Depression in husbands

sharkiejim
sharkiejim Member Posts: 16
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I hope you won't think I'm whining on a site where all of you are going through so much more than I, but I have found everyone here to be very caring, understanding, and helpful. My questions are: do most husbands have serious problems with depression? And how do you get over it? Ever since my wife's diagnosis I have been in a state of depression which I have done a fairly bad job of hiding from her. She has had a mastectomy (Stage III A) and will start chemotherapy soon followed by radiation and then anti-estrogen therapy. I know I need to be strong for her and be encouraging and positive, but most of the time I feel like I'm barely holding myself together, leave alone caring for her. For some reason, I keep focusing on the small chance that I will lose her instead of the much better chance that she will have a successful outcome. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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Comments

  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    The Caregiver
    Oh, SharkieJim, What a lovely picture of the two of you.

    Like your wife, I was diagnosed 3A (last Feb.). It's a very scary place. I know it is stressful for my husband, too.

    Depression is an evil, insidious disease - like the Harry Potter Dementors, sucking all the joy out of life. You need to take good care of yourself, so you can help take care of your loved one. Do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? A good friend, a pastor, or a counselor? That would be a good place to start. Is there a social worker where your wife is receiving her chemo? That person is also an excellent resource. I don't think my husband ever got clinically depressed, but I've read that this can happen to the spouse of someone dx'd with cancer.

    If you scroll down on the discussion board home page, you'll see a special section for caregivers. Coming here and going there are both excellent choices. The people here are loving and knowledgeable!

    My hopes and prayers are with you as you continue on this journey.

    Lynn
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    I understand completely.
    I understand completely. When my husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer I was beside myself. I was 2 weeks into a course and on break I would find a quiet spot and cry. Anxious and worried all the time. I spent all my spare time researching for him and preparing anti cancer meals. Every mouthful had a purpose. For me as awful as it sounds I needed to get away once in a while. Just to hang out with healthy people, laugh and forget a little bit. Yes, that's what I needed, but I never did it because I knew I'd feel guilty and so it went on and on and on till my own grief/worry/depression just about did my in. Little did I know that I was growing my own cancer.

    When I was going through tx my husband made a couple of trips to visit my son (11hrs drive away) when I was feeling OK. This I'm sure did him and myself good. I wanted him to go and take a break. Too much grief/depression is so harmful. So I say if your wife is feeling OK, find your buddy and go golfing or fishing or something. You will be in a better position to help her if you're feeling better.

    We/She knows how much you love her and that you'd do anything to help, but you also need to look after yourself so you can raise her spirits too.

    love
    jan
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    Jim...
    I'm depressed too. Clinically. I've been clinically depressed probably all my life, formal dx was in 1995. I've been on Zoloft ever since and probably will be for the rest of my life. It bothered me somewhat back when I was getting started, but I've long since even stopped thinking about it. It never bothered Moopy a bit even then. If somewhere along the line you seek professional help (hey, it worked for me) and the doctor suggests an anti-depressant, please consider it. It works for me.

    Of course, we're talking about a depression that goes far beyond the clinical. One minute the human being we love most in the world is an active, healthy woman and then she is - well, we all know the rest around *here*, don't we? What you are going through is PERFECTLY normal - worry about keeping yourself together for your loved one, fear that you might not be able to help, anger because it's "all in your head." I've been there. I still get shoved back there sometimes. Moopy knows that, and she understands that; luckily I know she loves me despite my failings, which is all the more reason why I'm fighting alongside her.

    One thing you can do is vent. Or "whine," if you want to call it that - even though I reserve the term "whining" for complaining about something stupid. BC is well worth venting about - for the patient and the caregiver alike. Another thing you might try is taking it one day at a time. As a recovering alcoholic, I was able to quit drinking for good (25 years ago) only when I realized that I *couldn't* get over my drinking problem in one fell swoop. Staying sober took time, and effort, but I didn't have to do it all at once. If you can get through a day of being helpful and as upbeat as you can be for Dorth, that's a plus. In this situation, thinking too many days ahead can be counterproductive. Focus on having a good day, and if you do, shoot for a second good day in a row. It's amazing how they can pile up.

    And please check in regularly. I read this board all the time, and I am always just a post or a private message away. The above paragraph contains all the answers I have at this moment - it's hard to believe that my sweet Mopy's dx of Stage IIIa breast cancer was just ten weeks ago. It seems like forever. We caregivers need to look out for our loved ones. But we also need to look out for ourselves, and for each other. If I can ever be of any help, just let me know. It would do me a lot of good, too.

    Best,
    Joe
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Sharkie, you are such a nice
    Sharkie, you are such a nice man that I hope you don't feel we mind you whining to us. Our caregivers are our angels and sometimes we take our frustrations out on them, even though we don't mean to. You need to find some time for yourself and do something that will relax you. Whether it's fishing, golfing, taking a walk, or going out with the guys for a beer. We need our caregivers to take care of themselves so they are ok to help us out. I would suggest you talk to your doctor find out if there are support groups in your area for caregivers, or if you are so inclined to your pastor. They may be able to help you get through this faze that seems so daunting right now. Please keep us posted. Hugs to you and your wife, Lili
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    SPOUSES
    Hi Sharkie,

    My husband has been my caregiver 3x, the second time I was stage 4 and he was beside himself with worry. We had our moments when we cried together or just sat in each others arms and held on tight. I knew it was wearing on him you could just see it in his face. He loves to ride motorcycles so I encouraged him to head to the local riding area and let some steam off. it was a great way to vent for him and it made us both feel better. He would come back from riding and tell me all about it. We also planned weekend rides to local points of interest just to get us both out of the house and away from the illness, that too was a great help.

    Sending hugs to you and yours,

    Re
  • young_one
    young_one Member Posts: 67
    Husbands
    I will share a different perspective for you.

    I was dx'd 3b in September of 2007. It depressed me just a tad. My husband went about his business, stayed upbeat and positive, never waivered in his daily routine, went to work every single day and acted like it was a just a "bump in the road". I am used to his way of dealing with things so at first I didn't say a word about it. But when I had my mastectomy and the path report came back with 5 cm of cancer and 5 positive nodes AFTER the 8 rounds of neo-adjuvent chemotherapy, I cried on the way home. This was very bad news but when he saw the tears sliding down my cheeks, he stopped the vehicle and asked me what was wrong. I must have looked at him like he'd sprouted another nose on his face. I had put up with the smiling, "You're going to be just fine" attitude long enough. Now, don't get me wrong- I didn't need him to turn into a blubbering mess along with everyone else but he had not once acknowledged that this was some serious ****. I was drowning in it and he was happily waving to me from the deck of the fricken "Good Ship Lollipop" while floating down the River of Denial. So I asked him if he'd been at the same doctors appointment that I had been at. Because the one I went to included an onc telling me that I very likely would die from this disease even though I didn't have mets...yet. It was just a matter of time before I would though. My husband said, "Oh, don't worry about him," and poopoo'd my fears. I exploded on him. I was sick and tired of being the only one who worried about cancer, worried about what would happen to my 3 year old son if I died, and most of all I just needed him to be realistic about this mess we were in. I would have given anything to know that he was scared. At least a little. So, if Dorth's dx scares you, tell her that. There is a middle ground somewhere. I would find it. But take care of yourself too; by all means, listen to Aortus and see if you can get some meds, there's absolutely no shame in it. Don't expect her to hold you up because she's got enough but you don't need to put a happy face on the big suckfest that is cancer. My husband tried it, is still trying it and frankly I never talk to him about cancer anymore because I can't deal with his constant attempts at polishing a turd. It will never be shiny and only makes it messier.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone. This is just my opinion based on my experience. And you know what they say about opinions...
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    young_one said:

    Husbands
    I will share a different perspective for you.

    I was dx'd 3b in September of 2007. It depressed me just a tad. My husband went about his business, stayed upbeat and positive, never waivered in his daily routine, went to work every single day and acted like it was a just a "bump in the road". I am used to his way of dealing with things so at first I didn't say a word about it. But when I had my mastectomy and the path report came back with 5 cm of cancer and 5 positive nodes AFTER the 8 rounds of neo-adjuvent chemotherapy, I cried on the way home. This was very bad news but when he saw the tears sliding down my cheeks, he stopped the vehicle and asked me what was wrong. I must have looked at him like he'd sprouted another nose on his face. I had put up with the smiling, "You're going to be just fine" attitude long enough. Now, don't get me wrong- I didn't need him to turn into a blubbering mess along with everyone else but he had not once acknowledged that this was some serious ****. I was drowning in it and he was happily waving to me from the deck of the fricken "Good Ship Lollipop" while floating down the River of Denial. So I asked him if he'd been at the same doctors appointment that I had been at. Because the one I went to included an onc telling me that I very likely would die from this disease even though I didn't have mets...yet. It was just a matter of time before I would though. My husband said, "Oh, don't worry about him," and poopoo'd my fears. I exploded on him. I was sick and tired of being the only one who worried about cancer, worried about what would happen to my 3 year old son if I died, and most of all I just needed him to be realistic about this mess we were in. I would have given anything to know that he was scared. At least a little. So, if Dorth's dx scares you, tell her that. There is a middle ground somewhere. I would find it. But take care of yourself too; by all means, listen to Aortus and see if you can get some meds, there's absolutely no shame in it. Don't expect her to hold you up because she's got enough but you don't need to put a happy face on the big suckfest that is cancer. My husband tried it, is still trying it and frankly I never talk to him about cancer anymore because I can't deal with his constant attempts at polishing a turd. It will never be shiny and only makes it messier.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone. This is just my opinion based on my experience. And you know what they say about opinions...

    Honesty
    Young_One, no need to fear offense. You speak courageously and frankly and truly. I admire your courage in being direct, and I value your posts. I am sorry that your husband has not been able so far to face things as they are. I will pray for you and for him to find a middle way where you can share more this awful journey. Thank you for being yourself and speaking honestly.
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    young_one said:

    Husbands
    I will share a different perspective for you.

    I was dx'd 3b in September of 2007. It depressed me just a tad. My husband went about his business, stayed upbeat and positive, never waivered in his daily routine, went to work every single day and acted like it was a just a "bump in the road". I am used to his way of dealing with things so at first I didn't say a word about it. But when I had my mastectomy and the path report came back with 5 cm of cancer and 5 positive nodes AFTER the 8 rounds of neo-adjuvent chemotherapy, I cried on the way home. This was very bad news but when he saw the tears sliding down my cheeks, he stopped the vehicle and asked me what was wrong. I must have looked at him like he'd sprouted another nose on his face. I had put up with the smiling, "You're going to be just fine" attitude long enough. Now, don't get me wrong- I didn't need him to turn into a blubbering mess along with everyone else but he had not once acknowledged that this was some serious ****. I was drowning in it and he was happily waving to me from the deck of the fricken "Good Ship Lollipop" while floating down the River of Denial. So I asked him if he'd been at the same doctors appointment that I had been at. Because the one I went to included an onc telling me that I very likely would die from this disease even though I didn't have mets...yet. It was just a matter of time before I would though. My husband said, "Oh, don't worry about him," and poopoo'd my fears. I exploded on him. I was sick and tired of being the only one who worried about cancer, worried about what would happen to my 3 year old son if I died, and most of all I just needed him to be realistic about this mess we were in. I would have given anything to know that he was scared. At least a little. So, if Dorth's dx scares you, tell her that. There is a middle ground somewhere. I would find it. But take care of yourself too; by all means, listen to Aortus and see if you can get some meds, there's absolutely no shame in it. Don't expect her to hold you up because she's got enough but you don't need to put a happy face on the big suckfest that is cancer. My husband tried it, is still trying it and frankly I never talk to him about cancer anymore because I can't deal with his constant attempts at polishing a turd. It will never be shiny and only makes it messier.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone. This is just my opinion based on my experience. And you know what they say about opinions...

    Young one and aortus
    Young one..............you said it all so perfectly from my perspective. My husband kept saying it'll be alright..........then he said other stuff like...."You deserve to have cancer because you are EVIL, your family are Heathens and they don't go to church or say Grace before meals....Yeah! Like HE does?.....I was/am the one who sugar coats it now... because someone has to. You did not offend me at all.....I get exactly where you are coming from. and luv you for saying it like it is.
    Aortus..I am severely depressed, maybe you guessed that from my fly-by posts...Your Moopy is soooooooooo lucky to have you, and you, her. You are matched and supportive of each other. You have seen my laugh and joke posts and probably know that they are a cover for a totally end-of-the-line suicidal crackpot?????...Well there you have it.......sorry

    I'll get my coat.........Luv to U all J xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    young_one said:

    Husbands
    I will share a different perspective for you.

    I was dx'd 3b in September of 2007. It depressed me just a tad. My husband went about his business, stayed upbeat and positive, never waivered in his daily routine, went to work every single day and acted like it was a just a "bump in the road". I am used to his way of dealing with things so at first I didn't say a word about it. But when I had my mastectomy and the path report came back with 5 cm of cancer and 5 positive nodes AFTER the 8 rounds of neo-adjuvent chemotherapy, I cried on the way home. This was very bad news but when he saw the tears sliding down my cheeks, he stopped the vehicle and asked me what was wrong. I must have looked at him like he'd sprouted another nose on his face. I had put up with the smiling, "You're going to be just fine" attitude long enough. Now, don't get me wrong- I didn't need him to turn into a blubbering mess along with everyone else but he had not once acknowledged that this was some serious ****. I was drowning in it and he was happily waving to me from the deck of the fricken "Good Ship Lollipop" while floating down the River of Denial. So I asked him if he'd been at the same doctors appointment that I had been at. Because the one I went to included an onc telling me that I very likely would die from this disease even though I didn't have mets...yet. It was just a matter of time before I would though. My husband said, "Oh, don't worry about him," and poopoo'd my fears. I exploded on him. I was sick and tired of being the only one who worried about cancer, worried about what would happen to my 3 year old son if I died, and most of all I just needed him to be realistic about this mess we were in. I would have given anything to know that he was scared. At least a little. So, if Dorth's dx scares you, tell her that. There is a middle ground somewhere. I would find it. But take care of yourself too; by all means, listen to Aortus and see if you can get some meds, there's absolutely no shame in it. Don't expect her to hold you up because she's got enough but you don't need to put a happy face on the big suckfest that is cancer. My husband tried it, is still trying it and frankly I never talk to him about cancer anymore because I can't deal with his constant attempts at polishing a turd. It will never be shiny and only makes it messier.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone. This is just my opinion based on my experience. And you know what they say about opinions...

    middle
    Well, you know you can't find the middle of the road unless you know where the sides end. Some roads don't have that yellow or white stripe down the middle.
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    tasha_111 said:

    Young one and aortus
    Young one..............you said it all so perfectly from my perspective. My husband kept saying it'll be alright..........then he said other stuff like...."You deserve to have cancer because you are EVIL, your family are Heathens and they don't go to church or say Grace before meals....Yeah! Like HE does?.....I was/am the one who sugar coats it now... because someone has to. You did not offend me at all.....I get exactly where you are coming from. and luv you for saying it like it is.
    Aortus..I am severely depressed, maybe you guessed that from my fly-by posts...Your Moopy is soooooooooo lucky to have you, and you, her. You are matched and supportive of each other. You have seen my laugh and joke posts and probably know that they are a cover for a totally end-of-the-line suicidal crackpot?????...Well there you have it.......sorry

    I'll get my coat.........Luv to U all J xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    You're a sweetie, Julia
    Remember that guy sitting one row down from you in the Remedial Basketweaving class last week - the one wearing a Napoleon hat and a lime green straitjacket?

    That was me!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    tasha_111 said:

    Young one and aortus
    Young one..............you said it all so perfectly from my perspective. My husband kept saying it'll be alright..........then he said other stuff like...."You deserve to have cancer because you are EVIL, your family are Heathens and they don't go to church or say Grace before meals....Yeah! Like HE does?.....I was/am the one who sugar coats it now... because someone has to. You did not offend me at all.....I get exactly where you are coming from. and luv you for saying it like it is.
    Aortus..I am severely depressed, maybe you guessed that from my fly-by posts...Your Moopy is soooooooooo lucky to have you, and you, her. You are matched and supportive of each other. You have seen my laugh and joke posts and probably know that they are a cover for a totally end-of-the-line suicidal crackpot?????...Well there you have it.......sorry

    I'll get my coat.........Luv to U all J xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    I think I'm in the same
    I think I'm in the same class but I'm in denial.
  • sharkiejim
    sharkiejim Member Posts: 16
    Aortus said:

    Jim...
    I'm depressed too. Clinically. I've been clinically depressed probably all my life, formal dx was in 1995. I've been on Zoloft ever since and probably will be for the rest of my life. It bothered me somewhat back when I was getting started, but I've long since even stopped thinking about it. It never bothered Moopy a bit even then. If somewhere along the line you seek professional help (hey, it worked for me) and the doctor suggests an anti-depressant, please consider it. It works for me.

    Of course, we're talking about a depression that goes far beyond the clinical. One minute the human being we love most in the world is an active, healthy woman and then she is - well, we all know the rest around *here*, don't we? What you are going through is PERFECTLY normal - worry about keeping yourself together for your loved one, fear that you might not be able to help, anger because it's "all in your head." I've been there. I still get shoved back there sometimes. Moopy knows that, and she understands that; luckily I know she loves me despite my failings, which is all the more reason why I'm fighting alongside her.

    One thing you can do is vent. Or "whine," if you want to call it that - even though I reserve the term "whining" for complaining about something stupid. BC is well worth venting about - for the patient and the caregiver alike. Another thing you might try is taking it one day at a time. As a recovering alcoholic, I was able to quit drinking for good (25 years ago) only when I realized that I *couldn't* get over my drinking problem in one fell swoop. Staying sober took time, and effort, but I didn't have to do it all at once. If you can get through a day of being helpful and as upbeat as you can be for Dorth, that's a plus. In this situation, thinking too many days ahead can be counterproductive. Focus on having a good day, and if you do, shoot for a second good day in a row. It's amazing how they can pile up.

    And please check in regularly. I read this board all the time, and I am always just a post or a private message away. The above paragraph contains all the answers I have at this moment - it's hard to believe that my sweet Mopy's dx of Stage IIIa breast cancer was just ten weeks ago. It seems like forever. We caregivers need to look out for our loved ones. But we also need to look out for ourselves, and for each other. If I can ever be of any help, just let me know. It would do me a lot of good, too.

    Best,
    Joe

    Thanks so much, Joe
    Joe--
    We share so many things in common--the most important being that the loves of our lives have the same diagnosis, of course. But I am also a recovered alcoholic (16 years), it sounds like you are having many of the same depression problems that I am experiencing, and finally, from your picture, we are both "graybeards" (when I let mine grow out). I really appreciate your reply to my post as well as the many other posts you and Moopy reply to--I read them all. Your help and guidance seem so caring and well thought out. I would like to correspond with you by email or maybe even speak by phone if that would be OK with you. I don't know if it is appropriate for me to give my email address on this board but I'll take a chance: "[email protected]". I hope you can send me an email so we can discuss things further.

    Best Regards, Jim
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Depression
    Ok~with apologies to my sisters in here who have heard this from me probably too many times! And, so as not to offend anyone: This is a GENERALIZATION....


    Ahem! Your attention please! Generally speaking, women are Nurturers, and men are Fixers! If you look/read the postings, so many of the sisters have a hard time asking for help~ they say they are the ones who always GIVE the help, and they cannot imagine not being in control of every day life, and kids, school, work, etc etc etc.

    Men, being generally more concrete, want to fix everything! And, cancer is one they don't know how to fix! There are you amazing men who ask how to care for your wives/girlfriends during this time. I dare say NO woman comes in here to ask how to care for her cancer-stricken man! Again, nurture/fix.

    So, our men generally ( aren't you sick of that word? LOL) react in 2 ways: They abdicate and walk out on the women they love but can't fix, OR they ask how to care for their women, yet suffer alone through the fear, and thus get depressed. When our men are ill, we sisters "do lunch" with our girlfriends, watch a chick-flick, get our hair and or nails done~ ya know, we do GIRL stuff! But you amazing men are not given that luxury~and your feelings are pushed to some place you don't know how to handle. Not fair, is it?????

    So, hats off to all of you men in here who have the courage to admit you are depressed or afraid! WE take our hats off to you and say Bald Heads Unite!

    I do not suggest extra-marital affairs, or strip clubs or porn...but I DO suggest golfing, sports massages, Clint Eastwood movies, and yup...even short term therapy. A venting place, as it were, with the proverbial neutral 3rd party.

    After that~ just like us, know that there is Life After Cancer, and prepare for a future with us! We love you and will never, ever, forget or underestimate the sacrifice YOU make in caring for us.

    Hope this helps....

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    chenheart said:

    Depression
    Ok~with apologies to my sisters in here who have heard this from me probably too many times! And, so as not to offend anyone: This is a GENERALIZATION....


    Ahem! Your attention please! Generally speaking, women are Nurturers, and men are Fixers! If you look/read the postings, so many of the sisters have a hard time asking for help~ they say they are the ones who always GIVE the help, and they cannot imagine not being in control of every day life, and kids, school, work, etc etc etc.

    Men, being generally more concrete, want to fix everything! And, cancer is one they don't know how to fix! There are you amazing men who ask how to care for your wives/girlfriends during this time. I dare say NO woman comes in here to ask how to care for her cancer-stricken man! Again, nurture/fix.

    So, our men generally ( aren't you sick of that word? LOL) react in 2 ways: They abdicate and walk out on the women they love but can't fix, OR they ask how to care for their women, yet suffer alone through the fear, and thus get depressed. When our men are ill, we sisters "do lunch" with our girlfriends, watch a chick-flick, get our hair and or nails done~ ya know, we do GIRL stuff! But you amazing men are not given that luxury~and your feelings are pushed to some place you don't know how to handle. Not fair, is it?????

    So, hats off to all of you men in here who have the courage to admit you are depressed or afraid! WE take our hats off to you and say Bald Heads Unite!

    I do not suggest extra-marital affairs, or strip clubs or porn...but I DO suggest golfing, sports massages, Clint Eastwood movies, and yup...even short term therapy. A venting place, as it were, with the proverbial neutral 3rd party.

    After that~ just like us, know that there is Life After Cancer, and prepare for a future with us! We love you and will never, ever, forget or underestimate the sacrifice YOU make in caring for us.

    Hope this helps....

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Wow, Claudia
    I am very impressed by your knowledge of male psychology. Or maybe intimidated is a better word. I guess life really *does* look different from 50 feet up in the air.

    I am extremely lucky that even now I can share just about anything with my beloved Moopy. I've long since gotten out of the habit of spilling to anyone else. And what I don't share with Moopy, I discuss only with my dogs.

    I am pretty good about scratching out time for myself. I don't work out at the gym right now because I don't want to bring anything nasty home. But I still go off and take pictures of trains sometimes, or play Facebook Scramble, or whup the Dean at Word Twist, or sometimes just hop into my truck and blast my 400 watt stereo (a Christmas present from my loving wife) as I roll around town screaming at all the idiots gumming up my roads.

    Most of all, I appreciate your remarks about Life After Cancer. I have learned from this board that it isn't necessarily a walk in the park, either. At the same time, I take as an article of faith that even on its worst day *life* after cancer beats the hell out of the alternative. And I eagerly look forward to reaching that place with the Moopster, and reveling in it!

    Thanks so much!
    Joe
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    Marcia527 said:

    I think I'm in the same
    I think I'm in the same class but I'm in denial.

    Hmm
    Does that explain why you always hang upside down from the light fixtures in class?
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Aortus said:

    Wow, Claudia
    I am very impressed by your knowledge of male psychology. Or maybe intimidated is a better word. I guess life really *does* look different from 50 feet up in the air.

    I am extremely lucky that even now I can share just about anything with my beloved Moopy. I've long since gotten out of the habit of spilling to anyone else. And what I don't share with Moopy, I discuss only with my dogs.

    I am pretty good about scratching out time for myself. I don't work out at the gym right now because I don't want to bring anything nasty home. But I still go off and take pictures of trains sometimes, or play Facebook Scramble, or whup the Dean at Word Twist, or sometimes just hop into my truck and blast my 400 watt stereo (a Christmas present from my loving wife) as I roll around town screaming at all the idiots gumming up my roads.

    Most of all, I appreciate your remarks about Life After Cancer. I have learned from this board that it isn't necessarily a walk in the park, either. At the same time, I take as an article of faith that even on its worst day *life* after cancer beats the hell out of the alternative. And I eagerly look forward to reaching that place with the Moopster, and reveling in it!

    Thanks so much!
    Joe

    Thanks!
    My pleasure....

    And, for the record, may I please take this moment to announce that TODAY my Dr has taken me off my Arimidex?? I have taken it just shy of 5 years, have been cancer-free for 6~ and was stage 2B with lymphnode involvement! I am Life After Cancer! And I intend to be in great company~ even if I only will ever get to "see" most of you on the Internet!

    Hugs with a Smile tonight!
    Claudia
  • rjjj
    rjjj Member Posts: 1,822 Member
    chenheart said:

    Thanks!
    My pleasure....

    And, for the record, may I please take this moment to announce that TODAY my Dr has taken me off my Arimidex?? I have taken it just shy of 5 years, have been cancer-free for 6~ and was stage 2B with lymphnode involvement! I am Life After Cancer! And I intend to be in great company~ even if I only will ever get to "see" most of you on the Internet!

    Hugs with a Smile tonight!
    Claudia

    love the good news.
    congrats on today claudia, You are a SURVIVOR! Glad we will continue to "see" you because it gives us all alot of hope.
    As for Jim and Joe,, I know how draining being a care-giver can be, I took care of my mom when she died 20 years ago of cancer.. i was young and she was young. I have been caring for people ever since. I work as a CNA in a hosp. And I take care of my youngest son sometimes...He was dx with schitzophrenia just a year ago. He is doing ok so far with alot of help from me. Sometimes we feel helpless when we can't do anything to "fix" it but just being there in your heart means so very much. I also have been on anti-depression meds for more than 20 years..but the situational depression as well as clinical needs attention. I know all people are different and some hide their heads in the sand until you think they will suffocate on the denial..as young-ones hubby and sometimes mine does. I have yet to see mine cry..although i probably cry enough for both of us. My husband is not very verbal at expressing feelings and it would probably help him to have some sort of support group also but i think if he doesn't face it sooner or later I will become more depressed because i need to be able to talk to my husband about my fears and I don't need him to sugar coat the turd either.
    Any way keep posting here you will find such great support for you and Dorothy.God Bless
    jackie
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    chenheart said:

    Thanks!
    My pleasure....

    And, for the record, may I please take this moment to announce that TODAY my Dr has taken me off my Arimidex?? I have taken it just shy of 5 years, have been cancer-free for 6~ and was stage 2B with lymphnode involvement! I am Life After Cancer! And I intend to be in great company~ even if I only will ever get to "see" most of you on the Internet!

    Hugs with a Smile tonight!
    Claudia

    Wonderful Announcement, dear companion
    That is so wonderful, Claudia! Goodbye Arimidex and hello many, many happy years ahead. I wasnt'thinking last night, and reading your announcement now is just thrilling. Such joyous news helps us all remember why we're fighting. Thank you for sharing your truly good news and letting us share your happiness. Yea!
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    chenheart said:

    Thanks!
    My pleasure....

    And, for the record, may I please take this moment to announce that TODAY my Dr has taken me off my Arimidex?? I have taken it just shy of 5 years, have been cancer-free for 6~ and was stage 2B with lymphnode involvement! I am Life After Cancer! And I intend to be in great company~ even if I only will ever get to "see" most of you on the Internet!

    Hugs with a Smile tonight!
    Claudia

    Congratulations, all right
    Congratulations, all right Claudia! You go girl!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Marcia527 said:

    Congratulations, all right
    Congratulations, all right Claudia! You go girl!

    Good News
    The only reason I posted my GOOD NEWS on this subject string was to give us all hopefully a reason to smile and rejoice, and yes, look forward to good days "after the fact". Believe it or not, there will even come a day when you won't want Pink Gifts, be they ribbons, candles, t-shirts, key-chains, etc etc etc. We will forever know where we were, and how far we have come, but the wearing of the pink will not be our identification. And trust me~ you will rejoice at that, too!!!!

    Depression is a mean beast, to be sure. And I am no Pollyanna. But with time, distance, good labs, support, meds, we can eventually find ourselves in a calmer, better place.

    Hugs,
    Claudia