My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer

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stangwpd
stangwpd Member Posts: 4
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My mom this week was diagnosed with breast cancer this week and this has been the hardest week of my life. having never dealt with anything like this I have no idea what I am up for. I have cried the past 3 days and been mad at everything cause I just have no idea what she will be going through or I can't even imagine what is next. I would appreciate all the support I can get cause she lives in Michigan and I live in Texas and my sister and I are all she has. My father is deceased so the only people that she has is my sister and I. Can anyone please help me to understand what we are up for. They haven't really told us much besides she will see the oncologist on Tuesday and Thursday she will go for a MRI.. R these standard procedures or does this mean it's way worse than we know it is?? Can someone please help me to understand what all this means since I am so far away from. I will do whatever it takes for myself and son and husband to get there when she starts treatment but I would like to be a little prepared at what she will be going through and what happens now!.

Thank you
Jennifer

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  • Texylin
    Texylin Member Posts: 43
    #2
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    Your Mom
    Jennifer, the first thing you need to do is take a deep breath. If you need help and support you have come to the right place. Before you panic, let your mom go the oncologist and find out what is going on. It would be a good idea for her to take a friend with her for moral support and to listen to what is said. When first diagnosed, it is sometime hard to take in everything that is said to you. When all tests are run you will know a lot more and we can be of more help to you. There are a lot of survivors as well as caregivers here that are full of wisdom and advice and all the support that you need. You might want your mom to visit the site as well. Come back and let us know how you and your mom are doing. Keep your chin up!

    Prayers and hugs coming your way.
    Linda

    PS-I live in Texas and my daughter is in Michigan
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    #3
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    Been There
    Hey Jennifer,
    It is such a shock to hear the words "cancer" but as you visit this site, you will see that there are a ton of survivors. I was the caregiver for both my parents with cancer and yet, here I am finding that I have breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy in March of 2007 and received chemo until the first of July. At the time I went through this, I did know know a soul that had ever experienced breast cancer so I went into blind. How old is your mom and find out if they have "labeled" the cancer. Is she going to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy? Also, is there a background of cancer in her family and what type. At this time, I am free of cancer and it was in both sides and had gone through the lymph nodes. It is not a "death" sentence but all can be quite scary. If you email me, I can give you several good suggestions as to how you can help her, your sister, and yourself. You have made a great step with coming to the "sisterhood" here and I hope your sister and mom will decide to sign on as well. The chatroom does help us to connect even better. I found a very good site as well as ACS and it is www.mayoclinic.com I found this site to be very accurate and does have videos and things that can help you understand what the doctor is telling you. It might be a good time to start a journal because writing down your fears and sadness helps it not grow in your head. We are here for you. Angela
  • dianecurtis
    dianecurtis Member Posts: 1
    #4
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    My response to you.
    Hello Jennifer, I feel your pain and the struggle you are going through.I'm just going to let you know, that my mom was also diagonsed with breast cancer this year. Also I want you to know that everything is going to be alright. The MRI she is having is a standard procedure and its very good she is going to see her oncologist. Just let her know to ask as many questions that she may have.Breast cancer stages are all different for everyone,The good news is they have great chances of survival and a great cancer support network around the world. You are not alone.

    Hello jennifer, I am the son of the same mother that has breast cancer. I want to let you know that I have the best confidence in the world that my mom will survive this procedure, but also it is going to be a long process. But you know whats great jennifer, that she has you and your sister and that is the best support and understanding any parent can have. and you are not alone. I send alot of love to you, your sister and especially your mom!!! keep up with God.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #5
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    Jennifer, I echo what the
    Jennifer, I echo what the others have said; everything will be ok. Once you have more specific information and what treatments she will have, it will all be less confusing. Right now it is the unknown that is scaring you. I had a lumpectomy and chemo and radiation. I passed my 2yr anniversary of my diagnosis in April. When it all happened I assumed I was doomed, but now I know that cancer(especially breast cancer) is not a death sentence. On the contrary, they have amazing treatments and most women and men who are diagnosed with it do just fine:o) You will see your Mom will be ok. I think that she should definitely have a friens or member of her church go with her to the doctors appointment so he/she can write down what the doctor says because otherwise she may forget some of it. Also, you could write down some questions of your own for her to ask. Good luck, we are thinking of you. Eil
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #6
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    Newly Diagnosed
    Those three little words, "you have cancer" have such a mega-impact as you have seen~ and the ripple effect is large as well. Bless you heart for coming in here; once you and your mom know a bit more, perhaps you can encourage her to join us as well. We are an amazing, insightful group of survivors, mostly women, with a man or two thrown in for balance and good measure! We are in all stages of recovery and survivorship, and you will find the information, camaraderie, and support you need to navigate your way through this emotional /physical maze called cancer.

    As far as the MRI, yes it is often standard protocol, and helps the Dr make a thorough diagnosis. As expensive and of course frightening as things are, we are also blessed to be living in a county and era where super diagnostic tests as well as treatment are available to us.

    For the record, I am a 5 1/2 year Breast Cancer survivor, and we range from newly diagnosed, as your mom is, to 22 YEAR survivors (screenname Zahalene)...there is life during and after cancer!!!!

    Keep us posted~ and we send you, your sister and your mom hugs and support.

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • stangwpd
    stangwpd Member Posts: 4
    #7
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    survivor51 said:

    Been There
    Hey Jennifer,
    It is such a shock to hear the words "cancer" but as you visit this site, you will see that there are a ton of survivors. I was the caregiver for both my parents with cancer and yet, here I am finding that I have breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy in March of 2007 and received chemo until the first of July. At the time I went through this, I did know know a soul that had ever experienced breast cancer so I went into blind. How old is your mom and find out if they have "labeled" the cancer. Is she going to have a mastectomy or lumpectomy? Also, is there a background of cancer in her family and what type. At this time, I am free of cancer and it was in both sides and had gone through the lymph nodes. It is not a "death" sentence but all can be quite scary. If you email me, I can give you several good suggestions as to how you can help her, your sister, and yourself. You have made a great step with coming to the "sisterhood" here and I hope your sister and mom will decide to sign on as well. The chatroom does help us to connect even better. I found a very good site as well as ACS and it is www.mayoclinic.com I found this site to be very accurate and does have videos and things that can help you understand what the doctor is telling you. It might be a good time to start a journal because writing down your fears and sadness helps it not grow in your head. We are here for you. Angela

    Thank You
    I would like to thank you for being there for me in a time of need. I would love to have you email me and give me suggestions on how I can help my mom and sister deal with this and also how I am suppose to deal with this. Sometimes I just don't even have a clue as to where to begin but several years ago I had a young friend die of lung cancer and the first place she went when she found out was to the American Cancer Society so as soon as I got the call from my mom that's where I went to find out things. My email address is stangwpd@netzero.com and I would appreciate any help you can offer to get me through this. This is all very new to me and don't have the first idea of how I am suppose to cope with all this..

    Thank you
    Jennifer
  • stangwpd
    stangwpd Member Posts: 4
    #8
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    dianecurtis said:

    My response to you.
    Hello Jennifer, I feel your pain and the struggle you are going through.I'm just going to let you know, that my mom was also diagonsed with breast cancer this year. Also I want you to know that everything is going to be alright. The MRI she is having is a standard procedure and its very good she is going to see her oncologist. Just let her know to ask as many questions that she may have.Breast cancer stages are all different for everyone,The good news is they have great chances of survival and a great cancer support network around the world. You are not alone.

    Hello jennifer, I am the son of the same mother that has breast cancer. I want to let you know that I have the best confidence in the world that my mom will survive this procedure, but also it is going to be a long process. But you know whats great jennifer, that she has you and your sister and that is the best support and understanding any parent can have. and you are not alone. I send alot of love to you, your sister and especially your mom!!! keep up with God.

    Thank you
    Thank you for all your helpful advice. This will be a long road ahead of us but I know what a strong woman my mom is and she will fight it and rid it of her body. You don't know how much your words mean.

    Thank you
    Jennifer
  • stangwpd
    stangwpd Member Posts: 4
    #9
    Options
    chenheart said:

    Newly Diagnosed
    Those three little words, "you have cancer" have such a mega-impact as you have seen~ and the ripple effect is large as well. Bless you heart for coming in here; once you and your mom know a bit more, perhaps you can encourage her to join us as well. We are an amazing, insightful group of survivors, mostly women, with a man or two thrown in for balance and good measure! We are in all stages of recovery and survivorship, and you will find the information, camaraderie, and support you need to navigate your way through this emotional /physical maze called cancer.

    As far as the MRI, yes it is often standard protocol, and helps the Dr make a thorough diagnosis. As expensive and of course frightening as things are, we are also blessed to be living in a county and era where super diagnostic tests as well as treatment are available to us.

    For the record, I am a 5 1/2 year Breast Cancer survivor, and we range from newly diagnosed, as your mom is, to 22 YEAR survivors (screenname Zahalene)...there is life during and after cancer!!!!

    Keep us posted~ and we send you, your sister and your mom hugs and support.

    Hugs,
    Claudia

    Thank you
    Thank you so much for being here for me in such a great time of need. I appreciate all the comforting words and the support from all who have sent messages. My mom is 55 but she's a fighter and will not give up until we get rid of this..

    Thank you
    Jennifer
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    #10
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    Newly Diagnosed
    Hi Jennifer:

    Those are the worst words any person can hear: You have cancer> But hopefully it was caught early. Since you are not near her, my suggestion would be to have a friend accompany her to the oncologist's visit. You are so nervous and only focused on the fact that you have cancer that you really don't hear everything the dr is telling you. So, by having someone there with her, they'll be able to grasp more of what the dr is saying. Until, she visits the oncologist there really isn't much we can tell you. It all depends on the type of breast cancer and whether any of the lymph nodes were involved. That will determine the type of chemo she will have if she needs it and the type of surgery she will need whether she has a lumpectomy or mastectomy. For now, you need to be strong for her because she is probably very scared just like we were. Let us know after she visits the oncologist what he said and we will be able to give you a better idea of what you will all be facing. I will keep your mom and your family in my prayers. Hugs to you, Lili
  • NorcalJ
    NorcalJ Member Posts: 187
    #11
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    stangwpd said:

    Thank you
    Thank you so much for being here for me in such a great time of need. I appreciate all the comforting words and the support from all who have sent messages. My mom is 55 but she's a fighter and will not give up until we get rid of this..

    Thank you
    Jennifer

    Support
    Hi Jennifer,

    You've done the best thing by coming to this site. The people here are absolutely awsome and very wise!

    I agree with the others----take a deep breath. Then take action. All of you need to write your questions down and your mom and friend, need to take pen and paper EVERY TIME she see's the Dr. No question is dumb. If you need to ask it, it makes it important. If you, or your mom don't understand, ask it again. Most oncologists are great and deal with the "shock and disbelief" with every new diagnosis.

    The MRI is great. She may also have other tests, repeated mammograms, PET/CT scans, and a few more with lots of initials that I can't think of right now due to"chemo brain". I've had a mastectomy, and am 5/8 of the way thru chemo. I'm a few years older than your mom, but I'm still here looking forward to completing my therapy and getting reconstruction.

    Ask questions, get copies of all reports and tests, and keep a notebook. You've already done the easiest,(but I think best thing), by coming here. Experience is the best teacher, and you have a "passel" of it on this site.

    Best of luck to you all,
    Jan
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    #12
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    What to expect
    Getting diagnosed with cancer really shakes all of us emotionally whether we are the patient or the caregiver. Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you who cares so much. You have found a great website to ask questions any time you need answers. The other survivors have been through plenty and can share their experience and advice whenever you need it. No question is too large or too small, so ask when you need help. You did not say how your mom found out she had cancer. Sometimes the patient discovers a lump, sometimes it shows up on a mammogram, and sometimes there are just a few hints (like microcalcifications) on the mammogram that suggest that cancer might be in the area. It isn't cancer until the pathologist sees it under a microscope. A biopsy is usually done to diagnose the nasty beast. An MRI with special contrast stuff is often done these days on newly diagnosed patients to see exactly where the cancer is showing up. If it is extensive, the surgeon may prefer to do a mastectomy or even a bilateral mastectomy if it is on both sides. However, standard procedure for discrete lumps is usually a lumpectomy followed by radiation. If the tumor is large, sometimes they will do chemo BEFORE operating. That may shrink the tumor enough that lumpectomy plus radiation will work. To say the least, a lumpectomy is cosmetically superior to a mastectomy. However, sometimes tumors are not in just one place and sometimes they are just too big or won't shrink. Then a mastectomy may be needed. A breast oncology surgeon will work with a breast oncolgist to make those decisions with your mom. If she lives in a small town, she may be just seeing the local surgeon and general oncologist. That works for some folks, but if the tumor is aggressive or the doctor is not up on the current standard of care, I suggest a consultation with the best teaching hospital you can get to with a clinic for breast cancer care. It really makes a difference! The MRI will give the surgeon an idea of whether a sentinel node operation to sample the lymph nodes will probably work or if a regular node dissection is needed. With the sentinel node operation, only one or two nodes are removed. The other removes one or two levels of nodes. They used to think that that would prevent the cancer from traveling. It didn't work terribly well at stopping the spread of cancer. Sampling the nodes however, is important because it can tell if the cancer has developed the ability to set up camp outside the breast. If it is in the nodes, then chemotherapy is definately needed. They can tell how aggressive the cancer is by sampling a number of nodes when the first one or ones turn up positive for cancer. Chemo is strong medicine for cancer that has escaped the breast. It is kind of like using weed killer on a yard full of dandelion seeds. One dandelion plant is easy to dig up, but once those seeds start spreading, weed killer on the whole yard works better. Radiation is like using concentrated weed killer. It kills stray nasties the surgeon may have missed. They can target the radiation so that healthy normal tissue is not harmed while the cancer cells get destroyed. They now have lots and lots of medicines to make the treatment of breast cancer easier to bear. Any books you read are already behind the current research in the field. That is another reason to consult with a breast cancer clinic that is associated with a teaching university. Breast cancer gets more research monies than other cancers and as such has more effective treatments and more options than many other kinds of cancer. When I was first diagnosed (almost 6 years ago), I was sure I didn't have many more months left. Then I heard they were starting to keep 20 year statistics in Great Britain. Having met many 20 year + survivors, I believe it now. Some cancers are more aggressive than others, and some treatments will not work with some cancers. We don't get a choice on what kind of cancer we get. Shucks, if we got a choice I'd pick no cancer at all! But more and more of us are living pretty long and normal lives in spite of being diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor tells me to think of my cancer like a chronic disease that I have to live with instead of a death sentence. Talking to the folks at this website has taught me the truth of that view. Making it almost 6 years so far helps too! Good luck to you and your mom!

    C. Abbott
  • survivor51
    survivor51 Member Posts: 276
    #13
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    stangwpd said:

    Thank You
    I would like to thank you for being there for me in a time of need. I would love to have you email me and give me suggestions on how I can help my mom and sister deal with this and also how I am suppose to deal with this. Sometimes I just don't even have a clue as to where to begin but several years ago I had a young friend die of lung cancer and the first place she went when she found out was to the American Cancer Society so as soon as I got the call from my mom that's where I went to find out things. My email address is stangwpd@netzero.com and I would appreciate any help you can offer to get me through this. This is all very new to me and don't have the first idea of how I am suppose to cope with all this..

    Thank you
    Jennifer

    email on site
    Hey Jennifer,
    I'll email you on this site. When you log on, you will see on the middle of the screen, email. I'll send it there. Angela

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