only children = orphan adults

sstarski

mattk4608 said:

I'm 27 and lost my mom back
I'm 27 and lost my mom back on 3/13 to cervical/liver cancer. I never met my dad, so growing up I only had one parent...and she had me young, so our relationship was pretty different all over.

I feel weird trying to convey how I feel onto a screen because words wouldn't ever be able to do our relationship justice (as I'm sure you all probably feel the same).

This kind of loss is more wild than anything that I've ever been through.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work through this kind of grief?

I lost my father 7 years ago to a massive cardiac arrest and my mother died last friday of pancreatic ca.

My mum was more than my mum, she was my team-mate, the one I would confide in, the one that would give me nudges in the right direction but never question my decisions, always offering support.

I can't comment on if being an only child is different to being an adult orphan - Logically is will be, as has been pointed out. We are now the sole custodians of our history, my mother and fathers tears, their triumphs and thier laughs rest soley on our shoulders.

There is not only a feeling of "arhhhh wheres my support" there is also a feeling of foreboding and responsibility that is hard to articulate.

The ones that have shown pride and in some essense have been the reason behind success are no longer there - My drive to "do well" has temporarily run out of steam.

The thought of Birthdays, Christmas and other celebrations sacres me to death.

However - I know I am going to be OK, whilst my parents are not here to guide any longer, whilst I will never hear their laughs or their voices, whilst I will never again open a present that I never really wanted, whilst I will never be able to walk into the family home and see a smiling parental face. I know I am going to be OK - Just like all of you will be. Why??

Well for billions of years from the outset of time, every single one of our ancestors survived, successfuly survived and passed onto you life. I know, in me and in all of you our parents whilst physically gone are here with each of us. The sum of mine / your memories are essentially the final gift our parents bestow - the greatest one of all - THey give us "them" afterall, the thing they have left us to remind them of them is us!!!

This is a ramble - hopefully coherent!

Lil0806

mattk4608 said:

I'm 27 and lost my mom back
I'm 27 and lost my mom back on 3/13 to cervical/liver cancer. I never met my dad, so growing up I only had one parent...and she had me young, so our relationship was pretty different all over.

I feel weird trying to convey how I feel onto a screen because words wouldn't ever be able to do our relationship justice (as I'm sure you all probably feel the same).

This kind of loss is more wild than anything that I've ever been through.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work through this kind of grief?

I'm 25 and lost my mum
Hi, Im 25 and lost my mum 6 weeks ago to cancer:( I still can't believe it, it still feels so surreal .. I can't believe that I will never see her again:( I have never had a relationship with my dad and have no brothers or sisters..she was all I needed she was the best mum and my best friend

I miss her soo much (

misunderstood

can/t believe this
I can't believe I am doing this. But I do feel totally misundertood. Nine years ago I lost my father to cancer and now five months ago I lost my mother to ovarian cancer less than two weeks after being diagnosed with it. I was caregiver to both for so long now I am having a hard time figuring out how I fit in this world and why me. I am an only child and people around me have a hard time understanding that two/thirds of my family is dead. I am tired of being told how I should act, feel...............we are a very unique group of people when we are from families of only children

Ladybug64

Hi Diane
I too am an only child and have lost my Father when I was 8 and Grandmother at 19 and my last family member my Mother at 40 years old she was 81 to Ovarian Cancer... I have been struggling to deal and find my way with my own life. How to go on when I was her caregiver for the last 15 years... I miss her and it seems my life for some reason is out of sync...
I am looking to join a group to talk too... To hopfully find peace and me again... If anyone who may understand my feelings and would like to talk I would love that... For my own family I have created at times has a hard time understanding... Thank you , Christine

Ladybug64

misunderstood said:

can/t believe this
I can't believe I am doing this. But I do feel totally misundertood. Nine years ago I lost my father to cancer and now five months ago I lost my mother to ovarian cancer less than two weeks after being diagnosed with it. I was caregiver to both for so long now I am having a hard time figuring out how I fit in this world and why me. I am an only child and people around me have a hard time understanding that two/thirds of my family is dead. I am tired of being told how I should act, feel...............we are a very unique group of people when we are from families of only children

Hi misunderstood...
I feel everything you are going through.. Would love to talk with you and share your story... I feel VERY misunderstood myself... Christine

LisaMarie67

Ladybug64 said:

Hi Diane
I too am an only child and have lost my Father when I was 8 and Grandmother at 19 and my last family member my Mother at 40 years old she was 81 to Ovarian Cancer... I have been struggling to deal and find my way with my own life. How to go on when I was her caregiver for the last 15 years... I miss her and it seems my life for some reason is out of sync...
I am looking to join a group to talk too... To hopfully find peace and me again... If anyone who may understand my feelings and would like to talk I would love that... For my own family I have created at times has a hard time understanding... Thank you , Christine

Me too
I am also an adult orphan of cancer. I never knew my father. My mother raised me for the most part and passed about 10 years ago from ovarian cancer. Our relationship was never that great. I never had any siblings. Or any that I knew. I lost my blood uncle 3 years ago and that leaves me really with no real relatives. My aunt is awesome (uncle's wife). I have her daughter, my cousin still alive, but we were never close. So basically there is no family left as my mother had no other siblings and now there is just me.. I am pretty strong and I make it through. I have two of my own children. But there is such a unique situation to adult only child orphans. Most days I am fine. But sometimes it hits me just how alone in the world I feel. I have friends, in-laws and kids, but still often I feel alone. I think it can be a really lonely feeling. I have gotten over my mom's death, it gets easier. But some things I haven't gotten over are its just me now. To be the real oldest person in your family at 44, well, it is kind of sad sometimes. You have a full life, yet the feeling is often lonely. I so get it.

misunderstood

I too am an only child and
I too am an only child and my mother died of ovarian cancer in april 13 days after being given her death sentence. My father died 9 years ago of throat cancer two months after being given his death sentence. Now two/thirds of my family is dead. I have a large extended family that is very supportive but they don't truly understand how hard and devestating this is for me. It is difficult finding how I fit into this world especially since I have looked after my mother for the last nine years. I visit the cemetary twice a day as that is where I feel my family is planting flowers around the grave and tending to them. Only children are truly misunderstood whrn they loose bith parents. It basically sucks. I don't know how and where I belong. I have now finally placed our family house for sale and want a smaller place for myself as my home has so many memories I am finding it very difficult to live in this house. I never knew how difficult anf final this would be.

Frank61

misunderstood said:

I too am an only child and
I too am an only child and my mother died of ovarian cancer in april 13 days after being given her death sentence. My father died 9 years ago of throat cancer two months after being given his death sentence. Now two/thirds of my family is dead. I have a large extended family that is very supportive but they don't truly understand how hard and devestating this is for me. It is difficult finding how I fit into this world especially since I have looked after my mother for the last nine years. I visit the cemetary twice a day as that is where I feel my family is planting flowers around the grave and tending to them. Only children are truly misunderstood whrn they loose bith parents. It basically sucks. I don't know how and where I belong. I have now finally placed our family house for sale and want a smaller place for myself as my home has so many memories I am finding it very difficult to live in this house. I never knew how difficult anf final this would be.

I am completely alone
My mother died three days ago on 12/10/11. I am an only child, 56 years old - my dad died 26 years ago. I am unmarried, have no kids - all of my aunts and uncles have died. What purpose is left in my life? Who will ask how I am? Who will care what happens to me? The despair and loneliness I feel is tremendous and I am completely lost.

Why has God done this to me? My mother died suddenly of liver and lung cancer and I am spiritually worn out from caring for her until her last dying moments.

I wish I could join my parents and see them again.

MomhasStage4EC

Frank61 said:

I am completely alone
My mother died three days ago on 12/10/11. I am an only child, 56 years old - my dad died 26 years ago. I am unmarried, have no kids - all of my aunts and uncles have died. What purpose is left in my life? Who will ask how I am? Who will care what happens to me? The despair and loneliness I feel is tremendous and I am completely lost.

Why has God done this to me? My mother died suddenly of liver and lung cancer and I am spiritually worn out from caring for her until her last dying moments.

I wish I could join my parents and see them again.

I am so sorry. I too am an
I am so sorry. I too am an only child. I had to take care of my mother before she died. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do. And im pretty sure the worst thing I will ever do. She was young at 51, it was September 11, 2011 of this year. I will ask you how you are and care about what happens to you. I felt the same way you do right now...why couldnt I just go with her? Why has GOD done this to me...again. I do have children, and I will not compare our situations...they both are terrible. The hospice nurses had pitty for me, I did not want pitty, this poor 32 year old girl. I will email you my private email.
So sorry for your loss Frank, please dont give up, your mother wouldnt want that.
-Mandy

MomhasStage4EC

Your situation is very
Your situation is very similar to mine. I feel your pain and im so sorry for your loss.

misunderstood

What can I say! I am in the
What can I say! I am in the same boat as all of you.This is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are not alone in your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ask myself many times why God did not take me the day my mother died. As a caregiver for my mother, an only child and unmarried life will never be the same. I can't figure any of it out. People just don't understand us because they have their own families and distractions and what are we left with? PAIN!!!!
Each day that goes by is harder than than the day before and time is not making it any easier. Both my parents gone, both dieing of cancer. I always thought I would see at least one of them live to old age. But no. My Father had just turned 71 and my mother just barely 73. I ask myself why me. What did I do to deserve this am I being punished. I truly would have continued to take care of them and I would have gladly traded places with them. To watch them suffer and die is something I replay in my head a million times a day. I just don't know.I never saw myself in this position.

naude.karin

Lil0806 said:

I'm 25 and lost my mum
Hi, Im 25 and lost my mum 6 weeks ago to cancer:( I still can't believe it, it still feels so surreal .. I can't believe that I will never see her again:( I have never had a relationship with my dad and have no brothers or sisters..she was all I needed she was the best mum and my best friend

I miss her soo much (

i lost my mum at 25
hi im 26 and lost my mum on 15 jan 2011, it's a year i would never forget. i thought that if i only make it to jan 2012 i will be ok. people say give time, but i am more and more lost.

just remember you are not alone, i feel your pain daily.

ONEBEEMOD

aloneintheworld said:

only child, never married
I have mentioned to people that I had to deal with watching out for and then caring for my widowed mother for 17 years, then the loss of both parents, handling and closing her estate, managing and maintaining two homes, disposing of and moving numerous items, merging two homes worth of things into one, preparing and then selling one home, and absolutely NO one comprehends what it is do all of that without any help whatsoever. The only responses I get are simplistic replies like why did it take so long or decisions are part of being an adult.

Yes, I had a wonderful holiday month. No one even asked what I did--I painted two rooms. That was the extent of my holiday celebration. I rarely receive a legitimate phone call to find out if I am still alive much less to receive a single present. Valentines Day, Mother's & Father's Days, their birthdays, my birthday will likely again be "celebrated" in the same way. No one has a clue to what feels like to realize that there is no one to check up on you.

ALONE
Isnt it Crazy how we are all together in being ALONE! I cannot believe this is my life! My mom died when I was 27 & 5 months pregnant. She would have been a WONDERFUL grandmother. I grieved for her not getting the chance to meet her first (and only) grandchild. I also grieve, to this day, that my daughter never got that special grandmotherly love. My beautiful daughter is now 17 and I am sad to see her realize how small our family really is - just the two of us- now that my dad has passed. He was like a father to my daughter - lived with us since she was 7 years old.
All of my family is gone - and I'm only 45. I have NO ONE! my friends have all silently given up - they just can't relate. I get SOOOOOOO jealous when I hear people older than me talking about their GRAND PARENTS! the holidays are the hardest - I had hoped that was jus a saying - but it's the cold hard truth. Even when people invite you over it's always prefaced with "we don't want you to be alone" - WELL I AM ALONE! And being alone in a house full of other peoples family sucks! Especially when I have my daughter with me and all the other people are holding on to their family traditons while we just look on. Nothing like going to a Christmas party when you & your kid are the only one not getting gifts.

My mom was older when she had me - b4 holding off on kids was the trend. So her family passed years ago. My fathers family & ours stopped communicating when I was young- for reasons unknown to me. I have tried to re-enter that family with mild success - until he passed. Then the division of his meager belonging finished off what little family I had left.

I just can't imaging living another 40 Years alone! I tried facebook but looking at everyones happy family pictures was TOO much! I feel like I have too many undesirable facts in my life. Adult orphan, only child, single (divorced) mother, and friendless. Not to mention the depression. For years I resisted mental health services bczy depression was "situational" until a co- worker pointed out that my situation was CHRONIC! but there's no pill to cure familylessness!

ONEBEEMOD

misunderstood said:

What can I say! I am in the
What can I say! I am in the same boat as all of you.This is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are not alone in your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ask myself many times why God did not take me the day my mother died. As a caregiver for my mother, an only child and unmarried life will never be the same. I can't figure any of it out. People just don't understand us because they have their own families and distractions and what are we left with? PAIN!!!!
Each day that goes by is harder than than the day before and time is not making it any easier. Both my parents gone, both dieing of cancer. I always thought I would see at least one of them live to old age. But no. My Father had just turned 71 and my mother just barely 73. I ask myself why me. What did I do to deserve this am I being punished. I truly would have continued to take care of them and I would have gladly traded places with them. To watch them suffer and die is something I replay in my head a million times a day. I just don't know.I never saw myself in this position.

Agreed
This IS hell! And I have no advice as to how to bear it! It does help knowing I'm not alone in feeling alone - but HONESLTY lT STILL SUCKS! This is NOT the life I ordered! My child hood was filed with family - and watching my child grow up without that is AWFUL! They say "everything happens for a reason"- I cannot find a single positive in this!

onlyorphan

misunderstood said:

What can I say! I am in the
What can I say! I am in the same boat as all of you.This is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are not alone in your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ask myself many times why God did not take me the day my mother died. As a caregiver for my mother, an only child and unmarried life will never be the same. I can't figure any of it out. People just don't understand us because they have their own families and distractions and what are we left with? PAIN!!!!
Each day that goes by is harder than than the day before and time is not making it any easier. Both my parents gone, both dieing of cancer. I always thought I would see at least one of them live to old age. But no. My Father had just turned 71 and my mother just barely 73. I ask myself why me. What did I do to deserve this am I being punished. I truly would have continued to take care of them and I would have gladly traded places with them. To watch them suffer and die is something I replay in my head a million times a day. I just don't know.I never saw myself in this position.

no solution
One of the hardest things of the whole situation is trying to get others to understand the abyss you are thrown into. Over and over I have tried to explain what it is like to have absolutely no one to hug you, notice if you have a car breakdown or accident and don't come home. No mother's day, father's day, or even a birthday with no one to call you to even check if you are alive. Ok, there may be cousins and friends, but it is not at all the same when you have no immediate family. At family events you are a last minute thought--an add on.

Whenever you try to explain things people say they are alone in the house all day too--even when there really is someone else around. They come up with silly suggestions like getting one of those alarms to wear around the neck. That is beside the point. Join groups? Sure, but meeting with a bunch of strangers hardly makes up for having no one to really care if you are sick. Who is going to take you for hospital tests and wait with you? A friend might do it once, but what about repeat tests? If you get sick away from home, who will come and get you? The list goes on and on.

The first couple of years after I lost my last parent,from time to time people would still call to get together. Now, it is rare. If i don't initiate contact, i dont hear from most people. After a few years having to initiate virtually all contacts, that gets rather ridiculous.

onlyorphan

misunderstood said:

What can I say! I am in the
What can I say! I am in the same boat as all of you.This is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are not alone in your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ask myself many times why God did not take me the day my mother died. As a caregiver for my mother, an only child and unmarried life will never be the same. I can't figure any of it out. People just don't understand us because they have their own families and distractions and what are we left with? PAIN!!!!
Each day that goes by is harder than than the day before and time is not making it any easier. Both my parents gone, both dieing of cancer. I always thought I would see at least one of them live to old age. But no. My Father had just turned 71 and my mother just barely 73. I ask myself why me. What did I do to deserve this am I being punished. I truly would have continued to take care of them and I would have gladly traded places with them. To watch them suffer and die is something I replay in my head a million times a day. I just don't know.I never saw myself in this position.

One of the hardest things of
One of the hardest things of the whole situation is trying to get others to understand the abyss you are thrown into. Over and over I have tried to explain what it is like to have absolutely no one to hug you, notice if you have a car breakdown or accident and don't come home. No mother's day, father's day, or even a birthday with no one to call you to even check if you are alive. Ok, there may be cousins and friends, but it is not at all the same when you have no immediate family. At family events you are a last minute thought--an add on.

Whenever you try to explain things people say they are alone in the house all day too--even when there really is someone else around. They come up with silly suggestions like getting one of those alarms to wear around the neck. That is beside the point. Join groups? Sure, but meeting with a bunch of strangers hardly makes up for having no one to really care if you are sick. Who is going to take you for hospital tests and wait with you? A friend might do it once, but what about repeat tests? If you get sick away from home, who will come and get you? The list goes on and on.

The first couple of years after I lost my last parent,from time to time people would still call to get together. Now, it is rare. If i don't initiate contact, i dont hear from most people. After a few years having to initiate virtually all contacts, that gets rather ridiculous.

onlyorphan

Frank61 said:

I am completely alone
My mother died three days ago on 12/10/11. I am an only child, 56 years old - my dad died 26 years ago. I am unmarried, have no kids - all of my aunts and uncles have died. What purpose is left in my life? Who will ask how I am? Who will care what happens to me? The despair and loneliness I feel is tremendous and I am completely lost.

Why has God done this to me? My mother died suddenly of liver and lung cancer and I am spiritually worn out from caring for her until her last dying moments.

I wish I could join my parents and see them again.

to Frank 61
That is my situation too. No one outside this board seems to comprehend this no matter how hard you try to explain it.

onlyorphan

misunderstood said:

can/t believe this
I can't believe I am doing this. But I do feel totally misundertood. Nine years ago I lost my father to cancer and now five months ago I lost my mother to ovarian cancer less than two weeks after being diagnosed with it. I was caregiver to both for so long now I am having a hard time figuring out how I fit in this world and why me. I am an only child and people around me have a hard time understanding that two/thirds of my family is dead. I am tired of being told how I should act, feel...............we are a very unique group of people when we are from families of only children

to misunderstood
Yes, I have been told and read myself that so-called professionals say that you should be over this in such and such a certain period of time. Who are they to say so if they have never themselves experienced this situation!

I think we all feel that we are cast-offs from society.

awsmith921

Motherless Only Child
Hello,

My name is Ashley, I am 28 and I lost my mother to a brain tumor in October of 2010. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006, went through chemo and radiation and was cancer free for about three years [we did the race for the cure each year in D.C.]. We were unable to do our 4th walk because I was away at grad school. It was not until I came home on break that I realized there was something different about the way my mother was acting. Turns out she had a metastasized brain tumor.

When I lost my mother I truly believed life was not worth living without her in it. I still to an extent believe this, however I know that my mother would be extremely disappointed if I did not live out my life to the fullest. What I found the most challenging is going through this experience by myself despite the outpouring of support and caring. Unlike my depression which I have been successfully been controlling with therapy, talking to anyone about this seems like just a waste. While depression is the disorder of the mind, the loss of a loved one is factual and CANNOT be changed.

While it is June 2012 it still feels as if I lost her yesterday. Like others on this site I am an only child but lucky enough to still have my father. Despite his loving support I still feel utterly alone. I have attempted to locate books on daughters who have lost their mothers [currently "reading" Motherless Daughters] there is no mention of only children who are unmarried without children. It's very hard to see forming classmates and friends getting married and/or having children and being able to share their joy with their mothers. There are so many things I always thought my mother would be there for and now all my hopes and dreams for the future have been scratched. I wanted my mom to be there to see me graduate with a masters in social work, be there when I get my first real job, get married, have kids, and celebrate major holidays and events.

It has been very challenging not be able to call her and tell her about my day or something exciting that happened. We spoke everyday sometimes twice. She was my rock and my best friend. Of all Kubler-Ross' stages of grief I am stuck strongly on acceptance. I refuse to accept she is gone; that this happened to her and myself. Just to give you an idea of how much I am sticking to this, I couldn't even bring myself to attend her funeral. If I wasn't present then it wasn't really happening. I've only been to visit her grave once since her passing. That visit brought me no comfort at all like it does others. Instead it enraged me more so.

Anyways, I just want to thank diane727 for creating this posting. If anyone knows of any books out there on only children losing a parent I would greatly appreciate it if someone could pass the titles along. Lastly, thank you all for listening to my story.

RMisener

awsmith921 said:

Motherless Only Child
Hello,

My name is Ashley, I am 28 and I lost my mother to a brain tumor in October of 2010. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006, went through chemo and radiation and was cancer free for about three years [we did the race for the cure each year in D.C.]. We were unable to do our 4th walk because I was away at grad school. It was not until I came home on break that I realized there was something different about the way my mother was acting. Turns out she had a metastasized brain tumor.

When I lost my mother I truly believed life was not worth living without her in it. I still to an extent believe this, however I know that my mother would be extremely disappointed if I did not live out my life to the fullest. What I found the most challenging is going through this experience by myself despite the outpouring of support and caring. Unlike my depression which I have been successfully been controlling with therapy, talking to anyone about this seems like just a waste. While depression is the disorder of the mind, the loss of a loved one is factual and CANNOT be changed.

While it is June 2012 it still feels as if I lost her yesterday. Like others on this site I am an only child but lucky enough to still have my father. Despite his loving support I still feel utterly alone. I have attempted to locate books on daughters who have lost their mothers [currently "reading" Motherless Daughters] there is no mention of only children who are unmarried without children. It's very hard to see forming classmates and friends getting married and/or having children and being able to share their joy with their mothers. There are so many things I always thought my mother would be there for and now all my hopes and dreams for the future have been scratched. I wanted my mom to be there to see me graduate with a masters in social work, be there when I get my first real job, get married, have kids, and celebrate major holidays and events.

It has been very challenging not be able to call her and tell her about my day or something exciting that happened. We spoke everyday sometimes twice. She was my rock and my best friend. Of all Kubler-Ross' stages of grief I am stuck strongly on acceptance. I refuse to accept she is gone; that this happened to her and myself. Just to give you an idea of how much I am sticking to this, I couldn't even bring myself to attend her funeral. If I wasn't present then it wasn't really happening. I've only been to visit her grave once since her passing. That visit brought me no comfort at all like it does others. Instead it enraged me more so.

Anyways, I just want to thank diane727 for creating this posting. If anyone knows of any books out there on only children losing a parent I would greatly appreciate it if someone could pass the titles along. Lastly, thank you all for listening to my story.

No magic solutions, just live one day at a time
It is with deep sadness and great sorrow that I come to this place. I thank each and every one of you for sharing your stories with this forum and with me by default extension. The passing of a loved one is never an event that is easily or summarily processed. I don't know that being an adult only child orphan is any more or less difficult. I only know that it is a unique path of experience that those with sibling or surviving parental support don't fathom as their grieving experience is so much different than ours.

I'm 44 years of age forever going on 18, never married and no children (as the old joke goes....”that I know of”). I was raised by my mother whom was a single parent that married later in life in her mid 50's. I never knew my father. In addition I barely had contact with my mothers side of the family growing up, which consisted of her two brothers (one of which has two children) and her mother, who has since passed as well. I believe during my life that I have spent a total of less than two weeks with them all in total. Including the week before my mother passed when her brothers came to say goodbye. I do not expect to have any further contact with them, other than a face book type posting here and there as our one sole connection has been lost. So for those that feel alone, without any blood relatives, for all intensive purposes, I identify with you the most. Never have I felt more alone and lost. It's a feeling of grave despair.

I lost my mother to cancer on September 29, 2011. Her illness had metastasized to multiple areas of her body, she was stage four at the end but she had fought cancer in several bouts over the previous ten years. She was in her mid 60's. To those that are older, mid 60's is still relatively young, so much life to be lived and to look forward to. One would think that I could have been prepared appropriately. I thought that I was prepared but the reality is simply this, one can never prepare for the loss of a loved one. There are no magic words or magic bullets to prepare, to deal or to heal from the devastation of such loss.

I am impressed and envious with those of you who have the ability to express, discuss and/or address their grief so quickly after their loss. I am not made of that ilk. I am told that I have some Irish in me and although I am not prone to following the cultural norms, I feel that a part of me does act in accordance with my heritage. I did what came naturally, I buried my feelings.....my anger, my sorrow, my hatred, my grief, my scorn and I moved on with life …..or so I had thought. Although I did that which I needed to do, there are consequences. Other things I have found burred are my loves, my relations with others, my passions, my ability to cope with change, my resolve and even my identity. Over the past ten months I have lost more, including a fiancee and a home. I'm not sure of anything but I suspect it stems from the loss of my mother and my so called being “prepared” to handle it. Although, like many, I had challenges in life before my loss, I was navigating and dealing with things on my own terms. After my loss, well there does seem to be such a thing as a snow ball effect after all. From the sounds of it, many of you have experienced this same effect in your own unique way. To all my fellow orphaned survivors I give you a bug hug, at least in type. At this point I'm not sure I'll even post this, it has felt good to type out these thoughts alone.

At this point I feel that I only retain a fraction of my previous confident gregarious self. Some days I am feeling a little better, other days I am filled with unfathomable dread and sorrow. All I can offer for anyone else going through a similar experience is to do your best each and every day, to realize that you are not alone and to take things one day at a time.

Thank you Diane for starting this thread back in 2004.

To any that are readers...and I'm sure there are a few, I am open to being added as friends, please feel free.