I feel lost now - I miss going to rads:(

padee6339

Lost
I know too how you feel. I think its because they make the fuss over you, and you see the same people in the waiting room day after day and cheer for them when they are done. You can't wait for your last treatment, and then boom - nothing. That's why I looked forward to seeing everyone there today for my checkup. They made a nice fuss over me. It does get easier I hope. After seeing them all today, I feel a little sad because I didn't realize how I'd miss the socializing in the waiting room. Silly, huh?
Pat

lanie940

Jeanne D said:

You will be fine Diane!
You just got done and were so happy and now you feel lost. That is a very common way to feel. I know I did. I was just so used to seeing the same people everyday, having the same techs take care of me, laughing and joking around, that it was an adjustment when I was done. Heck, I used to even go in early and the techs and I would all eat lunch together a lot. They were like another family to me. And, the people in the lobby all became my friends and always will be. We had a great time there. I still see the techs and some of the people in the lobby for lunch, shopping or just to stop by. There is a bond there that cannot be broken. One of the sweet techs, the one in my picture comes out here and has been to our cabin to visit. I am like a second Mom to her. But, Diane, this will pass inre to your feeling lost. You will soon find other things to replace that rad time. It might take awhile, but, it will happen. I am so thankful to be done with rads. But, I stay in touch with the techs and some of the new friends I made in the lobby, so, I don't feel so lost. You just take your life back. You just start to live again, without being zapped. You can do it! I did, you can! There is such a beautiful world out here..enjoy it!

Love, Jeanne

I don't start mine until
I don't start mine until next month. My family and I are going to Disney World. I felt my cancer diagnosis would throw a wrench into the whole trip. My oncologist surgeon didn't want to wait to do the lumpectomy until I came back on the 29th. He had an OR opening on the 30th and we ran with it. First thing he said when I was in recovery was "Everything went well, your sentinel node was clear, you're going to Disney World"
Believe me when I read what you'all have been through, I want to cry for you'all. I hate cancer, I hate the word.
I am hoping to meet up with an old friend of mine for lunch after one of my RADs, she is a 5 yr. survivor of breast cancer. She was diagnosed at the time of her first baseline mammogram, at age 39.

I sincerely wish all you ladies the best. Did you know sunflowers is a symbol for strength and recovery for cancer?

survivorbc09

lanie940 said:

I don't start mine until
I don't start mine until next month. My family and I are going to Disney World. I felt my cancer diagnosis would throw a wrench into the whole trip. My oncologist surgeon didn't want to wait to do the lumpectomy until I came back on the 29th. He had an OR opening on the 30th and we ran with it. First thing he said when I was in recovery was "Everything went well, your sentinel node was clear, you're going to Disney World"
Believe me when I read what you'all have been through, I want to cry for you'all. I hate cancer, I hate the word.
I am hoping to meet up with an old friend of mine for lunch after one of my RADs, she is a 5 yr. survivor of breast cancer. She was diagnosed at the time of her first baseline mammogram, at age 39.

I sincerely wish all you ladies the best. Did you know sunflowers is a symbol for strength and recovery for cancer?

We all hate cancer, but,
We all hate cancer, but, that didn't seem to stop it.

We just fight it, get treated and go on with our lives!

Noel

padee6339 said:

Lost
I know too how you feel. I think its because they make the fuss over you, and you see the same people in the waiting room day after day and cheer for them when they are done. You can't wait for your last treatment, and then boom - nothing. That's why I looked forward to seeing everyone there today for my checkup. They made a nice fuss over me. It does get easier I hope. After seeing them all today, I feel a little sad because I didn't realize how I'd miss the socializing in the waiting room. Silly, huh?
Pat

Not Silly At All
No Pat, it isn't silly at all. They do make a fuss over us, or, my team did. And we become a 2nd family in the waiting room, celebrating the good news and comforting with the sad news. My radiation oncologist was so hot that I just fumbled with words when we had our "weekly" checkup. lol Darn it though, he actually was just checking my skin. lol And, loved my techs. All just sweethearts! But, we get past it, it just takes time. And, we still see them, so, that helps too. Nothing inre to bc is silly, nothing. And, we all deserve to have a fuss made over us! Maybe that is why hubby got me that diamond bracelet???

Hugs, Noel

Kylez

Noel said:

Not Silly At All
No Pat, it isn't silly at all. They do make a fuss over us, or, my team did. And we become a 2nd family in the waiting room, celebrating the good news and comforting with the sad news. My radiation oncologist was so hot that I just fumbled with words when we had our "weekly" checkup. lol Darn it though, he actually was just checking my skin. lol And, loved my techs. All just sweethearts! But, we get past it, it just takes time. And, we still see them, so, that helps too. Nothing inre to bc is silly, nothing. And, we all deserve to have a fuss made over us! Maybe that is why hubby got me that diamond bracelet???

Hugs, Noel

It is weird. You can't wait
It is weird. You can't wait to be done and then when you are, you don't want to quit going. lol I stay in touch with a few that I sat with in the lobby and still see the radiation oncologist every 2 weeks. So, I am not too lost yet. lol

susie09

Kylez said:

It is weird. You can't wait
It is weird. You can't wait to be done and then when you are, you don't want to quit going. lol I stay in touch with a few that I sat with in the lobby and still see the radiation oncologist every 2 weeks. So, I am not too lost yet. lol

Yes, it is strange, but, it
Yes, it is strange, but, it seems almost everyone feels this way. It takes a special person anyway to work in the Cancer field, so, I just imagine that almost all of them are these very kind, caring, fun, very accomodating caregivers. They were always so kind, so happy, just made you always feel good! And, loved my rads oncologist! Best guy in the world!

Just don't tell my hubby I said that, although, he would agree. lol

dbs1673

susie09 said:

Yes, it is strange, but, it
Yes, it is strange, but, it seems almost everyone feels this way. It takes a special person anyway to work in the Cancer field, so, I just imagine that almost all of them are these very kind, caring, fun, very accomodating caregivers. They were always so kind, so happy, just made you always feel good! And, loved my rads oncologist! Best guy in the world!

Just don't tell my hubby I said that, although, he would agree. lol

Missed it
When I started my rads I made a paperclip chain..one clip for each number of treatments I was scheduled for. Each day after I finished my treatment and came into work, I removed one clip. I had this visual of where I was and where I was headed. No one really saw the chain or recognized it's significance. The closer I came to the last clip,a bright purple one, the more anxious I felt myself becoming. On my last day, I too cried, but couldn't say it was all joy. I was tired (probably more sick and tired of dealing with all of this) and so grateful all at the same time. I took my tecs a new CD to play in the treatment room as we were always complaining about only having a limited few. My co-workers wanted to take me out for a celebration lunch and it was really uncomfortable to go. Not only were the tecs great, I met a great family each morning as a kind gentleman would wait for his treatment. Miss them I do but what is scary is that now there is nothing I am "DOING" to keep the cancer away. What I've now learned is that there are lots of ways to keep myself healthy, ie never feeling guilty about exercising or going to my yoga classes, reading at leisure, learning to say "no", and making time for me. I hope that you keep your fond memories yet find a way to let yourself move forward.

dawn

bfbear

dbs1673 said:

Missed it
When I started my rads I made a paperclip chain..one clip for each number of treatments I was scheduled for. Each day after I finished my treatment and came into work, I removed one clip. I had this visual of where I was and where I was headed. No one really saw the chain or recognized it's significance. The closer I came to the last clip,a bright purple one, the more anxious I felt myself becoming. On my last day, I too cried, but couldn't say it was all joy. I was tired (probably more sick and tired of dealing with all of this) and so grateful all at the same time. I took my tecs a new CD to play in the treatment room as we were always complaining about only having a limited few. My co-workers wanted to take me out for a celebration lunch and it was really uncomfortable to go. Not only were the tecs great, I met a great family each morning as a kind gentleman would wait for his treatment. Miss them I do but what is scary is that now there is nothing I am "DOING" to keep the cancer away. What I've now learned is that there are lots of ways to keep myself healthy, ie never feeling guilty about exercising or going to my yoga classes, reading at leisure, learning to say "no", and making time for me. I hope that you keep your fond memories yet find a way to let yourself move forward.

dawn

I visit
my doctors when I have few minutes, when I'm in town. I just drop in to say "hi" to everyone--even the pathologist. I will be joining a bc mentoring group next month, which I think will help too, as I'll be working with all the same people that helped me along. It's funny how you do feel "left out," or disconnected once you're NED, even though that's what you wanted most of all.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, everyone. Now I know I'm not alone in missing the attention of these wonderful professionals (I don't miss the "normal" people hovering and asking questions and telling me I look "great!" In fact, they're still around....)

Hugs,
Debi

P.S. The docs, PAs, and receptionists always seem thrilled to see me. I get extra hugs, too!! I think they feel good seeing us get healthy and strong again.

susie09

bfbear said:

I visit
my doctors when I have few minutes, when I'm in town. I just drop in to say "hi" to everyone--even the pathologist. I will be joining a bc mentoring group next month, which I think will help too, as I'll be working with all the same people that helped me along. It's funny how you do feel "left out," or disconnected once you're NED, even though that's what you wanted most of all.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, everyone. Now I know I'm not alone in missing the attention of these wonderful professionals (I don't miss the "normal" people hovering and asking questions and telling me I look "great!" In fact, they're still around....)

Hugs,
Debi

P.S. The docs, PAs, and receptionists always seem thrilled to see me. I get extra hugs, too!! I think they feel good seeing us get healthy and strong again.

Obviously, you are not alone
Obviously, you are not alone Debi in feeling like this. Look at all of the posts.

I think most of us do. But, we move past it. And, most of us, still see them every now and then still.