"JUST" having surgery thursday....
I live alone, and don't have any family within a 6 hour drive...i'm feeling pretty lonely, and like, well, beggers can't be choosers Comments
-
NO
As in No, you are not being a baby or being crazy. Your "friend" is either ignorant or stunningly insensitive. Claudia refers sometimes to us survivors as being Hogwarts students and others as Muggles. Your friends are being Muggles.
You are having surgery. Many women here have had the kind of reconstructive procedure you're having and can give you more details and share the wisdom from firsthand(first boob?)experience. But it is definitely not a minor little procedure.
Muggles can be educated, though. How about talking with your friend and explaining the surgery. Once she knows exactly what is being done, she should be more understanding and sympathetic.0 -
Wow,j916,
No,like Moopy said,you are definately not being a baby! Can't believe how insensitive your friend is-it's not like they're pulling a hangnail or something!Hope you can talk to her and convince her to stay around,or I would find someone else!
I hope that your surgery and recovery goes well!
Patty0 -
Wow....
....I'm so sorry she misunderstood why you probably asked her to go with you in the first place. If you just want to save a few bucks on a cab...use her services. Otherwise, I would explain to her that she was asked so that you could have moral support, be there with you till they take you into surgery and be there when you are waking up. Maybe if she is not up to the task, should you consider someone else? I am so sorry you are alone there. I need to have someone near me all the time. I admire you for dealing with that fact alone!! Hang in there and we will be here for you.
Pammy 0 -
"just" don't get itAkiss4me said:Wow....
....I'm so sorry she misunderstood why you probably asked her to go with you in the first place. If you just want to save a few bucks on a cab...use her services. Otherwise, I would explain to her that she was asked so that you could have moral support, be there with you till they take you into surgery and be there when you are waking up. Maybe if she is not up to the task, should you consider someone else? I am so sorry you are alone there. I need to have someone near me all the time. I admire you for dealing with that fact alone!! Hang in there and we will be here for you. Pammy
I totally get what you are saying!! I had my expanders shed for the implants in April. It was the same reaction from most people. I think they see it as the cancer is gone and now this is "just the cosmetic part", it's elective so no big deal. It is a big deal, breast reconstrction is NOT breast enhancement. For me, not only were the incision lines opened again but also a lot of feelings/emotions like...will this ever end...When I told work that I needed some sick time my supervisor said "Oh, now what". I still think that people can only judge us by what they see on the outside...we seem fine so it is fine. That's why we keep coming back to this site..we know it isn't "just". Let us know how the surgery goes.
dawn0 -
:-(
I truly am sorry that your friend lacks the emotional fortitude to understand that she needs to be there for you for more than just the few moments it takes to watch you walk through the front door of the outpatient surgery unit. Many think since it is outpatient it is no big deal, well they are wrong. You have every right to feel saddened by her lack of support. If you had wanted to be dropped off you would have not asked her in the first place and just taken the cab. Is there someone else you can ask to take you who will stay there while you are in surgery. Sending a boat load of cyber hugs and prayers your way!!!
RE0 -
I agree........
I agree with what has been said here. You are FAR from being a baby!
The fact is that MANY surgeries are done on an outpatient basis now, even major surgeries.
It wasn't that many years ago that you would have been in the hospital for 10 days after a mastectomy. I was home by 9:00 the next morning. (which was fine with me, btw, as I don't like hospitals)
Outpatient does not mean easy.....
Big hugs. I wish I were closer so that I could go with you!
CR0 -
so sorry
That is so insensitive of your friend. Even if she does feel that your exchange surgery is minor (which it isn't), it's rude of her to talk about how much fun she will have while you are under the knife. Nice. Well, as we know, "laypeople" just don't understand. Hang in there. You have us and we'll hold your hand, even if only vitually.
Mimi0 -
J, some people just don't understandmimivac said:so sorry
That is so insensitive of your friend. Even if she does feel that your exchange surgery is minor (which it isn't), it's rude of her to talk about how much fun she will have while you are under the knife. Nice. Well, as we know, "laypeople" just don't understand. Hang in there. You have us and we'll hold your hand, even if only vitually.
Mimi
and it seems that these people so often JUST happen to be family and friends. Often we are left in a state of bewilderment when those who we need to stand by us seem to have another agenda.
Surgery, of any kind, is not a minor scenerio. We need people around us who care about us. You didn't choose to have reconstruction to "beautify" yourself, you were thrown into this new life, then forced to make difficult choices. Choices that you wish none of your dearest friends will never have to make. Maybe, you could tell this to your friend so she, too, can be educated (perhaps even understand) what it means to face the reality of cancer everyday for the rest of you life. Your reconstruction plays a part, a huge part, in being able to face this reality. I couldn't have reconstruction-I was not a good candiate for it. The decision was made for me and, everyday, my reality looms in the mirror before me-I will never be able to forget.
Ignorance is certainly not bliss, people are hurt by ignorance. I'm so sorry that you have been hurt, it happens far too often, as many of us know from personal experience.
If it helps, we all understand.
dmc0 -
Jcats_toy said:wow...
so sorry j916, can't add anything else to what the others have already said, except, wow again. Try explaining to her again, and let us know how your surgery goes (minor as it is.....)
Cat
I wish I lived nearer to you...... Sorry you are going through this BS. Maybe you can explain it to her...This is yet another part of you Breast Cancer journey, not just an elective nose job.
Hugs to you, I'll be thinking of you and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! Hugs jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx0 -
J, hope everything goestasha_111 said:J
I wish I lived nearer to you...... Sorry you are going through this BS. Maybe you can explain it to her...This is yet another part of you Breast Cancer journey, not just an elective nose job.
Hugs to you, I'll be thinking of you and GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! Hugs jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
J, hope everything goes well. Everyone has given you lots of good advice. I thought I'd pass on something that my doctor told me: the only minor surgery is one that someone else is having. I think that helps to explain a lot.
Joyce0 -
You are not alone
I went to a hospital about 100 miles from home for my mastectomy. My sweetie (24 years today) drove me there, spent the night before at the hotel with me and got me to the 6:30 AM date in the OR on time. After he handed me over to the nurses, he was given one of those plastic gizmos they use at restaurants to page you when your table is ready and told to stay nearby. Do you think he spent the day anxiously waiting for news on how I was doing? No dice! He didn't want to just sit around waiting. He got permission to go to the roof of a nearby building and spent the rest of the day painting the city view. They sent the parking garage folks after him at the right time so he could see the doctor and then come and pick me up for the ride home. He was thrilled with the painting and later won a prize for it. Go figure. I lose a breast; he gets a prize. At least he remembered to pick me up and drive me home!
C. Abbott0 -
awwwww.....cabbott said:You are not alone
I went to a hospital about 100 miles from home for my mastectomy. My sweetie (24 years today) drove me there, spent the night before at the hotel with me and got me to the 6:30 AM date in the OR on time. After he handed me over to the nurses, he was given one of those plastic gizmos they use at restaurants to page you when your table is ready and told to stay nearby. Do you think he spent the day anxiously waiting for news on how I was doing? No dice! He didn't want to just sit around waiting. He got permission to go to the roof of a nearby building and spent the rest of the day painting the city view. They sent the parking garage folks after him at the right time so he could see the doctor and then come and pick me up for the ride home. He was thrilled with the painting and later won a prize for it. Go figure. I lose a breast; he gets a prize. At least he remembered to pick me up and drive me home!
C. Abbott
....that was a really cool story! Thanks for sharing. Although you suffered a loss, you were still able to inspire someone to do something great! C Abbott, I think that is awesome! Pammy 0 -
Most hospitals do not allow
Most hospitals do not allow you to take a cab, otherwise I would say tell to go have a great day and who needs her. So much surgery is done outpatient and lots of it is very involved. General aneseathia have risks and she should stay around just in case. I just did a test under light sedation recently and they told my husband he would leave and they would call him. He told them he never just leaves me. I've told him to leave and come back. He works 5 minutes from the hospital and he just can't do that. Now I know that is a spouse but I think whenever someone offers to be your driver, etc. that they should remain there. It gives comfort to know that someone is waiting just outside the door, so to speak, for you. I have taken a friend in for tests and I didn't leave. They actually let me in where they were doing the test. A friend was the technician. We were all laughing and joking so much it took twice as long to do the test. And I drove another friend to the hospital for "outpatient" surgery a few years back and it would never have crossed my mind to leave or to make light of her surgery. Or to use the work "just" and any surgery in the same sentence. I echo Tasha, wish I was there and could take you. We need comfort. No one likes all the crap involved in any surgery, IVs, that finger pulse thingie, the heart jobbie, those stupid leg pump things, the bed where you can't get comfie because you can't move around, or my personal favorite that oxygen nose thing (so annoying). It's not a good day so her saying that she is going to make a day of it and have fun is such a slap in the face. I am thinking very bad words about her. I am sorry that your family is so far from you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stef0 -
ok..fauxma said:Most hospitals do not allow
Most hospitals do not allow you to take a cab, otherwise I would say tell to go have a great day and who needs her. So much surgery is done outpatient and lots of it is very involved. General aneseathia have risks and she should stay around just in case. I just did a test under light sedation recently and they told my husband he would leave and they would call him. He told them he never just leaves me. I've told him to leave and come back. He works 5 minutes from the hospital and he just can't do that. Now I know that is a spouse but I think whenever someone offers to be your driver, etc. that they should remain there. It gives comfort to know that someone is waiting just outside the door, so to speak, for you. I have taken a friend in for tests and I didn't leave. They actually let me in where they were doing the test. A friend was the technician. We were all laughing and joking so much it took twice as long to do the test. And I drove another friend to the hospital for "outpatient" surgery a few years back and it would never have crossed my mind to leave or to make light of her surgery. Or to use the work "just" and any surgery in the same sentence. I echo Tasha, wish I was there and could take you. We need comfort. No one likes all the crap involved in any surgery, IVs, that finger pulse thingie, the heart jobbie, those stupid leg pump things, the bed where you can't get comfie because you can't move around, or my personal favorite that oxygen nose thing (so annoying). It's not a good day so her saying that she is going to make a day of it and have fun is such a slap in the face. I am thinking very bad words about her. I am sorry that your family is so far from you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stef
your post said everything in such a perfect way...and all the other posts of support, saying just what i needed to hear...that i'm sitting here at work crying...i feel validated and i want to thank you for that. I am actually in the process of texting with a neighbor girl, 23, that may take time off work to drive me and stay...now, this is a 23 year old girl that has over come drugs, has three children, and was apalled to hear that my 'friend" was going to drop me off.....i guess i need to look around me more and see where other new friends may be lurking.
Thank you all so much! Your support, and words that i couldn't find a way to put in the right way, have helped so much!
jeanne0 -
I do know that sometimesj916 said:ok..
your post said everything in such a perfect way...and all the other posts of support, saying just what i needed to hear...that i'm sitting here at work crying...i feel validated and i want to thank you for that. I am actually in the process of texting with a neighbor girl, 23, that may take time off work to drive me and stay...now, this is a 23 year old girl that has over come drugs, has three children, and was apalled to hear that my 'friend" was going to drop me off.....i guess i need to look around me more and see where other new friends may be lurking.
Thank you all so much! Your support, and words that i couldn't find a way to put in the right way, have helped so much!
jeanne
I do know that sometimes when your life hasn't been easy and you've had to struggle-your priorities are different!
I hope your neighbor friend is able to take you.0 -
Ya know, whether the first
Ya know, whether the first friend takes you or not, use the oportunity to educate her...that when someone asks you to take them to an outpatient surgery it is because the hospital wants someone there with you in case of complications, it isn't just a ride to the hospital. I had to ask a friend to take me to get an echocardiagram on Monday(the kind that they stick a camera down your throat to look at the heart)we had to go get my white cells checked first so we left her house at 9:00am ...when we got there for my 12:00 apt.,I was told that I was just having a consult, not the procedure...I threw a tantrum and they managed to get me in that day , but not til 4:00p.m., so my poor friend was with me that day from 9:00 am til 6:00 p.m., I felt so bad keeping her tied up all day, sitting in waiting rooms, but you know, she was glad to be able to do something for me, and I was glad to have her there when I needed to vent about the scheduling snafu.I hope the 23 year old neighbor works out for you.
cheers
Dee0 -
I would take you if I could!dyaneb123 said:Ya know, whether the first
Ya know, whether the first friend takes you or not, use the oportunity to educate her...that when someone asks you to take them to an outpatient surgery it is because the hospital wants someone there with you in case of complications, it isn't just a ride to the hospital. I had to ask a friend to take me to get an echocardiagram on Monday(the kind that they stick a camera down your throat to look at the heart)we had to go get my white cells checked first so we left her house at 9:00am ...when we got there for my 12:00 apt.,I was told that I was just having a consult, not the procedure...I threw a tantrum and they managed to get me in that day , but not til 4:00p.m., so my poor friend was with me that day from 9:00 am til 6:00 p.m., I felt so bad keeping her tied up all day, sitting in waiting rooms, but you know, she was glad to be able to do something for me, and I was glad to have her there when I needed to vent about the scheduling snafu.I hope the 23 year old neighbor works out for you.
cheers
Dee
I would take you if I could!
First of all maybe, just maybe, when they are saying "just" reconstruction they mean it is not something you need to do because the cancer is back or something. This might make people feel like it is not as hard to do.
Second, I can't believe your friend, I want family with me. I am sure my parents will be there even though I will tell them not too. My husband will be there and my friend who is a nurse who I have asked to be there. She will take the day off to go.
I was surprised to find out it is day surgery too but my PS said the pockets are made already and the surgery for 2 expanders to be replaced will be less than one hour.
Good Luck and fast healing,
Kim0 -
Surgery is surgery...
We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow - hoping for the best possible outcome... And speedy recovery, without complications.
Kindest regards, Susan0 -
UPDATEChristmas Girl said:Surgery is surgery...
We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow - hoping for the best possible outcome... And speedy recovery, without complications.
Kindest regards, Susan
I decided to call my "friend" last night and let her know that i was looking into alternate transportation, and when she asked why, i told her that i wanted someone that would be able to stay the whole time...and listed off the reasons. Unfortunately, i did start to cry a little, not a complete boo hoo session, but i know that my voice didn't sound normal. She started saying that no...their schedules had changed, that she was staying the whole time, that she completely agreed and understood why i would want someone there...??????
Anyway...we talked quite awhile, i feel better...not only to clear the air about tomorrow, but also to clear the air about a wonderful friend that up until this incident has been incredibly supportive, which is probably why this threw me such a curve.
I don't think i would have had the mindset, or the courage to talk to her about it if it were not for you lovely ladies...thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.
Jeanne0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.8K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 309 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 397 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.4K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 792 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 237 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 61 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.5K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 539 Sarcoma
- 730 Skin Cancer
- 653 Stomach Cancer
- 191 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.8K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards