Uneasy feeling

Sandi1
Sandi1 Member Posts: 277
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
So, I'm feeling a bit uneasy right now - I really need to hear from people that are Stage 4 with mets to liver and lungs. I need to hear survivors because it is becoming increasly difficult to imagine my husband surviving. It is additionally difficult when I have people coming into my work that i have known for a while and telling me about their friends or people they have known that have this cancer and died from it because they did surgery and it spread all over the body. I so desperatly need to be positive for my husband. If anyone is out there that can calm my fears, please respond.

Sandi

Comments

  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #2
    How dare they!
    How dare people come in and tell you things like that! That's just extremely insensitive. And they're so misinformed! I hope lots of our Stage4 survivors will answer your call.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • mk1117
    mk1117 Member Posts: 46
    #3
    I agree with Gail!
    I agree with Gail - how dare people do that? What are they thinking? I've had to tell others myself though, if you don't have good news to share about cancer, then just don't tell me anything. I know someone who started with colon cancer with has mets to his liver and lungs. He's doing very well. Hang in there!

    Kathy
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #4
    Agree with others
    Hi Sandi,

    I'm so sorry others have been so insensitive. Right now you need uplifting not what they were doing. There are others on this board that will chime in I'm sure to give you their stories. HUGS and sending good vibes. There is a correlation with how we do in this journey and our outlook on life.

    Lisa F.
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #5
    insensitive remarks
    Sandi, I am so sorry you seem to be running into so many of these folks. You will find, in time, that these people just aren't thinking before they speak! I was speaking about my experiences about cancer and I mentioned how so many people, in their desire to empathize with you, will tell you about their loved one with the same disease as you or your loved one has. Keeping up the conversation, you go, oh? how are they? Their response, "they died". Well, thank you for THAT uplifting experience exchange! Usually they are embarrassed when they realize what they have just done; people just don't know what to say when they find out you have cancer. I am sure you will find comfort from many on these boards who are still fighting the fight. I technically am now stage IV since I had a recurrence of my colon cancer. It was originally diagnosed as stage IIIB, we did the surgery and chemo. 2 years later i had a recurrence on my right ovary and had a full hysterectomy, along with other miscellaneous abdominal parts being removed due to additional spread. I did follow up chemo, then again. It is now 2 years since my last surgery and so far my scans show NED! I feel great and expect lots more time of NED and enjoying life in general. No longer does this disease mean instant death, so keep up your spirits and remember to go to God daily for strength.
    Mary
  • usakat
    usakat Member Posts: 610 Member
    #6
    What to Say?
    Hello Sandi,

    As Mary pointed out, a Stage IV dx does not necessarily mean a swift decline or mean that a person cannot recover and lead a very fulfilling life post-cancer. There are many Stage IV survivors you will meet here who will hopefully inspire you to remain a positive and upbeat caregiver to your husband - he needs that. My mom was dx with Stage IV inoperable cancer four years ago and has traveled to at least a half dozen countries since being restaged NED - she even went white water rafting and climbed in the trees in the Amazon!

    As for what people say or don't say...
    There was a recent post here at CSN, "Bitter Feelings" which our survivor friend articulated that she felt like not enough was said. It's a tough line to draw or cross, both for survivors and for the people who know them, and often when nothing or the wrong things are said, it's simply because people just don't know what to say. Some open mouths and insert feet, others just opt for silence. Please know it's not that they don't care or are insensitive people, they are simply at a loss at how to comfort you.

    Check out this youtube.com video of one of my cancer heroes - Holly. With humor, compassion, and a sparkle in her eyes Holly talks about this very subject. Holly is a Stage IV ovarian cancer survivor, who just underwent abdominal surgery for mets and is currently in another round of chemo. She truly is fighting for her life, but bravely is teaching many of us how to live in spite of it...with joy, love and humor.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLqHirQi_rs

    Many blessings to your husband and you for restored health and comfort....
    Katie
  • tlsart
    tlsart Member Posts: 33
    #7
    You just have to be strong!!!
    Sandi,
    People everyday say and do the strangest things. Just try to overlook peoples comments right now because if your like I was, your still so mad at the world, they could'nt possibly say the right thing anyway!
    I was diagnoise on Dec. 7th 2007 with stage 4 colon cancer. I underwent an immediate colonosopy, was in and out of the hospital all of Dec. with one thing after another. Started chemo in January and am just now hopefully going to get a break. New PET scan in 2 wks.
    My husband has been vary supportive but he also went through the kind of emotions your discribing. Just the knowledge that I had over 70 mets in lungs, to many mets to count on my liver made the whole thing seem like to big of a mountain to climb. Even my ONC said in the beginning you have 18months with chemo, 3 if you do nothing.
    I can tell you today after 8 months of Chemo it is easier!!!! My ONC told me just this past wednesday how pleased he was and how great the Avastin seems to be making all the difference in survival rates.
    I don't want to sound morbid but the truth is your husband now knows what his death certificate will probably say was his cause of death, it doesn't have to be anytime soon with all the new drugs that are coming along.
    I have alot of low moments, but I have alot of good ones too. I hope and pray your both getting some bits of enjoyment out of your life now. All we really have, any of us is this moment, try desperatly to stay in the moment. Try to find things to laugh about, my husband and I joke all the time about when is the new girl friend moving in.
    My love and prayers are with you both as you battle the monster!!! Theresa
  • doris2657
    doris2657 Member Posts: 38
    #8
    stage 4
    Hi

    I too have stage 4 colon cancer with mets to my ovaries,all I can tell you is dont listen to my friend died from colon cancer,we all know of people who have died of cancer,I had 8 rounds of chemo 4 more to go and sofar every pet scan comes back good,I dont know what tomorrow brings but then I dont live in tomorrow yet,I live for today God knows what will happen and I trust him completly.All I can tell you is a lot of people have told me your attitute has a lot to do with how you do in cancer treatment.I will pray for you and your Husband God bless you
  • sladich
    sladich Member Posts: 429 Member
    #9
    Stage IV here too
    Sandi,

    I am a Stage IV colon cancer survivor. I have had tumors in my lung and liver. I've had my lower left lung removed, a liver resection, a RFA and chemoembolization on my liver, and a RFA done on my left lung. I'm still here and actually I feel great. I was dx in September 2004 and all is good. Hang in there and never give up!

    Debbie
  • Monicaemilia
    Monicaemilia Member Posts: 455 Member
    #10
    It never ceases to amaze me...
    Hi Sandi: I was dx Nov 05 when I was 8 months pregnant. Since then I have had a full colectomy, a liver resection, and now had 15 nodes removed from my lungs. Yes, I still have a node in my lung and my biggest challenge now is that there are no chemos available to me right at this time, but I have come to the realization that I will be celebrating my 41st birthday on Sept. 11 (yeah, go figure), and that God willing I will be celebrating my son's 3rd birthday on November 21. Very few people thought I would be here today, yet here I am, after 3 years, 3 surgeries, and countless chemos. I also came to the realization that I now need to learn how to live with my cancer, almost as if it is chronic disease, and not let statistics, people's attitudes (including doctors), and self imposed limitations, affect my outcome. The funniest story I heard was from a woman whose husband wa dx with kidney cancer 6 years ago. His wife told a friend of mine at a support group meeting that if she had known he would have done so well, she would have made him do more chores. Stay strong, for you and your husband. We are all different, and I was told by a surgeon, that this is particularly true with colon cancer. Monica

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