Newly diagnosed and unable to cope

2

Comments

  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352

    Do you have any family that you could move in with? If so, what options that area would have for free treatments. There must be hospitals in the US that would do it for free. I don t know what you do for living but is that an option to switch a job that offers benefits?? Does an American Cancer society know about some programs? 

  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352

    I have been in treatments for more than a year. Yes, it is the second job. But I am not considered disabled by anyones definition. Including my oncologist who made point blank during the 1st meeting that you will keep working because you are not too old. Period. There are too many people who would love to go on disability because they have health issues. It is not how the system works in this country. Social Security is notorious for rejecting young folks on disability claims. Stage 4 cancer is not an automatic disability. But we even don t know what stage you are. As an immigrant I can tell you this is a tough country.

  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352

    Have you been treated for anxiety and PSTD?

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67

    Sorry

    Sorry you had to join this group but I'm so glad that you found us, especially with your anxiety levels, no one to talk to and recent diagnosis.  We are a great group here to help you get through this.  You've gotten some advice on how to get some medical help for free above so try that first.  After next week's appointment let us know how it goes.  Chemo and radiation are doable believe it or not.  We all react different but if you feel sick, they have something for you, if you feel tired then you rest, if you feel down then you have us to lean on.  You can get through this and we can help.  Wishing you the best and welcome to the boards.

    Kim

    brought tears to my eyes

    i dont know what to say right now as im pretty drowsy from the anti anxiety meds and pain pills. But I want to say thank you. 

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Butt said:

    I have been in treatments for more than a year. Yes, it is the second job. But I am not considered disabled by anyones definition. Including my oncologist who made point blank during the 1st meeting that you will keep working because you are not too old. Period. There are too many people who would love to go on disability because they have health issues. It is not how the system works in this country. Social Security is notorious for rejecting young folks on disability claims. Stage 4 cancer is not an automatic disability. But we even don t know what stage you are. As an immigrant I can tell you this is a tough country.

    your probably right...

    I felt hopeful for a moment but your right cos living in Tennessee there is no medicaid expansion and im probably not eligible for disability even though i have painful meatball sized tumors in my stomach that i have to take tramadol(which is not working that well) daily and can hardly move around. The pain is severe and reguardless to a fmla i cant miss weeks and months of work. 

    Im seeing a social worker tuesday to discuss all my options. And if I have none then I will have to face that reality. :'(

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Butt said:

    Have you been treated for anxiety and PSTD?

    yes...

    but there is nothing in existence i can take for the shock and panic i feel of a diagnoses i just recently receive, being told i have 3-8 months. It will take time and positivity, support and hopefully good news. 

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Butt said:

    Do you have any family that you could move in with? If so, what options that area would have for free treatments. There must be hospitals in the US that would do it for free. I don t know what you do for living but is that an option to switch a job that offers benefits?? Does an American Cancer society know about some programs? 

    no

    i dont have anymore i could move in with.

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Night time

    is the worse for me. When everyone is gone to be, eveyrhting is quite, no one to call except the hotline which is not as helpful. No support group to drive to. You turn on the tv or radio to watch and listen to your favs and your mind just defaults back into the trauma. Anxiety is like breathing fire in your lungs. You weep, whimper, panic, pace around the house, praying to wake up from this nightmare. I close my eyes and its there like my eyelids are a projector. I chemically induce myself to sleep only to dream about all of it. I wake up and before my feet hit the floor i have this overwhelming sense of dread and misery. Someone once said that cancer is more harmful to your mind that your body. I actually have to agree. I feel im going insane. 

  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352

    Where did your cancer spread?

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Butt said:

    Where did your cancer spread?

    to the

    pancreas

  • Pamcakes
    Pamcakes Member Posts: 110
    There will be programs. You

    There will be programs. You will have to gather your financial info- bank statements,

    bills etc and discuss this with  someone at the cancer center you will be going. Living in Memphis I am certain the larger hospitals will have assistance To help and possiable cover most of your treatment. I hope this is not the case, but if the doctors are saying 3-8 months you will qualify for pallative care or hospice. you also will want to contact your county Department of Heath and Human Resources. It may be a pain and may take many phone calls, meetings and figuring out what questions to ask, but there will be help. I apologize if I missed this, but do you currently work? If you see a therapist how do you pay and for meds? The therapist should be able to help you organize your questions when contacting these places for help. Also the therapist should be able to help direct you as to who you should talk to / programs. I have been a part time therapist for at least 10 years as well as a Masters level Social worker with many years working in healthcare. The system is difficult, even for me with my background. but not impossiblE. Where you receive your treatment may be limited. also the clinic that paid For your test so far will know of programs and where to direct you. However, you will be responsible for doing the the bulk of the work to Get yourself on some sort of assistance.

    whishing you the best.

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    manapart said:

    Night time

    is the worse for me. When everyone is gone to be, eveyrhting is quite, no one to call except the hotline which is not as helpful. No support group to drive to. You turn on the tv or radio to watch and listen to your favs and your mind just defaults back into the trauma. Anxiety is like breathing fire in your lungs. You weep, whimper, panic, pace around the house, praying to wake up from this nightmare. I close my eyes and its there like my eyelids are a projector. I chemically induce myself to sleep only to dream about all of it. I wake up and before my feet hit the floor i have this overwhelming sense of dread and misery. Someone once said that cancer is more harmful to your mind that your body. I actually have to agree. I feel im going insane. 

    Breathe

    Focus on your breathing.  That alone can help to quiet the other thoughts.

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Pamcakes said:

    There will be programs. You

    There will be programs. You will have to gather your financial info- bank statements,

    bills etc and discuss this with  someone at the cancer center you will be going. Living in Memphis I am certain the larger hospitals will have assistance To help and possiable cover most of your treatment. I hope this is not the case, but if the doctors are saying 3-8 months you will qualify for pallative care or hospice. you also will want to contact your county Department of Heath and Human Resources. It may be a pain and may take many phone calls, meetings and figuring out what questions to ask, but there will be help. I apologize if I missed this, but do you currently work? If you see a therapist how do you pay and for meds? The therapist should be able to help you organize your questions when contacting these places for help. Also the therapist should be able to help direct you as to who you should talk to / programs. I have been a part time therapist for at least 10 years as well as a Masters level Social worker with many years working in healthcare. The system is difficult, even for me with my background. but not impossiblE. Where you receive your treatment may be limited. also the clinic that paid For your test so far will know of programs and where to direct you. However, you will be responsible for doing the the bulk of the work to Get yourself on some sort of assistance.

    whishing you the best.

    yes, your right...

    there is a fight within the fight, within the fight. And i dont know how much fight I have left really.

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,229 Member
    manapart said:

    tru

    i think the reason im constantly researching things all day is because of the uncertainty and negativte outlook that was given to me by the doctors and surgeons. So I had this burning desire to know everything. When your driving, you want to see where your going, and that is part of my anxiety and I dont know what to expect. I need something to aim at and attack and right now, im just left in the dark in constant tears with nowhere to direct my anger. 

     

    I think most of us here

    I think most of us here learned to cope by not looking "down the road", but living in the moment. Not trying to manage all of the future or anticipate things, but to ask "What can I do with today?" We all could stare down to the end of the line, cancer or not, and be mesmerized by our mortality and the fact that life is short, even for those who make it to 100. The only real coping mechanism is mental discipline, saying that this is what I'm going to focus on here and now, and the hell with the rest of it. In essence, the Serenity Prayer internalized as a mantra. I understand that with your prior issues, it's a daunting task, but what are the other choices? When I stressed, early on I walked/hiked until I was exhausted, or worked to the same end, depending on my schedule. I'd walk until I didn't feel anything but tired, it took most of the anger and fear out of me. Xanax also helped with some of the worst feelings. Later I learned to practice mindfulness, which at it's core is about slowing your breathing down, maybe counting to five with each intake and exhale. This in turn calms your heart and body, followed by your mind. It really works if you make the effort. There are lots of techniques for stilling the mind if one is willing to try, I even remember telling myself, early on, to think like a dog, as they don't fear tomorrow nor regret yesterday, they live only in the moment, lol.  I hope you find one or more things  that work for you, to help minimize the anxiety and anger, while you deal with this stuff......................................................Dave

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67

    I think most of us here

    I think most of us here learned to cope by not looking "down the road", but living in the moment. Not trying to manage all of the future or anticipate things, but to ask "What can I do with today?" We all could stare down to the end of the line, cancer or not, and be mesmerized by our mortality and the fact that life is short, even for those who make it to 100. The only real coping mechanism is mental discipline, saying that this is what I'm going to focus on here and now, and the hell with the rest of it. In essence, the Serenity Prayer internalized as a mantra. I understand that with your prior issues, it's a daunting task, but what are the other choices? When I stressed, early on I walked/hiked until I was exhausted, or worked to the same end, depending on my schedule. I'd walk until I didn't feel anything but tired, it took most of the anger and fear out of me. Xanax also helped with some of the worst feelings. Later I learned to practice mindfulness, which at it's core is about slowing your breathing down, maybe counting to five with each intake and exhale. This in turn calms your heart and body, followed by your mind. It really works if you make the effort. There are lots of techniques for stilling the mind if one is willing to try, I even remember telling myself, early on, to think like a dog, as they don't fear tomorrow nor regret yesterday, they live only in the moment, lol.  I hope you find one or more things  that work for you, to help minimize the anxiety and anger, while you deal with this stuff......................................................Dave

    im trying very hard...

    thank you for your advice. I have to dig deep and see within myself what I have left to give. If its not enough, I can say I tried. Its been 6 days now and I just feel worse and worse. 

  • Butt
    Butt Member Posts: 352

    OP, is it your real picture? The picture suggests a wedding bend. Is there a spouse who can assist? Butt.

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    Butt said:

    OP, is it your real picture? The picture suggests a wedding bend. Is there a spouse who can assist? Butt.

    no

    as ive said im completely alone. Just a elderly mother who lives a few blocks away

  • gk2469
    gk2469 Member Posts: 3

    Mortality

    Mortality is reality for all living things.  It is just that a cancer diagnosis makes it all the more real.  Perhaps you are getting a bit ahead of yourself and you should wait for the new colonoscopy and biopsy before drawing any conclusions.  And there are a lot of hours to live life between now and then.

    If you live in the US, there is always a way to pay for health care.  Talk to the social worker or financial aid person at the hospital.  They likely can help.

    Good luck to you.

    Thank you

    Thank you

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,276 Member

    I think most of us here

    I think most of us here learned to cope by not looking "down the road", but living in the moment. Not trying to manage all of the future or anticipate things, but to ask "What can I do with today?" We all could stare down to the end of the line, cancer or not, and be mesmerized by our mortality and the fact that life is short, even for those who make it to 100. The only real coping mechanism is mental discipline, saying that this is what I'm going to focus on here and now, and the hell with the rest of it. In essence, the Serenity Prayer internalized as a mantra. I understand that with your prior issues, it's a daunting task, but what are the other choices? When I stressed, early on I walked/hiked until I was exhausted, or worked to the same end, depending on my schedule. I'd walk until I didn't feel anything but tired, it took most of the anger and fear out of me. Xanax also helped with some of the worst feelings. Later I learned to practice mindfulness, which at it's core is about slowing your breathing down, maybe counting to five with each intake and exhale. This in turn calms your heart and body, followed by your mind. It really works if you make the effort. There are lots of techniques for stilling the mind if one is willing to try, I even remember telling myself, early on, to think like a dog, as they don't fear tomorrow nor regret yesterday, they live only in the moment, lol.  I hope you find one or more things  that work for you, to help minimize the anxiety and anger, while you deal with this stuff......................................................Dave

    Philosophy

    Gee, Dave, you are becoming a real philosopher.  My greatest teacher was my dog.  As a wise man once said, "the dog is Buddha."

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,229 Member

    Philosophy

    Gee, Dave, you are becoming a real philosopher.  My greatest teacher was my dog.  As a wise man once said, "the dog is Buddha."

    Yep, the dogs at my feet

    Yep, the dogs at my feet taught me that almost all worrying is wasted energy, and these furry lumps are all about conserving energy. The only real philosophical difference we have regards my sleep, I want it continuous and unaffected, and they feel 2-3am is a great time to explore the front yard and mark territory, lol.............................................Dave