Feeling very Emotional Today....

Calleen
Calleen Member Posts: 411
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Good Morning everyone.. I can't seem to quit crying today.. I am thinking of all of you guys and all of our seperate journeys. It's so hard to deal with sometimes and so hard to talk about with those who have no idea what to say or how to help... I find myself trying to avoid all the "How are you Today's: I'm not ok I haven't been sicne I was diagnosed... I want to get my surgery over with at the same time I'm so scared about it that I sometimes say to myself to just forget about it and let it take me... I know that's crazy and I will have the surgey.. It's the fear of the unkown..I'm putting my Faith in God and pray that he will hold me through the next few days and beyond...

Thanks for listening to me...

Calleen
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Comments

  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    Hang in there
    Calleen
    I know how you are feeling as does everyone else here. I didnt have my surgery for two months after my diagnosis. That was 6 weeks ago tomorrow and im finally going to the onc again on tuesday to find out what my treatments will be. It is very hard to hold it together. I always feel like my whole life is on hold, so you are not alone. This site has helped me because everyone here knows what it is like. Even though you need that outside support too, unless they have been through it, they cant even begin to imagine what an emotional roller coster it is. Try to keep your head up. Know that you are going to have those days where all you do is want to cry or just sleep. Keep your faith and keep praying. You will get through it all. You are in my prayers. A big hug to you.

    laura
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    GOOD MORNING
    HI,I SO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.I JUST HAD MY SECOND SURGERY.i was so scared I thought I WOULD NEVER GET THROUGH IT.EVEN ON THE WAY INTO SURGERY I WAS THINKING I COULD TAKE OFF BUT OF COUR SE I DIDN,T.THIS BOARD HAS HELPED ME SO MUCH.THEIR IS SO MANY PEOPLE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THEN ME AND THEIR UPLIFTING ME.AND YOUR RIGHT ABOUT THE UNKNOWN THAT GETS US ALL I THINK.I AM GLAD SURGERY IS DONE THANK GOD.IT WILL SOON BE A WEEK.EVEN WITH A WEEK OF PAIN FROM SURGERY I AM SO GLAD IT IS DONE AND YOU WILL TO.I HAVE ALSO FOUND OUT ALSO WE NEED TO CRY SOME TO FEEL BETTER.GOD BLESS YOU ,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES.
  • florist
    florist Member Posts: 45
    ppurdin said:

    GOOD MORNING
    HI,I SO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.I JUST HAD MY SECOND SURGERY.i was so scared I thought I WOULD NEVER GET THROUGH IT.EVEN ON THE WAY INTO SURGERY I WAS THINKING I COULD TAKE OFF BUT OF COUR SE I DIDN,T.THIS BOARD HAS HELPED ME SO MUCH.THEIR IS SO MANY PEOPLE THAT HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THEN ME AND THEIR UPLIFTING ME.AND YOUR RIGHT ABOUT THE UNKNOWN THAT GETS US ALL I THINK.I AM GLAD SURGERY IS DONE THANK GOD.IT WILL SOON BE A WEEK.EVEN WITH A WEEK OF PAIN FROM SURGERY I AM SO GLAD IT IS DONE AND YOU WILL TO.I HAVE ALSO FOUND OUT ALSO WE NEED TO CRY SOME TO FEEL BETTER.GOD BLESS YOU ,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU.LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES.

    good morning...
    I don't reply often, but read the posts often and it has helped me through this long process of cancer. What I have learned through it all is "FACE IF, FIGHT IT AND FORGET IT". Dianosed in Dec. 08 finished all treatments and I am doing fine. Life is good...
    Hang in there....things will get better!!!!
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    florist said:

    good morning...
    I don't reply often, but read the posts often and it has helped me through this long process of cancer. What I have learned through it all is "FACE IF, FIGHT IT AND FORGET IT". Dianosed in Dec. 08 finished all treatments and I am doing fine. Life is good...
    Hang in there....things will get better!!!!

    Thanks
    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me encouragement.. I also want say that another part of my emotions is dealing with a broken heart.. my boyfriend of 3 years compromised our reltionship and left me unable to trust him so I ended it.. this was 1 month ago after he said he'd be there every step of the way for me... So my Journey includes going through this without the Man I dearly Loved beside me... just lots of sadness today...
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    Calleen
    What a time to have a relationship end. I can't related to your breakup, but You need to focus on getting better. I hope things get better for you, and they will. This is a wonderful site for the support that you need. Hugs and Prayers to you!! Diane
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me encouragement.. I also want say that another part of my emotions is dealing with a broken heart.. my boyfriend of 3 years compromised our reltionship and left me unable to trust him so I ended it.. this was 1 month ago after he said he'd be there every step of the way for me... So my Journey includes going through this without the Man I dearly Loved beside me... just lots of sadness today...

    Calleen, Sorry for the end
    Calleen, Sorry for the end of a relationship, this does not help at all. Know that you are not alone here. I just started treatment and have had 2 so far. I was scared, but I know I have to keep moving forward and so do you. Every post I have read from survivors before us have done just fine and thats what I bank on and you should to. Emotions come with the package. Hugs & Prayers
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me encouragement.. I also want say that another part of my emotions is dealing with a broken heart.. my boyfriend of 3 years compromised our reltionship and left me unable to trust him so I ended it.. this was 1 month ago after he said he'd be there every step of the way for me... So my Journey includes going through this without the Man I dearly Loved beside me... just lots of sadness today...

    Calleen
    I am sorry you are feeling bad. It is hard enough going through the stress and anxiety of pending surgeries..treatments and all this without a broken heart. It would be hard to trust in someone who has compromised your relationship. Maybe (although it may not seem like it now) this is the best thing. You need to surround yourself with people you love and trust. This is hard for the ones that love us also, but they will be weeded out and many will show their true colors. I have been dissapointed by many and surprised by some i wouldn't have expected to be there for me.

    You deserve to be treated the very best, and in time you will find this may have been a blessing in disquise. You would not want to be with the wrong one when the right one comes along.

    One thing I do know is that we WILL be here with you each step of the way! keep your chin up dear, better days are coming your way.
    hugs, jackie
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    florist said:

    good morning...
    I don't reply often, but read the posts often and it has helped me through this long process of cancer. What I have learned through it all is "FACE IF, FIGHT IT AND FORGET IT". Dianosed in Dec. 08 finished all treatments and I am doing fine. Life is good...
    Hang in there....things will get better!!!!

    Face it
    I love that mantra, florist....face it, fight it, forget it.....i can't remember when i've heard a more powerful statement than that....i may quote you many times in the years to come...actually i know i will...thank you!
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    chickad52 said:

    Calleen
    What a time to have a relationship end. I can't related to your breakup, but You need to focus on getting better. I hope things get better for you, and they will. This is a wonderful site for the support that you need. Hugs and Prayers to you!! Diane

    A lot to deal with
    Oh, Calleen -- a cancer diagnosis plus the end of a three-year- relationship -- that's a hell of a lot to deal with, and perfectly understandable that you're feeling so emotional.

    And yes, there were lots of times when I just couldn't take one more well-intentioned "how are you doing?" without wanting to say HELLO, I HAVE CANCER, HOW THE HELL DO YOU *THINK* I'M DOING?!? So far, I've managed to keep that response to myself, but I make no long-term promises on that. :-)

    Do I remember correctly that your surgery is in a few days? Do you have others around you who will be at the hospital with you, helping you at home afterwards, etc.? It's so important to ask for help, and to let those who care about you help you through this.

    Traci
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me encouragement.. I also want say that another part of my emotions is dealing with a broken heart.. my boyfriend of 3 years compromised our reltionship and left me unable to trust him so I ended it.. this was 1 month ago after he said he'd be there every step of the way for me... So my Journey includes going through this without the Man I dearly Loved beside me... just lots of sadness today...

    {{{{calleen}}}}
    you know....i used to say, this whole bc thing is just crappy...but my wonderful friend said...no jeanne....it's not crappy, it's sh*tty....just plain sh*tty...
    now i dont typically use those words...but you know...it's true.
    The physical side of all of this would be enough in itself....but i honestly feel the emotional toll and strain are harder than the physical. The days that i felt i just couldn't put one foot in front of the other wasn't because my newly removed breast hurt...it was because i was drained...inside. I don't think we give ourselves enough credit as to how much strength it takes to just hold it together from one day to the next.
    the best advice i can give you from what i've learned so far is be gentle with yourself...tender with yourself. Your emotions are going to be all over the map, and sometimes you just need let yourself feel the sad..feel the mad...feel how truly sh*tty this really is. Then...we pick ourselves back up...dust ourselves off, and reach down inside for an ounce of strength to get through what is in front of us.
    sending you as big of a virtual hug as i can today......with the promise that it WILL get better.
  • faithandprayer
    faithandprayer Member Posts: 177
    Cry Away
    Hi Calleen,
    I've been wondering about you. I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling today. But you are strong, Strong, STRONG. I know this because, in a dark moment, you have reached out for help to pull you through. That's what strong people do. That's what survivors do. They tap their resources when they need to. We are here for you and will send you strength whenever you need it.

    I'm sorry about your relationship ending. It must seem horrible right now. Perhaps it will help a little to know you are not alone in that, either. Many cancer survivors have shared their amazement and grief about someone they thought would be there for them during this time and that person came up short. On the flip side, they were also amazed with people who came through for them that they never thought would have. Unexpected blessings.

    I wish I could offer the words to ease your sadness. I'm hoping & praying that the responses you receive here will embrace you & help to carry you through today. And, cry away. Let it out. It burns up a lot of pent up energy and emotion. It seems we don't allow ourselves to do it enough, sometimes.

    I pray you find peace, calm & comfort today,
    KC
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    We are all here to listen, always...
    So sorry about the break-up. Really crappy timing. However, if you were feeling you couldn't trust him, anyway - it's probably for the best, even if you can't believe that right now.

    Even the most loving family and friends cannot possibly truly understand what the ordeal of cancer entails, unless they've walked in our shoes. Which is exactly why we are all here, together. To share, because we really do understand.

    I was astronomically frightened of my surgery, too (first surgery, ever). Yet, at the same time, couldn't wait to have the tumor out of my body. Your post-surgery final pathology results will provide your next steps, thereby eliminating that "fear of the unknown"...

    My best advice, as given to me upfront by my own doctors and nurses: focus on one step at a time. Otherwise, the "big picture" (especially when it's chock full of "what ifs" and "maybes") - when it's yet to be determined - is simply too overwhelming. So, for now, focus on your upcoming surgery. Prepare a nice, cozy place to recover. Arrange for someone to get you there and back home. And for folks to either stay with you, or check in afterwards. You'll get through this, as many of us here already have. Take care.
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    Hang in there, Calleen
    Wow, there is not much more I can add as everyone has pretty much taken the words right out of my mouth!! Listen to them because their wisdom is from their experiences with BC. I am very sorry you are feeling the loss of your relationship which I am sure is making everything seem worse. No one should have to bare anything more than just the BC when we are going through it. Hang in there. We are here to hold your hand and we will be sad with you. I will quote to you my favorite saying...."Remember, that The Will of God will never take you where The Grace of God will not protect you". :) Pammy
  • jk1952
    jk1952 Member Posts: 613
    Akiss4me said:

    Hang in there, Calleen
    Wow, there is not much more I can add as everyone has pretty much taken the words right out of my mouth!! Listen to them because their wisdom is from their experiences with BC. I am very sorry you are feeling the loss of your relationship which I am sure is making everything seem worse. No one should have to bare anything more than just the BC when we are going through it. Hang in there. We are here to hold your hand and we will be sad with you. I will quote to you my favorite saying...."Remember, that The Will of God will never take you where The Grace of God will not protect you". :) Pammy

    Calleen, I am so sorry for

    Calleen, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's so hard when someone lets you down: especially someone that you love and thought you could trust. And, the waiting to hear your diagnosis and treatments is unbearable. It really does get better when you know what you're dealing with and you start actively fighting.

    Take care of yourself and remeber that even though people can disappoint you, God is always fatihful and he loves you.

    Joyce
  • jojo elizapest
    jojo elizapest Member Posts: 122
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    I really appreciate you taking the time to send me encouragement.. I also want say that another part of my emotions is dealing with a broken heart.. my boyfriend of 3 years compromised our reltionship and left me unable to trust him so I ended it.. this was 1 month ago after he said he'd be there every step of the way for me... So my Journey includes going through this without the Man I dearly Loved beside me... just lots of sadness today...

    Calleen...so much to deal
    Calleen...so much to deal with at one time...it takes courage to put it out there to strangers on this site, but keep coming and sharing and reading...these angels will help you through.

    Jojo
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    jk1952 said:

    Calleen, I am so sorry for

    Calleen, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's so hard when someone lets you down: especially someone that you love and thought you could trust. And, the waiting to hear your diagnosis and treatments is unbearable. It really does get better when you know what you're dealing with and you start actively fighting.

    Take care of yourself and remeber that even though people can disappoint you, God is always fatihful and he loves you.

    Joyce

    Thanks
    All of you who took the time to send me a message!! I went and picked up my oldest grandaughter today.. She's 12 1/2 she will be staying with me for the next two weeks.. My surgery is this coming Wed... It helps having some noise in the house and she is so much fun to have around.. She always keeps me laughing... she thinks I'm wonderful!!!
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    All of you who took the time to send me a message!! I went and picked up my oldest grandaughter today.. She's 12 1/2 she will be staying with me for the next two weeks.. My surgery is this coming Wed... It helps having some noise in the house and she is so much fun to have around.. She always keeps me laughing... she thinks I'm wonderful!!!

    It's wonderful that a young
    It's wonderful that a young lady of 12 1/2 has such good taste and is a great judge of wonderfulness. Good thoughts and prayers for Wednesday and glad that you will have her here as a joyful distraction.
    Stef
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    Calleen said:

    Thanks
    All of you who took the time to send me a message!! I went and picked up my oldest grandaughter today.. She's 12 1/2 she will be staying with me for the next two weeks.. My surgery is this coming Wed... It helps having some noise in the house and she is so much fun to have around.. She always keeps me laughing... she thinks I'm wonderful!!!

    I'm sorry I got here late
    And I'm really sorry that you've been going through so much emotionally lately too. I know it doesn't make the waiting any better when you're waiting with a broken heart.

    I'm glad to hear that your granddaughter will be with you to keep your spirts up while you wait for your surgury on Wednesday. Enjoy her and take one day at a time. Like the others have said after your surgury you'll get your final report and then most of the unknown will be taken out of the it for you. That's were I'm at now.

    Take care and God bless you.

    Remember we're here when you need us (for any reason). And we'll be waiting to hear how things go after your surgury, so keep us posted.

    Aurora
  • lmmo
    lmmo Member Posts: 56

    I'm sorry I got here late
    And I'm really sorry that you've been going through so much emotionally lately too. I know it doesn't make the waiting any better when you're waiting with a broken heart.

    I'm glad to hear that your granddaughter will be with you to keep your spirts up while you wait for your surgury on Wednesday. Enjoy her and take one day at a time. Like the others have said after your surgury you'll get your final report and then most of the unknown will be taken out of the it for you. That's were I'm at now.

    Take care and God bless you.

    Remember we're here when you need us (for any reason). And we'll be waiting to hear how things go after your surgury, so keep us posted.

    Aurora

    Calleen
    I am with you, I cried all weekend, some of the hardest yet. I had my first session with a therapist Sat and this is hard. I will cry with you too. Lisa
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    Hi Calleen
    I know too how you feel. I am almost 2 months out of treatments and there are days I just feel like crying my eyes out. Fortunately, my surgery was within 3 weeks of diagnosis so I had no time to think about anything, it all happened so fast - finding the lump, having my PCP feel it, the mammogram, the biopsy, the PET scan, the surgery - all so fast my head was spinning. Just know that we are all here for you 24/7.
    Pat