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Newly diagnosed and unable to cope

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

I preface by say that I also have panic and anxiety disorder and PTSD, so its nearly impossible for me to control my thoughts and emotions. I have been in complete turmoil since the shocking diagnoses. My level of stress as caused my BP to be at stroke levels. I dont know how to calm down when my entire life has been upended. I am having hourly breakdowns. I cant eat or sleep. Ive been scouring the net for support groups and chatrooms. I have no support system. Im alone as far as having someone to talk to that share the same experience. All I can think about is the worse. How much pain I will be in, how sick I will be, how much time i have left, my family. I just turned 40, with all of these goals and aspirations and everything just stops. I cant take my mind off it, i cant watch a movie or read a book. Even at work im breaking down. I have a lot of abdominal pain also. 

 

Its shocking for obvious reason but more so because I just took a colonoscopy 5-6 months ago and it was clear. Now I have meatball sized tumors and its has possibly spread. Even they doctors told me that would be unusually superfast. Theyre trying to determine what is the next course of action. I also do not have medical insurance. I have had my ct scans, MRI and seeing them through a non profit medical clinic's referal but of course I will have to find a way to afford surgery or chemo if that is what is next. 

 

I just need a friend. I need support, someone to talk through this with me. Anyone please. It was insinuated to me that I may not have much time left so im in a world of hurt and mental/emotional anguish the likes ive never experience before and just need someone to talk to. 

 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 811
Joined: Apr 2017

Your situation sounds dire, but it is also puzzling.  Colon cancer is slow-growing and generally takes about ten years to develop to a crisis level.  CT scans are not completely reliable.  After my surgery, they saw what might be a large tumor on my CT scan.  It led to many sleepless nights.  There was also the possibility it was digestive matter.  Finally, after six weeks I was able to get a follow-up colonoscopy and there was no tumor.  All of the anxiety was simply over a mis-read CT scan.

Some on this forum find meditation a useful tool.  You do not even need to read a book.  Simply slow down and take three conscious breaths.  If you do get to the point you can read, try "You are Here."

Sorry you are here, but I think there may be cause for you to request additional information from your physicians before you conclude the worst is happening.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

Ive taking a hundred deep breaths. Intinally when they spoke with me I was inudated with just morbid and negative news about the severity of it all and that i may only have 3-8 months to live. I feel its very uncompassionate to be giving out that information and statistic like jus a hour before I was told I have cancer. I would have requested not to know what stage or any prognosis. Just tell me what I need to do to give myself the best possible chance for a cure or remission. There was no talk of that, just basically maybe this and maybe that and theres no cure. At one point with my mother sitting at bedsisde sobbing i yelled for them to just give us privacy for a minute.

My last CT scan was 4 years ago and it was clear, the colonoscopy was i think 6-7 months ago, and was clear. How two tumors grew the size of meatballs and spread to other organs in that short of time even surprised them. I must just be the most snakebitten unluckiest person ever. 

Im hearing the worse part of cancer isnt even the cancer, its the chemo. So im worried about that as well and even how i will be able to afford it with no insurance and i definitely will lose my job soon. 

I will try You are Here, thank you for the recommendations. I will know more(bad news) next week after a colonoscopy and biopsy. So hopefully it will at least be operatable, if not then i know what that means. And there is nothing more profoundly difficult than to think about the end. 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 811
Joined: Apr 2017

Mortality is reality for all living things.  It is just that a cancer diagnosis makes it all the more real.  Perhaps you are getting a bit ahead of yourself and you should wait for the new colonoscopy and biopsy before drawing any conclusions.  And there are a lot of hours to live life between now and then.

If you live in the US, there is always a way to pay for health care.  Talk to the social worker or financial aid person at the hospital.  They likely can help.

Good luck to you.

gk2469
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2018

Thank you

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4714
Joined: Jan 2013

I think very few people here, who were diagnosed or had their loved one diagnosed, experienced the very same reactions as you did. It is just natural.  It has nothign to do with depression, though I don't doubt that will play a part in how you approach the diagnosis. 

Just know that once you are past the initial shock, where anything and everything looks like death and dispare, things will start to fall into place.  There are others on the forum who are having financial difficulties, and they can share how they are coping. There are still more folks who suffer depression and anxiety, they too can help you. 

Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal.  Like Sandia said, try to step back and catch your breath. It WILL settle down, but YOU have to work at it as well. 

OK, I must go, but alas I have more to say - as always. 

Hang in there. Even if you have to hang by your finger nails. It WILL get better. And you CAN beat it. 

Tru

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3316
Joined: Jan 2010

So sorry you had reason to find us, but this forum is known for its helpful and compassionate folks.

Some additional info would be helpful...do you live in the USA?  If so, what state?  This might help folks to give you more specific info.

Also if in the USA, you might want to contact the closest American Cancer Society office to see what resources they can either help you with or guide you to.

You mention that you have panic and anxiety and PTSD, I assume from before diagnosis, are you being treated for these conditions?  Even under the best of circumstances, these conditions are nearly impossible to overcome by yourself.

A cancer diagnosis is daunting for anyone and sometimes more so for those who care about us.  It is possible to survive cancer, but it requires work and a positive attitude.  Regardless of how many days, months, years you have left, don't let cancer take all the joy from you.  Every day is a gift, even the bad ones.

Stay in touch and the folks here will try to help you with the cancer related issues.

Marie who loves kitties

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

I live in Memphis TN, which has very strict laws on mediaid and other finacial means for treatment. Im honestly not sure what I would be willing to do even if I could afford it. Surgery and radiation would be fine but chemo i would need time to think about. My anxiety disorder makes everything worse. I have withdrawn from everyone. Im just emotionally paralyzed. Maybe itll wear off in a couple weeks, maybe itll get worse. I want so badly to apply what you are encouraging, that even if i only had days left to enjoy them, but at this moment i find it impossible cos of how much fear and panic im experiencing. How do you find peace knowing the gift of life is being ripped away. 

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3316
Joined: Jan 2010

Thanks for adding info.  I too had no medical insurance when diagnosed.  While I live in VA, I was able to get financial assistance for medical costs. 

First of all, be up front with all medical providers regarding your financial situation.  Many will work with you and not turn you away.  My hospital is a non-profit and was able to get me a federal grant for their costs.  As it turned out, my surgeon was also attached to hospital so his costs were covered as well.  This was not Medicaid or any other long term assistance.

You didn't mention if you were being treated for the anxiety disorder.  You definately need to find a doctor to help you with that since it sounds like you are in a particularly bad situation.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to make up your mind to do what you can to make the best of what you have.  You have to be willing to put one foot forward every day.  You are right, life is a gift.  It is one most folks take for granted...it has always been there and will be until we are old and grey.  We are all mortal.  Today is the time we have.  If you squander today you can never get it back.

Fight is what we all have to do.  I have read so many times here about folks who refuse to let cancer take their joy of living from them, regardless of what time they have left.  If you give up, withdraw, whatever, you are letting cancer have more control of your life than it has to have.  You are the only one who can keep that from happening.

Don't go looking for statistics or such on the internet.  You are not a statistic.  Each person is unique and what works or doesn't work for one may have the opposite effect for another.

Fear and anxiety can cloud your judgement.  That is why, now more than ever, you need to get help to overcome them.

Wishing you the best,

Marie who loves kitties

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

yes, ive suffered from depression and anxiety disorders from a young age. I also have PTSD and OCD.  I take medication and see a therapist but it has had minimal effect. I always describe it as my mind being hijacked. I feel the worse, I think the worse, I fear the worse. And until something positive happens or changes I have not been able to develop a mechanism to will my mind into a more positive and hopeful state. I feel like once I get a complete picture next week, one of two things will happen... it will be bad news and I will spiral even worse than I am now, or I will get a tiny bit of hope, a plan, and something I can hold on to and go into fight mode. I cant accept 3-8 months. All I have been doing is researching the negative aspects of surgery, chemo, hospice care, etc. I want to focus on remission and a cure. I dont know when this shock will wear off, it is the most traumatic event i have every experience, but if I can just get one small hopeful silver lining, just someone to tell me this is absolutely doable, then that is all i need to hear.... not 3-8 months. 

I unfortunately do not have a support system. This site and my weekly 30 min therapist appointment is about it. The medication im on only makes me drowsy, it doesnt decrease the burning i feel inside, and the panic and anxiety racking my brain. 

Whatever I have to do I will try. I will put up a fight, i wont just lay down and accept this. As long as I get results I can be hopeful. And maybe find a little peace. I wish you the best as well and thank you Marie

linda7408
Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2018

Hi there! You must have watched the same movies I did. New and improved chemo treatment is here. I get pills for nausea right before

my chemo starts. I have a bottle of two kinds of nausea pills just in case it ever hits. I have never thrown up. The chemo for the most

part makes you super tired. There are other side affects that are completely tolerable. I hope you give it a shot, anyway.

 

Oh I remember the early days. The very first thing in my mind when I woke up (if I could even sleep) was I Have Cancer. It is pretty

impossible to get it out of your head. Then one day you say to yourself, Hey, I didn't think about it for a whole hour! Doctors nowadays

don't want you in pain or feel bd in any way so tell them. They've got a pill for everything! Let us know how it goes.

linda7408
Posts: 21
Joined: Mar 2018

Hi there! You must have watched the same movies I did. New and improved chemo treatment is here. I get pills for nausea right before

my chemo starts. I have a bottle of two kinds of nausea pills just in case it ever hits. I have never thrown up. The chemo for the most

part makes you super tired. There are other side affects that are completely tolerable. I hope you give it a shot, anyway.

 

Oh I remember the early days. The very first thing in my mind when I woke up (if I could even sleep) was I Have Cancer. It is pretty

impossible to get it out of your head. Then one day you say to yourself, Hey, I didn't think about it for a whole hour! Doctors nowadays

don't want you in pain or feel bd in any way so tell them. They've got a pill for everything! Let us know how it goes.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

i just watched a hour long video on youtube about a woman who... god bless her... fought cancer for 2 1/2 years and she described so many details so vividly and it crystalized how awful the treatments and surgeries are. She finally gave up treatment cos it was not improving anything and she lost 90% of her vision, could not even walk or do activities anymore. I broke down at the end where her partner talked about her decision and that she was in a better place. And the line that got me was "she is finally cancer free." 

Im not sure i am made for this kind of fight. I am not a strong person. I have very low threshold for pain and sickness. All I can do is try but I have lost everything. My joy, my smile, I cant laugh, my concentration, my interest in anything, my refuge in things i enjoy. My entire life 24/7 is now this and every tormenting thought, emotional, panic attack, even dream. My feelings right now are very raw and real, and im trying to listen to those who can give me hope who have survived and been cured. I shouldnt have watched that particular vid but she has the same dx as me. Im in so much anguish. Forgive me. Thanks for your encouragement. I need all I can get at this point. 

Kazenmax's picture
Kazenmax
Posts: 310
Joined: Feb 2016

im so sorry you are going through this. I know how devastating this diagnosis can be. But I will tell you that all your worry and panic is not changing anything. Stop. Take a breath. I know it’s all consuming but you are going to need to get your ducks in a row. please don’t give up before you start. Don’t go looking on YouTube for answers. Talk to your doctor. Tell him you need help with dealing with all this. Call the American cancer society. I wish I could jump through the internet and give you a hug. 

You have no choice. You have to deal with this. One step at a time.

k

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4714
Joined: Jan 2013

when you are tempted to hit Dr. Google or YouTube, come here instead.  There are lots of positive posts, lots of survivors, lots of honesty. 

I'm not going to tell you that chemo is a joy ride, but for some people, it really wasn't too bad. For others, it wasn't a bed of roses. You don't know which one you will be.  

To be honest, if you go into treatment thinking it is going to be worse than death, then it will. 

I will tell you a story. When I moved from the lush green, green of England to the brown dry desert of Nevada, I KNEW i was going to HATE IT. And I did hate it, for seven long, painful years. Once I gave up on the hate, I soon came to realize that its really not that bad, and now it is home and I love it here.  How much easier would my seven awful years have been if I had moved with the right attitude 

I hope you can get your into the right place, and know that your life is worth the fight.  We are here to bolster you up, and help you on this journey. You can do it. The plane fact that you have reached out to us, tells me that you have what it takes to fight the fight, and win.

Tru

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

i think the reason im constantly researching things all day is because of the uncertainty and negativte outlook that was given to me by the doctors and surgeons. So I had this burning desire to know everything. When your driving, you want to see where your going, and that is part of my anxiety and I dont know what to expect. I need something to aim at and attack and right now, im just left in the dark in constant tears with nowhere to direct my anger. 

 

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 931
Joined: Aug 2013

I think most of us here learned to cope by not looking "down the road", but living in the moment. Not trying to manage all of the future or anticipate things, but to ask "What can I do with today?" We all could stare down to the end of the line, cancer or not, and be mesmerized by our mortality and the fact that life is short, even for those who make it to 100. The only real coping mechanism is mental discipline, saying that this is what I'm going to focus on here and now, and the hell with the rest of it. In essence, the Serenity Prayer internalized as a mantra. I understand that with your prior issues, it's a daunting task, but what are the other choices? When I stressed, early on I walked/hiked until I was exhausted, or worked to the same end, depending on my schedule. I'd walk until I didn't feel anything but tired, it took most of the anger and fear out of me. Xanax also helped with some of the worst feelings. Later I learned to practice mindfulness, which at it's core is about slowing your breathing down, maybe counting to five with each intake and exhale. This in turn calms your heart and body, followed by your mind. It really works if you make the effort. There are lots of techniques for stilling the mind if one is willing to try, I even remember telling myself, early on, to think like a dog, as they don't fear tomorrow nor regret yesterday, they live only in the moment, lol.  I hope you find one or more things  that work for you, to help minimize the anxiety and anger, while you deal with this stuff......................................................Dave

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

thank you for your advice. I have to dig deep and see within myself what I have left to give. If its not enough, I can say I tried. Its been 6 days now and I just feel worse and worse. 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 811
Joined: Apr 2017

Gee, Dave, you are becoming a real philosopher.  My greatest teacher was my dog.  As a wise man once said, "the dog is Buddha."

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 931
Joined: Aug 2013

Yep, the dogs at my feet taught me that almost all worrying is wasted energy, and these furry lumps are all about conserving energy. The only real philosophical difference we have regards my sleep, I want it continuous and unaffected, and they feel 2-3am is a great time to explore the front yard and mark territory, lol.............................................Dave

Christy76's picture
Christy76
Posts: 25
Joined: Feb 2019

I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. I'm forty-two and was diagnosed with a large tumor about  a week ago. This may be difficult but the trick to coping is to accept what you can not change. None of us on this board can wave a magic wand and make our cancer go away so the best thing we can do is accept that is is there and that we have no control over that. Two weeks ago I was going to work and discussing with my girlfriend if we wanted to move from this area of the country. Today I am on disability through my employer and facing chemo and radiation treatments. As the old insurance commericals used to say "Life comes at you fast."

If you can, take a deep breath and try to steady your nerves. Facing a serious illness takes a level head and if your anxiety is up it makes it that much more difficult. I would avoid watching videos about cancer patients for the time being as that may make things worse for your anxiety. Take it one step at a time and do not overwhelm yourself. For instance as of right now I have a PET scan coming up in a few days. I'm not worrying myself with what comes after that I'm just going to go for the scan and then when they tell me I will show up for the next medical procedure. Looking too far ahead can be overwhelming.

Not to sound morbid but cancer could take us and we don't know if we will die but neither does anyone else. No one knows what will happen to them on any given day. A perfectly healthy adult could be struck by lightening. The reason I mention this is to let us all know that in that respect we are no different from anyone else. We live our lives day to day like the next person. You can handle this don't underestimate yourself.

If you can find a mental health therapist they can help with the anxiety. I wish you the best of luck. I know you can do this.

Christy

 

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

its means a lot... im trying to just bombard myself with as many positive people to interact with and take it one day at a time. If i cant harness control of my anxiety i can think more clearly maybe. I appreciate your kind words.

cnolte
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2016

One thing I would suggest is that you get on disability, probably SSDI, and get yourself qualified for Medicaid. That will give you income and Medicaid will be your health insurance. That way you can get the treatment you need and the income you need so that you can focus on getting well and not worry about money. I hope this helps.

 

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

with my social worker but in TN she said it may take some time so we will see. Treatment will be in itself a full time job. If that isnt the definition of disabled I dont know what is. 

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

Your family doctor should know places wher you can get a free care if you don t have insurance. There must be some sort of a community hospital where you can establish an oncologist and be able to get surgeries, chemos for free. Even illegal immigrants can get the whole treatment package. Butt.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

my ct scans, mri, emergency room visits, and colonoscopy has been covered by a non profit clinic. But i was told they would not be able to cover my surgery, radiation or chemo if that is whats needed. 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6073
Joined: Feb 2009

Sorry you had to join this group but I'm so glad that you found us, especially with your anxiety levels, no one to talk to and recent diagnosis.  We are a great group here to help you get through this.  You've gotten some advice on how to get some medical help for free above so try that first.  After next week's appointment let us know how it goes.  Chemo and radiation are doable believe it or not.  We all react different but if you feel sick, they have something for you, if you feel tired then you rest, if you feel down then you have us to lean on.  You can get through this and we can help.  Wishing you the best and welcome to the boards.

Kim

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

i dont know what to say right now as im pretty drowsy from the anti anxiety meds and pain pills. But I want to say thank you. 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6073
Joined: Feb 2009

BTW stay off the internet and Youtube.  The internet is full of inaccurate information and no one needs to watch a story about a person that goes through cancer.  Just not a good combination.

Kim

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

Do you have any family that you could move in with? If so, what options that area would have for free treatments. There must be hospitals in the US that would do it for free. I don t know what you do for living but is that an option to switch a job that offers benefits?? Does an American Cancer society know about some programs? 

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

i dont have anymore i could move in with.

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

I have been in treatments for more than a year. Yes, it is the second job. But I am not considered disabled by anyones definition. Including my oncologist who made point blank during the 1st meeting that you will keep working because you are not too old. Period. There are too many people who would love to go on disability because they have health issues. It is not how the system works in this country. Social Security is notorious for rejecting young folks on disability claims. Stage 4 cancer is not an automatic disability. But we even don t know what stage you are. As an immigrant I can tell you this is a tough country.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

I felt hopeful for a moment but your right cos living in Tennessee there is no medicaid expansion and im probably not eligible for disability even though i have painful meatball sized tumors in my stomach that i have to take tramadol(which is not working that well) daily and can hardly move around. The pain is severe and reguardless to a fmla i cant miss weeks and months of work. 

Im seeing a social worker tuesday to discuss all my options. And if I have none then I will have to face that reality. :'(

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

Have you been treated for anxiety and PSTD?

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

but there is nothing in existence i can take for the shock and panic i feel of a diagnoses i just recently receive, being told i have 3-8 months. It will take time and positivity, support and hopefully good news. 

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

is the worse for me. When everyone is gone to be, eveyrhting is quite, no one to call except the hotline which is not as helpful. No support group to drive to. You turn on the tv or radio to watch and listen to your favs and your mind just defaults back into the trauma. Anxiety is like breathing fire in your lungs. You weep, whimper, panic, pace around the house, praying to wake up from this nightmare. I close my eyes and its there like my eyelids are a projector. I chemically induce myself to sleep only to dream about all of it. I wake up and before my feet hit the floor i have this overwhelming sense of dread and misery. Someone once said that cancer is more harmful to your mind that your body. I actually have to agree. I feel im going insane. 

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 811
Joined: Apr 2017

Focus on your breathing.  That alone can help to quiet the other thoughts.

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

Where did your cancer spread?

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

pancreas

Pamcakes
Posts: 84
Joined: Jan 2018

There will be programs. You will have to gather your financial info- bank statements,

bills etc and discuss this with  someone at the cancer center you will be going. Living in Memphis I am certain the larger hospitals will have assistance To help and possiable cover most of your treatment. I hope this is not the case, but if the doctors are saying 3-8 months you will qualify for pallative care or hospice. you also will want to contact your county Department of Heath and Human Resources. It may be a pain and may take many phone calls, meetings and figuring out what questions to ask, but there will be help. I apologize if I missed this, but do you currently work? If you see a therapist how do you pay and for meds? The therapist should be able to help you organize your questions when contacting these places for help. Also the therapist should be able to help direct you as to who you should talk to / programs. I have been a part time therapist for at least 10 years as well as a Masters level Social worker with many years working in healthcare. The system is difficult, even for me with my background. but not impossiblE. Where you receive your treatment may be limited. also the clinic that paid For your test so far will know of programs and where to direct you. However, you will be responsible for doing the the bulk of the work to Get yourself on some sort of assistance.

whishing you the best.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

there is a fight within the fight, within the fight. And i dont know how much fight I have left really.

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

OP, is it your real picture? The picture suggests a wedding bend. Is there a spouse who can assist? Butt.

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

as ive said im completely alone. Just a elderly mother who lives a few blocks away

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2476
Joined: Sep 2014

Manapart, I'm sending you a PM with some information so you can contact me. Reading your posts is excrutiating. I don't know if I can help but if you want someone to talk to, I'm here.

I was diagnosed just over 5 years ago. I've been through two surgeries, radiation, several different chemos, and some other unpleasant or embarassing test and procedures. Not to mention side effects that very few people get, certainly they don't get more than one. I'm a big baby and have had to find ways to cope mentally. That being said, I don't suffer from the mental and emotional issues you have. 

In my opinion, any doctor that doesn't try to give you some hope is doing you a disservice. This is one of the better cancers to get, if that can be qualified, so they say. You do have a fighting chance, particularly with surgery, and you will fight this. I read something about cancer in your pancreas? Do you have that as well? If you do, is it also colon cancer that's spread? Or pancreatic cancer? It makes a big difference.

The mindfullnes suggested by Sandriabuddy (I think it was) is an excellent thing to learn to do. It may help you in everyday life as well. It kind of sounds to me like you've been let down by life already. This is just another hurdle, not necessarily the end of the road. The stats on Google are so off and often so wrong and the people who do well and survive usually don't post about it because they don't want to dwell on it, they just move on. The horror stories are the ones that get posted on Google. You can do this. We all have and we're not superheroes. But when you start to get better you do feel like one!

Anyway, watch for a message from me. I'm far away in Canada but nobody should ever feel alone and I won't have you feel that way if I can help it.

Hugs,

Jan

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

i sent you a reply

dybmapi
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2018

Hi, jsut read your anguished posts, did you get your answers, after the colonoscopy? Depending on where the growth is placed, it could easily be operable, even if it's stage III. Which is what happenend to me, and i'm perfectly fine after more than two years. Hang on and wait for the final diagnostic. As to the side-effects of chemo, they vary widely between people. Mine were minor, really. My wife thinks i'm a hero...don't tell her!

 

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 247
Joined: May 2018

The OP indicates that he is stage 4 with colon primary with pancreas secondary. Because such a combination is very uncommon, I suspect  that he may technically  have two primaries but because there are some issues with his health services, I guess it is not easy to check thru another doctor/cancer center.

Butt.

Phoenix_66's picture
Phoenix_66
Posts: 118
Joined: Jun 2017

Manapart, I am located about 2 hours south of you in Cleveland, MS.  What doctor and clinic are you going to? I see an oncologist with The West Clinic in Southaven, MS.

I was originally diagnosed at age 39 in 2006.  After six months of chemo, the cancer returned in 2013 as Stage 4.  After another year and a half of chemo, the cancer returned in 2017 and I just finished chemo for that episode last September.  I am saying all that to say that a Stage 4 diagnosis is not necessarily an immediate death sentence.  A lot of people (even on this site) have lived successfully with Stage 4 cancer for a long time.

I would advise you not to pay attention to how someone else handled chemo, or what side effects they had with certain chemicals because everyone is different.  I know some on this site that tolerated certain chemicals with no problems while the same chemical terrorized me.  I also know certain chemicals that I managed fine and others here did not.  Treatment is a personal thing tailored specifically to you.  If you experience problems with treatment, make sure to tell your doctor and they can make some accomodations to help with that.

I pray that you will find peace and comfort for your struggle.  "This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.' Joshua 1:9

manapart's picture
manapart
Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2019

I hope to have half of your strength, half of your endurance, half of your faith. 

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