Recurrance

Kylez

inkblot said:

Wanted to get my 2cents
Wanted to get my 2cents worth in on the issue of "not if it returns, but when". More of a rant, actually. LOL

I pooh-pooh the very idea of such thinking. The doctor who said such a thing should be told in no uncertain terms that he's full of corn! What an insensitive thing to say. And he is just plain wrong. I know people who had cancers and lived long lives (I consider 27 years, long) and passed of totally unrelated causes. His bedside manner is hopelessly poor.

I don't buy his statement for one second. And hope that none of you do! Sure it could return. It also could not. We could get a new cancer entirely. We could develop diabetes. We could get MS. We could go blind or lose our hearing. We could suffer a stroke. We could fall overboard on our next cruise, our next plane flight could end in disaster. All manner of things could happen. We could perish in a car accident or be left invalid. I don't worry about my cancer returning anymore than I worry about speeding vehicles and sharp knives in my kitchen. What's the point? If it's going to happen, my worrying obout it will not stop it. I cannot prevent it by being hypervigilant, stressed out about the possibility or overly concerned. I've better things to do. Like live my life to the fullest and take the best care of myself that I can. Because we do not know precisely what causes cancer, we also do not know, with any certainty, what prevents it. There are theories and thoughts and indications that this or that can help prevent it, but none of those are proven certain. I can tell you that I'd never want to have it again. I can tell you how scary it is to experience. I can tell you of the emotional drain of it all. But I can also tell you of the positive things I learned through having cancer. I would have loved to have gained that knowledge in a gentler fashion! But the bottom line remains, I gained certain positives that I did not have before and I'm grateful for them. With all the research being done on the effects of stress on our bodies, could it be possible that living in a constant state of fear could be conducive to not only a cancer returning, but other conditions developing as well?

I gave up on thinking I could actually "control" what happens to me in life, a long time ago. All I'm really in charge of is how I respond when something does happen. As with most other things, we educate ourselves and do the best we can, take comfort in knowing that we're doing the best job we can of living well. Beyond that, we must let go and LIVE. Put our energies into healing and not into worrying about it coming back. Even if some jerk doctor seems convinced that once we have cancer we are doomed to have it again! We need to love, nurture and care for ourselves, as we would our best friends or our dearest loved ones and treat our whole selves with respect and kindness. As much as possible, banish all negative people and situations from our lives...including doctors like the one whom this topic is about. Accidents, illnesses, injuries, bad news of all manner can happen...but also fun, love, joy, laughter, full hearts and spirits and most importantly, peace. To me, this is truth. We can only love, laugh, cry, roll with the punches, treat every day as the special day that it is and enjoy our lives. Another day to love and be loved. To share and to give. There are NO guarantees about anything in life. None friends. Lightening could strike us. A meteor could fall from the sky and take us out. A crazed robber could come into our home and do us in. Do we not drive because of the possibility of having an accident? Do we keep our children home because we fear something may happen to them? My point is that we take huge risks every single day. Life is fraught with them if we think about it. Even falling in love is a risk, but we all do it anyway. We take many risks every day, don't we? So, shouldn't the risk of a cancer returning fit into the puzzle that is life, in its rightful place...not above every other concern in our lives. Why should one "possibility" make us ill with worry?


I believe that our emotional healing, post cancer, is one of our biggest challenges and I also say that we can definitely get there. But not with the help of doctors like this one, who deal in fear provoking comments. We do not have a lot of medical and/or scientific support, post treatment, because the medical communities job is to heal our bodies. The rest is up to us. And it does not happen overnight. We must know when we need a boost or some help and get about it.

We must seek and find proactive, positive ways to rid ourselves of the fears...otherwise, our fears can grow and rob us of our peace and our joy in life. We must let go and live. Slowly but surely we do begin to heal and find that life after BC can be even fuller and more rewarding than before BC. That doom-speaking doctor's opinion aside, we should believe, right smack in the middle of treatment, that there is light beyond. That our bodies will heal and that life will once again be sweet and we should also believe that we will make it happen. And it's true that some of us have recurrences, some of us get entirely new cancers or mets, but EVERYONE...CONSISTENTLY, in any one oncology practce??? ARRRGGGHHH!!!! I would have to assume that his documentaion for such a statement must be taken from his own practice? If this is indeed the case for all of HIS patients, then I daresay, I'd not be requiring his services, for treatment, for follow up...not even for my skinned elbow.

Live life, find peace and as I said, banish negative people from your lives..even if they happen to be your doctor.

Love,life & laughter,
Ink

Hi Ink! I love your posts!
Hi Ink! I love your posts!

dmc_emmy

Mom62-it's okay to vent
I love my oncologist, but I asked him to tell it to me straight. I told him I wanted to stop my hormone therapy (Femara) some time ago and I wanted to know my prognosis. Basically, he told me that people with my type of cancer, stage, and size of tumor often do have a reoccurance and have a 40% chance of living w/o cancer. He showed me how my cancer stats fit into this explanation. I guess what I am saying, is that I have accepted the fact that I have a good possibilty of cancer returning--it's a sobering thought. Like you, should it happen, I know I would be angry and ask, "Why me, again?"

Well, due to having every side effect listed for Femara (plus depression and mood swings) I stopped it and, if the stats are right, I know that I have increased my chances of recurrance and I have reduced my chances of survival to about 17% of living w/o cancer. I ask myself, "Have I made a stupid choice?" "Am I being selfish?" When I don't think about the possibility of it returning, I think that quality of life is better than quantity. When I read your post, I felt only guilt, as I thought of my only child.

While reading all these responses and your post, I cried. I cried for you Mom62 and all the women who have had a recurrance. I cried for all of us. I cried for myself.

I know we are suppose to stay positive. It's probably the only thing that keeps us fighting--thinking that, maybe, the drs will find a cure and we will all live to a ripe old age.

Mom62, go ahead an vent. We are good listeners. We kid each other, and often I have laughed in spite of myself. I imagine that all of us are scared. We're scared for ourselves, but I am sure that we are also scared for each other. We feel bonded, though we have only met on the Net. There is a kinship between us, and I know I think of all of you as family. It frightens me to think that I may lose one of you someday to this horrible and unforgiving disease, and it seems so unfair. Maybe that's why we don't want one of our friends to not sign on for awhile. Cancer is a powerful thing, it brought us all together, yet just a short time ago we were all strangers. I wonder if I should comforted by that thought, or saddened.

Your post was a reality check for me. I pray that you can beat this one, too. My prayer list is getting longer and I doubt if I will be able to remember all the names, so I will just put a general one up there tonight for all of us--I'm sure He will get the message. I will also ask God, "If you are so powerful, why can't you stop this disease? What are you waiting for? How many more people have to suffer?"

I guess there are some things I simply am not meant to understand.

Good night my dear friends and lol,
dmc

Akiss4me

dmc_emmy said:

Mom62-it's okay to vent
I love my oncologist, but I asked him to tell it to me straight. I told him I wanted to stop my hormone therapy (Femara) some time ago and I wanted to know my prognosis. Basically, he told me that people with my type of cancer, stage, and size of tumor often do have a reoccurance and have a 40% chance of living w/o cancer. He showed me how my cancer stats fit into this explanation. I guess what I am saying, is that I have accepted the fact that I have a good possibilty of cancer returning--it's a sobering thought. Like you, should it happen, I know I would be angry and ask, "Why me, again?"

Well, due to having every side effect listed for Femara (plus depression and mood swings) I stopped it and, if the stats are right, I know that I have increased my chances of recurrance and I have reduced my chances of survival to about 17% of living w/o cancer. I ask myself, "Have I made a stupid choice?" "Am I being selfish?" When I don't think about the possibility of it returning, I think that quality of life is better than quantity. When I read your post, I felt only guilt, as I thought of my only child.

While reading all these responses and your post, I cried. I cried for you Mom62 and all the women who have had a recurrance. I cried for all of us. I cried for myself.

I know we are suppose to stay positive. It's probably the only thing that keeps us fighting--thinking that, maybe, the drs will find a cure and we will all live to a ripe old age.

Mom62, go ahead an vent. We are good listeners. We kid each other, and often I have laughed in spite of myself. I imagine that all of us are scared. We're scared for ourselves, but I am sure that we are also scared for each other. We feel bonded, though we have only met on the Net. There is a kinship between us, and I know I think of all of you as family. It frightens me to think that I may lose one of you someday to this horrible and unforgiving disease, and it seems so unfair. Maybe that's why we don't want one of our friends to not sign on for awhile. Cancer is a powerful thing, it brought us all together, yet just a short time ago we were all strangers. I wonder if I should comforted by that thought, or saddened.

Your post was a reality check for me. I pray that you can beat this one, too. My prayer list is getting longer and I doubt if I will be able to remember all the names, so I will just put a general one up there tonight for all of us--I'm sure He will get the message. I will also ask God, "If you are so powerful, why can't you stop this disease? What are you waiting for? How many more people have to suffer?"

I guess there are some things I simply am not meant to understand.

Good night my dear friends and lol,
dmc

dmc.....We will not know.
I read your post and my heart sank for you for the struggle I envisioned that you are going through. I too ask our Lord all those questions.
My husband & I did alot of praying over my cancer. I never asked for the Lord to take it away from me, only that it would accomplish it's mission for His will. I did argue with him (I figured he could take it) that his idea of me being strong and my idea were totally different. He needed to come to me in my weakness like he promised. And he did. He quided me here! That was a true blessing.
I also realized I had been asking for quite some time for help in quitting smoking, but wasn't putting any effort into it on my part. He knew scarring me into quitting would be the only way (It worked!).
I also had been asking for a closer relationship with him because I felt like I was taking too much for granted. He definitly brought me to my knees. I feel he did this because he was answering my prayers.
We may not get the response we are looking for but I believe he knows what he is doing. If this is his will for me, I will glady except it.
All in all (and I have let him know this!) cancer sucks. But I want to turn this into something good if I can. I want to believe that I am special because this will be my life.
And I already have so many positives that have come my way that would never have happened had it not been for cancer that I feel honored to be reaching for that badge.
I hope you find comfort and peace in your journey soon. Pammy

tasha_111

inkblot said:

Wanted to get my 2cents
Wanted to get my 2cents worth in on the issue of "not if it returns, but when". More of a rant, actually. LOL

I pooh-pooh the very idea of such thinking. The doctor who said such a thing should be told in no uncertain terms that he's full of corn! What an insensitive thing to say. And he is just plain wrong. I know people who had cancers and lived long lives (I consider 27 years, long) and passed of totally unrelated causes. His bedside manner is hopelessly poor.

I don't buy his statement for one second. And hope that none of you do! Sure it could return. It also could not. We could get a new cancer entirely. We could develop diabetes. We could get MS. We could go blind or lose our hearing. We could suffer a stroke. We could fall overboard on our next cruise, our next plane flight could end in disaster. All manner of things could happen. We could perish in a car accident or be left invalid. I don't worry about my cancer returning anymore than I worry about speeding vehicles and sharp knives in my kitchen. What's the point? If it's going to happen, my worrying obout it will not stop it. I cannot prevent it by being hypervigilant, stressed out about the possibility or overly concerned. I've better things to do. Like live my life to the fullest and take the best care of myself that I can. Because we do not know precisely what causes cancer, we also do not know, with any certainty, what prevents it. There are theories and thoughts and indications that this or that can help prevent it, but none of those are proven certain. I can tell you that I'd never want to have it again. I can tell you how scary it is to experience. I can tell you of the emotional drain of it all. But I can also tell you of the positive things I learned through having cancer. I would have loved to have gained that knowledge in a gentler fashion! But the bottom line remains, I gained certain positives that I did not have before and I'm grateful for them. With all the research being done on the effects of stress on our bodies, could it be possible that living in a constant state of fear could be conducive to not only a cancer returning, but other conditions developing as well?

I gave up on thinking I could actually "control" what happens to me in life, a long time ago. All I'm really in charge of is how I respond when something does happen. As with most other things, we educate ourselves and do the best we can, take comfort in knowing that we're doing the best job we can of living well. Beyond that, we must let go and LIVE. Put our energies into healing and not into worrying about it coming back. Even if some jerk doctor seems convinced that once we have cancer we are doomed to have it again! We need to love, nurture and care for ourselves, as we would our best friends or our dearest loved ones and treat our whole selves with respect and kindness. As much as possible, banish all negative people and situations from our lives...including doctors like the one whom this topic is about. Accidents, illnesses, injuries, bad news of all manner can happen...but also fun, love, joy, laughter, full hearts and spirits and most importantly, peace. To me, this is truth. We can only love, laugh, cry, roll with the punches, treat every day as the special day that it is and enjoy our lives. Another day to love and be loved. To share and to give. There are NO guarantees about anything in life. None friends. Lightening could strike us. A meteor could fall from the sky and take us out. A crazed robber could come into our home and do us in. Do we not drive because of the possibility of having an accident? Do we keep our children home because we fear something may happen to them? My point is that we take huge risks every single day. Life is fraught with them if we think about it. Even falling in love is a risk, but we all do it anyway. We take many risks every day, don't we? So, shouldn't the risk of a cancer returning fit into the puzzle that is life, in its rightful place...not above every other concern in our lives. Why should one "possibility" make us ill with worry?


I believe that our emotional healing, post cancer, is one of our biggest challenges and I also say that we can definitely get there. But not with the help of doctors like this one, who deal in fear provoking comments. We do not have a lot of medical and/or scientific support, post treatment, because the medical communities job is to heal our bodies. The rest is up to us. And it does not happen overnight. We must know when we need a boost or some help and get about it.

We must seek and find proactive, positive ways to rid ourselves of the fears...otherwise, our fears can grow and rob us of our peace and our joy in life. We must let go and live. Slowly but surely we do begin to heal and find that life after BC can be even fuller and more rewarding than before BC. That doom-speaking doctor's opinion aside, we should believe, right smack in the middle of treatment, that there is light beyond. That our bodies will heal and that life will once again be sweet and we should also believe that we will make it happen. And it's true that some of us have recurrences, some of us get entirely new cancers or mets, but EVERYONE...CONSISTENTLY, in any one oncology practce??? ARRRGGGHHH!!!! I would have to assume that his documentaion for such a statement must be taken from his own practice? If this is indeed the case for all of HIS patients, then I daresay, I'd not be requiring his services, for treatment, for follow up...not even for my skinned elbow.

Live life, find peace and as I said, banish negative people from your lives..even if they happen to be your doctor.

Love,life & laughter,
Ink

Inkblot
Wow!

Thank you so much. That was just so informative, Innovative and just said it all.

I needed that.

Thanks Jxxxxxxx

dmc_emmy

Akiss4me said:

dmc.....We will not know.
I read your post and my heart sank for you for the struggle I envisioned that you are going through. I too ask our Lord all those questions.
My husband & I did alot of praying over my cancer. I never asked for the Lord to take it away from me, only that it would accomplish it's mission for His will. I did argue with him (I figured he could take it) that his idea of me being strong and my idea were totally different. He needed to come to me in my weakness like he promised. And he did. He quided me here! That was a true blessing.
I also realized I had been asking for quite some time for help in quitting smoking, but wasn't putting any effort into it on my part. He knew scarring me into quitting would be the only way (It worked!).
I also had been asking for a closer relationship with him because I felt like I was taking too much for granted. He definitly brought me to my knees. I feel he did this because he was answering my prayers.
We may not get the response we are looking for but I believe he knows what he is doing. If this is his will for me, I will glady except it.
All in all (and I have let him know this!) cancer sucks. But I want to turn this into something good if I can. I want to believe that I am special because this will be my life.
And I already have so many positives that have come my way that would never have happened had it not been for cancer that I feel honored to be reaching for that badge.
I hope you find comfort and peace in your journey soon. Pammy

Thank you
Pammy,

Like you, I've only been on this site for a month and I am grateful for having all of you. It's just when someone writes in that has had a reoccurrance or when more and more newly diagnosed come for suppport, that reality hits hard. I try to be there for them, as all of us are there for each other, but sometimes it's difficult.

Most of the time, like you, I can think of where this cancer has taken me and changed me into a better person. I have found spirituality, something that, before the cancer, I only went through the motions. It's when I lose my strength, when I read the posts of women who have to go through it again, or who having the same kinds of side effects I did (do) from the drugs, that my strength is weakened and I feel broken.

Today, I need to work in my garden and forget for awhile. My 2-6 mile walks with my dog, Emmy, fool me into believing that, for the moment, my health is "great" instead of the "fair" written on my prognosis report.

Thank you for writing Pammy-I know we are all in this together and there is strength in numbers. I suppose it's all of us who help God to carry each other when His Hands full.

dmc

Alexis F

dmc_emmy said:

Thank you
Pammy,

Like you, I've only been on this site for a month and I am grateful for having all of you. It's just when someone writes in that has had a reoccurrance or when more and more newly diagnosed come for suppport, that reality hits hard. I try to be there for them, as all of us are there for each other, but sometimes it's difficult.

Most of the time, like you, I can think of where this cancer has taken me and changed me into a better person. I have found spirituality, something that, before the cancer, I only went through the motions. It's when I lose my strength, when I read the posts of women who have to go through it again, or who having the same kinds of side effects I did (do) from the drugs, that my strength is weakened and I feel broken.

Today, I need to work in my garden and forget for awhile. My 2-6 mile walks with my dog, Emmy, fool me into believing that, for the moment, my health is "great" instead of the "fair" written on my prognosis report.

Thank you for writing Pammy-I know we are all in this together and there is strength in numbers. I suppose it's all of us who help God to carry each other when His Hands full.

dmc

Bc is scary and hard for all
Bc is scary and hard for all of us. But, with those that have had a recurrence or a new bc, it is unimaginable to me what they went thru and still are going thru. So, to those brave women, I commend you and applaud you. Going thru this once is horrible, I can't imagine twice.

Noel

Kayla1 said:

Mom62 I am so sorry to hear
Mom62 I am so sorry to hear your news!
Thank you inkblot, I needed a reminder of everything you said!

I have two friends, one my age (40 something), and one in her 70's that have had 3 - 5 different types of cancer. The first think they said to me was:
Keep a positive mind (you will get thru this), Talk to only positive people (not the ones who question your decisions who do not have a clue or been thru this).
Most importantly: SMILE, LAUGH, AND ALWAYS REMEMBER DO SOMETHING FUN WHEN YOU ARE FEELING BLUE

I too am a control freak and find it difficult at times to be positive when it hits me that this is in control not me!

I concur: FIRE THAT DOCTOR

Mom62, Love, Hugs, Prayers
K

I like your attitude Kayla!
I like your attitude Kayla! Hugs!

klayfield

Kylez said:

Recurrence's terrify me, as, I am sure it does everyone here. And, to read in this posting

of so many that have had them, dimishes a lot of hope. Oh well, I pray that you all never go

thru it again! And, Klayfield, what do you mean that once it comes back it is incurable?

If the cancer comes back as a metastasis, and not just a new site, it's incurable. If you develop cancer in the other breaast as a new site, still have a chance, but once it metastasizes, the disease is incurable and radiation and chemo are just palliative, just to buy you time and keep you comfortable....