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So tired of hearing a positive outlook is healing

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 736
Joined: Dec 2017

No matter how positive one is during this illness, thinking isn't going to kill the cancer cells. I am getting so tired of hearing the comment, it is so good you have a positive outlook, the brain is healing. From now on, I will respond, "how do thoughts kill cancer cells." The problem is, that statement is like saying that cancer is something you can control or cause or stop, basically, your fault if you don't make it.

 

Just venting. Scanxiety has me on edge.

danker
Posts: 1208
Joined: Apr 2012

Iwas 77 when I was diagnosed.  Should have figured it was my time.  But my wife needed me!  So I became NED and have been for 10 years!  Soon to be 88, We just don't know what the Lorrd has in store for us!!

Just take it a day at a time.  Maybe you will outlive me!

PamRav's picture
PamRav
Posts: 268
Joined: Jan 2017

I was told by someone I know hardly at all that I should have a positive outlook before my ltaest scan.  
I fully realize that that will make my day, as well as those around me go a little smoother, but lets get serious, It wont make my scan results any better or any worse.  If a positive attitude is all it took, each of us here would be cured by now. 

i do try to maintain my own happiness/positivity simply because its a nicer way to live.  

SandiaBuddy's picture
SandiaBuddy
Posts: 1009
Joined: Apr 2017

Early in my research, I was willing to consider whether a positive attitude could help with healing.  I came across studies that showed no effect at all, which pleased me, because sometimes I have a pretty crummy attitude.  Here is an ACS link.

I never listen to anyone's comments about cancer, unless they have had cancer themselves, and then most of the time I ignore them as well.  My approach is to "inquire within."

Good luck with the scanxiety.  It is a painful process that only those of us who have experienced it can understand. Feel what you feel and let the rest of the world go jump in a lake.

Kazenmax's picture
Kazenmax
Posts: 404
Joined: Feb 2016

Oh I hear ya! It’s like if you could just have a positive attitude, you wouldn’t have this stupid cancer! As if! As if this cancer is your fault! As if you just want to be worried!

I don’t have a scan scheduled until the end of March and already I have scanxiety. ((Sigh)) it never ends. I wish I could help you but I k is I can’t. Sending love and strength to deal with dumb people.

k

zx10guy
Posts: 244
Joined: Dec 2013

Another angle to the positive attitude is how it relates to your overall stress levels.  It's common knowledge stress in large and prolonged amounts is not good for your overall health.  While I guess it's possible to still be stressed and be positive, I think it's pretty hard to maintain both.  I go back and forth about the positive attitude angle.  But one thing for sure, I am actively doing things to lower my stress.  I feel my high blood pressure and other health issues lately are a direct result of all the stress I've been carrying.

Just putting out another way to look at things.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5039
Joined: Jan 2013

I exude posititivity. 

While I do not think that is the ONLY reason I am five years NED, I do believe that it is a contributing factor - BUT - let me explain. It does NOT mean that I think it has 'killed Cancer' or even could kill Cancer. To me it means it gives me a light at the end of a tunnel - a reason to go outside and find the joy (Heaven knows the state of the world does not help with this) - a reson to live every minute like it might be my last.   

Now, I am in a totally different situation than you, Abita, or others who are still going through treatment. I am five years NED.  Do I think the path ahead is going to be all roses? Not at all. I am due for my next CT Scan and Oncologist appointments, and even at five years I have that dread in my gut that the shoe might just drop on this one; but, I cannot and will not let it spoil any of the days between now and that Doctor's appointmetnt. It might darken some night hours - my worst time for those dark thoughts - but it will not darken my days. 

I don't think you should pay ANY attention to what other people are saying. They can tell you whatever they want, but you can let it run over you and float away in the breeze. Do not let it darken your days, espeically if they are dark enough already. 

Tru

SoCal42
Posts: 78
Joined: Jul 2017

There are also people who believe that positive thoughts can influence the roulette wheel or slot machine in the casino, so...

I feel your venting though, I'm so over the whole stay positive/you're such a warrior/you've got this blah blah blah. I think this is the stuff that just pops out of people's mouths when they don't know what else to say. 

cinda
Posts: 50
Joined: Jul 2019

I try to have postive thoughts . like turbrit I do good durning the day . When people ask how I am doing  I always say I'm good . Why bother with the details that cancer sucks. I guess sometime I just pretend this is not happening to me. I'm a little over a year in. haven't even got surgery yet. I'm going for a petscan next week to see if things are worse. I don't want to know but need to know. But for today no doctor appointment or test so its a good day. I grab happiness when ever I can. I refuse to let cancer ruin every day. Thats just me. I hope you have good days ahead, cancer takes enough .positive thoughts doesn't heal cancer but in a way it heals our heart(If only for a little while)

 

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6374
Joined: Feb 2009

Sometimes it's very hard, especially when people tell you how well you look when you feel like crap inside and out.  Night time was always the worst for me as I'm a worrier by nature, and laying in bed that is all I'd think about and it would keep me up for hours.   Finally, my doctor gave me ambien so I'd be able to sleep a little better.  Staying positive isn't always easy and I'm not sure how to help or what to say.  Keeping yourself occupied is a good step, along with listening to upbeat music, or a favorite TV show.  Hope the others were able to give you some help as well.

Kim

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 736
Joined: Dec 2017

Thanks, but I don't need help staying positive.  I truly believe my miracle will happen. My point was people saying positive thoughts can heal, as if being positive could heal the cancer.

lhduffer
Posts: 76
Joined: Oct 2015

I do understand what you mean.  I am a very positive person as well but it is annoying when people try and tell me that if I just stay positive my cancer will be gone for good.  Not to mention many other "words of wisdom" people try to impart to those of us with cancer.  

What I have learned on this journey is that unless you have, or have had, cancer it is impossible to truly understand what it does to you emotionally and physically.  Prior to my diagnosis I tried to have empathy and did truly care, but I now know I didn't have a clue.

As others have said, I believe most people just don't know what to say.  However, that doesn't mean that some of the ignorant nor hurtful comments are easy to take.  Especially if we happen to be having a bad day.  I try to just let it all go, but that doesn't mean I won't complain about it at times.  We all need the avenue to vent and this forum is a great place for that.

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4906
Joined: May 2005

I'm curious. What is "your miracle"?

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 736
Joined: Dec 2017

The cancer is killed, removed, gone, stopped, any of those, and I remain good. They are developing new treatments all the time.

myAZmountain's picture
myAZmountain
Posts: 308
Joined: Apr 2018
zx10guy
Posts: 244
Joined: Dec 2013

This thread is about positivity.  But for things such as this, I don't get all the excited unless the treatement is in phase 2 trials.  Maybe some positivity if phase 1 trials are being done and some good results.  But they haven't even started those phase 1 trials yet.

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1022
Joined: Aug 2013

I too am mostly positive by nature, but I dislike irrational exuburance, unless it comes after a couple drinks, then what the heck. I can't abide "it all happens for a reason" any more than thinking happy thoughts will save or protect you. I've been through too much to buy into any of that magical reasoning. I just want reasons when I can get them and peace with the things for which there are'nt answers. My friend in this, is my focus, I can keep my mind locked on to things fairly well. the downside is I pass those I know well without recognizing them as I'm usually in thought, lol. I accept the trade-off. The random pop-ups, the 3am stuff I may take a xanax, but less and less so. Of course like Tru, I'm NED for some time now, and though we can find things to worry over, the most immediate threat is at bay. I really believe that too happy/high can be nearly as bad as too low/sad/scared. I like having an even keel about it, maybe swinging from bemused to a bit cranky, but that's it. Everything else leads to a fall, a shock, a funk,  or sudden shift in feelings, and at 61, I'm done swerving all over the road. I;m glad you have a handle on your emotions Abita, because people never stop tossing platitudes at the issues of your life, even when you don't bring them up. The amount of "sad eyes" I still get nearly 5 years after Cindy, is annoying, but watcha gonna do???....................................................Dave

Joan M's picture
Joan M
Posts: 399
Joined: Oct 2016

I was in a super good mood and feeling great the day I almost died from the allergic reaction.  

Still praying for good results, and hoping that the next treatment won't kill me.  

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