Bob is losing the battle - help me cope!

jana11

Sue, I am so sorry you have to go through all this. Bob is VERY lucky to have you; tough as it is. You are a caring and loving wife, just what Bob needs - to feel loved and cared for. Continue as you are... you are doing it all correct. I agree about hospice. It is a wonderful program to help Bob and his family (you). They have programs that can set up at the home, or at the hospital; if needed. Talk to his doctor about talking to a program. Don't be hesitant - it is such a good and supportive program.

One note about the ex-wife and step daughter: try not to feel ANY guilt. They are simply taking out there sadness and their own guilt out on you. They didn't offer to help, so they aren't really worried about your ability to care for Bob. They feel sad and angry about loosing him and unfortunately, released it in such a negative manner.

You are beautiful. You can't make the cancer go away. You can only be supportive and care for Bob - as you are doing. Ask the MD for help. Make sure Bob doesn't experience too much discomfort. And try to enjoy every moment you have with him. Come to us anytime you feel overwhelmed. GET SUPPORTS FOR YOU, SO YOU CAN SUPPORT HIM!!

You and Bob will remain in my thoughts and prayers. jana

taunya

Dear Sue,
My heart is aching for you! I am so sorry that the family members are not being more supportive and I am so sorry that you ad Bob are facing this scary time with no help. I am thnking of you and Bob and praying for you and I wish there was something I could say or do to help. I am sending you hugs and all the good thoughts I can muster. Hang in there.
With Love and Peace,
Taunya

steved

Sue I have followed your difficult journey closely over recent months and have admired your strength through out it- you are a role model to so many of us here. My heart goes out to you at this time.
Prognosticating is so hard for docs and so inaccurate you never can say what will happen but there is often some reassurance taken by family and patients in knowing a time frame to work in.

It means it is really time to focus on quality- finding any way of improving Bob's enjoyment of the time left you have together. Put aside family difficulties - they can be dealt with later and will only sap energy that you will need to cope with the time to come. Use your energies constructively to spend time with Bob doing somehting that brings joy to you both- even in a phyically frail state there are often things you can do together- look at old photos, talk of good times etc.

Take some time for yourself too when you can. The next couple of months will be hard and you need to be as robust as you possibly can for it but you mustn't let yourself get overwhelmed or too tired as you will be of less use to Bob. take some to to re-energise yourself even if it doesn't feel like the right time to be focusing on yourself- it is still important.

Look for supports that are strong too- hospices and palliative carer teams often can provide valuable advise and phyical as well as emotional support. Use us as often as you need to as well- we are here to take your woes and fears when ever you need us. Use us to unburden yourself of those thoughts that will plague yo and those fears that eat away.

but most of all just be there for Bob- there is no magic answer to the best way to do this but use your instincts as you know him better than anyone. Let us now how it all goes and we will be thnking of you here in the Uk,

Steve.

kangatoo

taunya said:

Dear Sue,
My heart is aching for you! I am so sorry that the family members are not being more supportive and I am so sorry that you ad Bob are facing this scary time with no help. I am thnking of you and Bob and praying for you and I wish there was something I could say or do to help. I am sending you hugs and all the good thoughts I can muster. Hang in there.
With Love and Peace,
Taunya

Dear Sue---sweetie--there is absolutely nothing you can do that you have not already done. Your loving Bob knows that!
Maybe your stepdaughter and her mom know that and that's the reason for their remarks. Just maybe they are feeling a little guilty?
One day cancer may take my life and I know that Jen will do whatever it takes to make me feel comfortable. I know sincerely Sue that Bob's own thoughts even now are centred on your wellbeing and how you will continue to cope no matter what happens. Even though my time with Jen may be long or short I NEVER stop worrying about her future--that has got to be on Bob's mind--I would guess his love for you Sue is foremost in his mind!!!
On the other hand Sue---cancer sufferers know with absolutely no doubt that the carers position throughout this horrid disease is in a lot of ways tougher than sufferers fighting it. Sure--we endure surgery/chemo/tests/meds etc and all the pain thast goes with it--but you know Sue--the greatest pain for us is seeing our carers and loved ones being afraid and in total helplessness toward our situation. Bob knows this sweetie--Bob knows that you are suffering too!!
Remember Sue that no matter what happens--much of Bob's pain is knowing he is not able to help you endure yours just as you are unable to help him. Sure--you both try very hard--but there never seems to be enough words--but you both know that!
Just as there are no words Jen and I can say to help you--I mean REALLY help you.
but we keep trying Sue!!---all our love/ huggs and prayers, Ross and Jen

livin

Iam sorry for you and your husbands bad news that was recieved. You are a strong loving caregiver and wife who has did everything in your power. I agree with everyone to check into Hospice. May the lord continue to be with you in your time of need. livin

andreae

Dear Sue,

I do anger well, so I will begin with that emotion. I don't know where those two get off, but you are a wonderful, devoted caregiver. Do not think otherwise! Perhaps they are projecting their own issues? Regardless, do not give their comments another thought. I hope that, despite the cruelty, you enjoyed some of the day.

I'm so sorry to hear about Bob's deterioration. I wish there was something that I could say or do... Please know that we are here for you. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. May you find comfort in the fact that there is ALWAYS hope. Sometimes, hope will change. You can hope for cure, you can hope for palliation, you can hope for less suffering... There is always hope. Enjoy your time together. Do let not let the doctor tell you that there is nothing he can do because there is always something that can be done to make Bob more comfortable. The love that you and Bob share is obvious. I believe that love can conquer all. May love and hope light your way.

Make sure that you look after yourself as well. Get the help and time off that you need

I am thinking of you and Bob.

Love,
Andrea

Edina77

Dear Sue,

My heart goes out to you and Bob...
I have no words that could explain how sorry I am for what you are going through.
I will keep you and Bob in my prayers.

Hugs
Edina.