Long-Term Psychological Effects

24242

soccerfreaks said:

it's their fault?
I appreciate what you are going through, tiny one, but I cannot fathom how you are directing your anger at your doctors, the very people who did their best, I must assume, to save you, to cure you.

I think you say that you are obtaining help, and I hope that this includes therapy and some discussion about the focus of your anger (anger is normal, tiny one, and I know that).

I agree with you that cancer is not a gift. However, I understand where those people who say that are coming from, too. Someone recently posted in here (on another board), in fact, that it is an opportunity to examine one's life and to decide how one wants to carry on from this point forward. Most people, I have said, myself, do not recognize their mortality, while we have it slap us in the face.

What we do with that slap, that wake-up call, is up to us.

Best wishes for a long, healthy, and happy life.

Take care,

Joe

Hard not to be angry
Well Joe I can say this from my own experience.
I was told I was too healthy to have cancer though I was constantly getting sick and always tired at 35. As a matter of fact though I had family history no one would even look to see if it was cancer because I was far too young and far to healthy as well as being very well built for a woman of my age and less than 10% chance of inheriting the disease.
Well thank God I had been dating my partner for more than 4 years and finally decided I could die before I moved so I moved so we could be together. 6 months after moving I was so ill and now in pain that I couldn't go to work anymore and had to find a new doctor to boot. Not fun when in a crisis situation. Well to the doctors shock not mine, I was found to have stage 3 invasive cancer with 11 out of 21 positive nodes. Maybe had someone looked earlier I might not have found myself with stage 3 cancer and loosing both my breasts.
Maybe had someone listened to me like a doctor I might not have had to go through all I have and including trying to get treated for the side effects that I encured.
Now you want me to put my trust in these same people and be nothing but grateful for all they have done for me when it was my bitching wining and moaning that finally got someone to take me seriously. It took 5 years to have my pain treated because no one believed I was in pain though there are 7 diseases I suffer with that directly contributed to the pain once again all one had to do was look and try.
Sorry I don't have the seem feelings as you and can venture to say there are many others out there have gone through the same or similar experiences.
Tara

soccerfreaks

24242 said:

Hard not to be angry
Well Joe I can say this from my own experience.
I was told I was too healthy to have cancer though I was constantly getting sick and always tired at 35. As a matter of fact though I had family history no one would even look to see if it was cancer because I was far too young and far to healthy as well as being very well built for a woman of my age and less than 10% chance of inheriting the disease.
Well thank God I had been dating my partner for more than 4 years and finally decided I could die before I moved so I moved so we could be together. 6 months after moving I was so ill and now in pain that I couldn't go to work anymore and had to find a new doctor to boot. Not fun when in a crisis situation. Well to the doctors shock not mine, I was found to have stage 3 invasive cancer with 11 out of 21 positive nodes. Maybe had someone looked earlier I might not have found myself with stage 3 cancer and loosing both my breasts.
Maybe had someone listened to me like a doctor I might not have had to go through all I have and including trying to get treated for the side effects that I encured.
Now you want me to put my trust in these same people and be nothing but grateful for all they have done for me when it was my bitching wining and moaning that finally got someone to take me seriously. It took 5 years to have my pain treated because no one believed I was in pain though there are 7 diseases I suffer with that directly contributed to the pain once again all one had to do was look and try.
Sorry I don't have the seem feelings as you and can venture to say there are many others out there have gone through the same or similar experiences.
Tara

Maybe
It is hard not to be angry, I agree. I went to my family doctor for a purported sore throat for probably three months before the 'sore' on the tongue finally had him convinced to send me to the ER at the local hospital.

Do I blame him? No. Of course not. I told him I had a sore throat, he looked, he saw evidence of that, and that is what he treated. Should he have known I had cancer? Heck no. How could he? He doesn't have a CAT Scan machine in his office, he doesn't have a PET Scan machine in his office, he doesn't have an MRI machine in his office, he doesn't do biopsies, he is not trained to do biopsies.

Do I think he wanted to kill me? No. Do I think he is incompetent? He is still my doctor.

Is he responsible for my cancer? No.

Is your doctor responsible for yours?

Could your doctor have done something to PREVENT the cancer? I don't know. I am just asking.

I will agree that any doctor who says you are 'too healthy for cancer', as you indicated, probably needs a refresher course in cancer. It is difficult to believe that a medical professional would say such a thing, but there are, I grant, bozos out there.

Still, he or she could not have prevented your cancer, could they?

They might have found it earlier, they might have prevented the need for the removal of breasts, I will grant you that. On the other hand, it is possible that even in the earliest moments they might have suggested removing at least one, and maybe both, if you are, for example, a possessor of the BRCA1 gene.

As for putting your trust in these same people, if you don't trust 'these same people', find other ones, ones you can trust.

Please do not apologize for differing with me, Tara. We are entitled to our opinions, and we all know I express mine. You are entitled to yours, too. As a wonderfully candid lady expressed recently on these boards, if I didn't want opinions, I wouldn't post. I feel the same way.

In any event, I am hopeful that you are doing well, that these people you are so angry with have managed to save your life and give you hope for the future, with or without your formerly 'well-built' physique.

I hope, in fact, that as fellow survivors, we can be friends who agree to disagree on occasion, if such must be the case.

Take care,

Joe

noah

angelart said:

I just wanted to tell you that I really know where you are coming from, and that reading your post really helped me to understand that I'm not the only one feeling that way. I was diagnosed with a rare cancer at 11 that almost always comes back, which I've had to deal with 2 other times, this last year I had to do a year of chemo for it, and I've been cancer free for 6 months. I thought I was alright, but lately I've been having alot of anger issues and anxiety attacks, and lots of depression about death. I'm just hoping that talking to others in similar situations, and about different experiances with cancer that it will help me put things in perspective a bit better.

psych effects/recurrence fear
Hi Angelart,

I'm sorry you keep having recurrences--that really sucks and I truly hope you are cancer free now. I had ewings sarcoma that didn't respond well to chemo, so I always have the thoughts in the back of my mind that I'm waiting for it to come back. I follow up every six months with my oncologist and every time, I feel more and more anxious leading up to my scans.

But mostly I try to just live the life I would if I hadn't had cancer. I think that doing "normal" things in my life helps to get me out of the constant anxiety ruts, and the more energy/thought I give to everything else, the less energy/thought I have to be anxious and depressed. I know its a catch 22, but try to break that cycle by getting out there and/or getting someone else to keep you busy.

scoffey

psych effects
My son was seeing a psycologist for depression before he was dx'd with testicular CA. Thank goodness his self-esteem was up a little before. After he was dx'd with the Ca, he's 22 years, he was ashamed, embarresed and angry. My son is very quiet, and shy, he stays with me in HI, I'm the only one he's able to talk to freely, therefore I'm his sounding board, which wears my spirit down. I'm trying to stay up for him,we're very close. He was ashamed because he had to have 1 testicle removed, he's too embarresed, thinks he's less of a man, and he's angry, why me?. He then had a 2nd surgery to have a retroperitoneal lymph node removered. `He has no girl, and has been told he may be infertile. So I've used my money, which I was going to build a house with, to store semen for him. This has upset him because he knew what the money was supposed to be for> I let him know that this was a priority above a house, we live in a bus and he sleeps on the floor. He hasn't even started the treatment yet. He will be coming home today from 2nd surgery. I'm his mom and a nurse. How do you comfort your kids? How do you explain that it's not their fault? How do you protect/prepare them?

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

JOJO1960

tiny one said:

depression after
I had no idea after treatment is done how hard it was going to be. Some days the depression is to much to bear. Some days I feel so good. I do know that I am angry. Some say that cancer is a gift, I sure don't feel this way. I used to call all of this a journey, it's more like a nightmare you don't wake up from. I still have physical pain, even after 2 years. The mental pain is hard sometimes and I've had to get help for this. This is very common for survivors to feel this way. I feel like the Dr's operate and then that's it for them. Sometimes I feel shattered and hurt to my core. Some of the side effects can leave you feeling so bitter at what was done to you. I want to make the Dr's aware of how outraged I am at the side effects I now have.

jUST READING YOUR MESSAGE A NEW MEMBERTO THIS SITE
I was reading your message and really can relate with you i am a survivor of SCC and thyroid cancer of neck. I went through radiation and eribtux for 40 rad. and 8 bio med. I got from the radiation rotten teeth that i had to have two pulled under my cancer doctor that i should not of had and the dentist and oral surgeron i had to. i got problems in the bones in the neck also from radiation and am in pain constantly. I already had back probably. So now i have a series of problems in which i got disability for which i went in march and still haven't received my first check. lol lawyers you have to love them. only took me three years to get. i have been cancer free for two years. i am so freaked out antime i have something not go right or i get hoasrse again . i was spared the operation to the larynx and hope that it stays away. i had a uncle that had a voice box machine and i was always so scareed of him. i decided that long ago if i needed this operation i would be mute. Some days i feel fair. i think that removing the thyroid was a nother pain in the gazoo. now i have to take synthroid for ever i had cancer (papillary there) they said not to worry that this is a very slow mover well it had spread to a parathryroid lymph node. so i had to go through radioactive iodine for this which the stupid hospital messed up the first time and i had to wait and go through the process another time. When i was first diagnosed i was alone my husband was at car with grandbaby sleeping in car seat. think he could tell right away. i felt like i was an outcast especially when they took my picture at the cancer center and put my name on a register. I didn't want anyone to know but it surely got around with in a couple of weeks everyone i didn't want to know knew. I was lucky to have the husband and best friend that i had. They took very good care of me i lost about 70 pounds since i wouldn't take the tube. So far so good. It has been 3 years and my uncle lived for many years after that cancer free and an aunt i had with breast cancer had been alive now for 35 years without a reoccurrance. well take care and keep in touch. I take paxil and lorezapam seems to help some. JOJO

bluerose

scoffey said:

psych effects
My son was seeing a psycologist for depression before he was dx'd with testicular CA. Thank goodness his self-esteem was up a little before. After he was dx'd with the Ca, he's 22 years, he was ashamed, embarresed and angry. My son is very quiet, and shy, he stays with me in HI, I'm the only one he's able to talk to freely, therefore I'm his sounding board, which wears my spirit down. I'm trying to stay up for him,we're very close. He was ashamed because he had to have 1 testicle removed, he's too embarresed, thinks he's less of a man, and he's angry, why me?. He then had a 2nd surgery to have a retroperitoneal lymph node removered. `He has no girl, and has been told he may be infertile. So I've used my money, which I was going to build a house with, to store semen for him. This has upset him because he knew what the money was supposed to be for> I let him know that this was a priority above a house, we live in a bus and he sleeps on the floor. He hasn't even started the treatment yet. He will be coming home today from 2nd surgery. I'm his mom and a nurse. How do you comfort your kids? How do you explain that it's not their fault? How do you protect/prepare them?

The Bottomline
The bottomline to this particular posting to me is that everyone is going to handle the cancer journey differently but there are many similarities in what we experience psychologically and they all follow the stages of loss, some of those being denial, why me, anger etc. The key is always not to get stuck in one of those stages for too long and have it affect your life. At that point if it happens then seeking professional help to move you through the stages is what should really be done.

The second part of this bottomline to me is that because all of us handle cancer differently psychologically those on this site need to practise sensitivity when responding to others who are having difficult times getting through it all. Yup, we can all certainly have our own opinions and disagree with others in a compassionate and constructive way. Being harsh or judgemental helps no one and I think that's an important point to remember. One never knows what someone posting is truly going through and many can in fact be on the edge. A kind word, support and handling everyone gently to me is the least we can do on this site - we all go through a great deal at some point in our journey with cancer - survivors and caregivers alike.

That's my 2 cents for now.

Blessings to all,

Bluerose

24242

bluerose said:

The Bottomline
The bottomline to this particular posting to me is that everyone is going to handle the cancer journey differently but there are many similarities in what we experience psychologically and they all follow the stages of loss, some of those being denial, why me, anger etc. The key is always not to get stuck in one of those stages for too long and have it affect your life. At that point if it happens then seeking professional help to move you through the stages is what should really be done.

The second part of this bottomline to me is that because all of us handle cancer differently psychologically those on this site need to practise sensitivity when responding to others who are having difficult times getting through it all. Yup, we can all certainly have our own opinions and disagree with others in a compassionate and constructive way. Being harsh or judgemental helps no one and I think that's an important point to remember. One never knows what someone posting is truly going through and many can in fact be on the edge. A kind word, support and handling everyone gently to me is the least we can do on this site - we all go through a great deal at some point in our journey with cancer - survivors and caregivers alike.

That's my 2 cents for now.

Blessings to all,

Bluerose

Just IS
Not so angry just trying to deal,

It isn't easy sometimes to accept the reality of world and I know that better every year I live. I hope it isn't hard to imagine that things haven't truly changed that much from that 14 year old fight with my Breast Cancer.
Like others doctors are more attached to the cure than they are at sometimes dealing with that same cures fall out. Have you ever read the small print that comes with each and every drug that was given. I did so I knew exactly what my chances of getting something were. Not many do as it turns out and there for don't really know till they are in the thick of it sometimes having to fight for answers or just to be heard.
All I hope for is a day when preconceived ideas are let go and the possibilites explored.
Down playing chances and plain old ignoring should be recognised by now as a problem that is allowed to continue. 14 years ago I promised myself that I would be voice for all the woman that had to suffer in silence and raise the alarm to all sorts of possibilities for the pain and the anguish that can be felt. For years it was often put to me that depression could cause the pain when in fact it truly works the other way around Pain causes depression.
QUALITY FOR OUR LIVES is my only wish and thank God I got to tell my story to doctors and policians because I truly felt like I was making a difference. Today I am stunned how quickly I reverted back to all those feelings I thought were long gone working on myself all these years. Fear also doesn amazing things to our souls.

Tara

Unknown

tiny one said:

depression after
I had no idea after treatment is done how hard it was going to be. Some days the depression is to much to bear. Some days I feel so good. I do know that I am angry. Some say that cancer is a gift, I sure don't feel this way. I used to call all of this a journey, it's more like a nightmare you don't wake up from. I still have physical pain, even after 2 years. The mental pain is hard sometimes and I've had to get help for this. This is very common for survivors to feel this way. I feel like the Dr's operate and then that's it for them. Sometimes I feel shattered and hurt to my core. Some of the side effects can leave you feeling so bitter at what was done to you. I want to make the Dr's aware of how outraged I am at the side effects I now have.

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Unknown

24242 said:

Hard not to be angry
Well Joe I can say this from my own experience.
I was told I was too healthy to have cancer though I was constantly getting sick and always tired at 35. As a matter of fact though I had family history no one would even look to see if it was cancer because I was far too young and far to healthy as well as being very well built for a woman of my age and less than 10% chance of inheriting the disease.
Well thank God I had been dating my partner for more than 4 years and finally decided I could die before I moved so I moved so we could be together. 6 months after moving I was so ill and now in pain that I couldn't go to work anymore and had to find a new doctor to boot. Not fun when in a crisis situation. Well to the doctors shock not mine, I was found to have stage 3 invasive cancer with 11 out of 21 positive nodes. Maybe had someone looked earlier I might not have found myself with stage 3 cancer and loosing both my breasts.
Maybe had someone listened to me like a doctor I might not have had to go through all I have and including trying to get treated for the side effects that I encured.
Now you want me to put my trust in these same people and be nothing but grateful for all they have done for me when it was my bitching wining and moaning that finally got someone to take me seriously. It took 5 years to have my pain treated because no one believed I was in pain though there are 7 diseases I suffer with that directly contributed to the pain once again all one had to do was look and try.
Sorry I don't have the seem feelings as you and can venture to say there are many others out there have gone through the same or similar experiences.
Tara

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Unknown

bluerose said:

The Bottomline
The bottomline to this particular posting to me is that everyone is going to handle the cancer journey differently but there are many similarities in what we experience psychologically and they all follow the stages of loss, some of those being denial, why me, anger etc. The key is always not to get stuck in one of those stages for too long and have it affect your life. At that point if it happens then seeking professional help to move you through the stages is what should really be done.

The second part of this bottomline to me is that because all of us handle cancer differently psychologically those on this site need to practise sensitivity when responding to others who are having difficult times getting through it all. Yup, we can all certainly have our own opinions and disagree with others in a compassionate and constructive way. Being harsh or judgemental helps no one and I think that's an important point to remember. One never knows what someone posting is truly going through and many can in fact be on the edge. A kind word, support and handling everyone gently to me is the least we can do on this site - we all go through a great deal at some point in our journey with cancer - survivors and caregivers alike.

That's my 2 cents for now.

Blessings to all,

Bluerose

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

tammy31269

yes im going through the same thoughts
hey im tammy sanders here in richmond,va. im now 41 im now 9years in remission and began my journey with this monster within called cancer. at age 30 got stage t3c colonrectal cancer with 2tumors and done25treatments of high beam radiation. 9months chemo fu-5 before and after operation.took 5 operations had 2 different colostomies/stomas.1st stoma went back inside me.2nd stoma is good now.lost my teeth at age34.now my long term effects from radiation bone loss in my lumbar spine bad.half of my disc are over half thinned out.now for the things i went through in all of the journey of my sickness i been wanting to give back to other poor new comers with colon cancer warn them to know what might happen or give advice on how to and my thought is writing my story what things i went through in all my test they gave me and all the struggles that i faced and what i did to over come them. at the cancer center i want to have little pamplets for advice on first timers in colon cancer worries.what to know when to know and the what ifs. what do you think if you want to talk im on cancer site for colon cancer mycrcconnections.com. read my page and ill see you there.

JPJC

Long-term psychological effects - in remission
I have Stage IV colon cancer and was diagnosed in September 2007. I am now in remission and may get my port removed soon. My children live hours away and my wife and I live out in the country on a small farm a few miles from a small town. I am 56 years old, retired, and on SS disability. I feel very isolated and depressed often, even though I have many chores to do. There are some days that my human contacts are pretty much limited to my wife and a few contacts at a store in town. I also talk to my daughter by phone frequently as well as some out-of-state siblings, but for the most part I spend too much time alone. In a small community like mine, there are not many groups to belong to. I attend church, but my wife does not and she has always been very shy and not social. I have frequent thoughts of maybe it would be easier if I were dead. I also worry extensively about my children and obsess about many other things. I have been seeing a psychologist and that has helped somewhat. In 2011, my goal is to be as active and engaged as possible. So far, this has not worked out and even though I have been a very outgoing, gregarious person most of my life, I find myself getting nervous and uncomfortable around people and imagining all kinds of "worst-case-scenarios." Help!

bluerose

Hi Ktrain
What you are describing sounds similar to what many survivors seem to go through and especially the part where you feel as if you have to do something great with your life afterwards. I don't think I have spoken to one survivor who hasn't said that in one way or another sooner or later.

It seems to be a built in part of the whole cancer journey for many - after they recover the best they can they start to feel as if they need to help others - and the feeling is very strong. I look at it like a natural 'giving back' instinct, we have been saved and now it's our turn to pay it forward so to speak. I can't describe it any other way for myself, to make sense of that feeling but to describe it that way.

I personally feel that when a person feels that strongly about making a mark in the world in a postive way they need to go with that flow. I don't know how spiritual you are but for me it's a clear message on what way I need to go and if I don't listen to that message I usually mess up pretty badly.

Go with your heart and know that the rewards are always yours when you do things for someone else. Just seems to work out that way.

All the best.

Blessings,

Bluerose