Recent Diagnosis_What's Next
Actually the breast cancer was not the worst of my problems at the time. I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist later that day to discuss hospitalization due to issues with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. We discussed how I could be hospitalized and still get things done in regards to the breast cancer. I opted to take medications at home, make my commitments for my own safety, daily call-ins to the Psychiatrist and/or therapist, and high doses of Seroquel. I was trying to save my life and then the breast cancer diagnosis.
I had a lumpectomy performed on June 17, 2009 along with a sentinel node biopsy. I went home that day with a drainage tube attached and waited for the results of yet another pathology report results. June 22, 2009 I got the news that the cancer had spread to 3 of seven nodes and I would have to have Chemo. I had another appointment with my therapist today to make all the commitments to stay safe and continue this journey to the end.
I don't know what is going to happen next. I will be calling the doctor's office tomorrow to report the drainage and maybe get to make an appointment to have it removed. That is as far as I have gotten in this journey.
I don't know what will happen next. I am afraid that any theraphy for breast cancer will just make other issues worst. I don't feel sorry for myself, or ask "why me". My biggest question to myself is how long and I pray that I finish this journey before me. I don't like thinking of how the cancer treatments will fit in with the Bipolar, PTSD, and diabetes (insulin pump).
Prior to this latest news I was an active person (motorcyling, competetive shooting, piano lessons, teaching myself the Mandolin, etc.). I try to remaind positive, but it is very difficult at this time.
How do you get from one day to the next when you don't know what to expect, but are trying to deal with the fear of the unknown along with all this other stuff?
Comments
-
new perspective
Ms. Nellie....my story is very similar to yours....down to the size of my tumor and positive nodes. Before I was diagnosed with bc, I had been on meds for depression for about 6 years.
After I was diagnosed, I was afraid that I would spiral down into even deeper depression and sabotage my own healing. Initially I was very negative and convinced I was going to die. I think that for me this was a necessary part of accepting my diagnosis. My mind had to consider the absolute worst scenario and then move forward from there.
To my surprise, my depression seemed to get better rather than worse. I can't explain it but I think maybe having cancer gave me an new perspective. Some of the little things that would have sent me down a dark path paled in comparison to what I was dealing with (and quite well, thank you) going through chemo. Does this make sense?
Don't give cancer any more power than it already has. Don't allow it to change any more than it has to. I decided early on that I would determine how I felt...not lab results or a doctor's opinion. I went in to have my white count checked and I felt great. Found out my count was really really low and started to feel "sick". I gave myself a shake and said "this is bullsh*t. You felt fine before and don't let this change your mood." As far as how treatment will fit in with your other diagnoses....it will fit in exactly how you make it fit in. You are the only one who can decide and control this. Boss yourself around and make your thoughts, moods, emotions, etc. fall in line!
I know you are scared but also know that many of the horror stories you have heard about chemo, radiation and so on may not be true for you. As any of the women on this board can tell you....it is possible to get through chemo laughing and enjoying life. It's up to you.0 -
Welcome, Ms_Nellie
We're all here to support and encourage each other. You are now amongst a group of survivors.
So sorry about the BC diagnosis, in addition to all of your other health issues and complications.
You can only take one step at a time. Otherwise, it's simply too overwhelming.
Best wishes to you.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
What jamjar wrote wasjamjar62 said:new perspective
Ms. Nellie....my story is very similar to yours....down to the size of my tumor and positive nodes. Before I was diagnosed with bc, I had been on meds for depression for about 6 years.
After I was diagnosed, I was afraid that I would spiral down into even deeper depression and sabotage my own healing. Initially I was very negative and convinced I was going to die. I think that for me this was a necessary part of accepting my diagnosis. My mind had to consider the absolute worst scenario and then move forward from there.
To my surprise, my depression seemed to get better rather than worse. I can't explain it but I think maybe having cancer gave me an new perspective. Some of the little things that would have sent me down a dark path paled in comparison to what I was dealing with (and quite well, thank you) going through chemo. Does this make sense?
Don't give cancer any more power than it already has. Don't allow it to change any more than it has to. I decided early on that I would determine how I felt...not lab results or a doctor's opinion. I went in to have my white count checked and I felt great. Found out my count was really really low and started to feel "sick". I gave myself a shake and said "this is bullsh*t. You felt fine before and don't let this change your mood." As far as how treatment will fit in with your other diagnoses....it will fit in exactly how you make it fit in. You are the only one who can decide and control this. Boss yourself around and make your thoughts, moods, emotions, etc. fall in line!
I know you are scared but also know that many of the horror stories you have heard about chemo, radiation and so on may not be true for you. As any of the women on this board can tell you....it is possible to get through chemo laughing and enjoying life. It's up to you.
What jamjar wrote was perfect! A lot of us felt like our lives were out of control when we got the diagnosis, but, we decided that we wanted to live and that we were going to fight this beast with everything inside of us, and, we did and we won! And, you can too.0 -
Sorry that
so many things are going on for you at once-just to get a cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming enough! I hope that everything works out for you and that your doctors can work out a "game plan" for you.
As far as bc goes,just take it one step at a time. And you can always vent here or get advice!0 -
Sorry
Ms -nellie
Sorry that you are going through so much at this time. I too have stage 2a BC. I'm just taking one day at a time and convinced myself to stay positive. My life flashed before me and I really thought about what is really important in my life. I need to focus on me right now. If you have family and friend support that is helpful also. Good Luck to you. We can BEAT this!!!0 -
Sorry for your diagnosis.chickad52 said:Sorry
Ms -nellie
Sorry that you are going through so much at this time. I too have stage 2a BC. I'm just taking one day at a time and convinced myself to stay positive. My life flashed before me and I really thought about what is really important in my life. I need to focus on me right now. If you have family and friend support that is helpful also. Good Luck to you. We can BEAT this!!!
Sorry for your diagnosis. Welcome to this site. We will be here to support you.0 -
I am so sorry Ms Nellie forChristmas Girl said:Welcome, Ms_Nellie
We're all here to support and encourage each other. You are now amongst a group of survivors.
So sorry about the BC diagnosis, in addition to all of your other health issues and complications.
You can only take one step at a time. Otherwise, it's simply too overwhelming.
Best wishes to you.
Kind regards, Susan
I am so sorry Ms Nellie for all of your health problems. I will keep you in my prayers. Please update us. Good luck!0 -
I have Hopejamjar62 said:new perspective
Ms. Nellie....my story is very similar to yours....down to the size of my tumor and positive nodes. Before I was diagnosed with bc, I had been on meds for depression for about 6 years.
After I was diagnosed, I was afraid that I would spiral down into even deeper depression and sabotage my own healing. Initially I was very negative and convinced I was going to die. I think that for me this was a necessary part of accepting my diagnosis. My mind had to consider the absolute worst scenario and then move forward from there.
To my surprise, my depression seemed to get better rather than worse. I can't explain it but I think maybe having cancer gave me an new perspective. Some of the little things that would have sent me down a dark path paled in comparison to what I was dealing with (and quite well, thank you) going through chemo. Does this make sense?
Don't give cancer any more power than it already has. Don't allow it to change any more than it has to. I decided early on that I would determine how I felt...not lab results or a doctor's opinion. I went in to have my white count checked and I felt great. Found out my count was really really low and started to feel "sick". I gave myself a shake and said "this is bullsh*t. You felt fine before and don't let this change your mood." As far as how treatment will fit in with your other diagnoses....it will fit in exactly how you make it fit in. You are the only one who can decide and control this. Boss yourself around and make your thoughts, moods, emotions, etc. fall in line!
I know you are scared but also know that many of the horror stories you have heard about chemo, radiation and so on may not be true for you. As any of the women on this board can tell you....it is possible to get through chemo laughing and enjoying life. It's up to you.
Thanks you for your reply. I am feeling better about what is going to happen although I don't have the details of what the chemo schedule and medicines will be.
I got my drain tube from the lumpectomy removed today. I feel better with that removed.
I spent some time this week finding a local support group. I read very little about chemotherapy until I find out more about the specifics for me. It will be another couple of weeks before I get to see the Oncologist.
Like you, I actually was not as depressed after the diagnosis as before. I think my mind is set on accepting what is and find out as much as possible about how it will impact my life.
Today I feel positive about the journey to survial I have in front of me.
Thanks a lot
Nellie0 -
ThanksKylez said:What jamjar wrote was
What jamjar wrote was perfect! A lot of us felt like our lives were out of control when we got the diagnosis, but, we decided that we wanted to live and that we were going to fight this beast with everything inside of us, and, we did and we won! And, you can too.
Thanks for your comments. I am looking forward to educating myself, having hope and courage and surviving this breast cancer.
I am seeking a local support group and learning about how chemo will impact other medical conditions I currently manage.
I know there will be good days and bad days, which is not much unlike life today. I will strive to have good attitude and look forward to being a survivor.
Thanks,
Nellie0 -
Thanks SusanChristmas Girl said:Welcome, Ms_Nellie
We're all here to support and encourage each other. You are now amongst a group of survivors.
So sorry about the BC diagnosis, in addition to all of your other health issues and complications.
You can only take one step at a time. Otherwise, it's simply too overwhelming.
Best wishes to you.
Kind regards, Susan
From the responses I have gotten so far I know that I am going to have friends and survivors to help me through this.
I have decided to be an active participant in my treatment and do what I can to come through this as a survivor.
The initial shock has worn off. I am now dealing with handling my fear of the unknown. I am taking actions to learn how to deal with the other issues and how they may be impacted.
I have found a great support community here locally and looking forward to meeting yet other survivors as well as newly diagnosed individuals.
I got my drain tube from the lumpectomy removed today. I am not sure when the chemo will start, but I am looking forwarded to getting it started.
Thanks for your encourgement
Nellie0 -
Thanks So Muchoutdoorgirl said:Sorry that
so many things are going on for you at once-just to get a cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming enough! I hope that everything works out for you and that your doctors can work out a "game plan" for you.
As far as bc goes,just take it one step at a time. And you can always vent here or get advice!
I am trying to keep all things in perspective. I not as overwhelmed as I was. I feel a lot better now that I have started to take actions to find local support groups as well as the great network provided here.
My biggest fear now is living alone and not having someone around if I get sick from the chemo. By the time the chemo starts I hope to have a resolution for this situation.
I will start to find out more about the "game plan" in a couple of weeks after additional heaking from the lumpectomy has taken place.
I will work hard to keep a positive attitude and know that I can survive this too.
Thanks,
Nellie0 -
We Can Beat Thischickad52 said:Sorry
Ms -nellie
Sorry that you are going through so much at this time. I too have stage 2a BC. I'm just taking one day at a time and convinced myself to stay positive. My life flashed before me and I really thought about what is really important in my life. I need to focus on me right now. If you have family and friend support that is helpful also. Good Luck to you. We can BEAT this!!!
Thanks so much for your words of encourgement. I have decided that I must stay as possitive as possible through this. I have talked about this and other issues with my doctors and therapist this week asnd we are all working together to develop a good plan of action for this journey.
Although I live an active life it has not stopped. I still have my piano lessons and work for now. I will strive to have positive attitude and share my joys as well as my tears.
I have found a good local support group. The group I will be participating with will also have some other recently diagnosed cases.
I have done volunteer work with some of the local events supporting breasr cancer, so I have already forged some relations with other survivors.
I will keep my heart open and my head up and know that I am amongst a great group of loving and caring people.
From a Future Survior
Nellie0 -
It Will Get Bettercats_toy said:Ms Nellie
sorry to hear all the trauma going on in your life. I really cannot help in any way except to say that I hope it gets better.
Let us know how it goes
=^..^=
I guess you can say I have some practice dealing with truma. I think I have become a stronger person because of it all.
It will get better now that I have accepted the breast cancer. I am starting to take part in my treatment and plan for this journey to survival.
I got the drain tube from the lumpectomy removed today. I feel better just having that out. I taking this time to get things in place for when the chemo starts.
You helped a lot just by sharing your words of hope.
I will keep you all know how I am doing as I start this journey with an open mind and positive thoughts.
Nellie0 -
Hi Ms Nellie!Ms_Nellie said:It Will Get Better
I guess you can say I have some practice dealing with truma. I think I have become a stronger person because of it all.
It will get better now that I have accepted the breast cancer. I am starting to take part in my treatment and plan for this journey to survival.
I got the drain tube from the lumpectomy removed today. I feel better just having that out. I taking this time to get things in place for when the chemo starts.
You helped a lot just by sharing your words of hope.
I will keep you all know how I am doing as I start this journey with an open mind and positive thoughts.
Nellie
Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to! But now that you're here, you'll see it's the best place ever. And BTW, once you get a BC diagnosis, you IMMEDIATELY become a survivor...no waiting period! So there you go, consider yourself A SURVIVOR right now.
I struggle with serious clinical depression. Although at the moment (this minute, this day) it's OK, last week I was researching ECT, since I have not had much luck with many of the usual meds (I've been on different onces since 1989).
So, all I can say is hang in there. And like one other member wrote, there are times when I actually feel better about life because of the cancer -- it gives me something more tangible to fight against, I guess.
And, as others have written, you have to start taking one day --sometimes one hour -- at a time.
With hope,
Debi0 -
Hi Debibfbear said:Hi Ms Nellie!
Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to! But now that you're here, you'll see it's the best place ever. And BTW, once you get a BC diagnosis, you IMMEDIATELY become a survivor...no waiting period! So there you go, consider yourself A SURVIVOR right now.
I struggle with serious clinical depression. Although at the moment (this minute, this day) it's OK, last week I was researching ECT, since I have not had much luck with many of the usual meds (I've been on different onces since 1989).
So, all I can say is hang in there. And like one other member wrote, there are times when I actually feel better about life because of the cancer -- it gives me something more tangible to fight against, I guess.
And, as others have written, you have to start taking one day --sometimes one hour -- at a time.
With hope,
Debi
Thanks for welcoming me to such a caring club.
I feel a lot better today than a few days ago. The issues with depression at the time of diagnosis seem to have taken a back seat. I actually feel better now. Maybe it is because I know I have the accept what is going on and face it head on.
I am taking actions to be a part of my treatment. I have found a local support group that I am looking forward to attending. This will also help with the education part, as well as being around others that are having similar experiences.
Due to the waiting from one step to the next I am learning even more that one day at a time is the only way to take things.
I will know more about the chemo plan in a few weeks. I will get to go back to work before it begins. Depending on how I handle the treatments, maybe I will not miss much time from work.
I am practicing the piano to assist with keeping good mobility in my arm and fingers.
I know that when I have bad days I can think about your words and smile.
Courage
Nellie0 -
Just want to welcome youMs_Nellie said:Hi Debi
Thanks for welcoming me to such a caring club.
I feel a lot better today than a few days ago. The issues with depression at the time of diagnosis seem to have taken a back seat. I actually feel better now. Maybe it is because I know I have the accept what is going on and face it head on.
I am taking actions to be a part of my treatment. I have found a local support group that I am looking forward to attending. This will also help with the education part, as well as being around others that are having similar experiences.
Due to the waiting from one step to the next I am learning even more that one day at a time is the only way to take things.
I will know more about the chemo plan in a few weeks. I will get to go back to work before it begins. Depending on how I handle the treatments, maybe I will not miss much time from work.
I am practicing the piano to assist with keeping good mobility in my arm and fingers.
I know that when I have bad days I can think about your words and smile.
Courage
Nellie
Just want to welcome you Nellie! I love your name! I know that a diagnosis of bc is hard, and, it can be very depressing. We all go there. But, we can beat it and we will! So, think positive, as, you have a lot of life to live!0 -
Glad to be hereAlexis F said:Just want to welcome you
Just want to welcome you Nellie! I love your name! I know that a diagnosis of bc is hard, and, it can be very depressing. We all go there. But, we can beat it and we will! So, think positive, as, you have a lot of life to live!
I am glad I found this site and the many words of encourgement from people that has or will experience what I have before me.
I am trying to keep positive thoughts and take what action I can to be active in my journey to survivor.
Nellie0
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