Should I be angry or hurt??? Not quite sure....

padee6339

Not in the least.........
People just don't get it. They are so wrapped up in their own lives, they forget about the rest of us. Its not that they don't love us, but because we are doing our treatments, keeping house, taking care of others and/or going out to work, they think we are fine. Maybe they will come around, maybe not, but at least you have your loving hubby and children with you to get you through. That's a blessing. Love and big hugs........
Pat

ladybug22

All right T...Here it is...
I WITH RITAZIMM on this. I would just add do what ever it takes to get health. I am glade you was there for your brother and sorry your mom and sister is not there for you .We are here for you love and hugs for you. You come first

taleena

ladybug22 said:

All right T...Here it is...
I WITH RITAZIMM on this. I would just add do what ever it takes to get health. I am glade you was there for your brother and sorry your mom and sister is not there for you .We are here for you love and hugs for you. You come first

Thanks everyone... honestly,
Thanks everyone... honestly, I am rather numb to all of it... after so long... I guess it should just be expected... and move on... My husband just kind of shakes his head..today he said it so simply... my niece Liz has been with us since Feb 2008, in the beginning both mom and my sis said, "well do this together"... well it has been over a year since her daddy passed, and not once, not one time in all of this, have either of them picked her up for so much as an ice cream cone... let alone a date or to spend the night... see it isn't just me... it's just how they are...

My husband simply said... if you didn't know them you would have quite a different picture of who they are... what they say paints a very different picture... but we, who know them, realize that their words and actions are two totally different things.

Yeah for me...I just looked at him... and asked... "am I like that"... and he replied... "I wouldn't have married you if you were"... shewwww what a relief!

Hugs to all of you dear friends...

~T

mmontero38

Taleena, I couldn't add
Taleena, I couldn't add anything more to what the sisters and brothers here already said. I'm glad you have your husband and sister in law to help you out and your "other" family from Washington, who would come out at the drop of a hat to be there for you. I couldn't even begin to rationalize as to why they are like that, but know you have our support and that those that matter, your husband and children are there for you. Hugs, Lili

rjjj

mmontero38 said:

Taleena, I couldn't add
Taleena, I couldn't add anything more to what the sisters and brothers here already said. I'm glad you have your husband and sister in law to help you out and your "other" family from Washington, who would come out at the drop of a hat to be there for you. I couldn't even begin to rationalize as to why they are like that, but know you have our support and that those that matter, your husband and children are there for you. Hugs, Lili

Both
I would be both, angry and hurt. I am glad you have your immediate family to support you , and all of us.
hugs, jackie

mlmjt1

Hi t
You know I had bilateral mastectomy in May and have had 3 chemo treatments so far with 5 more to go. My brother lives 2 miles from my home and Ive seen him twice since my diagnosis. He did buy my wig for me which was a real surprise and offered to take my sister and I out for breakfast soon. He and I have not been close for years so in his own way he is reaching out to me so I take alot of comfort in that. I also know I can call him anytime.

As for my sister, she lives 10minutes away and Ive seen her 2 or 3 times since my surgery. She works 50 hours weeks and has to have a valve replacement in Sept and she gets alot of chest pain. She does call maybe 1 to 2 times per wk but thats about it. We are going to have a girls movie night next wkend which I asked for because my husband will be outof town and my 18 year old son shouldnt need to babysit. I just cant be alone for extended time.

Fortunately for me or maybe not my husband took the retirement package from GM so he is home now. But its put a huge burden on him to deal with me during my meltdowns.

I guess I pretty much have learned not to expect anything from either my sister or brother. I know if I ask they would find a way but I seldom ask which maybe I have to work on.

AS for my inlaws, I get very frequent calls from both sisters in laws to see how I am.

I may feel hurt but I guess you need to weigh in just how close you have been. If its not been there, it probably wont be there now..

On a positive note...We are always here for each other...I take alot of comfort in that

Hugs
Linda T

tasha_111

mlmjt1 said:

Hi t
You know I had bilateral mastectomy in May and have had 3 chemo treatments so far with 5 more to go. My brother lives 2 miles from my home and Ive seen him twice since my diagnosis. He did buy my wig for me which was a real surprise and offered to take my sister and I out for breakfast soon. He and I have not been close for years so in his own way he is reaching out to me so I take alot of comfort in that. I also know I can call him anytime.

As for my sister, she lives 10minutes away and Ive seen her 2 or 3 times since my surgery. She works 50 hours weeks and has to have a valve replacement in Sept and she gets alot of chest pain. She does call maybe 1 to 2 times per wk but thats about it. We are going to have a girls movie night next wkend which I asked for because my husband will be outof town and my 18 year old son shouldnt need to babysit. I just cant be alone for extended time.

Fortunately for me or maybe not my husband took the retirement package from GM so he is home now. But its put a huge burden on him to deal with me during my meltdowns.

I guess I pretty much have learned not to expect anything from either my sister or brother. I know if I ask they would find a way but I seldom ask which maybe I have to work on.

AS for my inlaws, I get very frequent calls from both sisters in laws to see how I am.

I may feel hurt but I guess you need to weigh in just how close you have been. If its not been there, it probably wont be there now..

On a positive note...We are always here for each other...I take alot of comfort in that

Hugs
Linda T

Taleena
As you know, I had support, and Bugger all.........I know who my friends are now.......Good luck hun Jxxxxxxxxx

aztec45

mlmjt1 said:

Hi t
You know I had bilateral mastectomy in May and have had 3 chemo treatments so far with 5 more to go. My brother lives 2 miles from my home and Ive seen him twice since my diagnosis. He did buy my wig for me which was a real surprise and offered to take my sister and I out for breakfast soon. He and I have not been close for years so in his own way he is reaching out to me so I take alot of comfort in that. I also know I can call him anytime.

As for my sister, she lives 10minutes away and Ive seen her 2 or 3 times since my surgery. She works 50 hours weeks and has to have a valve replacement in Sept and she gets alot of chest pain. She does call maybe 1 to 2 times per wk but thats about it. We are going to have a girls movie night next wkend which I asked for because my husband will be outof town and my 18 year old son shouldnt need to babysit. I just cant be alone for extended time.

Fortunately for me or maybe not my husband took the retirement package from GM so he is home now. But its put a huge burden on him to deal with me during my meltdowns.

I guess I pretty much have learned not to expect anything from either my sister or brother. I know if I ask they would find a way but I seldom ask which maybe I have to work on.

AS for my inlaws, I get very frequent calls from both sisters in laws to see how I am.

I may feel hurt but I guess you need to weigh in just how close you have been. If its not been there, it probably wont be there now..

On a positive note...We are always here for each other...I take alot of comfort in that

Hugs
Linda T

Breaks My Heart
It really breaks my heart to hear how family members and friends pick a time like this to run away, or keep their distance, or check out, whatever you want to call it. I don't know why people behave like this. Cancer is not Leprosy. I hope things work out for you and T.

P

cats_toy

you never quite get over that
Even if they have been like that for years, deep inside, you expect your family to be there for you, regardless. So even though you know what they are like, that little kid inside expects more, and gets disappointed when they don't come through.
So not matter that you don't expect anything else, the sadness is there anyway.
Keep your spirits up and know that you are loved by many
=^..^=

aurora2009

cats_toy said:

you never quite get over that
Even if they have been like that for years, deep inside, you expect your family to be there for you, regardless. So even though you know what they are like, that little kid inside expects more, and gets disappointed when they don't come through.
So not matter that you don't expect anything else, the sadness is there anyway.
Keep your spirits up and know that you are loved by many
=^..^=

Hi Taleena
I just wanted to add my 2 cents in here too. I also have the same problem with my own mother. Her way of helping is help I don't need. The bottom line is that it's always been that way with her, and it's really futal for me to think it would be any different now.

It's not wrong for you to be upset or even mad, but sometimes you just ahve to let it go and concentrate on the people closest to you that really do love you in the way that you need to be loved and taken care of. We are both lucky in that we have husband and children to support us, as well as this web site that creates a bond like no other.

I am so sorry, that you have been hurt by your parents and sibling, but just know that you are loved and appreciated here.

Take care Teleena, I truely wish I had magic words to heal your heart.

Aurora

EveningStar2

taleena said:

Thanks everyone... honestly,
Thanks everyone... honestly, I am rather numb to all of it... after so long... I guess it should just be expected... and move on... My husband just kind of shakes his head..today he said it so simply... my niece Liz has been with us since Feb 2008, in the beginning both mom and my sis said, "well do this together"... well it has been over a year since her daddy passed, and not once, not one time in all of this, have either of them picked her up for so much as an ice cream cone... let alone a date or to spend the night... see it isn't just me... it's just how they are...

My husband simply said... if you didn't know them you would have quite a different picture of who they are... what they say paints a very different picture... but we, who know them, realize that their words and actions are two totally different things.

Yeah for me...I just looked at him... and asked... "am I like that"... and he replied... "I wouldn't have married you if you were"... shewwww what a relief!

Hugs to all of you dear friends...

~T

Alien


Apparently I'm an alien. I would not expect anyone who does not live in my house to change their plans for me. If I did not have a husband and child that still live with me or needed more than they could do, then maybe I'd ask for and expect help. But otherwise, we're fine. My parents are dead and I'm an only child so some of those dynamics don't apply but I did not expect my children that live in a different state to come when I was diagnosed. Or treated. We kept in touch but they have their own lives.

But this is how _I_ feel. Other folks do it other ways.

Maureen

jojo elizapest

rodripa9 said:

It happens
Dear T. My sister has BC she had her 1st chemo treatment on Wednesday and I'm down here in FL with her for the weekend. I'm here because I love her and I know she really needs me. She has kids and doesn't do to good when she feels sick. She sometimes needs a little extra TLC. That is her type. Me, I'm the one that never complains, I'm always moving, I'm always "fine" even when I feel like dieing. But that's how I am. So sometimes when the people around me take me for granted, because I take myself for granted I get PO too. But it's because we come off as so strong. Get what I'm trying to say. People start thinking we're like bionic women or something. Also did your brother pass away? I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but if I didn't they just might be checking out emotionally so that they don't have to relive the pain of a child or sibling going through this. Know your not alone, there are support groups, volunteers and us when ever you need it. Call a friend to drive you or just to pass you a glass of water if you need it. Or tell your mom or sister, "you know, I'm really scared right now and don't want to be alone, could you stay a few extra days and make sure I'm ok." Sometimes if you don't put yourself out there for people to see, they might just think your fine. Getting upset right now isn't good for you either. You need to be relaxed and try to be as stress free as possible. Maybe your family members aren't whats best for you now, maybe a good friend might be a stronger shoulder to lean on. I know my mom is a mess and that's why we chose to keep her on a need to know basis. We just told her yesterday about the chemo, because we knew she wouldn't take it well. See what I'm saying. Don't worry hon, it has been my experience that the universe doesn't give you anything you can't overcome and you always come out a little stronger. Good luck and God Bless

Being bionic can be
Being bionic can be scary...let mom know how you feel.