Has anyone else ever experienced any 'unusual' experiences after, or just prior, to diagnosis?

blueroses

I wasn't quite sure how to word the subject of this posting of a new topic because I didn't want to give away the actual experience in terms of what it truly was but I will explain.

The 'unusual' experience I am referring to came to me in the form of a line of heat. This would take forever to explain so I am going to be brief here, kind of diminishes the intensity of the event, but for brevity's sake I will have to condense.

When I was in isolation, trying to get through my bone marrow transplant I had over 18 years ago, I had congestive heart failure. After I came out of the coma from it I was sitting up in bed (had to sit and sleep that way due to pneumonias) when all of a sudden I experienced this 'heat line' that started at the top of my head and went, horizontally, slowly and deliberately right through my body, stopping and lingering around the two sites of my cancers then moving on til the line of heat went right out the bottom of my feet. During the time it lingered on the final site of the cancer I got this strong thought in my mind that said 'this is a healing and it will never be back'. It wasn't like a booming voice from above, just a gentle explanation in my mind and that gave me the peace to go on and not worry about another bout of 'the beast'. I KNOW, like I have never known anything before, a real true KNOWING that this was a healing. I was never, at any time through this event - scared, curious yes and taken aback - yes, but never afraid and that in itself is miraculous at such a sensation. Now don't start thinking that I am a bible thumper, in fact I seldom even attend church during the holidays but I do believe in a higher power, after this healing more than ever. I was not asking for a healing per se just of course praying my face off to get me through this, for my young family more than anything but I never actually thought of a proper healing as they are described , but gots seem to have gotten one anywho. Afterwards I found out that there were two prayer groups praying for me and I can't help but think that the power of prayer, group prayer especially, was at work at that time for me in spades.

Sooooooooo, the question I am asking is has anyone ever experienced a sensation like my line of heat or any other sensation during their trip with cancer that they have never really been able to explain? It must have happened to others too, just wondering if they realize what it truly was or if they are just afraid to tell anyone about it? Hey I'm not that special someone else must have had something similar, was it you?

Dreamdove

My experience
A day or two after I came home from my ovarian cancer surgery, I woke up during the night to feel a Presence over me as I lay on my back in bed. I thought, or maybe it was my imagination, that this Presence put his hand inside of me in my lower abdominal area. I spoke to my sister on the phone soon after and she said she had asked a prayer group in her church to pray over me. She said the time they had done that and it seemed to me that it was around that same time that I felt the Presence over me. I'm not really a "churchy" sort of person like my sister is but I feel I am spiritual. I think it was some sort of healing. I didn't feel any heat like you, though. But I do believe we are not alone, that we are being cared for whether we realize it or not. There are those in the spiritual realm that are concerned about us. Call it God or Jesus or your higher power or angels.

blueroses

Dreamdove said:

My experience
A day or two after I came home from my ovarian cancer surgery, I woke up during the night to feel a Presence over me as I lay on my back in bed. I thought, or maybe it was my imagination, that this Presence put his hand inside of me in my lower abdominal area. I spoke to my sister on the phone soon after and she said she had asked a prayer group in her church to pray over me. She said the time they had done that and it seemed to me that it was around that same time that I felt the Presence over me. I'm not really a "churchy" sort of person like my sister is but I feel I am spiritual. I think it was some sort of healing. I didn't feel any heat like you, though. But I do believe we are not alone, that we are being cared for whether we realize it or not. There are those in the spiritual realm that are concerned about us. Call it God or Jesus or your higher power or angels.

Not surprised
Wow what a fabulous experience for you. Did it alter how you felt about the chances of recurrance at all and about a higher power? How long has it been since you had the surgery? Have you had any other recurrances since or was your cancer surgery recent? I like you am not a 'churchy' person either which makes our experiences all the more amazing since we haven't been surrounded by these ideas of healings at all. I too am a spiritual person but to me my experience and it sounds like yours too were truly healings. The one common element to it all seems to be group prayer, I have heard this from others as well. The question I ask myself everyday though is 'why me though?' and I get this answer back in my mind immediately 'why not you?'. We are truly blessed by our experiences, I wonder how many more are out there just too scared to come forward with their experiences. It can't be only us. Thank you for your post, I feel better now knowing that there are others out there who have experienced the same type of thing. Do you come into the chatrooms very often on this site? They are super, very supportive and validating. Hope to see you there sometime and thanks again for the posting. God Bless.

Dreamdove

blueroses said:

Not surprised
Wow what a fabulous experience for you. Did it alter how you felt about the chances of recurrance at all and about a higher power? How long has it been since you had the surgery? Have you had any other recurrances since or was your cancer surgery recent? I like you am not a 'churchy' person either which makes our experiences all the more amazing since we haven't been surrounded by these ideas of healings at all. I too am a spiritual person but to me my experience and it sounds like yours too were truly healings. The one common element to it all seems to be group prayer, I have heard this from others as well. The question I ask myself everyday though is 'why me though?' and I get this answer back in my mind immediately 'why not you?'. We are truly blessed by our experiences, I wonder how many more are out there just too scared to come forward with their experiences. It can't be only us. Thank you for your post, I feel better now knowing that there are others out there who have experienced the same type of thing. Do you come into the chatrooms very often on this site? They are super, very supportive and validating. Hope to see you there sometime and thanks again for the posting. God Bless.

no need to be surprised
Hi, I do believe more people than we realize have had spiritual experiences but maybe keep it to themselves or tell them only to family members. Some dreams should be included in spiritual experiences also. I had one several years before I got cancer. A relative I never met (dead for many years) told me I'd get sick. My cancer surgery was Jan. 2007. I've been in remission for 17+ months now. Is it because of the experience I had? Hope so. I'm a single parent so I have to stay around for my kids, especially the one I still have at home, a 14-year old girl. I'm just asking that I stay around until she reaches maturity. Should I ask for more? Maybe. Alot of people (almost total strangers even) have told me they have prayed for me. I really believe that helps. I am still not a religious fanatic. But I have always believed in God and always will no matter what happens to me. If this cancer journey takes me to a better place, that's ok.

blueroses

Dreamdove said:

no need to be surprised
Hi, I do believe more people than we realize have had spiritual experiences but maybe keep it to themselves or tell them only to family members. Some dreams should be included in spiritual experiences also. I had one several years before I got cancer. A relative I never met (dead for many years) told me I'd get sick. My cancer surgery was Jan. 2007. I've been in remission for 17+ months now. Is it because of the experience I had? Hope so. I'm a single parent so I have to stay around for my kids, especially the one I still have at home, a 14-year old girl. I'm just asking that I stay around until she reaches maturity. Should I ask for more? Maybe. Alot of people (almost total strangers even) have told me they have prayed for me. I really believe that helps. I am still not a religious fanatic. But I have always believed in God and always will no matter what happens to me. If this cancer journey takes me to a better place, that's ok.

Hard to know why
It's hard, well actually impossible, to really know why anything happens I suppose, bottomline, in life but the power of group prayer to me just seems to be so powerful according to many many people. One thing I have found in talking to people though about this phenomenon of healings is that many of them seem to have asked to be allowed to survive long enough to allow them to be there for their children til they themselves become independant - seems many healings take place for that reason. That is what I asked before I received mine. As far as dreams are concerned of course there are a billion theories on what dreams really are but I had one dream that turned out to be a look into the future, not about the cancer but about something else personally that I had no knowledge of before the dream at all - the idea behind it came right out of the blue. A year or so later it came true almost down to the last detail and changed my life. So I have personally had a dream forsee the future for me so could well be that you did too, in some way at least.

I wish more people would talk about their experiences in this regard as it pertains to their cancer because like many other things about this disease no one but those who have been through it can truly understand and on this site that is certainly true. They say the truth shall set you free and we are so held prisoner by this illness in som many ways like during treatment and with followups and testing and late effects it would at least be nice to get yet another subject out of the way for us, one that we are afraid to talk about with anyone other than those who have been there.

Take care and thanks for the input. Very interesting about your dream.

TereB

blueroses said:

Hard to know why
It's hard, well actually impossible, to really know why anything happens I suppose, bottomline, in life but the power of group prayer to me just seems to be so powerful according to many many people. One thing I have found in talking to people though about this phenomenon of healings is that many of them seem to have asked to be allowed to survive long enough to allow them to be there for their children til they themselves become independant - seems many healings take place for that reason. That is what I asked before I received mine. As far as dreams are concerned of course there are a billion theories on what dreams really are but I had one dream that turned out to be a look into the future, not about the cancer but about something else personally that I had no knowledge of before the dream at all - the idea behind it came right out of the blue. A year or so later it came true almost down to the last detail and changed my life. So I have personally had a dream forsee the future for me so could well be that you did too, in some way at least.

I wish more people would talk about their experiences in this regard as it pertains to their cancer because like many other things about this disease no one but those who have been through it can truly understand and on this site that is certainly true. They say the truth shall set you free and we are so held prisoner by this illness in som many ways like during treatment and with followups and testing and late effects it would at least be nice to get yet another subject out of the way for us, one that we are afraid to talk about with anyone other than those who have been there.

Take care and thanks for the input. Very interesting about your dream.

Trying to Understand
I had big surgery on my head many years ago. There were no prayer groups because we had just returned to Houston and didn't know anyone. The doctor said surgery was going to be difficult since there was a chance I could have a stroke during surgery and either die or be paralized for ever. I was not a religious person and my main concern was my kids who were three and five years old then. I asked God to help me, I explained that I needed to be around for my kids. Surgery lasted 11-1/2 hours and I survived, perhaps not in the best shape but I was able to care for my children.

I don't know if I am going to be around for a long time but I don't worry as much because my kids are grown. Over the years since the big surgery, I've had other surgeries and radiation treatments. I have many mets and there is no cure for my kind of cancer. It is a rare one. Still, I am able to work, to move around, to enjoy many things. There have been times when my tumors have gone dormant and once two of the biggest ones shrunk a little bit. I though this happened to other people with the same type of tumors too. Apparently it doesn't. My docs say I am rare among the rare. Nobody knows why my tumors go dormant or shrink.

I have no explanation for any of this. All I know is that I love God very much, I thank Him every day for the new day He gave me, for the beautiful sunset, etc. and I tell him a lot of stuff. I don't go to church much. I usually pray for everybody even if I do not know them but I don't do it for myself. I do ask God to give me the strength to go thru treatments, tests, etc. and He always does. I ask Mary mother of Jesus and my Guardian Angel to hold my hand when I am very nervous about the test or whatever. Believe it or not, I can actually take a nap while I am in the MRI machine... in spite of the noise.

Many times when you have a terrible disease like cancer your priorities and your perceptions change. You see things in a different way. The psychiatrist I saw years ago after the first surgery told me that your mind can help you a lot and in my case, the worry about my kids was so big it helped me make it thru surgery.

I think it may be a combination of body, mind and spirit. I've been looking for answers for many years now. I have read that doctors have made experiments using a prayer group for a group of sick people, and not for others. The prayers apparently help a lot even if the patient didn't know someone was praying for him/her.

I wish I could understand all of this.

blueroses

TereB said:

Trying to Understand
I had big surgery on my head many years ago. There were no prayer groups because we had just returned to Houston and didn't know anyone. The doctor said surgery was going to be difficult since there was a chance I could have a stroke during surgery and either die or be paralized for ever. I was not a religious person and my main concern was my kids who were three and five years old then. I asked God to help me, I explained that I needed to be around for my kids. Surgery lasted 11-1/2 hours and I survived, perhaps not in the best shape but I was able to care for my children.

I don't know if I am going to be around for a long time but I don't worry as much because my kids are grown. Over the years since the big surgery, I've had other surgeries and radiation treatments. I have many mets and there is no cure for my kind of cancer. It is a rare one. Still, I am able to work, to move around, to enjoy many things. There have been times when my tumors have gone dormant and once two of the biggest ones shrunk a little bit. I though this happened to other people with the same type of tumors too. Apparently it doesn't. My docs say I am rare among the rare. Nobody knows why my tumors go dormant or shrink.

I have no explanation for any of this. All I know is that I love God very much, I thank Him every day for the new day He gave me, for the beautiful sunset, etc. and I tell him a lot of stuff. I don't go to church much. I usually pray for everybody even if I do not know them but I don't do it for myself. I do ask God to give me the strength to go thru treatments, tests, etc. and He always does. I ask Mary mother of Jesus and my Guardian Angel to hold my hand when I am very nervous about the test or whatever. Believe it or not, I can actually take a nap while I am in the MRI machine... in spite of the noise.

Many times when you have a terrible disease like cancer your priorities and your perceptions change. You see things in a different way. The psychiatrist I saw years ago after the first surgery told me that your mind can help you a lot and in my case, the worry about my kids was so big it helped me make it thru surgery.

I think it may be a combination of body, mind and spirit. I've been looking for answers for many years now. I have read that doctors have made experiments using a prayer group for a group of sick people, and not for others. The prayers apparently help a lot even if the patient didn't know someone was praying for him/her.

I wish I could understand all of this.

Wish I had the knowledge to help you understand
I guess we are all in that mystery world of 'why do things happen as they do' but suffice is to say that only one entity knows, that's my feeling'. I personally am confidant in knowing that for me the prayer groups did make a difference but I also feek that it seems to be a combination of things that sets the final healings in motion. Like I mentioned before many who have prayed to keep them around long enough to raise their children to where they are grown and self sufficient is a big one that starts healings in motion but for others who experience them it could be something else unrelated. I noticed too that a reaching out for a longer time on this planet goes hand in hand with being unselfish as well, not only wanting to stick around for our children but for others as well and for some of us that may be the mission - talk about things like experiences during cancer so that other patients and caregivers can gain knowledge to help them in their lives. Funny though how so many of us who have had these unusual experiences are not the least bit 'churchy, didn't expect a true healing or to be given unusual patterns in our cancers - like yours that shrunk then some went dormant, so it can't be said that the religious slant forced us into believing something spiritually was happening - we just weren't like that to begin with. Most of us did believe though, in a higher power, but I have heard of others who did not even believe so I guess bottomline is - who knows why things happen as they do, certain things though as I have mentioned do seem to come up in these cases over and over. Very interesting. You mentioned that prayer groups help even if the patient didn't realize they were praying for them and that was the case with me as well. The biggest thing I learned from my experience, healing, was that special kind of KNOWING that I had never known before, I just KNEW that for me the cancer would never be back, that was a wonderful blessing.

sandybe

blueroses said:

Wish I had the knowledge to help you understand
I guess we are all in that mystery world of 'why do things happen as they do' but suffice is to say that only one entity knows, that's my feeling'. I personally am confidant in knowing that for me the prayer groups did make a difference but I also feek that it seems to be a combination of things that sets the final healings in motion. Like I mentioned before many who have prayed to keep them around long enough to raise their children to where they are grown and self sufficient is a big one that starts healings in motion but for others who experience them it could be something else unrelated. I noticed too that a reaching out for a longer time on this planet goes hand in hand with being unselfish as well, not only wanting to stick around for our children but for others as well and for some of us that may be the mission - talk about things like experiences during cancer so that other patients and caregivers can gain knowledge to help them in their lives. Funny though how so many of us who have had these unusual experiences are not the least bit 'churchy, didn't expect a true healing or to be given unusual patterns in our cancers - like yours that shrunk then some went dormant, so it can't be said that the religious slant forced us into believing something spiritually was happening - we just weren't like that to begin with. Most of us did believe though, in a higher power, but I have heard of others who did not even believe so I guess bottomline is - who knows why things happen as they do, certain things though as I have mentioned do seem to come up in these cases over and over. Very interesting. You mentioned that prayer groups help even if the patient didn't realize they were praying for them and that was the case with me as well. The biggest thing I learned from my experience, healing, was that special kind of KNOWING that I had never known before, I just KNEW that for me the cancer would never be back, that was a wonderful blessing.

Enexplained
I had some unexplainable things happen before I was diagnosed with cancer. The weird thing is that it happened the same way just before I was diagnosed the second time around as well. I would frequently have dreams that would come true, nothing major, just little things. I would also have thoughts about things that would happen shortly after. If I could have predicted the lotto numbers I would have, but it was nothing like that. Little things like I would know what someone was going to say before they would say it. I would also have thoughts about someone and sure enough I would hear from them or run into them downtown. I had an incredible feeling about being hit in a car accident for weeks, then there it was, in the back bumper of my car. It was very much of a dejavu type thing, and knowing what was going to happen before it happened. It's very difficult to describe, but I had this before I was diagnosed the first time, then it slowly went away. I remember it coming back again and having fun with it, I paid much more attention to it the second time. I also had the incredible feeling of the cancer being back and knowing it much before I found out from the doctors. Once again it's gone, I hope the cancer is too! This experience is very difficult to describe, it was kind of like a dejavu and an intuition as well, and the ending always turned out the way I felt it would.

blueroses

sandybe said:

Enexplained
I had some unexplainable things happen before I was diagnosed with cancer. The weird thing is that it happened the same way just before I was diagnosed the second time around as well. I would frequently have dreams that would come true, nothing major, just little things. I would also have thoughts about things that would happen shortly after. If I could have predicted the lotto numbers I would have, but it was nothing like that. Little things like I would know what someone was going to say before they would say it. I would also have thoughts about someone and sure enough I would hear from them or run into them downtown. I had an incredible feeling about being hit in a car accident for weeks, then there it was, in the back bumper of my car. It was very much of a dejavu type thing, and knowing what was going to happen before it happened. It's very difficult to describe, but I had this before I was diagnosed the first time, then it slowly went away. I remember it coming back again and having fun with it, I paid much more attention to it the second time. I also had the incredible feeling of the cancer being back and knowing it much before I found out from the doctors. Once again it's gone, I hope the cancer is too! This experience is very difficult to describe, it was kind of like a dejavu and an intuition as well, and the ending always turned out the way I felt it would.

Precognition
I think that's the name they give it, knowing things will happen before they do. I have heard of cancer patients who have just 'known' what the diagnosis was going to be when it was cancer. I know that for me when I found the first lump I certainly was not the type of person to say 'oh no it's cancer' wouldn't have thought about it that way but this time it was diffeent, like you said hard to explain but you just knew. There seems to be real 'knowing' that is unlike any other in the cancer experience for many. In a previous post I told about a 'knowing' that came over me, that the disease would not be back and it hasn't been, in 18 years.

Dreamdove

blueroses said:

Precognition
I think that's the name they give it, knowing things will happen before they do. I have heard of cancer patients who have just 'known' what the diagnosis was going to be when it was cancer. I know that for me when I found the first lump I certainly was not the type of person to say 'oh no it's cancer' wouldn't have thought about it that way but this time it was diffeent, like you said hard to explain but you just knew. There seems to be real 'knowing' that is unlike any other in the cancer experience for many. In a previous post I told about a 'knowing' that came over me, that the disease would not be back and it hasn't been, in 18 years.

"knowing I had ovarian cancer"
I only had 3 days of real symptoms before I diagnosed myself as having ovarian cancer. I didn't know anything about the disease. I was at my boyfriend's(ex) home looking at different diseases on the internet, trying to figure out what these symptoms indicated. I knew it had to be something serious. I looked up a couple of diseases, then ovarian cancer. Like I said, I knew nothing about it. Never read about it or anything. I just typed that word in and there was the list of symptoms before my eyes. I turned to look at my boyfriend and said, "that's what I have." It was like a chill went thru both of us. Next morning I drove my self to the ER and when the gynelogical oncologist came in and told me he thought I had ovarian cancer, I said, "I know that."

blueroses

Dreamdove said:

"knowing I had ovarian cancer"
I only had 3 days of real symptoms before I diagnosed myself as having ovarian cancer. I didn't know anything about the disease. I was at my boyfriend's(ex) home looking at different diseases on the internet, trying to figure out what these symptoms indicated. I knew it had to be something serious. I looked up a couple of diseases, then ovarian cancer. Like I said, I knew nothing about it. Never read about it or anything. I just typed that word in and there was the list of symptoms before my eyes. I turned to look at my boyfriend and said, "that's what I have." It was like a chill went thru both of us. Next morning I drove my self to the ER and when the gynelogical oncologist came in and told me he thought I had ovarian cancer, I said, "I know that."

There's that 'I just knew' thingy
There seems to be a certain 100% complete knowing that is quite separate from the usual meaning of the word when it comes to recognizing cancer in ourselves. Some might not recognize this but I bet most people have been through that knowing stage if they were to really think about it. The body knows what is going on with it and we just have to learn how to listen to hear what we need to to be able to take care of ourselves. By the way your first name wouldn't be Fay would it? You look almost exactly like a roommate I had many moons ago.

Dreamdove

blueroses said:

There's that 'I just knew' thingy
There seems to be a certain 100% complete knowing that is quite separate from the usual meaning of the word when it comes to recognizing cancer in ourselves. Some might not recognize this but I bet most people have been through that knowing stage if they were to really think about it. The body knows what is going on with it and we just have to learn how to listen to hear what we need to to be able to take care of ourselves. By the way your first name wouldn't be Fay would it? You look almost exactly like a roommate I had many moons ago.

sorry no Fay here
I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing not being Fay lol.

TereB

blueroses said:

There's that 'I just knew' thingy
There seems to be a certain 100% complete knowing that is quite separate from the usual meaning of the word when it comes to recognizing cancer in ourselves. Some might not recognize this but I bet most people have been through that knowing stage if they were to really think about it. The body knows what is going on with it and we just have to learn how to listen to hear what we need to to be able to take care of ourselves. By the way your first name wouldn't be Fay would it? You look almost exactly like a roommate I had many moons ago.

Knowing our bodies
I don't think I would be able to tell or suspect I have cancer before seeing the doctor. But I can certainly tell when there is something wrong with my body, not the usual aches and pains.

About a year after my "big" surgery, I started getting headaches, not the usual kind. I went to the doctor many times and he always said there was nothing wrong with me. I knew something was happenning to me and the pain was getting worse. I saw several doctors they all came with things that I knew where not right. I fought with nurses to be able to see my medical records. I had a very strong feeling that whatever was going on with me had to do with the tumor that had been taken out. On my last visit to the doctor/surgeon, he said he was the doctor and he knew I had no tumor in my head. He said the horrible pain I was in was caused by stress. I really was desperate so I went to see a neurologist because they know about pain. Guess what... the tumor had grown back and it was twice the size of the one that had been taken out.

Years later I felt pain in my abdomen and I went to the hospital emergency which is unusual for me. I knew it was important and it was. I had an ovarian torsion cause by a tumor on my ovary. So I was lucky the ovarian cancer was caught at a very early stage before there were symptoms and was treated with surgery only.

I don't know if there is someone up there looking out for me. I think we should all learn to pay attention to our bodies because nobody knows them better than ourselves. I completely agree with you, blueroses, we need to learn how to listen to our bodies.

blueroses

TereB said:

Knowing our bodies
I don't think I would be able to tell or suspect I have cancer before seeing the doctor. But I can certainly tell when there is something wrong with my body, not the usual aches and pains.

About a year after my "big" surgery, I started getting headaches, not the usual kind. I went to the doctor many times and he always said there was nothing wrong with me. I knew something was happenning to me and the pain was getting worse. I saw several doctors they all came with things that I knew where not right. I fought with nurses to be able to see my medical records. I had a very strong feeling that whatever was going on with me had to do with the tumor that had been taken out. On my last visit to the doctor/surgeon, he said he was the doctor and he knew I had no tumor in my head. He said the horrible pain I was in was caused by stress. I really was desperate so I went to see a neurologist because they know about pain. Guess what... the tumor had grown back and it was twice the size of the one that had been taken out.

Years later I felt pain in my abdomen and I went to the hospital emergency which is unusual for me. I knew it was important and it was. I had an ovarian torsion cause by a tumor on my ovary. So I was lucky the ovarian cancer was caught at a very early stage before there were symptoms and was treated with surgery only.

I don't know if there is someone up there looking out for me. I think we should all learn to pay attention to our bodies because nobody knows them better than ourselves. I completely agree with you, blueroses, we need to learn how to listen to our bodies.

Our bodies ache and pain for reasons
Aches and pains are signals from out body that something is not right. As you said, we know our bodies and when we feel things that are not usual for us then the wise thing to do is listen to our bodies, as you said, and when we feel strongly that there is something there we have to dig deep and get someone to listen to us. I always say that you have to be very strong to be sick because as most find in time, especially females, you will need to fight for what you believe to be true with your own body. You hear it over and over again. There is a show on tv right now in some countries called Mystery Diagnosis and the linking message althrough most of the cases presented is that these people were tormented for sometimes years and years with symptoms and doctors continuously told them it was nothing or went off on tangents that the patient knew were wrong, instinctively. You should try and catch that show if you can, it can be very validating in allowing you to see that you are the only one who isn't listened to when you have an instinct something is just not right. We indeed do have to be strong to be sick. Good for you for sticking it out and eventually getting what you needed. Too bad you had to go through all the agony though.

As far as your first comment about not probably knowing it is cancer perhaps, I knew it was cancer when I found a bump and I don't jump to conclusions and cancer was the last thing on my mind. It was something about the hardness of the lump I found that was unlike any other and instantly I had a burst of electricity, like a shock go through me and I knew that is what it was. I have heard others say this too. The body is a marvelous system and it sends out signals to tell us not only that something is wrong but to perhaps prepare us for the shock to come.

sandybe

blueroses said:

Our bodies ache and pain for reasons
Aches and pains are signals from out body that something is not right. As you said, we know our bodies and when we feel things that are not usual for us then the wise thing to do is listen to our bodies, as you said, and when we feel strongly that there is something there we have to dig deep and get someone to listen to us. I always say that you have to be very strong to be sick because as most find in time, especially females, you will need to fight for what you believe to be true with your own body. You hear it over and over again. There is a show on tv right now in some countries called Mystery Diagnosis and the linking message althrough most of the cases presented is that these people were tormented for sometimes years and years with symptoms and doctors continuously told them it was nothing or went off on tangents that the patient knew were wrong, instinctively. You should try and catch that show if you can, it can be very validating in allowing you to see that you are the only one who isn't listened to when you have an instinct something is just not right. We indeed do have to be strong to be sick. Good for you for sticking it out and eventually getting what you needed. Too bad you had to go through all the agony though.

As far as your first comment about not probably knowing it is cancer perhaps, I knew it was cancer when I found a bump and I don't jump to conclusions and cancer was the last thing on my mind. It was something about the hardness of the lump I found that was unlike any other and instantly I had a burst of electricity, like a shock go through me and I knew that is what it was. I have heard others say this too. The body is a marvelous system and it sends out signals to tell us not only that something is wrong but to perhaps prepare us for the shock to come.

Knowing it's there
I agree, I think a lot of people know they have cancer and put it off in denial. The first time I had cancer I knew for several months. I even knew what type of cancer I had. I didn't want to deal with it because my father died of the same cancer and my sister died of a similar cancer. I thought I would die too, and as long as people didn't know, nobody would have to suffer except me. I wanted to protect my husband, mother and kids from having to deal with cancer. In my own experience I thought I would just die of cancer and that would be the end, then there wasn't that long drawn out process of mourning for me.
I will admit know that I had made the wrong decision. Medicine has come a long way in fifteen years and things have changed. If my father and sister were sick today, they may have lived. I almost met my demise through denial and not wanting to deal with it until it was too late. Luckily I had a terrible case of pneumonia that made me go to the hospital and the whole cancer thing went rolling from there. Two years later I am still here and fighting. It wasn't my time to go yet.

blueroses

sandybe said:

Knowing it's there
I agree, I think a lot of people know they have cancer and put it off in denial. The first time I had cancer I knew for several months. I even knew what type of cancer I had. I didn't want to deal with it because my father died of the same cancer and my sister died of a similar cancer. I thought I would die too, and as long as people didn't know, nobody would have to suffer except me. I wanted to protect my husband, mother and kids from having to deal with cancer. In my own experience I thought I would just die of cancer and that would be the end, then there wasn't that long drawn out process of mourning for me.
I will admit know that I had made the wrong decision. Medicine has come a long way in fifteen years and things have changed. If my father and sister were sick today, they may have lived. I almost met my demise through denial and not wanting to deal with it until it was too late. Luckily I had a terrible case of pneumonia that made me go to the hospital and the whole cancer thing went rolling from there. Two years later I am still here and fighting. It wasn't my time to go yet.

Strange how things work out eh?
Interesting how your denial of the instinct, that you did in fact have cancer, was trumped by another part of your body failing (pneumonia) so that brought the cancer to the foreground. I think nature has a way of getting us the help we need sometimes, in spite of ourselves. I am glad that they caught it in time.

I think that your denial was probably more the fear of it happening in you as well, as it did for your inlaws, but were you actually afraid of this happening before you found an actual sign of the cancer, like a lump or some other sign, or was it always a fear of yours that you would develop it sooner or later too?

I am a strong believer in the Universe providing but sometimes the things we ask for aren't always presenting the way we want but I believe it comes to us as what we truly need. Just my little old theory. lol.

sandybe

blueroses said:

Strange how things work out eh?
Interesting how your denial of the instinct, that you did in fact have cancer, was trumped by another part of your body failing (pneumonia) so that brought the cancer to the foreground. I think nature has a way of getting us the help we need sometimes, in spite of ourselves. I am glad that they caught it in time.

I think that your denial was probably more the fear of it happening in you as well, as it did for your inlaws, but were you actually afraid of this happening before you found an actual sign of the cancer, like a lump or some other sign, or was it always a fear of yours that you would develop it sooner or later too?

I am a strong believer in the Universe providing but sometimes the things we ask for aren't always presenting the way we want but I believe it comes to us as what we truly need. Just my little old theory. lol.

Fear
I never feared it. I always just had a feeling that I knew sooner or later that I would get it. It was a feeling of knowing I would not live a long life. I still have that feeling that I will not live long enough to see retirement or my grandchildren. I hope it is wrong! I would love nothing better than to be wrong on that one. I guess I always felt it was a given thing. I wasn't looking for it to happen, nor did I ever fear getting sick. I figured it would happen much later in life than it did. Call it living the way I knew and experienced life. With the death of my father and sister I guess I just never got my hopes too high, and thought that life is just what it gives you. You deal with what you have. I have always and still am a very upbeat and positive person. I live life like anyone else. I've been battling for two years now, and been in remission and then out again. Right now I don't know my status. I still live each day as I did three years ago. I guess it was never a real SHOCK when I got sick, because I had already lived it through other family members and knew there was nothing I could do to change things. I joke about being bald and having cancer all the time, I guess it makes me feel normal when people look at me with tears in their eyes.
I think there is a lot to our bodies and brains that we are unaware of. I do believe a lot in the power of the mind in certain situations. Did I wish it upon myself? I don't know, not intentionally anyways. I remember upon first diagnosis my brother saying to me that he thought it would have been him, not me.

blueroses

sandybe said:

Fear
I never feared it. I always just had a feeling that I knew sooner or later that I would get it. It was a feeling of knowing I would not live a long life. I still have that feeling that I will not live long enough to see retirement or my grandchildren. I hope it is wrong! I would love nothing better than to be wrong on that one. I guess I always felt it was a given thing. I wasn't looking for it to happen, nor did I ever fear getting sick. I figured it would happen much later in life than it did. Call it living the way I knew and experienced life. With the death of my father and sister I guess I just never got my hopes too high, and thought that life is just what it gives you. You deal with what you have. I have always and still am a very upbeat and positive person. I live life like anyone else. I've been battling for two years now, and been in remission and then out again. Right now I don't know my status. I still live each day as I did three years ago. I guess it was never a real SHOCK when I got sick, because I had already lived it through other family members and knew there was nothing I could do to change things. I joke about being bald and having cancer all the time, I guess it makes me feel normal when people look at me with tears in their eyes.
I think there is a lot to our bodies and brains that we are unaware of. I do believe a lot in the power of the mind in certain situations. Did I wish it upon myself? I don't know, not intentionally anyways. I remember upon first diagnosis my brother saying to me that he thought it would have been him, not me.

While I was reading your post the feeling of resignation to it all, that you seem to have, kept coming up in my mind. I was wondering if you have ever looked into visualization or positive affirmations? I don't know if you have ever heard of them but they are quite helpful they say in turning situations around if you truly believe in them. I guess that is the most important thing, believing, hopefully in something positive, something life affirming. I might be completely wrong about the resignation but it just kept coming up in my mind as I said. You mentioned that you didn't know what your status was but that you were in remission. If you are in remission then it is stopped,perhaps forever, I really don't like the word remission because it insinuates it will be back and that isn't always the case. I am a 20 years cancer survivor, had it back only once after the first unsuccessful treatment and after that it never did come back. I had a very positive attitude and never used the word remission, when it was stopped it was gone to me. Maybe give that visualization and positive affirmation thingy a try, small things can make big differences and the power of the mind is far greater than we know, I am sure. All the best.

sandybe

blueroses said:

While I was reading your post the feeling of resignation to it all, that you seem to have, kept coming up in my mind. I was wondering if you have ever looked into visualization or positive affirmations? I don't know if you have ever heard of them but they are quite helpful they say in turning situations around if you truly believe in them. I guess that is the most important thing, believing, hopefully in something positive, something life affirming. I might be completely wrong about the resignation but it just kept coming up in my mind as I said. You mentioned that you didn't know what your status was but that you were in remission. If you are in remission then it is stopped,perhaps forever, I really don't like the word remission because it insinuates it will be back and that isn't always the case. I am a 20 years cancer survivor, had it back only once after the first unsuccessful treatment and after that it never did come back. I had a very positive attitude and never used the word remission, when it was stopped it was gone to me. Maybe give that visualization and positive affirmation thingy a try, small things can make big differences and the power of the mind is far greater than we know, I am sure. All the best.

I do agree with your statments. I think you misunderstood something when I said I was in remission. I went into remission last year and the cancer came back this spring. I do not know my status at this point because I have finished treatments for the second time and have not yet had tests to see if the cancer is gone. This is my second time around. The first time treatments worked but once chemo was finished it came back again. That is why I do not know my status at this time. I have had many problems with side effects from the last treatment and they cannot do any further testing until all the inflammation and infection is gone. Visualization has been my choice since the beginning, several people have taught me this trick, as well as I am a nurse with my oncology certification and learned many alternatives in the course.

sandybe

sandybe said:

I do agree with your statments. I think you misunderstood something when I said I was in remission. I went into remission last year and the cancer came back this spring. I do not know my status at this point because I have finished treatments for the second time and have not yet had tests to see if the cancer is gone. This is my second time around. The first time treatments worked but once chemo was finished it came back again. That is why I do not know my status at this time. I have had many problems with side effects from the last treatment and they cannot do any further testing until all the inflammation and infection is gone. Visualization has been my choice since the beginning, several people have taught me this trick, as well as I am a nurse with my oncology certification and learned many alternatives in the course.

Blueroses, after posting my last comment I realized something. First of all I have to tell you I am a very positive person. I would never wish cancer upon myself or anyone else. I think the bottom line is that I have lymphoma which has a genetic link. Also I am a nurse that works with cancer patients everyday as well as living with it myself. I think this is what I meant when I stated I just expected it would happen to me. If you don't see it or live with it, it isn't in your mind. When you see it every day and lived it personally it is always in your mind. I don't know if the words can truly express what I am trying to say. I use to word with special needs children as well. This was at the time that I was having my children. My husband wanted a small family, and I wanted a large family. He always considered every healthy child we had a blessing, and was thankful for what we had and did not want to risk more for fear of I guess you would call it the "unknown".

blueroses

Sorry for the misunderstanding
Posting is an imperfect communication form sometimes and I thought you had meant you were in remission for sometime so sorry about that. Glad to hear you have been into visualization for awhile now. The best to you and yours.