results with depression with a touch of humor. Of course, activated charcoal turns your stool black and red licorce can turn it red. We love you Pammy, and we all want to see you get past these roadblocks. YOu can do it, you fought the beast. There should be a rule, that if you fight the beast, you cannot have any other problems to deal with, but alas that is not the case.
    With love and prayers to a warrior,
    Stef
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    fauxma said:

    I can't say it any better
    I can't say it any better than all of the others. I know that you have never vented here and I am sure that this build up has just caused your pot to boil over so to speak. I have had that kind of depression where you want to just go to ground and hide out and pull the blankie over your head and shut out the whole world. Talk with your doctors, there are so many more anti depression meds now and maybe with monitoring you can find one that will work without the wicked side effects. Of maybe a good therapist to vent to and of course there is us. We are always here for you. You have been one of the top supporters and helpers on this site. Now it is our turn. So use us, vent with us, eat ice cream with us and know we are here for you. And isn't it just like you to tell us of your results with depression with a touch of humor. Of course, activated charcoal turns your stool black and red licorce can turn it red. We love you Pammy, and we all want to see you get past these roadblocks. YOu can do it, you fought the beast. There should be a rule, that if you fight the beast, you cannot have any other problems to deal with, but alas that is not the case.
    With love and prayers to a warrior,
    Stef

    We all have tough days
    Pammy,
    Sorry that you are not feeling well. it is just post surgical , anastasia drugs and the weather.
    Treat yourself well and do your favorite things, ice cream, comedy.
    Give yourself a hug from all of us.
  • marilyndbk
    marilyndbk Member Posts: 238 Member
    Hi. So sorry you are feeling
    Hi. So sorry you are feeling out of sorts. No wonder with all you have had ato go through. This bc has taken a toll on our bodies and our minds. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Marilyn