Facing Death - Awkward!

245

Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Tell You What You Once Told Me...
    "I'm smilin' at you, Lizzy:)

    I want to talk with you more later...I should be in bed but having a time winding down. I miss you and love you...put the "sweat" away but it just holds such a special place in my heart and the sight of it, triggers my thoughts of you.

    And how I miss having you around:)

    I'm so proud of you and am learning a great deal from you right now...you know me though The Lion will go out of here growling all the way, LOL!

    I really do hope that I can find "The Path of Acceptance" that you find yourself on now...I hope that I can do it as right as you are handling things.

    You're still my friend - and the good news is "You Will Always Be With Me." I'll never forget you - never.

    All my love and big TX Hugs all the way to S.C.

    -Craig

    P.S. Big Billy sends his best and his love too, LOL!
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    It's such a strange path we cancer folk walk...
    most of us reach a point in the journey where we have to face our own mortality in a way that a lot of people never do. I truly admire you for being able to reach out to others and talk about what's happening. My sister died just a year after diagnosis, and she was never able to accept the inevitable. There was no planning or discussion beforehand, and it left my BIL and her son in an even harder place, trying to figure out what she wanted done after her death. Of course, now that I'm experiencing some of what she went through, I am much less judgmental, realize there's no one right way to do things, but I do hope when my time comes that I can manage things with a certain degree of grace and openness of heart, as you seem to be doing. Sending you hope for time and peace, Ann
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Hard
    This is a question that is hard to wrap your mind around sometimes. It sounds like you have a good deal of the future needs taken care of so your husband will have little to think about which is so thoughtful of you. You are a strong person and I've always admired you and your posts. As far as hospice goes, if you would feel more comfortable being at home with your loved ones being able to come in and out when they please then that would be the choice to make, but then also if you feel more comfortable being in an atomosphere where they can be with you more then that is the choice. Can't give you any information on either as this can be made at a later time. I'm so hoping that things can get better for you. You are a wonderful person.

    Hugs! Kim
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893

    Hard
    This is a question that is hard to wrap your mind around sometimes. It sounds like you have a good deal of the future needs taken care of so your husband will have little to think about which is so thoughtful of you. You are a strong person and I've always admired you and your posts. As far as hospice goes, if you would feel more comfortable being at home with your loved ones being able to come in and out when they please then that would be the choice to make, but then also if you feel more comfortable being in an atomosphere where they can be with you more then that is the choice. Can't give you any information on either as this can be made at a later time. I'm so hoping that things can get better for you. You are a wonderful person.

    Hugs! Kim

    Craig, Ann & Kim
    Craig, Ann & Kim,

    Thank you for your very kind and meaningful comments. It is so special to have these to read and re-read.

    Love and hugs to you,

    Lizzy
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    Hi Lizzy
    Thank you so much for sharing this post with all of us. I appreciate the tenderness that comes through with your words. I offer you this quote from the Dalai Lama because your post reminded me of it:

    "Until you have the inner discipline that brings calmness of mind, external facilities and conditions will never bring the joy and happiness you seek. On the other hand, if you possess this inner quality, calmness of mind, a degree of stability within, even if you lack the various external factors that you would normally require to be happy, it will still be possible to live a happy and joyful life."
    -Dalai Lama

    all the best, Leslie
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    I just saw your post....it made me think....
    I have some definite plans on my death...and have shared them with the people in my life that matter. It is so much better than trying to guess (I have had to do that twice, once for my ex-hubby, once for my daughter).

    A manual on the proper way to die....hummm, would be an interesting read...so many, many different views!

    Here in The Netherlands, there is 'assisted death'. It has recently been expanded to include people with severe dementia, if they have set instructions before hand.

    I only wish for a gentle death, not trapped or suffering. Regardless of the cause.

    I have cancer to thank for these revelations...I now feel I can go quietly into the good night....with no fear.

    Hugs for the reminder of how precious each day is!!!

    Dutch knuffels, Kathi
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    Dear Lizzy
    I so admire you. You are a kind, generous, loving, strong, and throughtful person. Nothing for you to apologize for. Your joyful spirit is contagious. I hope for many more days of laughter and joy!
    In the Light,
    Audrey
  • donnare
    donnare Member Posts: 266
    "What can I do to help others before and at the end?"
    Don't have any advice Lizzie - just wanted to say what a beautiful and generous person you are to be thinking of how to make things easier on others while dealing with this. Your beautiful spirit is jumping right off the screen.

    Wishing you miracles and peace in your heart!
    Donna
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    How I'm facing things
    My Dear Lizzy,

    I have enjoyed you posts in the past and when I read this one this evening, it made my heart sad and yet strong at the same time. The courage which you display in your post is so admirable and has much to be emulated for the rest of us.

    I have thought about many of the issues you raise, particularly the home vs. hospice question. As we all know, the day and time of our passing to the next life is a mystery: I have yet to be diagnosed as terminal and I may well meet my end tomorrow while riding my motorcycle or enjoying my dinner. However, for my part, I have opted to stay at home if that choice is granted me. In a way, I find it comforting having a special room where I may pass. I have a chair set up near the bed so that a visitor can have a seat and at times, when I wake up afraid at night, I can feel a very comforting presence there and I know that it is either Jesus or our Beloved Father.

    In the time that I have left, I am doing what I can to make amends with those I may have injured in the past; tell those that I love how much I care about them; say good bye to former colleagues and friends; an to make arrangements for my funeral. Oddly enough, discussing my passing seems very easy. However, I have made the decision that when I go, if my 12 year old dog is still alive I want her put to sleep and placed with me, her chin on my right shoulder and my arm around her and we will go into the fires together. We've been together almost constantly since she was 2 months old and I know that she will have a short but miserable life without me and that my plan is the best for her.

    I suppose all that I can say (other than the "all about me" paragraphs above) is to have fun and share it those you love. Make as many happy memories as you can and look forward the times that you will have together in the next life. And I do believe that there must be an after life. We are all creatures of energy, which can neither be created nor destroyed, so we must have had some sort of pre-existence and there must be an after life for that energy to go into. Personally, I look forward to meeting you and everyone else on this board there when it is my time.

    Love to all,

    Ray
  • tko683
    tko683 Member Posts: 264 Member
    Hope you are feeling okay
    Hi Lizzy,
    Just wanted to say that I think you are a beautiful soul and your attitude is amazing. You are such an inspiration to me and to everyone on this board. I hope that the chemo is not making you too sick right now and I hope that your pain is under control. I also pray for you and hope that you have many more happy days!! Hugs and prayers, Teri
  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632 Member
    tko683 said:

    Hope you are feeling okay
    Hi Lizzy,
    Just wanted to say that I think you are a beautiful soul and your attitude is amazing. You are such an inspiration to me and to everyone on this board. I hope that the chemo is not making you too sick right now and I hope that your pain is under control. I also pray for you and hope that you have many more happy days!! Hugs and prayers, Teri

    just like to add
    Dear lizzy,

    I have been reading all the posts and ofcourse you made me think about my future a lot.
    One day we all will be were you are now, facing death.
    A friend of mine gave me a little book, I do not know if you are a believer, but even if you are not, this book made me think. It is called," Heaven is for REAL" . It is a true story and it is written by Tod Burpo, with Lynn Vincent.
    If you like to read it or cannot find it let me know I will send it to you.
    This little boy 3 years old had a major operation and during this operation he visited Heaven. His father Todd recalls this event.Remember this little boy was 3 yeard old and told them bits and pieces at the time.

    Also, when my brother was facing the same illness you are battling now he told me, I do not die, my body is giving up, I never will.

    You so remind me of him with your gentle acceptance and even wonder of the whole experience.
    Much love and many hugs,
    Marjan
  • Varmint5
    Varmint5 Member Posts: 384 Member
    Hello Lizzy...
    We don't know each other but this is such a gracious post. You must be an amazing woman. Bless your kind heart on this journey.

    Sandy
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    thingy45 said:

    just like to add
    Dear lizzy,

    I have been reading all the posts and ofcourse you made me think about my future a lot.
    One day we all will be were you are now, facing death.
    A friend of mine gave me a little book, I do not know if you are a believer, but even if you are not, this book made me think. It is called," Heaven is for REAL" . It is a true story and it is written by Tod Burpo, with Lynn Vincent.
    If you like to read it or cannot find it let me know I will send it to you.
    This little boy 3 years old had a major operation and during this operation he visited Heaven. His father Todd recalls this event.Remember this little boy was 3 yeard old and told them bits and pieces at the time.

    Also, when my brother was facing the same illness you are battling now he told me, I do not die, my body is giving up, I never will.

    You so remind me of him with your gentle acceptance and even wonder of the whole experience.
    Much love and many hugs,
    Marjan

    Wow! Your brother has a great attitude!
    Hugs, Kathi
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    Varmint5 said:

    Hello Lizzy...
    We don't know each other but this is such a gracious post. You must be an amazing woman. Bless your kind heart on this journey.

    Sandy

    Thanks for your posts!
    Thanks for your posts! I have enjoyed reading your thoughts, ideas, and inspirations. Thanks for taking the time to leave a message.

    Lizzy
  • lauragb
    lauragb Member Posts: 370 Member

    Thanks for your posts!
    Thanks for your posts! I have enjoyed reading your thoughts, ideas, and inspirations. Thanks for taking the time to leave a message.

    Lizzy

    Sending cyber hugs and
    Sending cyber hugs and prayers to you. My friend and coworker passed on last December of colon cancer. Upon initial diagnosis, she was given a life expectancy of two years. She was on chemo and lived well during this time. Once she hit the second year, she cleaned out her stuff and enjoyed life to the fullest that she could. She did say to me she wondered what it was like to die and when it would happen, next week, in 6 months, who knows? In the end, she acquired an infection and died quickly and peacefully with her family. Your poignant comment about how it would be nice to be able to talk with someone who had already passed would have resonated with her. I just wanted to share this with you because I see parallels in your thinking and her story was peaceful. Here's hoping you can enjoy and seize the beauty of each day as we all should.
    Light and love,
    Laura
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    lauragb said:

    Sending cyber hugs and
    Sending cyber hugs and prayers to you. My friend and coworker passed on last December of colon cancer. Upon initial diagnosis, she was given a life expectancy of two years. She was on chemo and lived well during this time. Once she hit the second year, she cleaned out her stuff and enjoyed life to the fullest that she could. She did say to me she wondered what it was like to die and when it would happen, next week, in 6 months, who knows? In the end, she acquired an infection and died quickly and peacefully with her family. Your poignant comment about how it would be nice to be able to talk with someone who had already passed would have resonated with her. I just wanted to share this with you because I see parallels in your thinking and her story was peaceful. Here's hoping you can enjoy and seize the beauty of each day as we all should.
    Light and love,
    Laura

    Thank you, Laura.
    Thank you, Laura. I appreciate you sharing your friend's story. It is a warm feeling to hear about her. May her memory be a blessing.

    Hugs,
    Lizzy
  • th_in_canada
    th_in_canada Member Posts: 46

    Thank you, Laura.
    Thank you, Laura. I appreciate you sharing your friend's story. It is a warm feeling to hear about her. May her memory be a blessing.

    Hugs,
    Lizzy

    thanks
    Thanks for starting this thread, Lizzy.
    I'm in just about the same position as you. We look at life differently now. Instead of thinking, oh I'll do that next year, we do things now. If a concert seems interesting to us, we go. If I feel the urge to speak to someone (that I don't know) I do. There's a lot less putting things off. We've gotten various accounts cleaned up, everything is in my husband's name first. We talk about everything. If someone asks how I'm doing, I usually tell them. I never really did the "I'm fine" route. I don't want family or friends to have things unsaid to me so I have at times, been blunt. I find it easier to deal with than hiding. I'm into sharing now, lol.
    I have a friend who is a "little bit ahead" of me, if you get my drift and he has been totally honest about his treatment and prognosis since the start. Because we have so many mutual friends, it's been easier for me to share my journey.
    I've found that once close family and friends accept the inevitable, it's so much easier discussing my final chapter here and how I'd like it to go. Our big decision left is will I be able to stay at home or go to a hospice and for us, that will depend on timing.
    Sorry I've rambled on about me. I hope things go peacefully for you Lizzy.

    Tricia
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    Lizzy
    Every time I start a comment, I break out in tears and feel such grief. I know that isn't what I should say, but every time I go to write you, that is what comes out, and so I just decided to say it.
    You are leaving behind here on CSN to us wonderful memories of you, and showing us how to approach our time hopefully with the same dignity and grace that you are showing.
    It's just that I'm going to miss you as I do so many others, and I just don't want you to go.
    I've always thought the best thing that we could leave behind were memories of love, laughter and caring, and you have done that for me, for us. I thank you for that Lizzy.
    May your time be long here on this earth making more memories.
    Hugs and love to you Lizzy, your one heck of a person and I'm proud to know you.
    Winter Marie
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893

    thanks
    Thanks for starting this thread, Lizzy.
    I'm in just about the same position as you. We look at life differently now. Instead of thinking, oh I'll do that next year, we do things now. If a concert seems interesting to us, we go. If I feel the urge to speak to someone (that I don't know) I do. There's a lot less putting things off. We've gotten various accounts cleaned up, everything is in my husband's name first. We talk about everything. If someone asks how I'm doing, I usually tell them. I never really did the "I'm fine" route. I don't want family or friends to have things unsaid to me so I have at times, been blunt. I find it easier to deal with than hiding. I'm into sharing now, lol.
    I have a friend who is a "little bit ahead" of me, if you get my drift and he has been totally honest about his treatment and prognosis since the start. Because we have so many mutual friends, it's been easier for me to share my journey.
    I've found that once close family and friends accept the inevitable, it's so much easier discussing my final chapter here and how I'd like it to go. Our big decision left is will I be able to stay at home or go to a hospice and for us, that will depend on timing.
    Sorry I've rambled on about me. I hope things go peacefully for you Lizzy.

    Tricia

    Gee, thanks, Tricia!
    Thanks for posting Tricia. Yes, I can certainly relate to what you have said. It is such a good feeling to me to be able to walk up to people in public and speak. I have been so shy in my life that I would hide my feelings and now, yes, I feel the freedom to talk when I feel it helps others. I do think it is important to try to be as nice as possible. I have to bite my tongue at times when people say things that they do not know is hurtful.

    But now there are more important things in my life and those silly things don't matter at all. I just let them roll off. I also think that I am still here now because my work here is not completed. I have found that certain people need me and my experience to help them along their way in life. Young people in fact have written me and I have found that I have been able to share with them knowledge that sometimes takes years to learn. If they use it or ignore it is another thing. lol.

    I also think that people who call and help me sometimes need people to help. It makes them feel good and useful too. Yes, this is the best of times and the worst of times. I am happy and taking one day at a time.

    Thank you!

    Lizzy
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893

    Lizzy
    Every time I start a comment, I break out in tears and feel such grief. I know that isn't what I should say, but every time I go to write you, that is what comes out, and so I just decided to say it.
    You are leaving behind here on CSN to us wonderful memories of you, and showing us how to approach our time hopefully with the same dignity and grace that you are showing.
    It's just that I'm going to miss you as I do so many others, and I just don't want you to go.
    I've always thought the best thing that we could leave behind were memories of love, laughter and caring, and you have done that for me, for us. I thank you for that Lizzy.
    May your time be long here on this earth making more memories.
    Hugs and love to you Lizzy, your one heck of a person and I'm proud to know you.
    Winter Marie

    Winter Marie,
    Winter Marie,

    Thanks for your kind words and love. Please don't break out in tears because I am very happy. This is a good time for me. I enjoy everything more right now! Everything tastes better. I love the Spring air and gorgeous trees. I love walking my poodle. I have helped people and let them help me. I am more confident now than I have been in my life. I have thinned my personal belongings and it feels great to feel organized and neater in the house. My husband and I are more appreciative of each other and more respectful too. Life is good - one day at a time.

    Hugs and love back to you, Winter Marie!

    Love,
    Lizzy