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Positivety

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 278
Joined: May 2018

How do you stay positive when reality is not matching your positive thinking, dreams and hopes??

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4759
Joined: Jan 2013

will moping over my misfourtunes change them? 

I had what could be described a traumatic life, from the minute I was born, with not much love handed out, and too much in the way of abuse in those early years. That in and of itself changed who I 'might' have become, BUT, what is the point of worrying over something in the past, which is over and done with.  I tell myself, move forward. Make life worth living for myslef and for others. That is what gives me my positive attitude. Life IS worth living, even if it hands out lemons when all you want are strawberries. 

Now, when you are truly in the midst of treatments, and there seems no end, positivity IS very hard to come by. Allow the pain and emotional anguish that it casues, and keep trying to find the positive, when really, all seems bleak. 

Our friend, Grace (Lizard44), was on Chemo for years, and could see the end before it took her last month, but she continued to stay positive until her death. I wish she were here to answer your question, becasue my answer comes from past hurts, as I am not on chemo for life, and thus, my words may sound like hollow advice to those who are. 

We all have to find it within ourselves, that place of peace. 

Maybe it is time to set new dreams, if the ones you have now will not come to fruition. 

Life is complex, and NOT easy. Cancer (or any dibilitating disease of the body or mind) makes it so much worse. 

Thinking positive thoughts for you.

Tru

ron50's picture
ron50
Posts: 1720
Joined: Nov 2001

 Was to be proactive. I talked long and hard with my oncologist. We agreed that the first step to beating cancer was to get it all out. That meant having an older experienced surgeon. Mine wa excellent. Next I asked my onc to go as aggressive as possible. He agreed. It didn't treat me well but I refused to shortcut my treatment tho he offerred to shorten my chemo a couple of times when it was really hurting me. I had the full 48 weeks. I asked for a follow up plan . When I should have scopes and scans ect. I never missed one. If in doubt get it checked out. If you feel something is wrong it is important to get it sorted. It may not be cancer but early diagnoses of anything is always better. Try to live a healthy lifestyle. Good food, I dont drink or smoke and I try to get fresh air and excercise. I'm not sure that it helps but i certainly feel It can't hurt. Live your life. I worked thru chemo and at 69 I am still working try to find and do things that you enjoy. I don't see the point of surviving if you don't make the most of it. Be kind to yourself. Hugs ron.

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 962
Joined: Aug 2013

That's a difficult question, because how I got to this point is a complicated, unique road. I grow up physically challenged compared with my sister and brother. I didn't feel sorry myself much, because my folks ran a home for the developmentally-disabled, and growing up caring for those folks[some my age and younger, we had at one time nearly 50 residents] taught me the relativity of my issues. Many of these folk were very challenged, and yet very content and finding joy in their lives. You could argue they didn't know any better, but they changed my perspective on myself quite a bit, and my ideas of what happiness required. Like them, I grew to appreciate all the little things in life, and just be in the moment. I grew up and older with them, by college time I was still there as the night watchman and breakfast cook, so I could do classes during the day. Eventually I moved on to work, partying, and relationships, then marriage and kids, and here I am, lol. Sorry for the story, but I learned about mortality early, with each resident we lost to time or disease. I learned it could be much worse for me, from a 60lb young man twisted up in a wheel chair, from Cerebal Palsy. He found joy in everything and every interaction with me and others. Now I'm still like anyone else, I still worry and fret bad news, grieve what cancer's cost me and mine, but I can only be down so long, before I get past the worst of it. Being sad and depressed takes too much out of me, I tire of it. I do practice mindfulness to calm myself when the need is there, but the main thing I think I do, is compartmentalize things to the point where I worry about a thing mostly, only when I have to. I stay and live in the moment as much as I can, because for years, through seeing Cindy to her passing, while fighting to avoid my own, I just couldn't look down the road to any future thing. It hurt too damn much. I suppose compartmentalization is just the mental discipline of saying I'm not going there to that dark place in my mind, or if it hits me, I'm going to walk, work, or even chug some beers to get out of that mood. The beer thing doesn't work that well, because you wake in a funk, so then you have to walk or get working anyway, lol. It's essentually my version of what Tru said, you have to find a way to let it go on a daily basis, and make life about whatever brings you joy to do. Good luck Butt, on finding a way that helps you through it all[There are a number of good books on the subject]...............................................................Dave

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 962
Joined: Aug 2013

"Tuesdays With Morrie", by Mitch Album, "Man's Search For Meaning" by Dr. Victor Frankl, "Knots" by R.D.Laing were some of my favorites, and are easy reads, the last one is poems and prose about circular thinking that traps us in ways we don't see................................................................................Dave

abita's picture
abita
Posts: 579
Joined: Dec 2017

Did you delete the first version?

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 278
Joined: May 2018

Abita, I didn t delete it but I think Admins do. They didn’t like it, I guess. 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 4759
Joined: Jan 2013

and would just like to comment on one thing. Control.

I believe you have control over how you act and what comes out of your mouth. You are obviously a very intellegent person, and while it may feel good at the time, to 'let lose' on innocent people doing their job (and making mistakes as we all do), it is not appropriate. Hurting people physically, verbally or emotionally is not the way to relieve your own pain. 

I found much healing in sound.  Dave mentions books. I have read 'The Healing Power of Sound - Recovery from life-threatening Illness Using Sound, Voice and Music' by Mitchell L. Gaynor. And I'm about to read 'Sound Health: The Music and Sounds That Make Us Whole' by Steven Halpern - who is also the composer of the music that has played a huge part in my healing process.  

These are just ideas you may look in to. I am definitely not say 'They will work for you'. 

I do so hope that you find a way to come to terms with your current diagnosis and prognosis.  We are all here to help each other, in love and kindness, so please take my councel as such. 

Good luck with your onward journey.

Tru

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 278
Joined: May 2018

Tru, thanks for the wisdom. I will try. 

Butt's picture
Butt
Posts: 278
Joined: May 2018

Tru, thanks for the wisdom. I will try. 

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