Your thoughts

dorookie
dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
Hey everyone,

Yes its me Beth, I dont get on here as much as I would like, but I am always checking in and keeping everyone new and old in my prayers.

Just a recap, I am stage 4, been almost 2 yrs out of treatment and still NED (Keeping fingers crossed, scans coming up), I work in law enforcement as a supervisor, extremely stressful, recently transferred from AZ to Texas, and dealing with the loss of my step son 8 months ago, and now my 19 yr old daughter is living with us with my 18 month old grandson (marriage didnt work, needlessly to say I have a lot of stress in my life. I worry beyond words that the cancer will come back (yes I know I shouldnt but when someone figures out how not to worry, please let me know how you did it).

I have my scans coming in next Monday, i am a bit worried, I have been sick a lot, having been losing weight without really trying, probably due to stress, well I am hoping that is all it is. 6 months ago I had my scans they were clear, well 3 months ago my ONC decided to just do blood work, I was against that but listened to him anyway, blood work looked good he said but my CEA did go up, ever so slightly but it did go up. So now 3 months later I am going to have a CT scan, and I ask for prayers that I get clear results.

Now to my question, I recently had the opportunity to ask for a compassionate transfer to a less stressful job, in the same area, just out of the detention setting (I run a 1800 bed facility, with over 35 officers), in order to do this I needed a letter from my doctor, well my mental health counselor wrote one without hesitation, my primary care doctor wrote one too, but my ONC said NO, that I wasnt in treatment so he wouldnt write it, now this info comes to me via a message not straight from his mouth. I was so upset I was crying, thinking this could really mess up my chance to get this transfer and it still may. I see him next monday and I am going to ask him myself why??? Maybe he misunderstood what I was asking, or maybe he thought I would be transferring out of state, I dont know, but I was totally blown away. My ONC in AZ would have done it in a heart beat. Please correct me if I am wrong but doesnt reducing STRESS a good thing for a person that is classifed as stage 4???

I am thinking of firing him, and I wanted to know what ya'll thought, am I being to sensitive or am I wrong?

Thanks for listening.

HUGS
Beth
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Comments

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278
    Just a thought
    Why not ask your previous Onc? Just a thought.

    If you feel that this job is to much at this point in time, then your Doc, and Onc should back you up. It is for your well being, and other's well being that you are at top performance. Not to say things will change and you will be able to take on more then.

    Best Always, mike
  • luvmum
    luvmum Member Posts: 457
    Dear Beth
    I personally think stress will cause weaker immune system which is not good for ca patients. Health is far more important than a challenging job! My friend has had recurrence due to stressful job (medical doctor) and in the end, she decided to quit her job for better health.

    All the best to your coming CT scan! NED forever!
    Best wishes,
    Dora
  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753
    luvmum said:

    Dear Beth
    I personally think stress will cause weaker immune system which is not good for ca patients. Health is far more important than a challenging job! My friend has had recurrence due to stressful job (medical doctor) and in the end, she decided to quit her job for better health.

    All the best to your coming CT scan! NED forever!
    Best wishes,
    Dora

    I'd have to believe your onc
    I'd have to believe your onc misunderstood. In the meantime, don't worry (easy said...i know), but that sounds like it can be worked out. If for some reason there is resistance from the current onc, Mike has a good suggestion...get the first onc involved. Let us know.
  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753
    luvmum said:

    Dear Beth
    I personally think stress will cause weaker immune system which is not good for ca patients. Health is far more important than a challenging job! My friend has had recurrence due to stressful job (medical doctor) and in the end, she decided to quit her job for better health.

    All the best to your coming CT scan! NED forever!
    Best wishes,
    Dora

    I'd have to believe your onc
    I'd have to believe your onc misunderstood. In the meantime, don't worry (easy said...i know), but that sounds like it can be worked out. If for some reason there is resistance from the current onc, Mike has a good suggestion...get the first onc involved. Let us know.
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
    thxmiker said:

    Just a thought
    Why not ask your previous Onc? Just a thought.

    If you feel that this job is to much at this point in time, then your Doc, and Onc should back you up. It is for your well being, and other's well being that you are at top performance. Not to say things will change and you will be able to take on more then.

    Best Always, mike

    That crossed my mind
    That idea did cross my mind, but my last ONC is in AZ and I now live in TX, and mostly because this is time sensitive, I dont think I would have the time to get it done, but I may have to resort to that.

    Thanks

    HUGS
    Beth
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
    luvmum said:

    Dear Beth
    I personally think stress will cause weaker immune system which is not good for ca patients. Health is far more important than a challenging job! My friend has had recurrence due to stressful job (medical doctor) and in the end, she decided to quit her job for better health.

    All the best to your coming CT scan! NED forever!
    Best wishes,
    Dora

    I have to agree
    I have been so sick for the past few months, I just cant seem to get better, its draining and exhausting. I just need to catch a break, and I had hoped this would be it, I just hope this request will still go forward. I submitted all the paperwork this morning, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. And thank you for the well wishes on my scans, I have been worried something aweful, I cant wait to have some peace..

    HUGS
    Beth
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Beth:)
    I'd try and sit down and type him up a letter going over all the facts in a no-nonsense manner. Sometimes the written word carries alot more weight and gets someone's attention rather than speaking; it can be easy to tune it or dial out of the conversation.

    I'm sure the stress has been eating you up - it seems after we get cancer we don't seem to have the stamina to "lead or manage" our positions, especially if they are managerial. We just had that "oomph" taken out of us - we can still work but having all of that responsibility can sometimes be more than we need to handle. This certainly sounds like its the case.

    I was a manager of a Quality Assurance team and it was very stressful with all the changes that happen in an Information Technology (IT) department. Since then, I still do the testing but without a whole group of people to have to manage, just myself. I've found this to be more than enough.

    And while I was managing, my manager really held me to the fire and kept the heat up and I'm convinced that this helped my 2nd recurrence. It was just miserable most days, because she made it that way.

    So, I think the less stress can only be better for "us."

    I would try faxing your letter over to your doc and try this again - maybe he was too dismissive before.

    I do so hope your scans will be just fine. Can't see anything happening to you going 2 years out, but will over here in your corner hoping for the best.

    Love/Craig
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331
    dorookie said:

    I have to agree
    I have been so sick for the past few months, I just cant seem to get better, its draining and exhausting. I just need to catch a break, and I had hoped this would be it, I just hope this request will still go forward. I submitted all the paperwork this morning, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. And thank you for the well wishes on my scans, I have been worried something aweful, I cant wait to have some peace..

    HUGS
    Beth

    You are very right Beth.
    Here any doctor would sign the letter !,.Just to put an example here if you are stage 4 They give you automatically disability for work and start to pay you the full retirement ! . Just tell it to the doc! haha!.
    Hugs Beth.
  • luvmylife
    luvmylife Member Posts: 76
    I hope he misunderstood
    Beth,

    Any healthcare professional should have more compassion for a cancer pt with a stage IV diagnosis. I am hoping that your onc misunderstood your request. It is true that stage IV automatically makes you eligible for disability so why would he begrudge you a less stressful working environment? Something is wrong and he needs to be shown the compassion button or the DOOR!!!

    Praying for a clean scan.

    God Bless you and good luck with your situation.

    Jan
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866
    Beth
    I hope he misunderstood what you are asking for. It certainly is not out of the realm of reasonable requests. I would possibly try it again and bring up the stress factor. Otherwise I would consult your previous oncologist.
    Hope scans go well.
    hugs
    -phil
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900
    dear beth
    dear beth,

    i pray your clear.

    I hope you get the letter from onc and the more relaxing job.

    set some reachable goals and put the uncertaintly we all have to an end.

    enjoy your gradchild.

    love,

    pete
  • idlehunters
    idlehunters Member Posts: 1,787

    dear beth
    dear beth,

    i pray your clear.

    I hope you get the letter from onc and the more relaxing job.

    set some reachable goals and put the uncertaintly we all have to an end.

    enjoy your gradchild.

    love,

    pete

    Hey Beth!!...
    Good to see your name pop up!!! Sure do miss you around here. I talked to Wendy today..she tell you? Anyway.... not so long ago you and me were feakin' over another situation we both had in common .....remember the outcome??? I do... you were doing all this stressing and it all turned out fine...just fine. Don't let these scans do that to you...YOU WILL BE FINE!!! Quit stressin. CEA goin up a tiny bit.... I know how that gnaws in the back of your head BUT.you are still way low in the normal limit.... It's all good girlfriend..ya feel me??????

    I'm still gonna send some prayers and good vibes your way...never can have too much of that! I will be in Arlington Oct 23rd for a Cowboys game. They are playing St. Louis. Mark your calendar. I will be by to see you guys and Craig. We can celebrate you STILL being NED then...unless you make it to CP9 earlier that month?????????

    You take care

    Jennie
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    Don't be a stranger!
    First things, first. I am praying you have clear scans! No more cancer for you! Secondly, I think you should definitely ask the oncologist why he wouldn't sign for you. I have a feeling you will get the signature!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Stress
    So sorry about your job and the stress it is causing you. It sounds like your doctor just misunderstood what you were asking for, especially if the other doctors were so eager to give you the letters you needed. If they don't give you the letter, you might want to consider getting another doctor like you said, or going to your previous one like others suggested. I'm sure that your scan will come out fine and the weight loss is due to all the events going on in your life and the stress. Maybe you need some ativan or xanax to help you. Don't try going this alone. Good luck with your scan and let us know when your doctor says you are still clear. :)

    Kim
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
    Sundanceh said:

    Beth:)
    I'd try and sit down and type him up a letter going over all the facts in a no-nonsense manner. Sometimes the written word carries alot more weight and gets someone's attention rather than speaking; it can be easy to tune it or dial out of the conversation.

    I'm sure the stress has been eating you up - it seems after we get cancer we don't seem to have the stamina to "lead or manage" our positions, especially if they are managerial. We just had that "oomph" taken out of us - we can still work but having all of that responsibility can sometimes be more than we need to handle. This certainly sounds like its the case.

    I was a manager of a Quality Assurance team and it was very stressful with all the changes that happen in an Information Technology (IT) department. Since then, I still do the testing but without a whole group of people to have to manage, just myself. I've found this to be more than enough.

    And while I was managing, my manager really held me to the fire and kept the heat up and I'm convinced that this helped my 2nd recurrence. It was just miserable most days, because she made it that way.

    So, I think the less stress can only be better for "us."

    I would try faxing your letter over to your doc and try this again - maybe he was too dismissive before.

    I do so hope your scans will be just fine. Can't see anything happening to you going 2 years out, but will over here in your corner hoping for the best.

    Love/Craig

    Hey Buddy
    Thanks for the advise. I see my ONC on Monday after my scans and believe me we are going to have a real talk. I am hoping he misunderstood, because I like him and would hate to fire him.

    My supervisor has been very supportive, he actually wrote a letter on my behalf recommending the transfer, it was awesome, hey I should let you read it:

    SUBJECT: SDDO Janie Bennett's Request for Compassionate Transfer

    Supervisory Detention and Deportation Officer (SDDO) Janie Bennett is requesting a Compassionate Intra-Field Office transfer to the San Antonio Resident Office or the Field Office.

    SDDO Bennett is one ofthe finest SDDOs working within Immigration and Customs Enforcement. She completes all tasks in an outstanding manner and at times, does much more than is expected of her. She knows docket control inside and out and her work ethic is second to none.
    Her leadership abilities are outstanding as well. Her ability to work with the employees and motive them to complete their mission is excellent. She takes the time to know the employees and communicates very well with them.

    The environment at the South Texas Detention Complex (STDC) is very stressful. For a SDDO, the stressful nature is compounded by the complex cases and the large number of employees assigned to each SDDO. I am not saying SDDO Bennett cannot handle the stress; however, she has had some serious medical issues. Working under this much stress is detrimental to her health and it would be better for here to not be working in a detained environment.

    Although her leaving the facility will be a tremendous loss to STDC, it is more important for her health to move to a non-detained setting. I am therefore recommending approval of this request to transfer from STDC to the Field Office or the Resident Office.



    I was blown away when I read it, it made me feel better about the decision I had made, I am the type to never ask for something I didnt deserve, and well he made me feel that I have worked enough and do deserve it.

    SO I am keeping my fingers crossed, and praying real hard for good clear scans..

    Love ya Buddy
    HUGS
    Beth aka Janie
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
    luvmylife said:

    I hope he misunderstood
    Beth,

    Any healthcare professional should have more compassion for a cancer pt with a stage IV diagnosis. I am hoping that your onc misunderstood your request. It is true that stage IV automatically makes you eligible for disability so why would he begrudge you a less stressful working environment? Something is wrong and he needs to be shown the compassion button or the DOOR!!!

    Praying for a clean scan.

    God Bless you and good luck with your situation.

    Jan

    JAN,
    THAT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! be shown the compassion button or the DOOR! I literally cried like a baby when I found out he said no, I was at the range (have to qualify with my gun every 3 months) thank goodness I had already finished or I would have probably shot crappy.

    Thank you for your prayers, I so truly appreciate them and need them.

    HUGS
    Beth
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731

    Hey Beth!!...
    Good to see your name pop up!!! Sure do miss you around here. I talked to Wendy today..she tell you? Anyway.... not so long ago you and me were feakin' over another situation we both had in common .....remember the outcome??? I do... you were doing all this stressing and it all turned out fine...just fine. Don't let these scans do that to you...YOU WILL BE FINE!!! Quit stressin. CEA goin up a tiny bit.... I know how that gnaws in the back of your head BUT.you are still way low in the normal limit.... It's all good girlfriend..ya feel me??????

    I'm still gonna send some prayers and good vibes your way...never can have too much of that! I will be in Arlington Oct 23rd for a Cowboys game. They are playing St. Louis. Mark your calendar. I will be by to see you guys and Craig. We can celebrate you STILL being NED then...unless you make it to CP9 earlier that month?????????

    You take care

    Jennie

    Hey Sweetie
    I miss you too, my life has been a whirl wind, but I do check in often and read just dont post as much. I know I know, I try my best, but my gut is giving me bad vibes on this one, maybe because it the longest period without a scan and the last time that happened in 2008, the cancer had come back. Then just being sick all the time, I know stress is a factor, and I am trying to reduce that as much as I can.

    Oct 23rd that would be great, but we live about 6 hours south of Dallas, would you be able to make that? Or maybe we can make a visit up to Austin and we could meet there. Suzie lives in Austin we could all meet up, that would be cool. Not sure about CP9 going to d omy best though. Will keep you posted. How is Chuck doing? How was your vacation?

    No Wendy didnt mention that you two talked, but I have been so busy and sick, I cant even remember yesterday..LOL

    Love ya
    HUGS
    Beth
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731

    Stress
    So sorry about your job and the stress it is causing you. It sounds like your doctor just misunderstood what you were asking for, especially if the other doctors were so eager to give you the letters you needed. If they don't give you the letter, you might want to consider getting another doctor like you said, or going to your previous one like others suggested. I'm sure that your scan will come out fine and the weight loss is due to all the events going on in your life and the stress. Maybe you need some ativan or xanax to help you. Don't try going this alone. Good luck with your scan and let us know when your doctor says you are still clear. :)

    Kim

    Thanks Kim
    I am hoping it was a misunderstanding, will find out on Monday, I see him after I have my scans, and then he will call me with the results, weird I know but he wanted to do it this way, I think mostly because I live so far away, that he thought it would be easier to take one day to do the blood work, scan and then see him and then he could call me with the results. Thank you for your prayers I will take them.

    I cant take the Xanax, they kick my butt and I just want to sleep, but I think I will ask my doctor about the ativan, not sure if I have ever tried that one. I like Valum but not sure I can get that one either, but I will ask.

    HUGS
    Beth
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731
    PhillieG said:

    Beth
    I hope he misunderstood what you are asking for. It certainly is not out of the realm of reasonable requests. I would possibly try it again and bring up the stress factor. Otherwise I would consult your previous oncologist.
    Hope scans go well.
    hugs
    -phil

    I agree Phil
    I thought it was a reasonable request, but guess he did not. I will see him Monday and find out what he was thinking.

    thanks
    HUGS
    Beth
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625
    Beth!
    Hi Beth,

    It's really good to hear from you- you've been missed! I thought of you the other day cause my brother in law just read "The Shack" and I remember that you were the one who recommended that book to me.
    Anyhow, I'm bummed to hear that you've been so stressed and feeling sick. I'm praying for ya, girl!
    I think if I were you I'd take a copy of the letter your supervisor wrote to show your onc on Monday. Before you whip it out, don't be accusatory because people always get on the defensive then & that might not go well for you. Sweetly tell him of your situation and maybe even play dumb pretending that you hadn't heard of his "NO" (you said you heard of it through someone else, right?) Explain and ask & if he tells you yes- great! If he then tells you no, then whip out the letter from the supervisor and other if you have another letter also. Explain how his "no" makes you feel & that you don't believe it matters if you're currently not in treatment- that you're still classified as stage IV and you greatly need a reduction in stress for your overall health and wellbeing. I'll be praying that things go your way with that & also for your scan to be okay.
    Keep in touch with us here, okay?

    Hugs to you-
    Lisa :)