Divorce, illness and the Holidays - so it starts, sigh

blueroses

Sigh. here we go. Is it unavoidable or not so much? My son just got here from out of town for the holidays and my ex (grrrr) only brought him in for a week. In Canada only a week to fly from one province to another in the winter is nuts, snowstorms make the cancellation and delay situation almost a certainty thus reducing my son's time here with his friends and family. Anywho, a tug is beginning for my son's attention and as much as I am trying to be understanding my ex pays no attention to the fact that I am not well and need advance notice and is making it more difficult than need be. Again I am trying to just breathe and allow my son to have a happy holiday but I want to see him too, God only knows when he will be back again and who knows how I will be, physcially, in the future either. Divorce, illness and the Holidays, sigh, Ho, ho, ho, sheeesh. Anyone feeling the same tugs out there?

I really liked Terato (Rick's) post the other day though on another thread when he said that he has used his experiences with cancer to not expect as much from people anymore and be a little more understanding. I think those points go a long way but I'm not perfect and ignoring my health situation during the holidays hurts my feelings. Oh maybe I am just a big baby. Sigh.

terato

Case in point.
blue,

Thank you for your affirmation! Yesterday , I learned that the wife of a friend at work suffered a recurrence of breast tumor after being in remission for 15 months. They are a very warm self-sacrificing couple who never ask for anything from life, yet have given much to others, and this horror has to return to ruin their holidays. The sadness in his eyes is still with me as I type this.

Since my brother's death, I have learned not to expect much from the holidays, nor from life itself, after all, it is what it is. I look for contentment in the little things that life brings, a great movie, a good cup of coffee, a phone call from a friend, a "snow day" off, a day without digestive problems, an uninterrupted night's sleep, a working snow-blower, finding something I thought was thrown away.

I am reminded of a quote from comedian and movie director Mel Brooks, "Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed." Comedians are among the wisest of philosophers because humor is often our best coping mechanism. When I lose the ability to find humor in the vicissitudes of my circumstances, that's when I REALLY worry.

Love and Courage!

Rick

blueroses

terato said:

Case in point.
blue,

Thank you for your affirmation! Yesterday , I learned that the wife of a friend at work suffered a recurrence of breast tumor after being in remission for 15 months. They are a very warm self-sacrificing couple who never ask for anything from life, yet have given much to others, and this horror has to return to ruin their holidays. The sadness in his eyes is still with me as I type this.

Since my brother's death, I have learned not to expect much from the holidays, nor from life itself, after all, it is what it is. I look for contentment in the little things that life brings, a great movie, a good cup of coffee, a phone call from a friend, a "snow day" off, a day without digestive problems, an uninterrupted night's sleep, a working snow-blower, finding something I thought was thrown away.

I am reminded of a quote from comedian and movie director Mel Brooks, "Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed." Comedians are among the wisest of philosophers because humor is often our best coping mechanism. When I lose the ability to find humor in the vicissitudes of my circumstances, that's when I REALLY worry.

Love and Courage!

Rick

Rick,
So sorry to hear about your friend's wife's health situation. Unfortunately, and unfairly, cancer shows no sensitivity to anyone regardless of their contribution to our planet in their very existence. No fair for sure.

Expectation is such a complex feeling, a combo of feelings I guess really, mixed with hurt and respect(or lack of it)and too many other human feelings to list in this small space. Losing expectation in life itself sounds risky, a fine line to walk indeed but I get your drift and in fact it is what it is is true but that phrase to me seems somewhat blaz`e (stupid accent doesn't exist on my keyboard, sorry). Do we start using the phrase 'it is what it is' to minimize the hurt or is there genuine truth in it? Do you know what I mean? I think that, for me anywho, I would run the risk of losing my passion for life if I stopped 'expecting' much from life so then I guess the only natural result of that way of thinking is to 'expect' to be hurt along the way. Back to square one. Thanks for your input.

I am the type of person who found humor in everything throughout my two wars with cancer, my divorce and my very difficult adopted children but I am worn out and I must admit at emotional times of the year when all the commercials on tv depict warmth and loving intact families around the hearth I am only human and my sense of humor does fade. So yup, I am worried. I guess here I could say 'this too shall pass' again, and although intellectually it will and heavan only knows, literally, I have suffered more pain than this physically, this emotional pain is pretty derned close. Ho, ho, freakin ho. I guess when my kids are involved it's more difficult to handle. Oh ya and my controlling Ex as well. Grrr. Blessings, Blueroses

zahalene

blueroses said:

Rick,
So sorry to hear about your friend's wife's health situation. Unfortunately, and unfairly, cancer shows no sensitivity to anyone regardless of their contribution to our planet in their very existence. No fair for sure.

Expectation is such a complex feeling, a combo of feelings I guess really, mixed with hurt and respect(or lack of it)and too many other human feelings to list in this small space. Losing expectation in life itself sounds risky, a fine line to walk indeed but I get your drift and in fact it is what it is is true but that phrase to me seems somewhat blaz`e (stupid accent doesn't exist on my keyboard, sorry). Do we start using the phrase 'it is what it is' to minimize the hurt or is there genuine truth in it? Do you know what I mean? I think that, for me anywho, I would run the risk of losing my passion for life if I stopped 'expecting' much from life so then I guess the only natural result of that way of thinking is to 'expect' to be hurt along the way. Back to square one. Thanks for your input.

I am the type of person who found humor in everything throughout my two wars with cancer, my divorce and my very difficult adopted children but I am worn out and I must admit at emotional times of the year when all the commercials on tv depict warmth and loving intact families around the hearth I am only human and my sense of humor does fade. So yup, I am worried. I guess here I could say 'this too shall pass' again, and although intellectually it will and heavan only knows, literally, I have suffered more pain than this physically, this emotional pain is pretty derned close. Ho, ho, freakin ho. I guess when my kids are involved it's more difficult to handle. Oh ya and my controlling Ex as well. Grrr. Blessings, Blueroses

December
Blue, this is how my Decembers play out:
Dec. 21, 1969 - I get married.
Dec. 18, 1997 - I get 'officially' divorced.
Dec. 21, 1997 - (see the correlation?) my ex plans to marry someone else.
Something or someone convinced him not to go through with his plan to marry someone else on OUR wedding anniversary just three days after OUR divorce, but the intent was there and so the damage was done. He did marry on Valentine's Day of 1998. (That one lasted less than 5 years.)
But the point is, December is just not my favorite month either. Like you, I do what I have to do to make my kids and grandkids happy but if I had my way I would cancel December every year and have my 'Jesus Celebration' at Easter time. But, yes slickwilly, it is what it is. What that means to me is that I can't change reality, so might as well concentrate on dealing with it and making today work as well as possible.
I just get through Decembers as best I can then breathe a sigh of relief when the New Year rolls around. Maybe 2009 will hold something really special for me. Hope springs eternal.
I pray that your 2009 holds wonderful, marvelous, miraculous surprises as well.

blueroses

zahalene said:

December
Blue, this is how my Decembers play out:
Dec. 21, 1969 - I get married.
Dec. 18, 1997 - I get 'officially' divorced.
Dec. 21, 1997 - (see the correlation?) my ex plans to marry someone else.
Something or someone convinced him not to go through with his plan to marry someone else on OUR wedding anniversary just three days after OUR divorce, but the intent was there and so the damage was done. He did marry on Valentine's Day of 1998. (That one lasted less than 5 years.)
But the point is, December is just not my favorite month either. Like you, I do what I have to do to make my kids and grandkids happy but if I had my way I would cancel December every year and have my 'Jesus Celebration' at Easter time. But, yes slickwilly, it is what it is. What that means to me is that I can't change reality, so might as well concentrate on dealing with it and making today work as well as possible.
I just get through Decembers as best I can then breathe a sigh of relief when the New Year rolls around. Maybe 2009 will hold something really special for me. Hope springs eternal.
I pray that your 2009 holds wonderful, marvelous, miraculous surprises as well.

Woah
Woah Zah, that's quite the historical data on your Decembers, tough month for you for sure. It's the strangest thing but my birthday month is like that. Just before my birthday actually it seems I have medical issues and then again in the fall around Halloween another spurt of new medical stuff appears. It's strange that this seems to happen year in and year out. I just noticed it a couple of years ago. I wonder if the body has ways of falling into patterns that we aren't even aware of in this regard. Interesting.

Thanks for the nice 2009 wishes, back atcha. Hope the rest of your December goes without incident. Without negative incident that is. Hugs, kiddo.

terato

zahalene said:

December
Blue, this is how my Decembers play out:
Dec. 21, 1969 - I get married.
Dec. 18, 1997 - I get 'officially' divorced.
Dec. 21, 1997 - (see the correlation?) my ex plans to marry someone else.
Something or someone convinced him not to go through with his plan to marry someone else on OUR wedding anniversary just three days after OUR divorce, but the intent was there and so the damage was done. He did marry on Valentine's Day of 1998. (That one lasted less than 5 years.)
But the point is, December is just not my favorite month either. Like you, I do what I have to do to make my kids and grandkids happy but if I had my way I would cancel December every year and have my 'Jesus Celebration' at Easter time. But, yes slickwilly, it is what it is. What that means to me is that I can't change reality, so might as well concentrate on dealing with it and making today work as well as possible.
I just get through Decembers as best I can then breathe a sigh of relief when the New Year rolls around. Maybe 2009 will hold something really special for me. Hope springs eternal.
I pray that your 2009 holds wonderful, marvelous, miraculous surprises as well.

Pearl Harbor was bombed in December, also!
zahalene,

Do you plan to warn your ex's new "significant other"? Maybe an ominous note with, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!" or a, "You'll be sorry!"

Or, will she just have to learn from her own mistake?

Wishing you a happier December '08!

Rick

blueroses

terato said:

Pearl Harbor was bombed in December, also!
zahalene,

Do you plan to warn your ex's new "significant other"? Maybe an ominous note with, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!" or a, "You'll be sorry!"

Or, will she just have to learn from her own mistake?

Wishing you a happier December '08!

Rick

Oh Good one
Can I use that on my ex's insignificant other? lol. Awww, come on let me use it, pleasseee? lol.

zahalene

terato said:

Pearl Harbor was bombed in December, also!
zahalene,

Do you plan to warn your ex's new "significant other"? Maybe an ominous note with, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!" or a, "You'll be sorry!"

Or, will she just have to learn from her own mistake?

Wishing you a happier December '08!

Rick

Thanks Rick
His second ex is already wayyyy out of his life as well, but no, I didn't warn her of ANYTHING. Anybody who takes my hubby gets what they deserve....LOLLLLL

train-nut

terato said:

Pearl Harbor was bombed in December, also!
zahalene,

Do you plan to warn your ex's new "significant other"? Maybe an ominous note with, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!" or a, "You'll be sorry!"

Or, will she just have to learn from her own mistake?

Wishing you a happier December '08!

Rick

Billboard
A number of years ago a good friend found out that her ex was about to do it again. A bunch of us chipped in and rented a billboard near the home of prospective wife #3. It said:" GOOD LUCK FROM HIS TWO EX-WIVES AND FOUR CHILDREN, NONE OF WHOM HAVE EVER SEEN A DIME." That did it. Rich

zahalene

train-nut said:

Billboard
A number of years ago a good friend found out that her ex was about to do it again. A bunch of us chipped in and rented a billboard near the home of prospective wife #3. It said:" GOOD LUCK FROM HIS TWO EX-WIVES AND FOUR CHILDREN, NONE OF WHOM HAVE EVER SEEN A DIME." That did it. Rich

Sweeeeeeeeeet!

Sweeeeeeeeeet!

terato

zahalene said:

Thanks Rick
His second ex is already wayyyy out of his life as well, but no, I didn't warn her of ANYTHING. Anybody who takes my hubby gets what they deserve....LOLLLLL

Here is a real horror story about "ex" offenders.
Zahalene,

Did you read about this guy in Illinois who is engaged to a woman who will be his fifth wife? Wife #3 was discovered drowned in a perfectly dry bath tub and wife #4 is still missing, yet he found another woman willing to marry him! She has two young children by a previous relationship. What in hell is she thinking? "Love" may be blind, but is it also brain-dead?

http://news.bostonherald.com/news/national/midwest/view/2008_12_17_Drew_Peterson_engaged_to_woman_same_age_as_missing_wife_Stacy/srvc=home&position=recent

My message to #5, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!"

Rick

hollyberry

zahalene said:

Sweeeeeeeeeet!

Sweeeeeeeeeet!

My Neighbor
You guys are too funny!! Drew Peterson actually lives a couple of towns over from me and I am so amazed that a double-murderer can preen like a peacock on TV and find so many young girls to fall for him; he was actually engaged not too long ago, but fortunately for this girl and her family, the media pressure was too much and the relationship failed! Talk about life getting crazy!!!
Anyway, back to the original subject.. Blue, I know the holidays are tough.My middle child just informed me that she is, ahem, in the "family" way, her really intelligent older sister told her how terrible "that procedure" is, and now, 2 days before Christmas she is driving 5 hours down-state in near-blizzard conditions for a "better" procedure. So, as much as I love my family, they are always challenging my inner-peace. What to do?I pretend we are all normal and pray that God does not strike us all with a HUGE thunderbolt.I used to get so upset with all of their problems but, it just didn't seem to make one bit of difference in the outcome. Now, I just focus on getting through treatment ( my goal is to be here for my son's H.S. graduation)and try to remain blissfully ignorant of circumstances. Sound selfish? Probably but, after all the years of drama and fretting over their well-being, I can only do so much.
It will be a true miracle to attain my goal and I have to concentrate on that; my kids will always find enough trouble to keep themselves busy and my husband and I can only afford so much worry.
Anyway, my point being, you have to get yourself through these rough patches and then, give yourself a pat on the back for surviving it all. I care about all on this board and you are in my thoughts and prayers, We have each other, even if we are Brady-bunch challenged!!
Much love,
Hollyberry

blueroses

hollyberry said:

My Neighbor
You guys are too funny!! Drew Peterson actually lives a couple of towns over from me and I am so amazed that a double-murderer can preen like a peacock on TV and find so many young girls to fall for him; he was actually engaged not too long ago, but fortunately for this girl and her family, the media pressure was too much and the relationship failed! Talk about life getting crazy!!!
Anyway, back to the original subject.. Blue, I know the holidays are tough.My middle child just informed me that she is, ahem, in the "family" way, her really intelligent older sister told her how terrible "that procedure" is, and now, 2 days before Christmas she is driving 5 hours down-state in near-blizzard conditions for a "better" procedure. So, as much as I love my family, they are always challenging my inner-peace. What to do?I pretend we are all normal and pray that God does not strike us all with a HUGE thunderbolt.I used to get so upset with all of their problems but, it just didn't seem to make one bit of difference in the outcome. Now, I just focus on getting through treatment ( my goal is to be here for my son's H.S. graduation)and try to remain blissfully ignorant of circumstances. Sound selfish? Probably but, after all the years of drama and fretting over their well-being, I can only do so much.
It will be a true miracle to attain my goal and I have to concentrate on that; my kids will always find enough trouble to keep themselves busy and my husband and I can only afford so much worry.
Anyway, my point being, you have to get yourself through these rough patches and then, give yourself a pat on the back for surviving it all. I care about all on this board and you are in my thoughts and prayers, We have each other, even if we are Brady-bunch challenged!!
Much love,
Hollyberry

Thanks Holly
Your posting made a great deal of sense to me. My son arrived from Alberta and is watching Price is Right right now, we have had several meals together and he is taking me to a movie this afternoon - Seven Pounds, that I want to see. He has driven me crazy already but it's okay, the important thing is that he is here and it was looking like it would be my first Xmas ever in my life spent alone, icky. So he saved me from that. Holly, I can't go into the whole story right now but I found a special saint, I'm not Catholic and I'm not a bible thumper, but there is something very special about this saint. Her name is Saint Mother Theodore Guerin, she started The Sisters of Providence, in the states. If you google her or the Sisters you can put in a prayer request and the Sisters will add you to their list. I had my life shift in a positive way after connecting with Mother Theodore and maybe you will too. Just a thought. Have a great Xmas Holly, you are one of my favourite of our Brady Bunch. lol.

blueroses

terato said:

Here is a real horror story about "ex" offenders.
Zahalene,

Did you read about this guy in Illinois who is engaged to a woman who will be his fifth wife? Wife #3 was discovered drowned in a perfectly dry bath tub and wife #4 is still missing, yet he found another woman willing to marry him! She has two young children by a previous relationship. What in hell is she thinking? "Love" may be blind, but is it also brain-dead?

http://news.bostonherald.com/news/national/midwest/view/2008_12_17_Drew_Peterson_engaged_to_woman_same_age_as_missing_wife_Stacy/srvc=home&position=recent

My message to #5, "Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!"

Rick

The 'Bad Boy Syndrome' gone REALLY BAD.
Sounds like the Bad Boy Syndrome or maybe just brain-dead, or both. I guess sometimes desperate people do desperate things. I think that nurturing gets clouded in these cases and those whole 'I can change him, I can see his positive attributes' thingies pop up. Obviously reality doesn't exist for some of these women. But look at the women who marry those in prison too, happens all the time. Actually it's not much different than some internet dating chats. They send letters to these guys in prison who they haven't even met sometimes and through coresspondence "fall in love" with them, just like in chat on here. Love is a funny thing. Ha. Ha. Ha. lol.

hollyberry

blueroses said:

Thanks Holly
Your posting made a great deal of sense to me. My son arrived from Alberta and is watching Price is Right right now, we have had several meals together and he is taking me to a movie this afternoon - Seven Pounds, that I want to see. He has driven me crazy already but it's okay, the important thing is that he is here and it was looking like it would be my first Xmas ever in my life spent alone, icky. So he saved me from that. Holly, I can't go into the whole story right now but I found a special saint, I'm not Catholic and I'm not a bible thumper, but there is something very special about this saint. Her name is Saint Mother Theodore Guerin, she started The Sisters of Providence, in the states. If you google her or the Sisters you can put in a prayer request and the Sisters will add you to their list. I had my life shift in a positive way after connecting with Mother Theodore and maybe you will too. Just a thought. Have a great Xmas Holly, you are one of my favourite of our Brady Bunch. lol.

So glad your son is with you
I am so happy that you're not alone; I don't know what I would do without my son. He is the only one of my children that is not addicted to drama and I know I can count on a great hug from him whenever I need it. If I were there with you, Blue, I'd be hugging you so hard, you probably wouldn't be able to breathe!! You have raised my spirits more often than you know! When I'm on this board I know that I can count on all of you to understand and appreciate the difficulties that my friends and family can never fully know.Thanks for the low-down on Saint Guerin- I will google her today. Funny thing is, I am Catholic, I raised my kids in the church (didn't just drop them off, either. I taught Sunday School, took them with me to deliver Meals-on-Wheels and to drive cancer patients to their chemo, radiation and doctor's appointments!)and my kids are solidly non-committal in the religion department. Oh, well, I just put them in God's hands and hope and pray.I've had my own issues with the "leadership" and I suppose that didn't help. Anyway, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and warm and healthy new year! And I hope your son can find the laundry basket while he's there!!
Much love,
Hol

blueroses

hollyberry said:

So glad your son is with you
I am so happy that you're not alone; I don't know what I would do without my son. He is the only one of my children that is not addicted to drama and I know I can count on a great hug from him whenever I need it. If I were there with you, Blue, I'd be hugging you so hard, you probably wouldn't be able to breathe!! You have raised my spirits more often than you know! When I'm on this board I know that I can count on all of you to understand and appreciate the difficulties that my friends and family can never fully know.Thanks for the low-down on Saint Guerin- I will google her today. Funny thing is, I am Catholic, I raised my kids in the church (didn't just drop them off, either. I taught Sunday School, took them with me to deliver Meals-on-Wheels and to drive cancer patients to their chemo, radiation and doctor's appointments!)and my kids are solidly non-committal in the religion department. Oh, well, I just put them in God's hands and hope and pray.I've had my own issues with the "leadership" and I suppose that didn't help. Anyway, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and warm and healthy new year! And I hope your son can find the laundry basket while he's there!!
Much love,
Hol

Got the hug
Thanks for the hug from afar and funny you should mention hugs because when my son arrived and we hugged hard and for so long it was only after that that I realized that it has been some time since I have been hugged. I don't mean to sound like a 'poor me' but after my family broke up and the kids went off on their on more recently there weren't many around and so not alot of hugging anymore. I hope those who have loved ones around daily, like yourself realize the grand gift of a simple hug.

I was actually born Catholic which was why it took me like 25 years to get back to religion, too much hell fire and brimstone. I moved to the United Church when I adopted my two children, much easier going and more accepting of everyone. It's the believing that is important not the denomination, to me anywho.

Yes it was a real blessing that my son came to visit. We went to a show tonight together, saw Seven Pounds - good movie and have had 2 good home cooked meals to now and he slept over last night. He was supposed to stay tonight too then go tomorrow at noon to spend the last 2 days with his friends but I felt sorry for him, he was looking a little bored and told him to go out with his friends tonight and I will see him on Christmas Eve and the sleepover to Christmas morning. He has only had a week here so let him spend it mostly with friends. Anywho I better go check on the dinner so he can take off. Thanks for your nice remarks. Be well Holly. Hugs and Blessings.

lindaprocopio

This is my first Christmas with cancer.
This is my first Christmas with cancer, and the first time in my life that I can understand why people can get blue over the holidays. I have always LOVED Christmas so much, but was totally caught by surprise how much I MISS the shopping and parties and snow play and all the trappings of a typical Christmas season. My cancer was diagnosed in August and I have recovered from my surgery and have completed 2 of my 6 scheduled chemo rounds. Because I am so vulnerable to infection now and have had some chemo side effects, I did all of my Christmas shopping online, and I passed on the few Christmas parties I was invited to, and then was surprised to find myself regularly fighting 'poor me' tears. Last week it seemed like all of my family and friends were caught up in the busy busy hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays and I spent the week isolated and spending so much time alone. I'd start thinking of the gingerbread houses and cookies that I made last year with the grandkids, and the Polar Express train ride we took, and the Christmas programs at the elementary school and at church, and all the fun that Christmas has always been, but is not this year because I never know if I will be well enough to go out. I had to stop phoning people because I only had to mention how much I miss my grandkids and I would start crying on the phone, making whoever I phoned feel bad, and shaming and embarrassing myself with this self-pity I clearly feel but would rather not broadcast. Christmas is hard when life is hard. And now I understand why people get down at Christmas time. And if misery loves company, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Today, I am on my 'upswing' chemo week where my white count is climbing and recovering before my next round December 29th, and I feel stronger. I went to lunch with a girlfriend and even stopped at a gift shop with her and picked up some little things. And so Christmas may not pass me by after all! And they say, in the darkness you can see the stars.

hollyberry

lindaprocopio said:

This is my first Christmas with cancer.
This is my first Christmas with cancer, and the first time in my life that I can understand why people can get blue over the holidays. I have always LOVED Christmas so much, but was totally caught by surprise how much I MISS the shopping and parties and snow play and all the trappings of a typical Christmas season. My cancer was diagnosed in August and I have recovered from my surgery and have completed 2 of my 6 scheduled chemo rounds. Because I am so vulnerable to infection now and have had some chemo side effects, I did all of my Christmas shopping online, and I passed on the few Christmas parties I was invited to, and then was surprised to find myself regularly fighting 'poor me' tears. Last week it seemed like all of my family and friends were caught up in the busy busy hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays and I spent the week isolated and spending so much time alone. I'd start thinking of the gingerbread houses and cookies that I made last year with the grandkids, and the Polar Express train ride we took, and the Christmas programs at the elementary school and at church, and all the fun that Christmas has always been, but is not this year because I never know if I will be well enough to go out. I had to stop phoning people because I only had to mention how much I miss my grandkids and I would start crying on the phone, making whoever I phoned feel bad, and shaming and embarrassing myself with this self-pity I clearly feel but would rather not broadcast. Christmas is hard when life is hard. And now I understand why people get down at Christmas time. And if misery loves company, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Today, I am on my 'upswing' chemo week where my white count is climbing and recovering before my next round December 29th, and I feel stronger. I went to lunch with a girlfriend and even stopped at a gift shop with her and picked up some little things. And so Christmas may not pass me by after all! And they say, in the darkness you can see the stars.

much empathy and understanding
Dear Linda,
I completely understand where you are coming from; last year was my first Christmas after Melanoma diagnosis and four subsequent surgeries. It was a very tough holiday, as I was not able to bake my cookies and do all of the special things that I always did for my family. I barely had the energy to cook a turkey dinner and shop online, also. I hope that you feel stronger every day and know that you are not alone; be kind to yourself and know that your family will understand if you can't do all of the traditional things this year. I'm sure they prefer that you feel as well as possible and have you around to celebrate the holidays with them. Try not to overdo and just enjoy the special time you have together; it's not easy to accept that you can't do all that you used to, but, in time you will regain your strength and your emotional bearings and be all the stronger for it!
Wishing you happy holidays,
Hollyberry

hollyberry

blueroses said:

Got the hug
Thanks for the hug from afar and funny you should mention hugs because when my son arrived and we hugged hard and for so long it was only after that that I realized that it has been some time since I have been hugged. I don't mean to sound like a 'poor me' but after my family broke up and the kids went off on their on more recently there weren't many around and so not alot of hugging anymore. I hope those who have loved ones around daily, like yourself realize the grand gift of a simple hug.

I was actually born Catholic which was why it took me like 25 years to get back to religion, too much hell fire and brimstone. I moved to the United Church when I adopted my two children, much easier going and more accepting of everyone. It's the believing that is important not the denomination, to me anywho.

Yes it was a real blessing that my son came to visit. We went to a show tonight together, saw Seven Pounds - good movie and have had 2 good home cooked meals to now and he slept over last night. He was supposed to stay tonight too then go tomorrow at noon to spend the last 2 days with his friends but I felt sorry for him, he was looking a little bored and told him to go out with his friends tonight and I will see him on Christmas Eve and the sleepover to Christmas morning. He has only had a week here so let him spend it mostly with friends. Anywho I better go check on the dinner so he can take off. Thanks for your nice remarks. Be well Holly. Hugs and Blessings.

All hugs welcome!!
So glad you got that hug from your son; nothin' better for the for beating the blues!

I totally get the disappointment in the hellfire and brimstone theology; it drove me away for many years, also. I am now a free-lance Catholic (teehee) and let God judge me by my actions, attitude and prayers. I did have an awesome thing happen before I wrote you, though, and I have to share it (hope you don't mind). I was having so much pain yesterday from the chemo and had to lay in bed with heat on my legs for the cramping. I was praying and asked for relief and help, as this was such a bad round for me; after I got up, the most beautiful pure-white bird flew right over my window as I was doing dishes and I felt it was an answer to my prayers. Then, I got on site and you recommended Saint Theodore Guerin- Wow!! She had quite an effect on my psyche. A woman who suffered with digestive and abdominal pain all her life; quite a coincidence (I have had many surgeries on bowel and intestines and ended up with a colostomy). I don't go looking for "signs" but, this was unbelievable to me. Thanks, blue, for thinking of me and sharing what is sometimes a tough subject to broach. Your courage made my day; you are a very special girl and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Have a wonderful time with your son and know that I am with you in spirit on Christmas day and always!
Hollyberry

blueroses

hollyberry said:

All hugs welcome!!
So glad you got that hug from your son; nothin' better for the for beating the blues!

I totally get the disappointment in the hellfire and brimstone theology; it drove me away for many years, also. I am now a free-lance Catholic (teehee) and let God judge me by my actions, attitude and prayers. I did have an awesome thing happen before I wrote you, though, and I have to share it (hope you don't mind). I was having so much pain yesterday from the chemo and had to lay in bed with heat on my legs for the cramping. I was praying and asked for relief and help, as this was such a bad round for me; after I got up, the most beautiful pure-white bird flew right over my window as I was doing dishes and I felt it was an answer to my prayers. Then, I got on site and you recommended Saint Theodore Guerin- Wow!! She had quite an effect on my psyche. A woman who suffered with digestive and abdominal pain all her life; quite a coincidence (I have had many surgeries on bowel and intestines and ended up with a colostomy). I don't go looking for "signs" but, this was unbelievable to me. Thanks, blue, for thinking of me and sharing what is sometimes a tough subject to broach. Your courage made my day; you are a very special girl and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Have a wonderful time with your son and know that I am with you in spirit on Christmas day and always!
Hollyberry

Undeniable signs from Mother Guerin
Holly, I smiled a huge smile when I read about the white bird and the 'coincidences' between you and Mother Guerin - there are no coincidences, as far as I am concerned, just little miracles that go unnoticed by some but picked up by others, like you. Oh let me tell you that when Mother Guerin is in your life, as she is now, alot of little things like that will happen. I share her with people who stand out in need to me for some reason, I don't go looking for signs either and that what makes it all more amazing when they happen. I'm so glad you went to her site and hope you put in a prayer request for you and yours. Praying is so powerful as you well know - that bird was no coincidence - white yet, sheeesh. lol. Happy Holidays. Glad I could help in this small way.

blueroses

lindaprocopio said:

This is my first Christmas with cancer.
This is my first Christmas with cancer, and the first time in my life that I can understand why people can get blue over the holidays. I have always LOVED Christmas so much, but was totally caught by surprise how much I MISS the shopping and parties and snow play and all the trappings of a typical Christmas season. My cancer was diagnosed in August and I have recovered from my surgery and have completed 2 of my 6 scheduled chemo rounds. Because I am so vulnerable to infection now and have had some chemo side effects, I did all of my Christmas shopping online, and I passed on the few Christmas parties I was invited to, and then was surprised to find myself regularly fighting 'poor me' tears. Last week it seemed like all of my family and friends were caught up in the busy busy hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays and I spent the week isolated and spending so much time alone. I'd start thinking of the gingerbread houses and cookies that I made last year with the grandkids, and the Polar Express train ride we took, and the Christmas programs at the elementary school and at church, and all the fun that Christmas has always been, but is not this year because I never know if I will be well enough to go out. I had to stop phoning people because I only had to mention how much I miss my grandkids and I would start crying on the phone, making whoever I phoned feel bad, and shaming and embarrassing myself with this self-pity I clearly feel but would rather not broadcast. Christmas is hard when life is hard. And now I understand why people get down at Christmas time. And if misery loves company, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Today, I am on my 'upswing' chemo week where my white count is climbing and recovering before my next round December 29th, and I feel stronger. I went to lunch with a girlfriend and even stopped at a gift shop with her and picked up some little things. And so Christmas may not pass me by after all! And they say, in the darkness you can see the stars.

In The Darkness You Can See The Stars - lovely
Hi Linda, I can totally relate to your post and the first Christmas after a diagnosis of cancer or going through it. I think back to my first Christmas, my kids were small, and I like you loved to fuss with baking and decorating and all the festivities. I was in a wheel chair due to the bone marrow transplant I had been through but persuaded my husband to push me through the disease filled mall (my immune system wasn't up that much yet - silly to go) in order to pick out gifts myself for my kids. I felt like I had 10 flues on top of each other but I went. One of my kids was only 3 and sat on my lap of the wheelchair as I was pushed to wait in line with them to see Santa. I remember all the sad faces when shoppers looked down and saw me in the chair (not looking too healthy) with a child on my lap at Xmas. I will never forget that scene that day. Amazing I didn't pick something up there and land back in hospital but I didn't. It was so good mentally for me to have gone but wow it was hard. Christmases became different after that for me, as they will for you, and hopefully they will become even more joyous at the thought that you are a survivor and hopefully will be doing better and better as years gone by. All the best in the New Year to you and yours.