In Need of Some of Your Support

sandy23
sandy23 Member Posts: 143 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

Oh, it's scan time again for my husband and I am a mess.  I am trying to hide it for him and the kids but it is extra tough this year.  I haven't really talked about it before but our son has many health issues and I just keep thinking "How will I be able to care for him without my husband?" or "How can I grow old alone?".  He hasn't even had the scans yet and my mind is going to the darkest places possible.  This is his 3 year scan, the doctor moved him to yearly last time because he thought is would be safe.  I fought for 6 months but the doctor and my husband thought the radiation concern was more likely than the cancer returning.

I am an extreme worrier by nature but, since I am required to be home 24/7 for my son, the thoughts just take over.  How do you guys deal with these feelings?  Thanks for listening.

Comments

  • Allochka
    Allochka Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #2
    Sandy,

    Sandy,

    I am sorry to hear that it is a dark time for you. I wish I could give you a hug!

    Would you please remind what Stage/grade your husband was at diagnosis?

    Scanxiety is terrible thing, but it does get better with time. My husband had his 5 year scans last year and it was a bit easier for me. He is never worried himself? SO with each passing year you will be more calm. The fact that doc moved your husband to yearly scans proves his chances of no recurrance are great!

    I have health anxiety and I can imagine how hard it is for you. Have you tried any meds to ease the anxiety, or therapy?

     

    Hugs,

    Alla

  • Allochka
    Allochka Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #3
    Just wanted to add that

    Just wanted to add that coming to this board and reading about all NEDs help ease my scanxiety! Please have a look how many people here have clear scans year after year!

  • BoondockSaint
    BoondockSaint Member Posts: 242 Member
    #4
    Hang in there Sandy. My wife

    Hang in there Sandy. My wife just had her 3 yr scans too and I feel you on the worry part. I have a lot of similar thoughts as well. When I do.....I just take a deep breath and collect myself. If it was up to her she wouldn’t even have the scans. 

    As others have said it has gotten easier but it’s always in the back of your mind. Stay positive as best you can. Try to walk in faith that his doctors are doing the absolute best and that this was a bump in the road that you will never deal with this again rather than fear that it may return.

  • sandy23
    sandy23 Member Posts: 143 Member
    #5
    Allochka said:

    Just wanted to add that

    Just wanted to add that coming to this board and reading about all NEDs help ease my scanxiety! Please have a look how many people here have clear scans year after year!

    It's extra scary because he

    Thank you.  It's extra scary because he had on area of microscopic fat invasion so they had to give it a stage 3.  There was a large clear margin around that area however, but I don't know if that matters much or not.

  • sandy23
    sandy23 Member Posts: 143 Member
    #6
    BoondockSaint said:

    Hang in there Sandy. My wife

    Hang in there Sandy. My wife just had her 3 yr scans too and I feel you on the worry part. I have a lot of similar thoughts as well. When I do.....I just take a deep breath and collect myself. If it was up to her she wouldn’t even have the scans. 

    As others have said it has gotten easier but it’s always in the back of your mind. Stay positive as best you can. Try to walk in faith that his doctors are doing the absolute best and that this was a bump in the road that you will never deal with this again rather than fear that it may return.

    Thanks for that.  It's so

    Thanks for that.  It's so nice to talk to people who "get it".  My husband wouldn't get the scans either if it weren't for me and the kids.  I was wondering about you guys since your wife and my husband were diagnosed around the same time.

  • donna_lee
    donna_lee Member Posts: 1,045 Member
    #7
    Once a year is good

    If the Dr. felt that was appropriate, he must have felt it was OK to spread them out.  Stress on your part cannot change the results on the CT.  It is wasted energy-spend that mental time reading a fun book, or read to your son, go on a picnic or outing, paint a wall in the house, treat yourself to breakfast with a friend.

    My CT's were every 3 months for the first 2 years, luckily, because about every 3-4th ones caught an enlarging lymph node.  We finally made the schedule at 6 months, then alternating 6 mo's CT with chest X-ray/Pelvic US, and finally a year for CT's.  Then a CT caught the thyroid enlarging--more tests up thru a needle biopsy; which was benign for a common enlarging node.  We dropped back to the X/US for a year and then CT yearly.  Finally, I have a CT every 2 years for years 12 and 14.  Now, I find the process of the CT more of a physical assault to my digestive system to get back positive results a goal for when they occur and not something to fear.

    Baby Steps, then toddle for a while, then walk.  Now I wish I could run full out, but one knee and the other ankle won't let me.  I'm content to just keep walking, gardening, researching ancestors, watching the grands participate in cheer team, volleyball, music, soccer, see their pix of summer school in Australia, or going out to dinner with hubby.

    My suggestion is to make some positive short term and longer term goals that you want to meet.  Then focus on the doing and the pleasure they bring.

    Have Hope,

    donna_lee

     

  • sandy23
    sandy23 Member Posts: 143 Member
    #8
    donna_lee said:

    Once a year is good

    If the Dr. felt that was appropriate, he must have felt it was OK to spread them out.  Stress on your part cannot change the results on the CT.  It is wasted energy-spend that mental time reading a fun book, or read to your son, go on a picnic or outing, paint a wall in the house, treat yourself to breakfast with a friend.

    My CT's were every 3 months for the first 2 years, luckily, because about every 3-4th ones caught an enlarging lymph node.  We finally made the schedule at 6 months, then alternating 6 mo's CT with chest X-ray/Pelvic US, and finally a year for CT's.  Then a CT caught the thyroid enlarging--more tests up thru a needle biopsy; which was benign for a common enlarging node.  We dropped back to the X/US for a year and then CT yearly.  Finally, I have a CT every 2 years for years 12 and 14.  Now, I find the process of the CT more of a physical assault to my digestive system to get back positive results a goal for when they occur and not something to fear.

    Baby Steps, then toddle for a while, then walk.  Now I wish I could run full out, but one knee and the other ankle won't let me.  I'm content to just keep walking, gardening, researching ancestors, watching the grands participate in cheer team, volleyball, music, soccer, see their pix of summer school in Australia, or going out to dinner with hubby.

    My suggestion is to make some positive short term and longer term goals that you want to meet.  Then focus on the doing and the pleasure they bring.

    Have Hope,

    donna_lee

     

    Thanks Donna

    You have been such an inspiration to so many people.  I don't know if you realize that but you are.  When my husband gets to worrying, I tell him your story and he feels better.  You have surely touched so many people and given them strength.

  • AliceB1950
    AliceB1950 Member Posts: 244 Member
    #9
    I guess I don't understand

    I guess I don't understand scan stress.  I think of scans and other tests as routine maintenance.  Ttry thinking of them that way.

  • eug91
    eug91 Member Posts: 471 Member
    #10
    nothing to fear-

    Sandy - scanxiety is real and we've all experienced it. So we get it. But the scans are the price we pay for making sure we stay healthy. 

    Remember the words of our great friend FoxHD: "Any time worrying is wasted and you never get it back. Stay positive." Also, treat yourself to pizza and beer after the scan. :) 

     

  • Canadian Sandy
    Canadian Sandy Member Posts: 784 Member
    edited February 2020 #11
    I get one more scan then I'm

    I get one more scan then I'm released. I would rather go through scan anxiety than not know if anything's happening.

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