Positivety

will moping over my misfourtunes change them? 

I had what could be described a traumatic life, from the minute I was born, with not much love handed out, and too much in the way of abuse in those early years. That in and of itself changed who I 'might' have become, BUT, what is the point of worrying over something in the past, which is over and done with.  I tell myself, move forward. Make life worth living for myslef and for others. That is what gives me my positive attitude. Life IS worth living, even if it hands out lemons when all you want are strawberries. 

Now, when you are truly in the midst of treatments, and there seems no end, positivity IS very hard to come by. Allow the pain and emotional anguish that it casues, and keep trying to find the positive, when really, all seems bleak. 

Our friend, Grace (Lizard44), was on Chemo for years, and could see the end before it took her last month, but she continued to stay positive until her death. I wish she were here to answer your question, becasue my answer comes from past hurts, as I am not on chemo for life, and thus, my words may sound like hollow advice to those who are. 

We all have to find it within ourselves, that place of peace. 

Maybe it is time to set new dreams, if the ones you have now will not come to fruition. 

Life is complex, and NOT easy. Cancer (or any dibilitating disease of the body or mind) makes it so much worse. 

Thinking positive thoughts for you.

Tru

That's a difficult question, because how I got to this point is a complicated, unique road. I grow up physically challenged compared with my sister and brother. I didn't feel sorry myself much, because my folks ran a home for the developmentally-disabled, and growing up caring for those folks[some my age and younger, we had at one time nearly 50 residents] taught me the relativity of my issues. Many of these folk were very challenged, and yet very content and finding joy in their lives. You could argue they didn't know any better, but they changed my perspective on myself quite a bit, and my ideas of what happiness required. Like them, I grew to appreciate all the little things in life, and just be in the moment. I grew up and older with them, by college time I was still there as the night watchman and breakfast cook, so I could do classes during the day. Eventually I moved on to work, partying, and relationships, then marriage and kids, and here I am, lol. Sorry for the story, but I learned about mortality early, with each resident we lost to time or disease. I learned it could be much worse for me, from a 60lb young man twisted up in a wheel chair, from Cerebal Palsy. He found joy in everything and every interaction with me and others. Now I'm still like anyone else, I still worry and fret bad news, grieve what cancer's cost me and mine, but I can only be down so long, before I get past the worst of it. Being sad and depressed takes too much out of me, I tire of it. I do practice mindfulness to calm myself when the need is there, but the main thing I think I do, is compartmentalize things to the point where I worry about a thing mostly, only when I have to. I stay and live in the moment as much as I can, because for years, through seeing Cindy to her passing, while fighting to avoid my own, I just couldn't look down the road to any future thing. It hurt too damn much. I suppose compartmentalization is just the mental discipline of saying I'm not going there to that dark place in my mind, or if it hits me, I'm going to walk, work, or even chug some beers to get out of that mood. The beer thing doesn't work that well, because you wake in a funk, so then you have to walk or get working anyway, lol. It's essentually my version of what Tru said, you have to find a way to let it go on a daily basis, and make life about whatever brings you joy to do. Good luck Butt, on finding a way that helps you through it all[There are a number of good books on the subject]...............................................................Dave

Did you delete the first version?

Butt said:

Abita, I didn t delete it but I think Admins do. They didn’t like it, I guess. 

and would just like to comment on one thing. Control.

I believe you have control over how you act and what comes out of your mouth. You are obviously a very intellegent person, and while it may feel good at the time, to 'let lose' on innocent people doing their job (and making mistakes as we all do), it is not appropriate. Hurting people physically, verbally or emotionally is not the way to relieve your own pain. 

I found much healing in sound.  Dave mentions books. I have read 'The Healing Power of Sound - Recovery from life-threatening Illness Using Sound, Voice and Music' by Mitchell L. Gaynor. And I'm about to read 'Sound Health: The Music and Sounds That Make Us Whole' by Steven Halpern - who is also the composer of the music that has played a huge part in my healing process.  

These are just ideas you may look in to. I am definitely not say 'They will work for you'. 

I do so hope that you find a way to come to terms with your current diagnosis and prognosis.  We are all here to help each other, in love and kindness, so please take my councel as such. 

Good luck with your onward journey.

Tru