Lost my best friend because she can't handle it that I have cancer...

tgf

chenheart said:

Vicki,I don't actually see
Vicki,
I don't actually see it that you apologized for having cancer; but you ARE no doubt sorry that your diagnosis has re-kindled the scary feelings/emotions your best friend had about her mother. It, in a perverse way, reminded me of something that happened over 45 years ago in my family. My grandfather had died of old age, and we were going to visit my grandmother. My mom told my then 4 year old sister to be sure to tell Nana she was sorry about Grampa when we got there. To which my baby sister said : "Why? I didn't do it!" Out of the mouth of babes.....
You also didn't call your best friend to rub it in or make her feel worse~ BOTH of you are going through something which neither of you expected, and there truly is no right or wrong at this juncture. I hope that time and space will give your friend the breathing room she needs, and time to reconnect with you.

In the meanwhile, please, know that YOUR health and treatment is paramount. Surround yourself with good advice, a medical team you trust and are comfortable with, and know that within this group you will be nurtured and supported throughout your journey to Life After Cancer. Especially during the times that suck!

Hugs,
Claudia

Vicki,
I agree totally with what the others have said ... I really think your friend will come around and be there for you. At least I hope so. You both need each other. It will just take a little time for her to get over the shock of hearing your diagnosis.

And ... Claudia is so right when she said that "YOUR health and treatment is paramount." This is a time when you need to think of yourself and YOUR needs. You are going to need all of your energy ... emotional, psychological, and physical for the foreseeable future ... so you can't waste any of it on negative thoughts. You must stay positive and surround yourself with positive people and things. You don't need to spend any energy worrying about other people and their feelings at this point. You should only think of yourself. BE SELFISH. If you don't want to do something ... speak up ... and if it upsets other people ... that is THEIR problem ... not yours. Now is the time to focus totally on Vicki.

We're here for you ...

hugs.
teena

rjjj

chenheart said:

Vicki,I don't actually see
Vicki,
I don't actually see it that you apologized for having cancer; but you ARE no doubt sorry that your diagnosis has re-kindled the scary feelings/emotions your best friend had about her mother. It, in a perverse way, reminded me of something that happened over 45 years ago in my family. My grandfather had died of old age, and we were going to visit my grandmother. My mom told my then 4 year old sister to be sure to tell Nana she was sorry about Grampa when we got there. To which my baby sister said : "Why? I didn't do it!" Out of the mouth of babes.....
You also didn't call your best friend to rub it in or make her feel worse~ BOTH of you are going through something which neither of you expected, and there truly is no right or wrong at this juncture. I hope that time and space will give your friend the breathing room she needs, and time to reconnect with you.

In the meanwhile, please, know that YOUR health and treatment is paramount. Surround yourself with good advice, a medical team you trust and are comfortable with, and know that within this group you will be nurtured and supported throughout your journey to Life After Cancer. Especially during the times that suck!

Hugs,
Claudia

"why? I didn't do it!!!"
I so loved that Claudia. And Vicki, I don't know about your friend, because i don't know her as you do, but it sounds to me like she is being pretty selfish. We have all lost loved ones, and this is NOT about her. It is about you, and I hope she choses to be a fried instead of wallowing in her own self-pity.
hugs, jackie

aztec45

fauxma said:

P
I felt just like
P
I felt just like outdoorgirl when I read your post about your brother and sister-in-law. To expect someone to shave their head because they are shredding when they are in the middle of the toughest fight ever is inconceivable. And in regards to the fungus infection, are you sitting butt naked on their furniture. And even if you were these types of infections are not usually contagious. I am thinking it is a type of yeast infection. My sister got a fungal infection under her hair from her chemo. And I get these fungal infections in a variety of places from the diabetes (when my sugars are not in good control). Your body is simply out of balance. How incredible insensitive of these family members. And this is about the nastiest, lamest excuse I have ever heard for not being their for someone. They sound like they deserve each other. I hope your brother knows that if his wife won't support you during this, she probably won't be supportive or there for him should he ever need her. My thoughts and prayers are that you come through this well and stronger. So sad that they cannot put themselves in your shoes and be there for you.
Stef

Thanks, You Made My Day
I just cracked up when I read all of your posts about my Bro and his Wife. I really needed a laugh so thank you. You know, I should go to his pad and sit butt naked on all of his furniture and scoot my butt like a dog does on everything. It would serve them right. And, you are right, my onc has me on all kinds of creams and steroids for this. My mom hasn't caught anything and she lives with me. She is a diabetic and she is not freaking out.

It really hurt me at first, especially since I was trying to cope with losing my hair. I raised this guy and then took him in numerous times when he needed to get back on his feet. But you know, what goes around, comes around and one day he will feel what I felt after his comments. Bet you it may be at the hand of his wife.

But again, I am glad I have you guys to share my thoughts and feelings with. Until you go through something like this, you cannot begin to understand what we face everyday, what we feel, and what goes through. I thank God I for you all and this website.

P

outdoorgirl

aztec45 said:

Thanks, You Made My Day
I just cracked up when I read all of your posts about my Bro and his Wife. I really needed a laugh so thank you. You know, I should go to his pad and sit butt naked on all of his furniture and scoot my butt like a dog does on everything. It would serve them right. And, you are right, my onc has me on all kinds of creams and steroids for this. My mom hasn't caught anything and she lives with me. She is a diabetic and she is not freaking out.

It really hurt me at first, especially since I was trying to cope with losing my hair. I raised this guy and then took him in numerous times when he needed to get back on his feet. But you know, what goes around, comes around and one day he will feel what I felt after his comments. Bet you it may be at the hand of his wife.

But again, I am glad I have you guys to share my thoughts and feelings with. Until you go through something like this, you cannot begin to understand what we face everyday, what we feel, and what goes through. I thank God I for you all and this website.

P

P
you bet we've got your back! Any time of the day or night!

faithandprayer

outdoorgirl said:

P
you bet we've got your back! Any time of the day or night!

:-)
...even with a fungus, sweetie :-)

Love the dog comment!!! Atta girl!!!

Kristin N

faithandprayer said:

Pillars & Confetti
Hi Reiki,
Welcome and I'm sorry you have to be here. You will find an amazing group of people here who are going to understand every single thing you go through - more than we can expect from even the best of friends or caregivers.

I'm about 3 1/2 mos into diagnosis and have been reminded of a valuable life lesson.
There are Pillars and Confetti. The Confetti shows up to spice things up, help let loose, celebrate and just add "fluff". But the Pillars...they are the ones who are easy to overlook but always hold you up, offer you a place to lean, assure you they will never, ever move and help you build your character (while continuing to build their own). I believe most of us need to have both in our lives. And, occasionally, we're blessed enough to find a pillar wrapped in confetti.

I'm not certain your friend's reaction is as much about your cancer as it is about her own challenges. You'll figure out her place in this. You have a lot on your plate right now, but as the days and weeks go by, perhaps your strength will help her to heal, as well. Also, I would sincerely suggest your friend reach out to other caregivers, as she is embarking on her own very difficult and scary journey.

The halls of this message board echo with Pillars. You've come to a good place.
Blessings,
KC

During your journey thru bc,
During your journey thru bc, you will find who your real friends are, and, which ones aren't. And, unfortunately for some, it also weeds out the family members.

I was amazed at mine, but, that isn't the story with everyone. But, if you lose someone because of your bc, they weren't a friend to start with.

Hang in there!

Hugs,

Kristin

Reikigemgirl

rjjj said:

"why? I didn't do it!!!"
I so loved that Claudia. And Vicki, I don't know about your friend, because i don't know her as you do, but it sounds to me like she is being pretty selfish. We have all lost loved ones, and this is NOT about her. It is about you, and I hope she choses to be a fried instead of wallowing in her own self-pity.
hugs, jackie

Thanks for input
What a caring group of people you all are. I am so happy to have found this board. Sorry to hear so many of you have been through this also. I am finding out who my friends are, that is for sure. I have an email friend who has offered to drive 2 hours to come up and take me wig shopping. So there are people out there who care and this board is proff of that!!

I do realize that this is a time where I need to put myself first and I just can't let all of this negativity get to me!!

Love and Light,
Vicki