I feel lost now - I miss going to rads:(

DianeBC
DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was so excited and happy to be done with rads, but now, I feel kind of lost. Like what do

I do now? Don't get me wrong, I have a great marriage, a great life, but, I was so into the

routine of getting zapped everyday and loving the tech's and the people in the lobby. They

became like my 2nd family. So, now what do I do? Is this strange? I felt like I was really

doing something to fight bc, now what? Anyone else feel this way?

Thanks!

Diane
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Comments

  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    yeppers
    I know what you mean completely, i finished treatment in June and wandered around that first week wondering what the heck was i suppose to do with this extra 3 hours of time in my day. I missed the long drive that was my down time to think my thoughs and not have to worry about anything but getting there in one piece. I missed the people and the kindness they gave to everyong. This is normal, just takes time to get use to the change in routine.
    Congrats again on finishing Rads
    Tjhay
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    Yeah, I did too. Life goes
    Yeah, I did too. Life goes on and other things will replace it. You will have fond memories of it. Congratulations for finishing!
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    Don't feel bad, Daine...
    I fell in love with my onco! How pitiful is that? LOL
    When he told me I didn't have to come back for a year I said, "Will I be ok without you???". He just chuckled and said I would be fine.
    And I was...after awhile. I finally figured out that he was the one who most validated me in my cancer battle. Sure, I had other nice people pulling for me and doing what they could to help, but he knew all the stuff I wouldn't complain to others about, and he took me seriously. (Well, he did suggest that my extreme nausea was partly in my head...but hey, we can forgive those we are in love with one little weakness, can't we? hahaha).
    Of course, I did not have you guys here when I was in treatment so I excuse myself on those grounds. :)
    Lord, I hope he doesn't read these boards!
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    zahalene said:

    Don't feel bad, Daine...
    I fell in love with my onco! How pitiful is that? LOL
    When he told me I didn't have to come back for a year I said, "Will I be ok without you???". He just chuckled and said I would be fine.
    And I was...after awhile. I finally figured out that he was the one who most validated me in my cancer battle. Sure, I had other nice people pulling for me and doing what they could to help, but he knew all the stuff I wouldn't complain to others about, and he took me seriously. (Well, he did suggest that my extreme nausea was partly in my head...but hey, we can forgive those we are in love with one little weakness, can't we? hahaha).
    Of course, I did not have you guys here when I was in treatment so I excuse myself on those grounds. :)
    Lord, I hope he doesn't read these boards!

    LOL Zahalene! I think your
    LOL Zahalene! I think your note will cheer Diane up. It made me laugh :)

    So sorry that you feel lost Diane. I understand the feeling very well. And, it looks like most, if not all of us go thru it. You just got used to fighting the beast with that routine, week after week, and, now it is over.

    But, you will still have appointments with your oncologist, radiation oncologist and others, I am sure. I know I do. So, you will still be looked after. Don't worry. You will be fine!

    And, congrats again too on being done! You will come to the point where you will be so happy to be finished!

    Hugs, Noel
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Do I know you from somewhere????
    I didn't miss any of it, per se, but I cried the last day of chemo as much, if not more than my first. I was scared wit-less the first day, and being hooked to the Killer Drugs ( pre port) made the cancer more real than the surgery for some reason. Maybe because I was awake for chemo?! And the last day? I felt that I was now on a highwire without a safety net~ without chemo, how was I going to stay cancer-free????

    Maybe because I went to rads so early in the AM and rarely saw any other pts, so had no "connect" with anyone made it easy to walk away and not look back. I finished my rads in the middle of December, and did brings holiday-themed decorations for the 2 RNs who were so attentive and wonderful to me, but ya know what? If I passed them on the street today, or was sitting next to one of them on an airplane, I wouldn't recognize them! And personally, I think that's a Good Thing!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    chenheart said:

    Do I know you from somewhere????
    I didn't miss any of it, per se, but I cried the last day of chemo as much, if not more than my first. I was scared wit-less the first day, and being hooked to the Killer Drugs ( pre port) made the cancer more real than the surgery for some reason. Maybe because I was awake for chemo?! And the last day? I felt that I was now on a highwire without a safety net~ without chemo, how was I going to stay cancer-free????

    Maybe because I went to rads so early in the AM and rarely saw any other pts, so had no "connect" with anyone made it easy to walk away and not look back. I finished my rads in the middle of December, and did brings holiday-themed decorations for the 2 RNs who were so attentive and wonderful to me, but ya know what? If I passed them on the street today, or was sitting next to one of them on an airplane, I wouldn't recognize them! And personally, I think that's a Good Thing!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    I understand
    It is hard to be done with rads and face not going everyday and doing something to fight bc. I understand totally. And, I got very close with my rad techs and the people there for treatment too. I stay in touch with them and will continue. But, you will be able to get past this feeling and to just keep in touch with them in a different way. Now, you can just be their friend! :)

    Hugs, Lex
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    Alexis F said:

    I understand
    It is hard to be done with rads and face not going everyday and doing something to fight bc. I understand totally. And, I got very close with my rad techs and the people there for treatment too. I stay in touch with them and will continue. But, you will be able to get past this feeling and to just keep in touch with them in a different way. Now, you can just be their friend! :)

    Hugs, Lex

    You will be fine Diane!
    You just got done and were so happy and now you feel lost. That is a very common way to feel. I know I did. I was just so used to seeing the same people everyday, having the same techs take care of me, laughing and joking around, that it was an adjustment when I was done. Heck, I used to even go in early and the techs and I would all eat lunch together a lot. They were like another family to me. And, the people in the lobby all became my friends and always will be. We had a great time there. I still see the techs and some of the people in the lobby for lunch, shopping or just to stop by. There is a bond there that cannot be broken. One of the sweet techs, the one in my picture comes out here and has been to our cabin to visit. I am like a second Mom to her. But, Diane, this will pass inre to your feeling lost. You will soon find other things to replace that rad time. It might take awhile, but, it will happen. I am so thankful to be done with rads. But, I stay in touch with the techs and some of the new friends I made in the lobby, so, I don't feel so lost. You just take your life back. You just start to live again, without being zapped. You can do it! I did, you can! There is such a beautiful world out here..enjoy it!

    Love, Jeanne
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    Marcia527 said:

    Yeah, I did too. Life goes
    Yeah, I did too. Life goes on and other things will replace it. You will have fond memories of it. Congratulations for finishing!

    Diane, I did too. I think
    Diane, I did too. I think you can see now that most of us do. But, you will get past this. Just go back to doing the things you did before rads. And, congrats to you too again!

    Hugs, Susie
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    Jeanne D said:

    You will be fine Diane!
    You just got done and were so happy and now you feel lost. That is a very common way to feel. I know I did. I was just so used to seeing the same people everyday, having the same techs take care of me, laughing and joking around, that it was an adjustment when I was done. Heck, I used to even go in early and the techs and I would all eat lunch together a lot. They were like another family to me. And, the people in the lobby all became my friends and always will be. We had a great time there. I still see the techs and some of the people in the lobby for lunch, shopping or just to stop by. There is a bond there that cannot be broken. One of the sweet techs, the one in my picture comes out here and has been to our cabin to visit. I am like a second Mom to her. But, Diane, this will pass inre to your feeling lost. You will soon find other things to replace that rad time. It might take awhile, but, it will happen. I am so thankful to be done with rads. But, I stay in touch with the techs and some of the new friends I made in the lobby, so, I don't feel so lost. You just take your life back. You just start to live again, without being zapped. You can do it! I did, you can! There is such a beautiful world out here..enjoy it!

    Love, Jeanne

    Sorry Diane that you feel
    Sorry Diane that you feel out of sorts now. But, you will soon be so glad that you are done with rads. Just give yourself some time to readjust. It happens to all of us.

    Good luck!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    hmmm....
    Interesting....I am reading about how alot of people miss rads and feel lost? Maybe because I am not there long enough, but I can't see yet where I will miss it. I know this is only my first week and all, but I kinda find it more annoying that I have to go everyday as it interupts any spontanity that can happen. All I can think about is how glad I will be in 6 more weeks that I don't have to go somewhere at 3:45pm!! I will absolutely miss the nice techs, but we don't really have time for any conversation, it's mostly like just getting down to business. More like, wham, bam, there you go mamm!!
    But I can see how it would be different if you got to "know" all those people and feel safe around them. Maybe because I am also dealing with other issues and am seeing sooooo many specialist that I am tired of having any appointment and look forward to some of it ending.
    Diane, I think you are still doing something to fight BC no matter which treatment phase you are in. I guess this is part of your new normal and things have just slowed down for now. Maybe you can replace that routine with a new one? I plan on doing just that with something I absolutely enjoy that will be just for me!! Hope you can find what works for you. :) Pammy
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    Akiss4me said:

    hmmm....
    Interesting....I am reading about how alot of people miss rads and feel lost? Maybe because I am not there long enough, but I can't see yet where I will miss it. I know this is only my first week and all, but I kinda find it more annoying that I have to go everyday as it interupts any spontanity that can happen. All I can think about is how glad I will be in 6 more weeks that I don't have to go somewhere at 3:45pm!! I will absolutely miss the nice techs, but we don't really have time for any conversation, it's mostly like just getting down to business. More like, wham, bam, there you go mamm!!
    But I can see how it would be different if you got to "know" all those people and feel safe around them. Maybe because I am also dealing with other issues and am seeing sooooo many specialist that I am tired of having any appointment and look forward to some of it ending.
    Diane, I think you are still doing something to fight BC no matter which treatment phase you are in. I guess this is part of your new normal and things have just slowed down for now. Maybe you can replace that routine with a new one? I plan on doing just that with something I absolutely enjoy that will be just for me!! Hope you can find what works for you. :) Pammy

    Diane, I am like the others
    Diane, I am like the others here, so, it is just a repeat. I hated the zapping and the burns, but, loved the techs, my rads oncologist, the receptionist and everyone that was there for rads too. It was like a "safe" zone. We laughed, joked around, brought food in for everyone, it was like a party there! And, I missed the not going everyday and I missed all of the people. But, that feeling does go away, it just takes awhile. I can also say though, that I go back to my rads oncologist every month and I look forward to it! I am sure you will too. So, it will be a slow weaning process. It was a very good experience for me in the fact that I made so many new friends and was treated with such kindess, love and respect!

    Hugs to you,

    Kristin
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    I think that we are
    all happy to move on,but some of us do miss the attention and our medical caregivers. I know it was that way for me.Some of them like it when you still keep in touch,so go visit every once in a while if you feel like it.
    And I volunteer with Reach to Recovery and it's nice because I get to work with my oncs,nurses,and surgeon as part of my volunteering.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member

    I think that we are
    all happy to move on,but some of us do miss the attention and our medical caregivers. I know it was that way for me.Some of them like it when you still keep in touch,so go visit every once in a while if you feel like it.
    And I volunteer with Reach to Recovery and it's nice because I get to work with my oncs,nurses,and surgeon as part of my volunteering.

    Maybe it's a little like
    Maybe it's a little like when a child first goes into a swimming pool and can't swim. They have their floaties. Then they learn to float and swim without them. The first few times are pretty scary and some want to rush back to the safety of the floaties etc. Others just take off without a backwards look. Having our medical teams, especially rads, is like that. They held us up, gave us strength and were there for us all the time. Now it's like we are in the deep end of the pool and have just removed our floaties.
    Stef
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    fauxma said:

    Maybe it's a little like
    Maybe it's a little like when a child first goes into a swimming pool and can't swim. They have their floaties. Then they learn to float and swim without them. The first few times are pretty scary and some want to rush back to the safety of the floaties etc. Others just take off without a backwards look. Having our medical teams, especially rads, is like that. They held us up, gave us strength and were there for us all the time. Now it's like we are in the deep end of the pool and have just removed our floaties.
    Stef

    It was nice to go there and
    It was nice to go there and see everyone. They were all so great to me. And, I knew I was getting treatment for my bc. I think that is a big part of it now. I am not taking or doing anything to treat the bc.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Kristin N said:

    Diane, I am like the others
    Diane, I am like the others here, so, it is just a repeat. I hated the zapping and the burns, but, loved the techs, my rads oncologist, the receptionist and everyone that was there for rads too. It was like a "safe" zone. We laughed, joked around, brought food in for everyone, it was like a party there! And, I missed the not going everyday and I missed all of the people. But, that feeling does go away, it just takes awhile. I can also say though, that I go back to my rads oncologist every month and I look forward to it! I am sure you will too. So, it will be a slow weaning process. It was a very good experience for me in the fact that I made so many new friends and was treated with such kindess, love and respect!

    Hugs to you,

    Kristin

    Monthly? How come, Kristin?
    May I ask why you go back to your rads oncologist every month? Once my rads were finished, and I got my certificate of completion, along with the royal send-off~ I have never seen any of them again. I was never told I needed to. I still see my "regular" oncologist every 6 months, but not the rads onco doc. Just wondering!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    chenheart said:

    Monthly? How come, Kristin?
    May I ask why you go back to your rads oncologist every month? Once my rads were finished, and I got my certificate of completion, along with the royal send-off~ I have never seen any of them again. I was never told I needed to. I still see my "regular" oncologist every 6 months, but not the rads onco doc. Just wondering!

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Yea, sure Claudia. I go
    Yea, sure Claudia. I go back every month so that they can for one, check my skin, and, for two, to see how I am doing. They said I would for a few months yet, go see them every month, which I am glad to do. They told me that they would never be out of my life. lol That I would always see them, but, it would get further and further out with time. I see my oncologist every month too. But, I just had my surgery and rads this year. I like the fact that they are keeping a very close eye on me. It makes my husband and I feel better.

    Hugs, Kristin
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    Kristin N said:

    Yea, sure Claudia. I go
    Yea, sure Claudia. I go back every month so that they can for one, check my skin, and, for two, to see how I am doing. They said I would for a few months yet, go see them every month, which I am glad to do. They told me that they would never be out of my life. lol That I would always see them, but, it would get further and further out with time. I see my oncologist every month too. But, I just had my surgery and rads this year. I like the fact that they are keeping a very close eye on me. It makes my husband and I feel better.

    Hugs, Kristin

    Ditto here....
    I was told the exact same words, Kristin!! Do you have my Rads Oncologist!! It is a good feeling. Heck, I'll see whoever wants to see me, whenever they want to see me, so that I know one of them is always checking me over. The only problem right now is that I am seeing toooo many docs because of other issues that brought me to this point discovering my BC. Just need to resolve my other health issues and I will be good to go!! :) Pammy
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    DianeBC said:

    It was nice to go there and
    It was nice to go there and see everyone. They were all so great to me. And, I knew I was getting treatment for my bc. I think that is a big part of it now. I am not taking or doing anything to treat the bc.

    Sure You Are
    Diane, I didn't comment before because, like Pammy, I have not got to the point where I think I will miss rads. But, you ARE still fighting the fight. Most obviously, you are here. But more, you are taking better care of yourself, right? And appreciating everyday life and pleasures that you took for granted before bc? And being thankful more than ever for the blessings in your life, your family and friends...

    When I am done with rads, I won't be taking any meds or doing any extra treatments, either. But I, like you, will still be doing everything I can to keep dancing with NED. My onc. said to exercise, eat right, and enjoy my life. "Kick up your heels" she said. I'm not there yet, either, but I have faith that you and I both will be soon. So hang in there with me, Ok?
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Kristin N said:

    Yea, sure Claudia. I go
    Yea, sure Claudia. I go back every month so that they can for one, check my skin, and, for two, to see how I am doing. They said I would for a few months yet, go see them every month, which I am glad to do. They told me that they would never be out of my life. lol That I would always see them, but, it would get further and further out with time. I see my oncologist every month too. But, I just had my surgery and rads this year. I like the fact that they are keeping a very close eye on me. It makes my husband and I feel better.

    Hugs, Kristin

    Wow...thanks for informing
    Wow...thanks for informing me, Kristin! My rads oncologist NEVER said I ever needed to come back, unless I wanted to avail myself of the free popcorn they have on Fridays! I am totally serious~ once I was done with the 33 rads, that was it! No appointments, no follow-ups, nothing! Makes me feel positively left out now! :-(

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    Moopy23 said:

    Sure You Are
    Diane, I didn't comment before because, like Pammy, I have not got to the point where I think I will miss rads. But, you ARE still fighting the fight. Most obviously, you are here. But more, you are taking better care of yourself, right? And appreciating everyday life and pleasures that you took for granted before bc? And being thankful more than ever for the blessings in your life, your family and friends...

    When I am done with rads, I won't be taking any meds or doing any extra treatments, either. But I, like you, will still be doing everything I can to keep dancing with NED. My onc. said to exercise, eat right, and enjoy my life. "Kick up your heels" she said. I'm not there yet, either, but I have faith that you and I both will be soon. So hang in there with me, Ok?

    With some of you finishing
    With some of you finishing rads this week, I thought maybe you might want to read this to let you know that incase you do miss the zapping, well, actually the people that do it to you, you are not alone. I obviously felt lost. But, that feeling is going away. I have gone back and seen the wonderful tech's and talked for awhile and go back next week for my first checkup. The receptionist there even sent me flowers to cheer me up when I left. I just love the group I had. I hope all of you were as fortunate!

    Diane