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In Need of Some of Your Support

sandy23
Posts: 143
Joined: Jan 2017

Oh, it's scan time again for my husband and I am a mess.  I am trying to hide it for him and the kids but it is extra tough this year.  I haven't really talked about it before but our son has many health issues and I just keep thinking "How will I be able to care for him without my husband?" or "How can I grow old alone?".  He hasn't even had the scans yet and my mind is going to the darkest places possible.  This is his 3 year scan, the doctor moved him to yearly last time because he thought is would be safe.  I fought for 6 months but the doctor and my husband thought the radiation concern was more likely than the cancer returning.

I am an extreme worrier by nature but, since I am required to be home 24/7 for my son, the thoughts just take over.  How do you guys deal with these feelings?  Thanks for listening.

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 902
Joined: Nov 2014

Sandy,

I am sorry to hear that it is a dark time for you. I wish I could give you a hug!

Would you please remind what Stage/grade your husband was at diagnosis?

Scanxiety is terrible thing, but it does get better with time. My husband had his 5 year scans last year and it was a bit easier for me. He is never worried himself? SO with each passing year you will be more calm. The fact that doc moved your husband to yearly scans proves his chances of no recurrance are great!

I have health anxiety and I can imagine how hard it is for you. Have you tried any meds to ease the anxiety, or therapy?

 

Hugs,

Alla

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 902
Joined: Nov 2014

Just wanted to add that coming to this board and reading about all NEDs help ease my scanxiety! Please have a look how many people here have clear scans year after year!

sandy23
Posts: 143
Joined: Jan 2017

Thank you.  It's extra scary because he had on area of microscopic fat invasion so they had to give it a stage 3.  There was a large clear margin around that area however, but I don't know if that matters much or not.

BoondockSaint's picture
BoondockSaint
Posts: 242
Joined: Mar 2017

Hang in there Sandy. My wife just had her 3 yr scans too and I feel you on the worry part. I have a lot of similar thoughts as well. When I do.....I just take a deep breath and collect myself. If it was up to her she wouldn’t even have the scans. 

As others have said it has gotten easier but it’s always in the back of your mind. Stay positive as best you can. Try to walk in faith that his doctors are doing the absolute best and that this was a bump in the road that you will never deal with this again rather than fear that it may return.

sandy23
Posts: 143
Joined: Jan 2017

Thanks for that.  It's so nice to talk to people who "get it".  My husband wouldn't get the scans either if it weren't for me and the kids.  I was wondering about you guys since your wife and my husband were diagnosed around the same time.

donna_lee's picture
donna_lee
Posts: 940
Joined: Feb 2009

If the Dr. felt that was appropriate, he must have felt it was OK to spread them out.  Stress on your part cannot change the results on the CT.  It is wasted energy-spend that mental time reading a fun book, or read to your son, go on a picnic or outing, paint a wall in the house, treat yourself to breakfast with a friend.

My CT's were every 3 months for the first 2 years, luckily, because about every 3-4th ones caught an enlarging lymph node.  We finally made the schedule at 6 months, then alternating 6 mo's CT with chest X-ray/Pelvic US, and finally a year for CT's.  Then a CT caught the thyroid enlarging--more tests up thru a needle biopsy; which was benign for a common enlarging node.  We dropped back to the X/US for a year and then CT yearly.  Finally, I have a CT every 2 years for years 12 and 14.  Now, I find the process of the CT more of a physical assault to my digestive system to get back positive results a goal for when they occur and not something to fear.

Baby Steps, then toddle for a while, then walk.  Now I wish I could run full out, but one knee and the other ankle won't let me.  I'm content to just keep walking, gardening, researching ancestors, watching the grands participate in cheer team, volleyball, music, soccer, see their pix of summer school in Australia, or going out to dinner with hubby.

My suggestion is to make some positive short term and longer term goals that you want to meet.  Then focus on the doing and the pleasure they bring.

Have Hope,

donna_lee

 

sandy23
Posts: 143
Joined: Jan 2017

You have been such an inspiration to so many people.  I don't know if you realize that but you are.  When my husband gets to worrying, I tell him your story and he feels better.  You have surely touched so many people and given them strength.

AliceB1950's picture
AliceB1950
Posts: 54
Joined: Jun 2019

I guess I don't understand scan stress.  I think of scans and other tests as routine maintenance.  Ttry thinking of them that way.

eug91's picture
eug91
Posts: 214
Joined: Jan 2019

Sandy - scanxiety is real and we've all experienced it. So we get it. But the scans are the price we pay for making sure we stay healthy. 

Remember the words of our great friend FoxHD: "Any time worrying is wasted and you never get it back. Stay positive." Also, treat yourself to pizza and beer after the scan. :) 

 

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 596
Joined: Jul 2016

I get one more scan then I'm released. I would rather go through scan anxiety than not know if anything's happening.

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