So tired of hearing a positive outlook is healing

Iwas 77 when I was diagnosed.  Should have figured it was my time.  But my wife needed me!  So I became NED and have been for 10 years!  Soon to be 88, We just don't know what the Lorrd has in store for us!!

Just take it a day at a time.  Maybe you will outlive me!

Oh I hear ya! It’s like if you could just have a positive attitude, you wouldn’t have this stupid cancer! As if! As if this cancer is your fault! As if you just want to be worried!

I don’t have a scan scheduled until the end of March and already I have scanxiety. ((Sigh)) it never ends. I wish I could help you but I k is I can’t. Sending love and strength to deal with dumb people.

k

I exude posititivity. 

While I do not think that is the ONLY reason I am five years NED, I do believe that it is a contributing factor - BUT - let me explain. It does NOT mean that I think it has 'killed Cancer' or even could kill Cancer. To me it means it gives me a light at the end of a tunnel - a reason to go outside and find the joy (Heaven knows the state of the world does not help with this) - a reson to live every minute like it might be my last.   

Now, I am in a totally different situation than you, Abita, or others who are still going through treatment. I am five years NED.  Do I think the path ahead is going to be all roses? Not at all. I am due for my next CT Scan and Oncologist appointments, and even at five years I have that dread in my gut that the shoe might just drop on this one; but, I cannot and will not let it spoil any of the days between now and that Doctor's appointmetnt. It might darken some night hours - my worst time for those dark thoughts - but it will not darken my days. 

I don't think you should pay ANY attention to what other people are saying. They can tell you whatever they want, but you can let it run over you and float away in the breeze. Do not let it darken your days, espeically if they are dark enough already. 

Tru

I try to have postive thoughts . like turbrit I do good durning the day . When people ask how I am doing  I always say I'm good . Why bother with the details that cancer sucks. I guess sometime I just pretend this is not happening to me. I'm a little over a year in. haven't even got surgery yet. I'm going for a petscan next week to see if things are worse. I don't want to know but need to know. But for today no doctor appointment or test so its a good day. I grab happiness when ever I can. I refuse to let cancer ruin every day. Thats just me. I hope you have good days ahead, cancer takes enough .positive thoughts doesn't heal cancer but in a way it heals our heart(If only for a little while)

Sometimes it's very hard, especially when people tell you how well you look when you feel like crap inside and out.  Night time was always the worst for me as I'm a worrier by nature, and laying in bed that is all I'd think about and it would keep me up for hours.   Finally, my doctor gave me ambien so I'd be able to sleep a little better.  Staying positive isn't always easy and I'm not sure how to help or what to say.  Keeping yourself occupied is a good step, along with listening to upbeat music, or a favorite TV show.  Hope the others were able to give you some help as well.

Kim

abita said:

Thanks, but I don't need help

Thanks, but I don't need help staying positive.  I truly believe my miracle will happen. My point was people saying positive thoughts can heal, as if being positive could heal the cancer.

I do understand what you mean.  I am a very positive person as well but it is annoying when people try and tell me that if I just stay positive my cancer will be gone for good.  Not to mention many other "words of wisdom" people try to impart to those of us with cancer.  

What I have learned on this journey is that unless you have, or have had, cancer it is impossible to truly understand what it does to you emotionally and physically.  Prior to my diagnosis I tried to have empathy and did truly care, but I now know I didn't have a clue.

As others have said, I believe most people just don't know what to say.  However, that doesn't mean that some of the ignorant nor hurtful comments are easy to take.  Especially if we happen to be having a bad day.  I try to just let it all go, but that doesn't mean I won't complain about it at times.  We all need the avenue to vent and this forum is a great place for that.

I too am mostly positive by nature, but I dislike irrational exuburance, unless it comes after a couple drinks, then what the heck. I can't abide "it all happens for a reason" any more than thinking happy thoughts will save or protect you. I've been through too much to buy into any of that magical reasoning. I just want reasons when I can get them and peace with the things for which there are'nt answers. My friend in this, is my focus, I can keep my mind locked on to things fairly well. the downside is I pass those I know well without recognizing them as I'm usually in thought, lol. I accept the trade-off. The random pop-ups, the 3am stuff I may take a xanax, but less and less so. Of course like Tru, I'm NED for some time now, and though we can find things to worry over, the most immediate threat is at bay. I really believe that too happy/high can be nearly as bad as too low/sad/scared. I like having an even keel about it, maybe swinging from bemused to a bit cranky, but that's it. Everything else leads to a fall, a shock, a funk,  or sudden shift in feelings, and at 61, I'm done swerving all over the road. I;m glad you have a handle on your emotions Abita, because people never stop tossing platitudes at the issues of your life, even when you don't bring them up. The amount of "sad eyes" I still get nearly 5 years after Cindy, is annoying, but watcha gonna do???....................................................Dave

I was in a super good mood and feeling great the day I almost died from the allergic reaction.  

Still praying for good results, and hoping that the next treatment won't kill me.