How are you supposed to look

2

Comments

  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #22
    tasha_111 said:

    Claudia!
    That just said it all! Thanks for the laugh, I sure need it........HUGE HUGS to you girl.....Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Tasha!
    Maybe not the most appropriate thread, but, Tasha, I love your new photo. You look great, and so does Niagara Falls. Looks like you and Jamie are having a great time and seeing the sights. Wish I could feel the spray from the Falls right now.
  • cwestbro
    cwestbro Member Posts: 15
    #23
    People would tell me that
    People would tell me that all the time, especially during chemo, but...I didn't want to look sick so on days that I felt my worse, or was the most tired I would even take more time with make up etc... so that I would not look sick. I would just take it as a compliment that you look great! and just continue to bite your tongue! Life is too precious, don't let it get to you! and mostly just keep smiling!
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #24
    cwestbro said:

    People would tell me that
    People would tell me that all the time, especially during chemo, but...I didn't want to look sick so on days that I felt my worse, or was the most tired I would even take more time with make up etc... so that I would not look sick. I would just take it as a compliment that you look great! and just continue to bite your tongue! Life is too precious, don't let it get to you! and mostly just keep smiling!

    I get sick of this too. I
    I get sick of this too. I guess people think we should look horrible, and, when we don't, they are confused. I just strike it up to their being ignorant or uncomfortable around a bc survivor. I usually just smile and say nothing. :)
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #25
    DianeBC said:

    I get sick of this too. I
    I get sick of this too. I guess people think we should look horrible, and, when we don't, they are confused. I just strike it up to their being ignorant or uncomfortable around a bc survivor. I usually just smile and say nothing. :)

    Ok, it is obvious that we
    Ok, it is obvious that we have all heard this. I think people just don't know what to say, so, they feel if they say that, they are giving you a compliment and hopefully making you feel better. I don't know, just my feelings. But, we all do LOOK GOOD! Hugs, Noel
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #26
    Christmas Girl said:

    Can't make waves...
    Sometimes, comments like this from the people within our own family are the very worst.

    OK, maybe a cancer patient enduring treatment doesn't "look sick" - so what? It's CANCER, for crap's sake! "Right kind of cancer" - as opposed to, what - the "wrong" kind? People say the dumbest things without ever thinking first, even for a nanosecond.

    Since you "can't make waves"... Maybe it's a good thing I wasn't there with you, Margo. Sorry you had to endure these ignorant comments today.

    I can only echo Kindred Spirit - Sheesh!

    Kind regards, Susan
    (a/k/a 12/25)

    It does get old, people
    It does get old, people saying how great you look. I usually say different things. Sometimes I just say "OH"? lol

    But, you did the right thing Margo, but, we all knew you would.

    Hugs, Kristin
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #27
    tgf said:

    don't know what to think
    My dear friend of 60 years who has been through this whole thing with me ... taking me to doctor appointments and being my second set of ears ... and waiting while I was in surgery etc. etc. ... anyway ... she ... and my 86 year old step-mother keep telling saying "I'm so proud of you."

    I have no idea what they mean. I don't know if they mean that I really should be a total basket case and look like I'm on my death-bed ... or what. When they talk about how proud they are of me ... all I can say is ... "I'm just doing what I have to do."

    What do they mean?

    hugs.
    teena

    Teena,
    I know what you mean. I've had people tell me that before too or how strong they think I am,and I just shrug my shoulders because "I'm just doing what I have to do"!
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #28
    Noel said:

    Ok, it is obvious that we
    Ok, it is obvious that we have all heard this. I think people just don't know what to say, so, they feel if they say that, they are giving you a compliment and hopefully making you feel better. I don't know, just my feelings. But, we all do LOOK GOOD! Hugs, Noel

    Looks like those words are
    Looks like those words are said to all of us! But, it is annoying. Maybe, sometime I will wear no makeup, not do my hair, wear big old baggy clothes and hunch over. Maybe that will make them feel better. NO, I can't do that. LOL Too vain :)
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #29
    Alexis F said:

    Looks like those words are
    Looks like those words are said to all of us! But, it is annoying. Maybe, sometime I will wear no makeup, not do my hair, wear big old baggy clothes and hunch over. Maybe that will make them feel better. NO, I can't do that. LOL Too vain :)

    More tired of this :(
    What I am tired of are people looking straight at my boobs, like they are trying to figure out if it is still there, which one it is and what it might look like if it is. I HATE THAT! I had a small lumpectomy, so, IT is still there. I feel like just pulling my top up and going HERE, see, it looks normal! ( ok a lil burnt from rads, but, normal ) Geesh.

    Ok, I am done venting. lol
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #30
    Kylez said:

    More tired of this :(
    What I am tired of are people looking straight at my boobs, like they are trying to figure out if it is still there, which one it is and what it might look like if it is. I HATE THAT! I had a small lumpectomy, so, IT is still there. I feel like just pulling my top up and going HERE, see, it looks normal! ( ok a lil burnt from rads, but, normal ) Geesh.

    Ok, I am done venting. lol

    LOL....
    I'm so sorry, Kylez, but I had to laugh at your response. I would do the same thing. Not only will I be watching where people are looking now, but I may have to come up with a brillant response that let's them know I caught them! Like...."did you notice my new glasses (THAT ARE ON MY FACE!)". :) Pammy
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #31
    Akiss4me said:

    LOL....
    I'm so sorry, Kylez, but I had to laugh at your response. I would do the same thing. Not only will I be watching where people are looking now, but I may have to come up with a brillant response that let's them know I caught them! Like...."did you notice my new glasses (THAT ARE ON MY FACE!)". :) Pammy

    No problem Pammy :)
    If I made you laugh, then, that makes me happy! You have to use some comedy in all of this, or else, you go nuts. I am just so happy to be alive and to be cancer free that I don't worry about a lot anymore. I just live everyday! What will happen will happen! I like what you wrote too. lol I might use that! Thanks! Kylez :)
  • BCdone
    BCdone Member Posts: 8
    #32
    Looking Good!
    I know exactly how you feel. The worst comment I got was - "we didn't come see you - it's hard to visit (the hospital) for every little lumpectomy!" Yeah Right!
    I remember thinking when I started chemo that I would lose weight. When I joked about it to my oncologist - she let me know right away that I was to maintain my weight. When people told me I looked good or that they were proud of me, I just said Thank You. Those who have gone through it know what's going on and those that haven't are clueless and I hope they never have to experience cancer. I'm just thankful to be a survivor!
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    #33
    BCdone said:

    Looking Good!
    I know exactly how you feel. The worst comment I got was - "we didn't come see you - it's hard to visit (the hospital) for every little lumpectomy!" Yeah Right!
    I remember thinking when I started chemo that I would lose weight. When I joked about it to my oncologist - she let me know right away that I was to maintain my weight. When people told me I looked good or that they were proud of me, I just said Thank You. Those who have gone through it know what's going on and those that haven't are clueless and I hope they never have to experience cancer. I'm just thankful to be a survivor!

    They said What???!!!
    I started making a list entitled "They said What?!?!?" When i was first diagnosed. I was floored and amazed at the responses and statements that people would say to me. Two of my favorite: My sister, we are not close, emailed my mother and basically said..."boy, this is great news for you and me now huh mom?"....uh, i guess i should be sorry??? and the other..."i know i'll have to get breast cancer before i can get new boobs! You're so lucky" Is she kidding me???????? I would rather have them hang to my knees and have to tie them in knots to look decent in bras before going through this!
    I got so tired of people telling me how strong i was. Strong...hmmm, could you define that for me please? I wanted so desperately to find a lap i could crawl up in and be rocked like a baby so many times. Strong......hmmmm.

    Again...i go back to my advice, the tried and true, never failing response.....

    "That's interesting"

    Always works
  • ladydi1
    ladydi1 Member Posts: 120
    #34
    You didn't deserve those comments
    Margo:
    I am so sorry you so did not deserve those comments. How I wish people would think before they speak, especially when it is to someone who has cancer! I have heard:
    "Oh you must have the good kind of cancer"---didn't know there was a "Good Kind" can I trade my 2 aggressive breast cancers for that?
    "What do you think you did to cause it?" my answer---"I think it was from eating green M & M's as a child" that did shut her up!
    "Well it's not like you were in a car accident or lost a limb"--- I guess a breast must be an invisible body part???
    "Aren't you glad all that breast cancer stuff is behind you?" ---I loved this one considering I have reconstruction surgery in 2 weeks, am on 5 years of Arimidex with all the awful side effects and am being rechecked every three months and we all know what each new mammo or check up or scan does to our minds.
    Someday people will learn that all they have to do is give a gentle hug and say "I am so sorry you have to go through this, what can I do to help?"
    Thanks for letting me throw my 2 cents in!
    Ladydi1
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #35
    ladydi1 said:

    You didn't deserve those comments
    Margo:
    I am so sorry you so did not deserve those comments. How I wish people would think before they speak, especially when it is to someone who has cancer! I have heard:
    "Oh you must have the good kind of cancer"---didn't know there was a "Good Kind" can I trade my 2 aggressive breast cancers for that?
    "What do you think you did to cause it?" my answer---"I think it was from eating green M & M's as a child" that did shut her up!
    "Well it's not like you were in a car accident or lost a limb"--- I guess a breast must be an invisible body part???
    "Aren't you glad all that breast cancer stuff is behind you?" ---I loved this one considering I have reconstruction surgery in 2 weeks, am on 5 years of Arimidex with all the awful side effects and am being rechecked every three months and we all know what each new mammo or check up or scan does to our minds.
    Someday people will learn that all they have to do is give a gentle hug and say "I am so sorry you have to go through this, what can I do to help?"
    Thanks for letting me throw my 2 cents in!
    Ladydi1

    LOL!!!
    Love the green M&M response!! I thought you picked out the green ones because they were suppose to be an aphrodesiac!! I am going to practice this response!! Thanks :) Pammy
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #36
    Margo...
    Here's what you say next time if it happens again.....
    "Shhhh....I'm working undercover!" (te,he) :) Pammy
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #37
    j916 said:

    They said What???!!!
    I started making a list entitled "They said What?!?!?" When i was first diagnosed. I was floored and amazed at the responses and statements that people would say to me. Two of my favorite: My sister, we are not close, emailed my mother and basically said..."boy, this is great news for you and me now huh mom?"....uh, i guess i should be sorry??? and the other..."i know i'll have to get breast cancer before i can get new boobs! You're so lucky" Is she kidding me???????? I would rather have them hang to my knees and have to tie them in knots to look decent in bras before going through this!
    I got so tired of people telling me how strong i was. Strong...hmmm, could you define that for me please? I wanted so desperately to find a lap i could crawl up in and be rocked like a baby so many times. Strong......hmmmm.

    Again...i go back to my advice, the tried and true, never failing response.....

    "That's interesting"

    Always works

    I had someone ask me the
    I had someone ask me the other day why my chest was so red. I said they are burning me with radiation. They looked like they could have crawled in a hole and died. lol
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #38
    Akiss4me said:

    Margo...
    Here's what you say next time if it happens again.....
    "Shhhh....I'm working undercover!" (te,he) :) Pammy

    I'll remember that
    I'll remember that one and others.
    I always seems to think of comebacks after and not at the time. I think it is because it is a shock when you first hear comments. I will have to practice the comebacks.

    Thanks.
    Margo
  • The1percen
    The1percen Member Posts: 135
    #39
    the few
    There are a few out there, who think they have the market on on insensative remarks being made to them. I TOO have experienceed this. No, I don't a diagnosis and some people think that "oh he is blowing this all out of proportion..." think about if this were YOUR man going thru this???? Today is MY mammogram. FINALLY! I still pray it isn't and I will be so glad to find out JUST what it is... no matter what just tell me!
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #40
    The1percen said:

    the few
    There are a few out there, who think they have the market on on insensative remarks being made to them. I TOO have experienceed this. No, I don't a diagnosis and some people think that "oh he is blowing this all out of proportion..." think about if this were YOUR man going thru this???? Today is MY mammogram. FINALLY! I still pray it isn't and I will be so glad to find out JUST what it is... no matter what just tell me!

    good luck with mammogram
    Mike,
    Good luck with the mammogram today. Good vibes.
    Let us know anything you find out.
  • ladydi1
    ladydi1 Member Posts: 120
    #41
    The1percen said:

    the few
    There are a few out there, who think they have the market on on insensative remarks being made to them. I TOO have experienceed this. No, I don't a diagnosis and some people think that "oh he is blowing this all out of proportion..." think about if this were YOUR man going thru this???? Today is MY mammogram. FINALLY! I still pray it isn't and I will be so glad to find out JUST what it is... no matter what just tell me!

    Sending Prayers
    Sending prayers your way and hoping the mammogram brought good news.
    Ladydi1

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