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Butterfly12
Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was just diagnosised on May 5th with invasive ductal carcinoma. Estrogen/Progesterone positive and HER2 negative. They are suggesting a mastectomy with chemo. I have an appt on the 19th with a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction. I am scared out of my mind. I am not blind to breast cancer. My mother had it with a recurrence, so I "know" the drill, but when it is happening to you it all seems so different. I know I should be feeling some kind of emotion but I feel numb. My life for the last 6 years has been filled with trials and tribulations and I am not sure that I can make it though this one. My mom pasted away in 03, dad had a stroke in 04 that left him paralyzed on the right side. Me and my husband left our home to live with my dad to take care of him. My sister came every weekend to "relieve" us. We did that for a little over a year, and decided that it would be easier if we all lived near each other. So we once again left our home and moved in with my sister and her family. That lasted about a year, and we moved into the house next door. Love my sis, but living with her is another thing :) Well, we found out while taking care of my dad that he has liver cancer! That was almost 3 years ago. He has had two pallative surgies. And there is nothing left that he can do for him, so we wait. So needless to say, I have been on quite the journey so far, and I guess it's time for me for my own journey. Any information, advise, help, wisdom, and anything would be GREATLY appreciated. I have hubby and family, but it feels like they don't understand what I'm feeling or going through.
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Comments

  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    Hi, Sorry you had to join
    Hi, Sorry you had to join the club. I am new to breast cancer like you, but you picked the right place to be. You will find a lot of helpfull information here I know I have. This site is really helping me get by, just knowing your not alone. Ask and they will answer.
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    Warm welcome, Butterfly 12...
    ...Although sorry for the reason. Yes, a cancer diagnosis is quite different when experienced first hand.

    Am also so sorry for the loss of your mother, your father's illness, and all the subsequent upheaval in your own life. Yes, you've already experienced quite the journey - but, as a companion. Now, you travel your own road.

    You have come to the perfect place... An amazing group, you will soon discover. Kind souls, while experiencing their own challenges & difficulties, willing with wide open hearts to help & share, support & encourage. The breast cancer journey unites us all, although we each travel a unique version of the road. Doesn't matter. The emotions and feelings are common to all. We understand in a way that those outside of a BC diagnosis - and all it entails - simply cannot. We will travel WITH you, not just beside you.

    Warmest wishes & heartfelt hopes for the best possible outcome from your upcoming surgery.

    Visit any time, and often.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    Hi Butterfly
    I am new to this sight too, but, have found it to be so informative and so inviting. It really has already helped me with the information I have read and the warm welcomes from the others. I am very sorry for your diagnosis and all of your other family health problems. You had a lot on your plate before your bc. Why are they recommending a mastectomy? Why not a lumpectomy? I had invasive ductal and am ER and PR positive and HER2 negative also. I will soon start radiation treatments. I wish you all the best and just know that this site is the best! You will find answers, comfort and someone even to cry with. Hugs to you!
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    Hi,
    I'm so sorry that you

    Hi,
    I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this beast yourself. Just know that whatever you are feeling right now is normal. There is no certain way to react to the news that you have breast cancer. Your family sounds like a great support for you but you are right. They do not know how you feel or what you are and will be going through.

    A wise person told me that the first thing I should do is to take a deep breath in and let it out slowly and repeat until my mind is a little more clear. She was right and I still do that 4 years later when everything seems to be spinning out of control, or moving too slow for me. The other thing she told me was to write down every question that I could think of to ask the surgeon and the oncologist. The last piece of advise was to take someone with me to every appt. Two sets of ears are always better than one.

    You have had a rough time up to this point and have had to be the caretaker. Check out your options on reputable websites like the American Cancer Society. I know there are more but my brain is not working now. Don't feel like you have to go through this alone. This is an incredible site with caring women and men that are here to give you whatever support you need. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love and gentle hugs,
    Donna
  • neda
    neda Member Posts: 36
    Hi
    Hi, I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through. I was diagnosed with DCIS too. I had surgery and radiation, and I am in tamoxifen now. I was diagnosed in the beginning of the New Year. It was sad; I am living here in US far from my immediate family. I went through this with having faith in God. I now he is with me. I have lost a very dear brother at age 47 and my father in a hit and run accident during the last few years and have been thorough so much too. So you are not alone. We all go through so many tragedies that we would never dream. But you know what we are strong, and we all overcome those difficult times. Believe me we did it you can do it too. Things get easier as time goes by.

    Would you please tell me what stage was your cancer?
    Please don’t worry, breast cancer is not a death sentence!

    You are in my prayers,
    Neda.
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    welcome to the club....
    ...that no one really wanted to be in. Sounds like you have already had more than your share, but it sounds like you have a lot of information already about the beast. You will find lots of support here, like the others said, take a deep breath and keep your spirits up.
    Best of wishes for all thats to come
    Cat
  • EveningStar2
    EveningStar2 Member Posts: 491 Member
    welcome
    and sorry for the reason that you are here. This journey is different for all of us. Time seems elastic: sometimes too slow, sometimes too fast. Information comes fast & furious. Ask questions, check decisions, look for reassurance. This is a good place for it.

    Maureen
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    Hi Butterfly...
    Hi Butterfly, welcome to the board, although I'm sorry for your dx.

    Sounds like you have really been through it in recent years. That is an awful lot to handle in a short time.

    But it's time for you now. And all of the emotions that you are feeling at the moment are normal.

    Everyone here understands and will be here to offer support and encouragement, compassion and answers.

    All my best,
    CR
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    Alexis F said:

    Hi Butterfly
    I am new to this sight too, but, have found it to be so informative and so inviting. It really has already helped me with the information I have read and the warm welcomes from the others. I am very sorry for your diagnosis and all of your other family health problems. You had a lot on your plate before your bc. Why are they recommending a mastectomy? Why not a lumpectomy? I had invasive ductal and am ER and PR positive and HER2 negative also. I will soon start radiation treatments. I wish you all the best and just know that this site is the best! You will find answers, comfort and someone even to cry with. Hugs to you!

    BTW, a belated.....
    A belated welcome to you too Alexis. I'm glad that you found us, although sorry for your dx.

    As you have already discovered, everyone here has "walked the journey" and all are willing to share and encourage anyone who finds themselves here.
    I know the lovely people on this board saved my sanity when I was dx'd last July. They are a great group to have by your side through the bc journey!

    Hugs,
    CR
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    CR1954 said:

    Hi Butterfly...
    Hi Butterfly, welcome to the board, although I'm sorry for your dx.

    Sounds like you have really been through it in recent years. That is an awful lot to handle in a short time.

    But it's time for you now. And all of the emotions that you are feeling at the moment are normal.

    Everyone here understands and will be here to offer support and encouragement, compassion and answers.

    All my best,
    CR

    Welcome
    As the others said ... welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. But ... here we are ... and we are all in this together. We are here for you ... and you will be amazed at the knowledge, experiences and support you will be able to give others. While our journeys may be different ... we all have one thing in common and that is breast cancer. Our diagnosis may be different and the treatments may be different. But we are all in this together. We can ask anything and we can say anything... and someone is always here ... day or night... if you need to "talk."

    I had a lumpectomy 1/21/09 and since then it's been a blur. I'm now having chemo ... which will be followed by radiation soon ... but no matter what is going on with me ... I know I am NOT alone. Everyone on this discussion board is with me ... holding my hand ... every step of the way.

    Photobucket

    hugs.
    teena
  • jojo elizapest
    jojo elizapest Member Posts: 122
    Goodmorning Butterfly
    Welcome to the threads that hopefully will weave together to become your sanity net in the months to come. I know they have for me...Dx in Feb. and currently in chemo, visiting these boards has helped me understand side effects, anticipate when/how the whole hair loss thing plays out, deal with well meaning comments, preparing for onc visits...and more.

    I too have been a part of the journey for family members and there is something very very different when you are taking those steps on your own. I too have a loving and supportive family...but there is a different energy coming from these discussions that will bolster you during rough patches and celebrate with you each step.

    jojo
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    Warm welcome
    I am so glad you found us here. You said you feel "numb" that is exactly what i felt. It is ok though because it is a coping mechanism. I remember going through the diagnosis, biopsy, and mastectomy as if i were watching someone else. It is very scary..but it is doable. I have finished chemo now and on to radiation.
    We will be here for help and support, and understanding. This is a great place to express your fears and vent..and we love to laugh also. Let us know how you are doing and you will be in my prayers.
    Hugs
    Jackie
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    Hello, Butterfly
    I also welome you, though I am sorry, too, for the reason. I was diagnosed in November 2008 and had a mastectomy. Just finished chemo and am gearing up for radiation.

    My husband found this board in January, and the women here have been my/our salvation in many ways. Anything you are feeling or experiencing, someone, if not everyone, has been through it and survived and can help you. And all of us are behind you 100%.

    So, you will not be alone in your cancer journey. As you said, it is your time now to take care of yourself, and we will help you do that however we can. You will make it through.
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Welcome Butterfly to the
    Welcome Butterfly to the club no one wants to join. I'm so glad you found us. I'm sorry for all the trials and tribulations you have been going through and wish I could say something inspiring to make it all better. The women on this board are the best group of warriors, survivors, inventors, etc that I know. (Joe and Bill included). I, like you was dx with invasive on June 1, 2007. Had a mammo in January which showed nothing and then in May I felt the lump. It was a whirlwind of doctor appts and consults and had a mastectomy 1 week later. Because of it's aggressiveness, the surgeon recommended I have a mastectomy. I think it all hit me after I was done with the treatments. I didn't need radiation because my lymph nodes were clean but I did go through 8 rounds of adriamycin, cytoxan and 5FU because they discovered during the biopsy there were stray cancer cells in my blood vessels in the breast. Major funk hit me when it was all over. I was 47 when diagnosed and for me personally it was hard to see me without a breast. Many are fine with no reconstruction, but for me, it was devastating. After finishing chemo, I waited 10 weeks and had a tram flap reconstruction. I am now done with everything and can say that I truly feel like a survivor. Please post any questions you may have and we will try to answer them to the best of our ability. If you want to private message me send me a message here and I'll be glad to help. Hugs, Lili
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Welcome
    I welcome you to this awesome site, Butterfly. Throughout all you will go through in these months, know that this is a safe place to express everything you feel, from anger and fear to joy and relief. You will likely to through a spectrum of emotions. We all have. We understand what others don't, even if they are well intentioned. You will always find a person to talk to here.

    You have been through so much as a caregiver, and now it's time to care for yourself. I know you are afraid, but you will get through this and come out on the other side. Just ask all the wonderful women here who also have. When I first joined, I couldn't imagine that I would make it through. I couldn't imagine being happy again, or carefree, or even feeling relief from the constant stream of anxiety and fear. I thought my fate was sealed and I saw my life as consisting of only pain and suffering until my demise. As I found out, nothing could have been further from the truth. I had surgery, chemo, and am now in my second week of radiation. My life has returned to much of its normalcy. I am at work every day; I cook dinner; I exercise; I have relaxing weekends. Much of that is due to the wonderful advice and support of this group. You will get there. For now, breath in (as another sister just said) and take it a day at time. At first, I had to take it an hour at a time. It's OK. No need to think about the whole, overwhelming picture right now. Concentrate on the immediate hurdle in front of you (getting to an appointment, reading an informational pamphlet, etc.) and trust that all will get done. Keep writing.

    Mimi
  • babebussie
    babebussie Member Posts: 150
    Hello Butterfly,
    Stay positive, ask questions, dont be afraid to cry and know that we here on this board will get you through this very difficult time. All of us are going through the same thing and we will all beat this horrible disease together.

    We are family!

    Much luv,
    Babe
  • tatooedinpink
    tatooedinpink Member Posts: 95
    Welcome Butterfly :-)
    So sorry to hear of your very stressful life and journey you are beginning. Please remember that this is just a big hurdle and test of your strength. You will be able to handle it. Just try to focus on yourself FIRST right now.

    I was diagnosed in November 07, with invasive and non-invasive, also ER and PR positive, also HR negative. I have had chemo, bi-lateral mastectomy, radiation, and reconstruction, in that order. I am doing well, have passed two 3-month post treatment visits now, and have my strength back. It will be a long road for you, and you will have a new "normal" afterwards, but you can do it. I found this site after my treatment, and wish I had found it sooner. Much knowledge and sweet people here.

    Make sure you ask lots of questions, get reasons for every decision, and try to always take someone with you to important appointments. It really helps to have someone else listen and write things down during your appt.

    If I can help with any specific questions, send me a msg and I will try to help. LOTS of resources thru ACS, also.

    My prayers are with you,

    Debbie
  • Butterfly12
    Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56
    Alexis F said:

    Hi Butterfly
    I am new to this sight too, but, have found it to be so informative and so inviting. It really has already helped me with the information I have read and the warm welcomes from the others. I am very sorry for your diagnosis and all of your other family health problems. You had a lot on your plate before your bc. Why are they recommending a mastectomy? Why not a lumpectomy? I had invasive ductal and am ER and PR positive and HER2 negative also. I will soon start radiation treatments. I wish you all the best and just know that this site is the best! You will find answers, comfort and someone even to cry with. Hugs to you!

    Hi Alexis
    They are recommending a mastectomy because I have two spots, and maybe a third one. And thank you very much for the wonderful support. Hugs to you too.
  • Butterfly12
    Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56
    neda said:

    Hi
    Hi, I am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through. I was diagnosed with DCIS too. I had surgery and radiation, and I am in tamoxifen now. I was diagnosed in the beginning of the New Year. It was sad; I am living here in US far from my immediate family. I went through this with having faith in God. I now he is with me. I have lost a very dear brother at age 47 and my father in a hit and run accident during the last few years and have been thorough so much too. So you are not alone. We all go through so many tragedies that we would never dream. But you know what we are strong, and we all overcome those difficult times. Believe me we did it you can do it too. Things get easier as time goes by.

    Would you please tell me what stage was your cancer?
    Please don’t worry, breast cancer is not a death sentence!

    You are in my prayers,
    Neda.

    Hi Neda
    I am sorry that you were away from your family during all of that. And grief on top that, is hard to get through, but it sound's like you are doing are Great job with all of it. On my pathology report it says 2/3. So I'm not really for sure.

    You are in my prayers as well, Good luck.
    Sherry
  • Butterfly12
    Butterfly12 Member Posts: 56

    Welcome Butterfly :-)
    So sorry to hear of your very stressful life and journey you are beginning. Please remember that this is just a big hurdle and test of your strength. You will be able to handle it. Just try to focus on yourself FIRST right now.

    I was diagnosed in November 07, with invasive and non-invasive, also ER and PR positive, also HR negative. I have had chemo, bi-lateral mastectomy, radiation, and reconstruction, in that order. I am doing well, have passed two 3-month post treatment visits now, and have my strength back. It will be a long road for you, and you will have a new "normal" afterwards, but you can do it. I found this site after my treatment, and wish I had found it sooner. Much knowledge and sweet people here.

    Make sure you ask lots of questions, get reasons for every decision, and try to always take someone with you to important appointments. It really helps to have someone else listen and write things down during your appt.

    If I can help with any specific questions, send me a msg and I will try to help. LOTS of resources thru ACS, also.

    My prayers are with you,

    Debbie

    THANK YOU!!
    I must say that this is my first online experience with a support group and God it feels good! I have never felt so welcome and warm inside. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your responses and inspiration!!!! I think that the chemo is what scares me the most. All I ever think about is my hair falling out. :) I had long hair ( I cut it this past weekend), I wanted to be in control of something in this :) If there is ever anything I can do for anyone please do not hesitate to contact me at anytime. You are a bunch of wonderful ladies. Thank you again.

    Sherry