One of Those Overwhelming Days - Time to Shutdown, Sigh

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  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    #62
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    blueroses said:

    A gift basket for your oncologist, Holly
    You might think about telling your oncologist that next times he has a migraine or some other debillitating owie, forget the medications or treatments and just use this gift basket. In it should contain 2 pairs of socks, bath salts and try to find a copy of that book that was written a few years back about a doctor who treated patients poorly but then developed cancer himself and how his ideas changed about patients and their treatment and invalidation - in a hurry. Dang can't remember the name of that book. Anyone out there remember that book? It was written in the mid to late 80ties I think, possibly early 90ties.

    "The Doctor"
    A 1991 film with William Hurt as the insensitive cardiologist who develops throat cancer and learns what it is like to be treated with indifference by members of the medical profession. (It is available on DVD!)

    The Doctor (1991)
    Starring: William Hurt, Christine Lahti Director: Randa Haines Rating: Format: DVD

    49 Reviews
    5 star: 85% (42)
    4 star: 12% (6)
    3 star: 2% (1)
    2 star: (0)
    1 star: (0)

    See all 49 customer reviews...
    4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
    List Price: $14.99
    Price: $11.49 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details
    You Save: $3.50 (23%)
    In Stock.
    Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

    http://www.amazon.com/Doctor-William-Hurt/dp/B00008L3U4

    Love and Courage!

    Rick
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #63
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    terato said:

    "The Doctor"
    A 1991 film with William Hurt as the insensitive cardiologist who develops throat cancer and learns what it is like to be treated with indifference by members of the medical profession. (It is available on DVD!)

    The Doctor (1991)
    Starring: William Hurt, Christine Lahti Director: Randa Haines Rating: Format: DVD

    49 Reviews
    5 star: 85% (42)
    4 star: 12% (6)
    3 star: 2% (1)
    2 star: (0)
    1 star: (0)

    See all 49 customer reviews...
    4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (49 customer reviews)
    List Price: $14.99
    Price: $11.49 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details
    You Save: $3.50 (23%)
    In Stock.
    Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.

    http://www.amazon.com/Doctor-William-Hurt/dp/B00008L3U4

    Love and Courage!

    Rick

    Thanks Terato
    Well aren't you just a fabulous source of info, thanks alot - it was driving me nuts just couldn't remember the name of the book. That's right it was William Hurt in the movie and yup he was a cardiologist not oncologist. Thanks again Terato.
  • hollyberry
    hollyberry Member Posts: 173
    #64
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    blueroses said:

    Thanks Terato
    Well aren't you just a fabulous source of info, thanks alot - it was driving me nuts just couldn't remember the name of the book. That's right it was William Hurt in the movie and yup he was a cardiologist not oncologist. Thanks again Terato.

    Gifts worth giving
    Wouldn't it be fun to fill that basket? Hmmmm.... a buoquet of "Sorry, I was running a little late"for your life-saving, superhero doc, A gift card for your new phlebotomist, who just blew your fourth vein, a beautiful porcelain bucket for your chemo nurse who just said "You should be happy, the doctor just lowered your dose of Carboplatin!" ( I'm ecstatic, only 2 Zofran for me today, yay!!), A nice, new lead vest for your radiology tech (atfer all, they are so helpful in reminding you to drink alot of water to flush your system- Only a 3,00 year half-life now!).Just kidding, I know we're all grateful for our healthcare teams, it jsut seems a little sensitivity training would make our lives just a touch easier, don't ya think?
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #65
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    hollyberry said:

    Gifts worth giving
    Wouldn't it be fun to fill that basket? Hmmmm.... a buoquet of "Sorry, I was running a little late"for your life-saving, superhero doc, A gift card for your new phlebotomist, who just blew your fourth vein, a beautiful porcelain bucket for your chemo nurse who just said "You should be happy, the doctor just lowered your dose of Carboplatin!" ( I'm ecstatic, only 2 Zofran for me today, yay!!), A nice, new lead vest for your radiology tech (atfer all, they are so helpful in reminding you to drink alot of water to flush your system- Only a 3,00 year half-life now!).Just kidding, I know we're all grateful for our healthcare teams, it jsut seems a little sensitivity training would make our lives just a touch easier, don't ya think?

    Good ones
    Of course we are all grateful but it's true, a little sensitivity training would sure go a long way for a lot of them. I wonder if it's even mentioned in med school?
  • larry59
    larry59 Member Posts: 41
    #66
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    blueroses said:

    Good ones
    Of course we are all grateful but it's true, a little sensitivity training would sure go a long way for a lot of them. I wonder if it's even mentioned in med school?

    our medical experts
    They are focused on keeping us alive and sometimes forget the humanity issues. Getting information is like pulling teeth sometime. My counselor says doctors take it personally when they can't save a life or ease side effects. All we as patients can do is talk to our doctors and try to explain our feelings, physically and mentally, and work with the docs to understand what helps. Most will listen and try to help.
  • Mawoni
    Mawoni Member Posts: 20
    #67
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    larry59 said:

    our medical experts
    They are focused on keeping us alive and sometimes forget the humanity issues. Getting information is like pulling teeth sometime. My counselor says doctors take it personally when they can't save a life or ease side effects. All we as patients can do is talk to our doctors and try to explain our feelings, physically and mentally, and work with the docs to understand what helps. Most will listen and try to help.

    Our Medical Experts
    Thanks for the reminder, Larry. I see my OncMan today for a followup and I am really nervous. I'm one of those suffering major depression and need to see someone, I guess. I'm hoping he can recommend someone local for me to see. I read about everyone elses cancers and I feel so ashamed that mine has been relatively "easy" thus far. Surgery and chemo and was "cleared" in mid-October. So, WHY am I so down!? Just before my last chemo treatment I started smoking again. AAARGH!!! One would think I have a death wish. Anyway, I am having a devil of a time stopping and wondering if anyone else has gone through this? I feel chained to it ... sort of like it's the only thing left of the "old me". Does that make any sense?? If anyone reads this and "gets it" I would love to hear from you.
    Blessings all around ... Maw
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #68
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    Mawoni said:

    Our Medical Experts
    Thanks for the reminder, Larry. I see my OncMan today for a followup and I am really nervous. I'm one of those suffering major depression and need to see someone, I guess. I'm hoping he can recommend someone local for me to see. I read about everyone elses cancers and I feel so ashamed that mine has been relatively "easy" thus far. Surgery and chemo and was "cleared" in mid-October. So, WHY am I so down!? Just before my last chemo treatment I started smoking again. AAARGH!!! One would think I have a death wish. Anyway, I am having a devil of a time stopping and wondering if anyone else has gone through this? I feel chained to it ... sort of like it's the only thing left of the "old me". Does that make any sense?? If anyone reads this and "gets it" I would love to hear from you.
    Blessings all around ... Maw

    Food Food Food
    Maw, I know exactly where you are coming from.
    I don't smoke, but with me it's FOOD.
    I am a 3-time survivor and an Educated Woman.
    But I still can't eat right.
    I KNOW what I should do, especially in regards to the
    'sugar' issue, but I feel like eating whatever I want
    whenever I want is my last avenue of self-indulgence
    and I NEED to give myself SOMETHING.
    I would imagine that smoking would be similar.
    Or maybe it's something different for everyone.
    I just keep thinking I am not going to live forever
    anyway, so why not enjoy life in some little INNOCENT
    way, like 17 ginger snaps this afternoon? LOL
    Hugs. Zah
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #69
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    larry59 said:

    our medical experts
    They are focused on keeping us alive and sometimes forget the humanity issues. Getting information is like pulling teeth sometime. My counselor says doctors take it personally when they can't save a life or ease side effects. All we as patients can do is talk to our doctors and try to explain our feelings, physically and mentally, and work with the docs to understand what helps. Most will listen and try to help.

    Many will but ..
    It's true that many docs will listen and try to help but what is important on this particular link is to remember that it is okay to talk about the experiences we have with docs who aren't so humane and get it off our chests. It also helps to write about those negative encounters with docs with no people power so that others will see that they aren't alone and it isn't just them who had such a poor experience with a physician or nurse. That's the beauty of this link, we can openly share the good, the bad and the ugly and get that much needed validation on our feelings throughout the whole cancer experience.
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #70
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    Mawoni said:

    Our Medical Experts
    Thanks for the reminder, Larry. I see my OncMan today for a followup and I am really nervous. I'm one of those suffering major depression and need to see someone, I guess. I'm hoping he can recommend someone local for me to see. I read about everyone elses cancers and I feel so ashamed that mine has been relatively "easy" thus far. Surgery and chemo and was "cleared" in mid-October. So, WHY am I so down!? Just before my last chemo treatment I started smoking again. AAARGH!!! One would think I have a death wish. Anyway, I am having a devil of a time stopping and wondering if anyone else has gone through this? I feel chained to it ... sort of like it's the only thing left of the "old me". Does that make any sense?? If anyone reads this and "gets it" I would love to hear from you.
    Blessings all around ... Maw

    One thing to remember Maw
    One thing to remember Maw is that no cancer is ever EASY. The diagnosis of cancer is the same no matter what the type or what the situation. It's scarey as he-- and to be 'ashamed' that you are reacting how you are is ridiculous. Anyone who has been told they have cancer go through the same fears and worries as the next guy with it so please don't feel like that.

    As far as the smoking is concerned, smoking is most probably a crutch for you - a comfort action no doubt. Some people eat too much, comfort food, when they are stressed and you smoke. If you are also depressed right now you will naturally move to smoking more often as people who are addicted to food move to food. I don't believe anything in excess is good for us and maybe you might talk to your doc about doing some hypnotherapy to help you quit smoking but cancer is stressful bigtime and you are being a little hard on yourself all the way around I think. You can't drop a long term habit right at the most stressful time of your life but I know you know that smoking won't help your health either. When you get your depression under control through a doc and maybe some therapy then maybe you can begin to lose your smoking habit as well. Cancer and it's treatment take away most of your energy and to think that you can also dump a major habit like smoking then too is a tough one, especially a habit you have used to lean on in times of stress, it goes on and on. I don't know about how smoking might or might not interfere with the chemo process, you might want to ask your doc about that. I am not trying to say it's okay to continue smoking at all but I am trying to say that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself for continuing to do it during one of the most stressful times in your life, as I said before. If you could find something you can do instead of smoking that is healthier, when you are stressed, or if the doc can get you something to at least reduce the cravings that might help right now. All the best.
  • hollyberry
    hollyberry Member Posts: 173
    #71
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    blueroses said:

    Many will but ..
    It's true that many docs will listen and try to help but what is important on this particular link is to remember that it is okay to talk about the experiences we have with docs who aren't so humane and get it off our chests. It also helps to write about those negative encounters with docs with no people power so that others will see that they aren't alone and it isn't just them who had such a poor experience with a physician or nurse. That's the beauty of this link, we can openly share the good, the bad and the ugly and get that much needed validation on our feelings throughout the whole cancer experience.

    Point well taken, Larry
    I just learned from my primary care doc that what the first 2 radiologists believed were tumors in my gallbladder are not, but my oncologist just looked at the report and said he was happy with my progress; no mention of the gallbladder. I really like the guy but, I do tend to get a little frustrated with the way he presents info and advice. I suppose personal style plays a part, also. And I was a bit thrown the other day when I called my nurse and the clerk told me she had quit and moved to the other side of the country; they don't have a new nurse yet,so I have to contact the girls at the desk and they will leave a message with the doc. Hence the cynical little ditty on the gift basket; I know you guys understand where I'm coming from.
    MAW, I just ate a 2 oz. piece of white-chocolate almond bark- whatever gets you through the day sometimes, my friend!! Sometimes comfort aces good judgment. I think we can all tell you stories about just getting through the bad days, but tomorrow is a new one and maybe you will have the will-power to quit smoking then.Hang in there, you're not alone
  • Mawoni
    Mawoni Member Posts: 20
    #72
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    hollyberry said:

    Point well taken, Larry
    I just learned from my primary care doc that what the first 2 radiologists believed were tumors in my gallbladder are not, but my oncologist just looked at the report and said he was happy with my progress; no mention of the gallbladder. I really like the guy but, I do tend to get a little frustrated with the way he presents info and advice. I suppose personal style plays a part, also. And I was a bit thrown the other day when I called my nurse and the clerk told me she had quit and moved to the other side of the country; they don't have a new nurse yet,so I have to contact the girls at the desk and they will leave a message with the doc. Hence the cynical little ditty on the gift basket; I know you guys understand where I'm coming from.
    MAW, I just ate a 2 oz. piece of white-chocolate almond bark- whatever gets you through the day sometimes, my friend!! Sometimes comfort aces good judgment. I think we can all tell you stories about just getting through the bad days, but tomorrow is a new one and maybe you will have the will-power to quit smoking then.Hang in there, you're not alone

    more from MAW
    I want to thank all you responders. It really does help to know I am not totally whack-o. As an update, I saw my OncMan yesterday and he was (surprisingly) very sympathetic about how depressed I have found myself. Gave me the name of a counselor who apparantly is getting very good reviews from other cancer patients. I'll call today and try to get an appointment. I have high hopes that if I can just get over myself a bit I can direct some energy toward getting off the smokes again. I need to talk through some of the guilt about being a survivor and figure out why I feel so unworthy. So many folks are so much worse off than I am, and have endured such horrors in the battle we fight. Somehow, I have just not been able to snap out of it ... you know? (Of course you do.) Thanks again ... and keep fighting the good fight. I'll try to hang in there with you. You're all in my daily meditations.
    Blessings and hugs .... Maw
  • larry59
    larry59 Member Posts: 41
    #73
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    Mawoni said:

    more from MAW
    I want to thank all you responders. It really does help to know I am not totally whack-o. As an update, I saw my OncMan yesterday and he was (surprisingly) very sympathetic about how depressed I have found myself. Gave me the name of a counselor who apparantly is getting very good reviews from other cancer patients. I'll call today and try to get an appointment. I have high hopes that if I can just get over myself a bit I can direct some energy toward getting off the smokes again. I need to talk through some of the guilt about being a survivor and figure out why I feel so unworthy. So many folks are so much worse off than I am, and have endured such horrors in the battle we fight. Somehow, I have just not been able to snap out of it ... you know? (Of course you do.) Thanks again ... and keep fighting the good fight. I'll try to hang in there with you. You're all in my daily meditations.
    Blessings and hugs .... Maw

    keeping sane
    Maw, and others, I too have severe depression on top of the cancer. I have found face-to-face counseling helps with a psychologist. Psychiatrists apparently are just drug dealers these days and don't actually do verbal therapy much.
    Anyway my point is that in my case anyway I smoke and I have told my docs that's probably the one thing keeping me sane. Why give up something that you enjoy even if it is not good for you?? It seems everything is bad for your health but something is going to kill you no matter what. I refuse to be bullied by docs who have the easy suggestions of "stop smoking" or "stop eating high-calorie desserts" or "stop eating fast food." I am going to enjoy the time I have left and don't care one little bit about experts' advice. They are not the ones dealing with the emotional knowledge that you have an illness that is going to take your life. So screw them all and enjoy whatever makes you happy!!!!!!!
  • Mawoni
    Mawoni Member Posts: 20
    #74
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    Thanks Larry!
    Hi Larry ... Good to know I'm not the only one in the world still smoking. I sometimes think along the same vein (why should I stop? what's the worst that can happen? right?), But mostly I want to stop because of the social stigma and what a number it does on my self esteem. (not just for my health). I am anxious to see this counselor and glad that you have found that talking face to face with one helps you some. It is a heavy load to carry, even with a wonderful support group such as the one here.
    Yes, there are times we have to just do what ever the heck will make us feel better and hang the consequences. We're not stupid people and we know what's bad for us, but sometimes we just have to not care!
    If stopping smoking is not on your agenda ... I won't be trying to convince you. Just be happy, feel better, and know that we're all here and do understand.
    Sending you a smoke stinky hug ... Maw
  • blueroses
    blueroses Member Posts: 524
    #75
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    Mawoni said:

    more from MAW
    I want to thank all you responders. It really does help to know I am not totally whack-o. As an update, I saw my OncMan yesterday and he was (surprisingly) very sympathetic about how depressed I have found myself. Gave me the name of a counselor who apparantly is getting very good reviews from other cancer patients. I'll call today and try to get an appointment. I have high hopes that if I can just get over myself a bit I can direct some energy toward getting off the smokes again. I need to talk through some of the guilt about being a survivor and figure out why I feel so unworthy. So many folks are so much worse off than I am, and have endured such horrors in the battle we fight. Somehow, I have just not been able to snap out of it ... you know? (Of course you do.) Thanks again ... and keep fighting the good fight. I'll try to hang in there with you. You're all in my daily meditations.
    Blessings and hugs .... Maw

    Glad to hear that Maw
    Good for you for looking, and finding, a counsellor - especially one who seems to know their way around cancer survivors - that's fabulous. I am sure that in time he/she will help you realize and understand your feelings. We all can indeed relate to not being able to 'snap out of it' but always best to check that the depression doesn't go too far. You won't TRY and hang in there with us you WILL hang in there with us. It never ceases to amaze me at how cancer patients and survivors have so much strength in them to go out and seek the help they need and get the answers they want. Look at you, so many things to think about and worry about but still you push on and find the help you need. Congrats Maw, you are a true survivor. Blessings, Blueroses.
  • Mawoni
    Mawoni Member Posts: 20
    #76
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    blueroses said:

    Glad to hear that Maw
    Good for you for looking, and finding, a counsellor - especially one who seems to know their way around cancer survivors - that's fabulous. I am sure that in time he/she will help you realize and understand your feelings. We all can indeed relate to not being able to 'snap out of it' but always best to check that the depression doesn't go too far. You won't TRY and hang in there with us you WILL hang in there with us. It never ceases to amaze me at how cancer patients and survivors have so much strength in them to go out and seek the help they need and get the answers they want. Look at you, so many things to think about and worry about but still you push on and find the help you need. Congrats Maw, you are a true survivor. Blessings, Blueroses.

    You are amazing
    Thanks, BlueRoses. The best I can do is just "keep on keepin' on" ... and I will ... Maw

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