New Update - VickiCO -
VickiCO
Member Posts: 917
OK,
I finished my radiation and first batch of chemo on Dec 29th. The oncologists told me that it would still be cooking, and I wouldn't feel great for a while. Boy, were they right! Particularly bad were the burns and the exhaustion. I did not think I could take any more. I had several days that I could only get out of bed to run to the bathroom - about 10 feet and it seemed like 10 miles. I can't describe the pain - but many of you have survived it so you know. Finally this Monday (Jan 5) I was lying on the floor crying and begging the pain to stop. Even the drugs weren't touching it. I asked God to take over and cried myself to sleep. My poor husband was beside himself.
Tuesday I woke up and felt strong enough to take a shower without help. I noticed I wasn't dizzy and wobbly. I went to the bathroom, and did not cry! Yes, there was some pain, but NOTHING like the night before. I got dressed and ate breakfast in the kitchen with hubby before he went to work...hadn't done that in a while. My son-in-law took me to see the doctors, first to the oncologist. He was surprised at how well I looked, since he had spoken to me the day before and I could barely talk. He asked if he could do the exam' and even though I cringed, I said yes. It hurt like hell, but he said, "Vicki, I can't feel any tumor!" These were the words I was waiting to hear! We then went to the radiation oncologist. She, also, was expecting me to come in a wheelchair. When she checked my burns, she said, "I can't explain it, but they are nearly healed!" Now, she is also a Christian, so we talked about that a while and she agreed, I turned it over and God answered. Did he cure me? No - but I believe he has helped me get through to the next step.
Monday (Jan 12) I see the surgeon and he will tell us all what is going on. Between scoping and then surgery, we are confident that he won't find too much of FRED left in there! Hopefully the nodes will be clear.
I am prepared to fight as hard as I can through these next rounds. Thanks to all for being there on this journey with me. Buzzard, I thought of you when I was at my worst, and somehow I knew you were praying right along with me. Thank you.
Vicki
I finished my radiation and first batch of chemo on Dec 29th. The oncologists told me that it would still be cooking, and I wouldn't feel great for a while. Boy, were they right! Particularly bad were the burns and the exhaustion. I did not think I could take any more. I had several days that I could only get out of bed to run to the bathroom - about 10 feet and it seemed like 10 miles. I can't describe the pain - but many of you have survived it so you know. Finally this Monday (Jan 5) I was lying on the floor crying and begging the pain to stop. Even the drugs weren't touching it. I asked God to take over and cried myself to sleep. My poor husband was beside himself.
Tuesday I woke up and felt strong enough to take a shower without help. I noticed I wasn't dizzy and wobbly. I went to the bathroom, and did not cry! Yes, there was some pain, but NOTHING like the night before. I got dressed and ate breakfast in the kitchen with hubby before he went to work...hadn't done that in a while. My son-in-law took me to see the doctors, first to the oncologist. He was surprised at how well I looked, since he had spoken to me the day before and I could barely talk. He asked if he could do the exam' and even though I cringed, I said yes. It hurt like hell, but he said, "Vicki, I can't feel any tumor!" These were the words I was waiting to hear! We then went to the radiation oncologist. She, also, was expecting me to come in a wheelchair. When she checked my burns, she said, "I can't explain it, but they are nearly healed!" Now, she is also a Christian, so we talked about that a while and she agreed, I turned it over and God answered. Did he cure me? No - but I believe he has helped me get through to the next step.
Monday (Jan 12) I see the surgeon and he will tell us all what is going on. Between scoping and then surgery, we are confident that he won't find too much of FRED left in there! Hopefully the nodes will be clear.
I am prepared to fight as hard as I can through these next rounds. Thanks to all for being there on this journey with me. Buzzard, I thought of you when I was at my worst, and somehow I knew you were praying right along with me. Thank you.
Vicki
0
Comments
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that is awesome!
Your story is truly fortifying! It is wonderful to see that you felt God's presence and were able to hand over your pain to Him and able to receive the strength He offers! Good news that you are feeling better and will continue to pray for good news as you move forward!
mary0 -
Vicki
I had 5 weeks chemo/rad in April '08 before my surgery which was in June '08 and it totally "fried" my tumor. When I had my surgery there was only a lesion left, no cancer cells and 0 out of 27 lymph nodes. I pray that you have the same or better results. I remember my last 2 weeks of radiation were hell as it woke up my hemorrhoids....ouch!!! I popped Vicodin like it was candy, anything to get through it.
Best wishes and prayers,
Denise0 -
Vicodin - my friend!Denise1966 said:Vicki
I had 5 weeks chemo/rad in April '08 before my surgery which was in June '08 and it totally "fried" my tumor. When I had my surgery there was only a lesion left, no cancer cells and 0 out of 27 lymph nodes. I pray that you have the same or better results. I remember my last 2 weeks of radiation were hell as it woke up my hemorrhoids....ouch!!! I popped Vicodin like it was candy, anything to get through it.
Best wishes and prayers,
Denise
Denise,
I am allergic to many, many drugs (aspirin, N-saids, anti-inflammatory, codeine, morphine) so we were thrilled when we found that I could take Vicodin! I worried about the amount I was ingesting, but my Doctor said that I had bigger things to worry about than a Vicodin addiction! LOL! And yes, the hemorrhoids are awful - that's what started this whole journey. I was diagnosed with hemorrhoids for a year before my wonderful gastro doc said "Wait - I think it's something more!"
Thanks, Vicki0 -
VickiCOkimby said:WooHoo!
Congratulations! You've made it this far and you can make it the rest! You are a real fighter and will be victorious. You have my prayers.
Kimby
I'm right here with ya sweetie, bawling like a baby........I feel so happy for you to have that kind of success in the shrinkage...Yeah we both know who did it.....Please let your husband understand that we have to cry to feel better, we have to hurt to strengthen ourselves for that which we endure, let him know that it is not to make him feel bad or helpless, just tell him that its part of the journey and its actually a release to allow us venting so that we get our grip again and move to the next step. Its a climb in which whatever it takes to get to the top step we will do to get there, be it cry,cuss,yell,dance,laugh, just whatever it takes. Yeah were all crazy.....crazy about life , thats why we all act like we do.....Keep the chin up sister, you are a real piece of work.....I'll always be right there, all ya gotta do is holler at me.....Now take ya a break and move to Step 2.......and keep us informed........God Bless ya again.....and He will........(((((((hugs))))))))0 -
Fabulous, Vicki!!!
Vicki, I'm soooo happy for you!!! I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain and discomfort, but soon your mind will blunt the edges of that and you won't remember the pain as being as intense as it actually was... and now you are on the road to recovery!! YAYAYAYA!!
You are a survivor, girlfriend.... feels good, doesn't it??
Hugggggs,
Cheryl0 -
good for youCherylHutch said:Fabulous, Vicki!!!
Vicki, I'm soooo happy for you!!! I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain and discomfort, but soon your mind will blunt the edges of that and you won't remember the pain as being as intense as it actually was... and now you are on the road to recovery!! YAYAYAYA!!
You are a survivor, girlfriend.... feels good, doesn't it??
Hugggggs,
Cheryl
That is great news. I went through the same thing with radiation.. it was absolute hell and torture, i cried and rocked on the floor in pain as well. I had to go to the ER for pain control. I spent an entire weekend in the bathtub with almost boiling hot water to try and get relief. I had fissures and painful hemorrhoids and burns all over my backside. It is almost 2 months later and i still can't go to the bathroom without being in agony. Unfortunately though, my prayers were not answered like yours, but i figure God must have had a reason to allow me to suffer, and i think it is because now i am handling chemo better after having been through that. I love to hear about miracles , because they remind me to never give up praying.0 -
Prayers for You
Vicki, your post brings tears to my eyes I am sorry you have to go through such pain. It reminds me of my husband when he was beginning his treatments. It makes us caretakers feel so helpless--and we all are really. Sometimes it takes so much before we let God take over. I am glad you will be ready to begin your next step. My prayers go out to you. FRED is no more!!!
Faith0 -
Strong FaithBuzzard said:VickiCO
I'm right here with ya sweetie, bawling like a baby........I feel so happy for you to have that kind of success in the shrinkage...Yeah we both know who did it.....Please let your husband understand that we have to cry to feel better, we have to hurt to strengthen ourselves for that which we endure, let him know that it is not to make him feel bad or helpless, just tell him that its part of the journey and its actually a release to allow us venting so that we get our grip again and move to the next step. Its a climb in which whatever it takes to get to the top step we will do to get there, be it cry,cuss,yell,dance,laugh, just whatever it takes. Yeah were all crazy.....crazy about life , thats why we all act like we do.....Keep the chin up sister, you are a real piece of work.....I'll always be right there, all ya gotta do is holler at me.....Now take ya a break and move to Step 2.......and keep us informed........God Bless ya again.....and He will........(((((((hugs))))))))
Buzzard,
Have you always had this strong faith? I find it amazing and inspiring, and I sometimes feel bad that I am not as strong as you. How do you do it?
Beth0 -
God's timepolarprincess said:good for you
That is great news. I went through the same thing with radiation.. it was absolute hell and torture, i cried and rocked on the floor in pain as well. I had to go to the ER for pain control. I spent an entire weekend in the bathtub with almost boiling hot water to try and get relief. I had fissures and painful hemorrhoids and burns all over my backside. It is almost 2 months later and i still can't go to the bathroom without being in agony. Unfortunately though, my prayers were not answered like yours, but i figure God must have had a reason to allow me to suffer, and i think it is because now i am handling chemo better after having been through that. I love to hear about miracles , because they remind me to never give up praying.
The hardest thing for us is to believe in God's time and that He ALWAYS hears and answers our prayers, it's just not always the answer we wish for. When we see others get the answers we were hoping for, it makes it even harder. Why didn't I get that answer? Why did VickiCOs pain go away and mine didn't? I prayed, I cried, I begged... but alas, look around you and see that there are many in the same boat. With our human minds and our human brains, it just is very hard to understand. Although I am always very joyful when I hear of another one of us entering NEDland and others who have had a very easy time of it and are now back to living life normal, somewhere in the back of my brain I am jealous. I want NED for the rest of my life! I want to not have to worry about the cancer coming back. I want to have been able to rid my body of cancer when I changed to a whole foods/juicing regimen. I want to have not even gotten the beast in the first place since I had always been very obsessive with exercising and what I ate. That wasn't to be. I don't doubt for a second that God is with me and will continue to carry me through whatever He has planned for me in the future! I don't ask why me? I simply state why not me? I could never be mistaken for a saint; I am who I am because of the journeys I have made and will continue to make. I am greatly blessed in many ways and know that I will continue to be blessed, regardless of where my journey leads me. All that said, I will continue to be happy when I hear of others' miracles and I will continue to pray and wait for my miracle, whatever that may be! He isn't done with me and I owe it to everyone who loves me to continue showing my faith in God as a merciful Lord.
P.S. please don't think I think that you AREN'T faithful! Quite contrary! Just my thoughts on this when I read your comment about not getting the answer Vicki did. We've all heard it before, I know God won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much!
mary0 -
Jeremiah 30:17
Vicki that is awesome! I wrote this verse on my wall in permanent marker (the wallpaper was ugly) and meditated on it daily.
"'I will restore you to health and heal your wounds', declares the Lord."
Thank you so much for sharing your miracle. We are never alone in our suffering and there is peace to be found. Yours is a true reminder.
peace, emily0 -
Thanks to all of you
I am glad I can inspire, or at least share with you all. I have learned so much here, and made many new friends. I am taking it a day at a time. Today I am a bit tired, so I napped. I will not push it.
Emily, that is my passage to get me through as well!
I am praying hard for all of you also.
Vicki0 -
Faith..........dorookie said:Strong Faith
Buzzard,
Have you always had this strong faith? I find it amazing and inspiring, and I sometimes feel bad that I am not as strong as you. How do you do it?
Beth
Beth,
Honestly.....My faith came in 1964 when I was 10....I loved to go to church and Mom always took us every Sunday......We then for some reason took a hiatus and I wasn't in a church again unless for a wedding or funeral until 1999. I was Babtized on Dec 30 1999. I then decided that after a while this was not the church I wanted to be at and things went very south for me for a while......In 2002 I had a baby boy and in 2004 I had a baby girl. I already had a 21 year old then and my new wife had a 12 year old....Well,in short I was diagnosed with colon cancer 3/25/08 and it was then when I was at my wits end that I had no one that I could depend on to get me through this and really be able to do this for me.....I finally decided that I had 2 choices, to make the best life for my family as I could with what time I had left (at the time I didn't know) or I could curl up and become someone no one cared to be around. I had already decided to not do the post op chemo because I was tired of being sick all the time.
When it all hit me at one time..........its not about me at all, its about my God and My Family, I was just to stupid to realize that God had planted the seed but it just hadn't germinated yet. If I wasn't ok then neither would my kids or my wife be...The man upstairs just re directed my entire life to trust in what He wants from us and to do the things that seem right and He will adjust if necessary. He saved my life here on earth, He saved my marriage, and most of all He saved me from eternal damnation...I take each day as a new journey. I look forward to Sunday. I sing in the choir and actually sing solos in Church regularly now ( I never use to could even talk to more than 4 people at a time without almost passing out with fright). I now work with the Youth Ministry and also Evangelism Ministries in our church...It gives me something to focus on that I know will benefit others. I have been very lucky to be blessed enough to have a large % at complete recovery and I want my life to mean something and yes, cancer actually brought me back to where I should have been a very long time ago. It simply gives me a peace that I have never had before, Im not afraid of dying at all any more, and when He calls for me I'll be ready to go. I have faith in all things being great after this life, that will be the greatest legacy I will leave my children...To know that I was as good of father as I could be and a pillar of faith when they or anyone else needed it....Thats all we can hope for...Its the most calming effect I have ever known and I never want to lose that feeling again.............There ya are Beth, when you get there you'll know too.....God Bless ya sweetie......and Thank you for letting me tell that...Makes me smile.....and BTW, I am now on my 8th round of 12 post op treatments I said I wasn't going to do....(((hugs)))0 -
Carol
Vicky,
I am so happy to hear that and I know you are ecstatic!!
I named my tumor Carol after the particularly nasty boss I had at the time. I also asked for a picture of her so I could see what she looked like. Just as ugly as my boss' attitude! lol
Yay for you!!0 -
Thank you for sharing...
I had a similar experience...although, for me, I didn't want to 'disturb' God with my little problems (I had started feeling so bad that I thought I couldn't sleep because I needed to think to keep breathing!!!). As soon as I asked for help, I felt a warm feeling starting from my toes, sort of like a blanket being pulled up. I slept for the first time in days.
There were many times I asked for help during my journey, and always my prayers were answered. At one point, after a dear friend died, I said..."OK, Lord, here are my hands, use them as You will. I will try hard not to pull them away, or question something I am asked to do". When things get tough, I just close my eyes and see my hands outstretched.
Hugs, Kathi0 -
Surgery is scheduled
I saw my awesome surgeon yesterday. After a visual exam with some kind of torture tool, he did confirm that FRED is much, much smaller...although not gone completely (darn!). He wants my body to heal as much as possible, so the surgery is scheduled for the week of Feb 2...don't know they day yet, they are working with the hospital to get me in. He was cautiously encouraging, there is a possibility he can save function and not have to do a colostomy. He visibly relaxed when I said that I wanted quality of life, not guarantees of how I use the bathroom. So the plan is to start with the laproscopic surgery, and then if he doesn't have enough room, margins, etc, go ahead and open me up and complete whatever he has to do. Even though my tumor is low, low in the rectum, I was told they will also take a section of colon out to really look over the lymph nodes. So far, no one is expecting any spread, but until they get in there and do the paths, who knows? I have the utmost confidence in this guy, and his team.
Oh, and he is going to change my port out while I am under. I have had nothing but trouble with it. He said I will get something called a Super Port, and then I can have blood draws, etc, through it as well. Surprisingly, he said that it will go in right where the old one is, unless there is too much scar tissue, etc.
So -we now have a NEW plan! I am ready to fight.
Vicki0
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