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11 years tomorrow

Ruthmomto4's picture
Posts: 694
Joined: May 2013

Since my husband had his first surgery. The one to remove the cancer from his Colon. Who knew that would be the easiest thing he did in all of this. I wish I had made him do the mop up chemo maybe things would be different right now. I feel like everyday he seems weaker to me. he has only managed to gain back 5lbs, a non functioning pancreas makes life impossible. The poor man basically lives in the bathroom because sometimes the enzymes are just not enough. His liver is not liking life these days, enzymes still high, portal hypertension, and an enlarged spleen. Now he has a nodule on his lung they noticed in December from Decenber to March it went from 2mm to 4mm. doctor said they won't do anything until it reaches 5mm and not to worry. Please let's get real, it's cancer it's always cancer by June I am sure it will be bigger and have friends. He can't do chemo ever again because of the damage to his liver so this will be it and he knows this. For the first time I think he has lost his fight. He can't go anyplace, can't really eat anything, has no energy, he keeps saying this isn't living.  We fight a lot because I am always making him eat, and asking him how he feels. he hides the truth but I see through it, hence the fights. It's hard to find much happiness these days. Covid has certainly added another layer of fear to the mix, luckily all of us (husband, me, and kids) get our second Pfizer dose this week and next. Hoping for minimal side effects I was horribly sick with my first dose, not looking forward to the second. Anyway not a positive post I know, and I have not been much help to anyone here lately but my mindset is not too good these days. I feel I don't have much to offer anyone. 

abita's picture
Posts: 1021
Joined: Dec 2017

I am so glad to see your post, and so sorry for the sad news. I have been very worried about y'all for the past couple of weeks.

It is hard, but don't second guess the mop up chemo. Don't take that on. I did more sessions of mop up chemo than sugested initially, and I had my recurrence at the very first post chemo scan.

I won't try to advise you, as I am sure you have tried and discussed it all. Please just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers


Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6709
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm so sorry.  Your husband has been through so much and he continues to be a rock.  I'm not sure what I'd suggest, but just know that what you did in the past was what was the best at the time.  No use in looking back about mop up chemo.  Hoping that he has some good days, but know that being stuck in the bathroom can't be very good either.  Wishing your husband the best.


Tueffel's picture
Posts: 262
Joined: Feb 2020

I was thinking of what your husband is going through when my dads doctors might talk about HAI pump for him tomorrow. Cancer is unpredictable. It is scary and sometimes it acts completely different when we all suspect. I sometimes just think why not remove the colon? We do always hope for the best but there is this small percebtage of patients who fight against the odds, still surviving and tven there are the others, where sorry to say it everything never goes like plan and you are just getting disappointed again and again. 

I will include your husband in my prayers, praying for strength in the next few months, prayibg for good days. 



SnapDragon2's picture
Posts: 530
Joined: Nov 2019

My goodness!  He has been battling everything.  I am so sorry he is going thru this.  I read love and compassion in your post.  Yes, arguing is part of showing love.  He is lucky to have you for sure.

Keep us updated please.  Thinking about you all.

Phil64's picture
Posts: 838
Joined: Apr 2012

One thing I learned as I went through this battle is that we cannot control everything that happens to us. We will face turmoil in this life and many of these situations will be completely out of our control; however, one thing we are ALWAYS in control of is our response to the situation. We are always in control of this, although many do not seem to realize this. You always have a choice.

My prayer for your husband is that in spite of what cancer throws at him, that he remains positive. That he embraces hope. And most importantly, that his Love for you and your children brings him strength and peace. 


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