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Update
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Jan 14, 2010 - 12:01 am
I know I haven't updated everyone on Michael's condition but I've been a bit overwhelmed with everything that is happening. I had hospice come and they are going to have a nurse come twice a week to check on us. It's hard for me to decide how much to share about what is happening with Michael. His decline has been very swift and painful for me. It is hard to find a balance with the pain meds. If I give him the amount of medication the hospice wants me to give him, he is completely unresponsive which means I can't get him to eat or drink anything. If I decrease the meds, he is somewhat lucid and can recognize people and communicate a bit. But with that comes the problem if him trying to get out of bed on his own and he is still somewhat disoriented and very weak. Unfortunately the decision is going to be out of my hands very quickly. It is becoming increasingly difficult for him to swallow pills. I will probably have to give him a fentanyl patch tomorrow. This disease is wretched! |
Joined: Jul 2008
my heart is heavy for you
Hi Phoebe,
My heart is heavy for you and what you're going through with Michael. What you wrote sounds like what I just saw in my father in law. I just got back from spending the day at my in-laws' house. My father in law is in the very advanced stages of Alzheimer's. My mother in law had to go somewhere today, so I went and stayed with "Pa". What you said about the meds controlling if he sleeps or is more lucid and tries to get up sounds familiar. If he were to get up, he'd fall down. I was worried while I was alone with him that he might try to get up, but he didn't, thankfully. I sat by his side most of the time. Hopefully, someone from hospice care will be coming in tomorrow to help.
Some similarities here, but definitely different as my father in law is 81 years old and has Alzheimer's not cancer (although he also recently had merkel cell cancer).
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Yes, this disease is so very wretched!
I am praying for you right now as I type this. My dear, this is probably the hardest thing in life you'll ever have to go through. I wish I could snap and make everything better, but such is life sometimes. Life can be so very hard.
I'm praying for comfort for Michael and for you...strength, restful nights, and courage to face the days.
Hugs,
Lisa
Joined: Jan 2009
Phoebe
Dear Phoebe,
My words are inadequate. I think of you often and say a pray for you and Michael when I think of the two of you. You obviously love Michael so much and you are taking great care of him. I am so sorry this horrible disease has taken this path.
With aloha,
Kathleen
Joined: Nov 2009
I am so sorry for all this
I am so sorry for all this disease is and what it does to all of us, caregivers included. I will continue to pray for you both and know we are all here...
Loves,
mel
Joined: Aug 2008
My Heart goes out to you both......
wishing things to be different knowing that they may not. I am so upset to see some of my friends in this way......Phoebe, Michael, we all love you both.......Love and Hope, Clift
Joined: Aug 2005
I'm sending warm hugs...
I remember my beau laying flat...and disoriented...and in pain...
SUCH a tough road for you to hoe, dear soul!!!! Does he have a feeding tube in place yet? If so, one of my patient partners had his meds push thru it...made things MUCH easier!
Know that I am sending prayers for you both...
Hugs, Kathi
Joined: Jan 2009
This will be hard....
I think alot of the end at times, and know one day I will be in that place Michael is in, and know how hard my hubby will have it, watching me go through this, and I hope to make it easy as possible, and sure don't want to suffer, he knows my wants, but do the pain meds help the pain? I don't want to be in pain is all, don't care if I'm lucid or not, as long as I'm not saying stupid things. I know how hard this is for you, both my parents were taken from cancer, and it's not easy to watch. I'm sorry for you Lisa as well to watch your FIL go through Alzheimers, such a terrible disease, which took my grandmother.
You will both in my prayers, I hope something more comes up for Michael to bring him to feeling better, and my positive vibes are with you, it's a scary time, and really rough hearing all this news this month with a few of our brothers and sisters, I am really saddened.
Hugsss!
~Donna
Joined: Jun 2009
Phoebe and Mike
Both of you have been on everyone's minds non-stop since your post - everyone is saddened by all of this news and it's frustrating to stand by and not be able to help. As Buzzard said, when one of us hurts - we all hurt.
We love you and will keep hoping and praying for you both. Thank you so much for keeping us posted - I know how difficult it must be, as you say, to know what to disclose and what not to.
I've never stood in a CareGiver role, so I think that all of you are the bravest and best I've seen.
Wretched is right.
All of our hopes and prayers to you both
-Craig
Joined: Mar 2009
Phoebe, I'm so very sorry
Phoebe, I'm so very sorry for all you and Michael are going through. I do keep you in prayer and have asked others to pray.
I remember when Angel was dying, his wife was heartbroken because the medication did not control the pain. She had to go it alone until the last morning! I am very happy to hear that Michael seems to not be in a lot of pain. I'm sure you would love to be able to talk with him during this time, and like Lisa said, this is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but you'll get through it and someday these visions will be replaced with happy memories.
Are your mother and sister there with you and can they stay? Oh I wish I could just come and let you cry on my shoulder.
Praying that Michael remains pain free and that his crossing into eternity comes quickly.
In love,
Diane
Joined: May 2008
Phoebe I am so Sorry
But i know all to well what you are going threw and what lies ahead , My worry also was angels pain but it was out of my hands.. I stayed close and told him often I love you sometimes he would respond and say i love you too other times he could not. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
michelle
Joined: Feb 2009
Sorry
So sorry that you are going through this. You are in a difficult situation with the pills, but hope that he is just comfortable. My heart and prayers go to you, husband and family. This has to be very difficult on you as well. May God comfort you.
Kim
Joined: Jul 2009
I remain so sorry and so sad
I remain so sorry and so sad that both of you are having to go through this. You two are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers. I hope the upcoming days are peaceful, painfree and full of light.
Joined: Sep 2009
I am so sorry
Phoebe, I am so sorry to hear of Michael's declining health. I am sure that you are doing what you can to help Michael be comfortable and this has to be the roughest time for you. I will pray that God be there for you and guide you through all the decisions that you will have to make. God Bless. Margaret
Joined: Feb 2008
Praying
Phoebe,
I am so sorry for what you and Michael are going through. I know it must seem like everything is spinning out of your control right now. I wish I could do something to change things. I will definitely pray for comfort and peace during this painful transition.
*hugs*
Gail
Joined: May 2008
Phoebe and Mike
My heart goes out to you both. Thank you so much for sharing what you do share; it's enough. There are times when I wish I had a magic wand to make things different. This is one of those times.
love, Leslie
Joined: Oct 2009
Dear Phoebe
I am so sorry and am holding you and Michael in the light at this moment.
Audrey
Joined: Mar 2009
Prayed for y'all this morning
Phoebe, I remembered you and Michael in prayer last night and this morning. May God bring comfort to you both.
In love,
Diane
Joined: Sep 2009
Thank you....
I can't thank you all enough for your love and support. Michael was just diagnosed back in August so I haven't been on this site for very long but I am still in awe of the outpouring of genuine care and concern. I have nothing but hate for this awful disease but it gave me the opportunity to experience a deep and unexplainable connection with many kind and loving people.
Michael's condition is a little worse each day. My sons and I sit with him and talk to him even though he is no long able to respond. We try and make him as comfortable as possible and let him know that he is OK and that we will be OK.....that's the best I can do at this point.
Joined: Jun 2009
Keep talking.. he hears you
Hi Phoebe, Keep talking to him, he can hear you and can feel your love. Tell him that he has a lot of very special people thinking of him every moment of the day. You're doing a wonderful job by staying with him. He's a lucky man to have you and the boys so he will not pass alone. His job may be done here but he's needed in Heaven. Tell him Brooks from San Diego sends his love.
Life is funny sometimes
Brooks
Joined: Oct 2009
Ditto
Ditto what Brooks said but from George and Tina in Livonia, Michigan.
Joined: Dec 2009
take care of your self
please don't lose site of your health and well being I know it is hard you want to take care of mike and than there are the children and then there is his family and your family to tend to . Been a caregiver for my parents and you can get run down and sick very easy. I think you said hospice was comming in My advise is when they are there you need to get out of the house take the kids for a hambuger or run errands but you need to get away if only for 30 min. it will help you with the stress you will have later down the road. I am praying for you and the family.
Joined: Jul 2009
sing to him- "Michael row
sing to him- "Michael row the boat ashore..." comes to mind :)
I am so glad you feel us around you holding you and Michael close.
Joined: Dec 2009
You and Michael are never
You and Michael are never far from my thoughts. I am so sorry for your suffering, so glad Michael has such love and care at this time, and so angry at this disease that is causing such pain.
Love and peace to you and your family.
Kim
Joined: Aug 2009
I hate this disease too!
Phoebe, I am sorry to hear of this news. I am keeping you and Michael in my prayers. I pray that we find a cure for this disease in 2010. It is such a monster.
Joined: Nov 2009
Phoebe
My prayers are with you and your family. This time is hard right now but do remember to take care of yourself. Take a break when Hospice is there like someone said. Ann
Joined: Apr 2009
Phoebe
My prayers and thoughts are with you. I pray for your peace thought this.
Jean
Joined: Sep 2009
So sorry
Hi Phoebe,
I think you joined the board at about the time that I became a little less active with my husband's fight being closer to the end. Just wanted to let you know I feel your pain and ache for you. My husband passed away at age 34 right before Christmas. I thought I would want/need a break from this stupid cancer world, but I find myself still checking the board once a week to check on the people who were so supportive and kind this past year.
Unfortunately, I have been where you are. Please know my prayers are with you and your family. Also, please PM me or let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you in anyway.
Melissa
Joined: May 2009
Phoebe
I haven`t been posting that much lately but I have been following your posts and waiting to hear the updates. I am truly sorry to hear that type of news. You are a real trooper and Michael sounds like a great guy. This disease is wretched and the whole thing stinks. It sucks to go through it and probably sucks even more for our loved ones to watch it happen to us.
I`ll keep you and Michael in my prayers.
Eric
Joined: Jun 2007
My thoughts and prayers are
My thoughts and prayers are with Michael and you and family.
Cancer surely does suck!
Claudia
Joined: Mar 2009
Phoebe, I just wanted you to
Phoebe, I just wanted you to know that y'all are never far from my mind and always in my prayers.
Diane
Joined: Jun 2009
I pray for you and your
I pray for you and your family daily. Patti
Joined: Sep 2009
Michael
Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....
Joined: Sep 2009
So Sorry
Phoebe, I am so sorry to hear of Michael's passing. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. Just know that Michael is now at Peace and no longer suffering from this terrible disease. I will keep you and your boys in my Prayers. Again I am so sorry. God Bless you and help you through this difficult time. Margaret
Joined: Jun 2009
so very sorry
Hi Pheobe;
I am fairly new at posting but have been following all of your posts. I was very sorry to heat about your husbands passing. You were the best caregiver you could be, he was lucky for that. i hate this disease and wonder why there is no cure yet when there is so much modern medicine and science.
I am also a relative of someone with stage 4 cc. She was 42 and was diagnsed in 3/09. It comes as a toatl shock and is all consuming. I am so very sorry for you and you sons. You are at the top of my prayer list tonight
Amy
Joined: Aug 2008
Phoebe I am so sorry to hear
Phoebe
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Michael. You and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Pat
Joined: Nov 2008
So sorry
I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your children. Anytime you need to talk, I am here.
Sincerely,
Jenny
Joined: Sep 2009
Michael
Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....
Joined: May 2008
Holding you and your boys and Michael
in my heart, and grieve as well for your loss. Thank you again for sharing all your updates with us. It is a special bond to be together doing the good and the tough times.
much love, Leslie
Joined: Sep 2009
heart broken for you
i am so sad to hear of your loss.. i hate this disease so much.. i am at a loss for words.. i will pray for you and your family.. i hope god gives you peace. and i know he will.. my thoughts are with you through this difficult time..
Heather
Joined: Jul 2008
Phoebe, I feel crushed to
Phoebe,
I feel crushed to hear this news. I am glad that you and the boys were at his side when it happened. I'm wrapping my arms around you in thought and in prayer.
May God carry you through this difficult time-
Lisa
Joined: Apr 2009
Tears
Oh Pheobe I am so sorry. Tears are just rolling down my face. Please Know that you and your family are in my prayers. I have so many mixed feelings. This board has helped me so much. I do get attached to the people here and it is so hard to hear this. Paula
Joined: Sep 2009
Michael
Michael lost the battle this morning around 9:30 AM. Me and my boys were at his side. I didn't think I had so many tears left in me but the tears are still coming and I wonder if they will subside....
Joined: Aug 2008
phoebe and boys.......
I am so very sorry for Michaels passing. I feel a terrible loss for our family here, and for your family also. I can only offer my sympathies and condolences to you and your family during this time. I know that you will keep Michael in your memory and that the boys will become young great and kind men, just as he seemed to be. He will be missed dearly and time will help you and the boys get through this. I will keep your family in my prayers and my offer to help in anything you need is always there. Much love from my family to yours...
Always Love and Hope, Clift
Joined: Jun 2009
I Pray I pass at Home with Family too
Dear Phoebe.. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and the boys did the right thing 100%. I hope and pray that when I pass it's at home with my wife and kids by my side and knowing I am not alone and that I'm loved. What a way to go you guys!!! He's needed in Heaven now to show the rest of us the way. Dear; Michael.. Hold the door open for me, See you again someday my friend, I love you!! RIP
Brooks
Joined: Oct 2009
Dear Phoebe
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Michael. You and your family have been in my thoughts and in my heart for the past several days. I am so very sorry. The pain is palpable. I will continue to hold you and your boys in the Light.
Audrey
Joined: Jul 2009
and now my tears
and now my tears fall
for
your loss and ache deep within
for
your boys and what they have been through and the loss they will always feel
for
Michael- a smile Phoebe- because he is free now, free from pain and in the hands of a loving and giving Lord
it is not the ending any of us wanted for him, or for you, or for your children
please remember what you told Michael over and over and over
"we will be OK"
deep hugs and warmth from Minneapolis,
Patteee
Joined: Oct 2009
Phoebe and Family
I hate this disease and what it does to families. I am so sorry. I had hoped and hoped and hoped but it was not to be. You are so courageous and must have loved Michael so much, you did everything in your power to help him. He was a very lucky man to have you. With much love and sorrow - Tina
Joined: Sep 2009
I am so sorry for your
I am so sorry for your loss.
What can anyone say? It is so hard to see good people dieing too young from this awful disease. I hope you find some comfort knowing he is out of his pain now. My wish for you is that each day the hurt is less, and time brings you more and more smiles at good memories, to replace the pain and tears of saying goodbye. You and your family are in my prayers.
Joined: Dec 2009
Phoebe
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of Michael. You and your boys are in my prayers. I think we all hate this disease that has taken someone away from us. May God grant you peace as you and your boys face the days ahead.
Joined: Jan 2010
Condolences
May you & the boys draw strength from your memories of Michael.
Death comes for all of us, but only the lucky are surrounded by loved ones.
Joined: Dec 2009
so sorry
I am sorry for your loss but I am rejoicing in the fact that he is with cancer no more he is free of what burdened him and he is in the arms of the Lord , we are left to cry and wonder why some one so young had to leave this earth so early , the Bible tells us that when it is time for us to go it is because there is something in the future that we are being spared of. I didn't know you that long but it was long enough to know you loved your husband and will miss him forever. Please know I am praying for you and your family.
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