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Husband will not accept diagnosis

pickleandtwins
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2019

I'll preface this by saying that I am new to cancer and have been fortunate not to have any experience with cancer. Until January 2019 when the opthamologist found an orange sized brain tumor in my husband. He had a crainiotomy almost immediately after finding the tumor. They were not able to remove the full tumor and left a grape sized tumor there because it is located near a lot of really important blood vessels and there are too many risks in removing it.  During the surgery there were some complications and now has a left field cut and has permenant tunnel vision. He'll never be able to drive again. He also has been dealing with short term memory loss and other issues. The independance that he once had is now gone.

This week he started radiation 5 times a week for 6 weeks. We also finally saw the neuro-oncologist. Until that time we hadn't been told that the tumor was cancerous. I think each of the Dr.'s assumed that we knew. I had a feeling but my husband confessed when we were in the office that he didn't even know that an oncologist is a cancer Dr.  So she was very clear in telling my husband that he has brain cancer but he won't listen. Has anyone dealt with this? I am left to tell our kids (18, 18 & 20), family and friends what is going on but he turns around and tells them that I am wrong.  

 

GingerMay's picture
GingerMay
Posts: 134
Joined: Sep 2016

So sorry for what you are going through. I sometimes think it's just so overwhelming that it is hard to grasp and indeed does not feel real.  Probably especially true if there were no symptoms and it was found suddenly. Really, it must be someone else's life.  

I think it's a lot to process and acceptance unfolds differently for everyone.  It is hard for us as a spouse, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for them. I have no idea how brain cancer affects overall behaviors, but I'm sure it is difficult.   

I will be wishing your husband's course of treatment brings full recovery, and that you have strength and support for yourself as well as for your family.  Prayers to you. 

accordiongirl
Posts: 63
Joined: Sep 2018

If you were my friend and we were chatting over coffee, my advice to you would be to find a support group with folks dealing with brain cancer.   It could be a group for you, your husband, both of you......but honestly, mostly you, as you are the one having to manage his illness and his denial.  Support groups are AMAZING resources - people who have walked your walk, know what you're talking about without you having to describe it all, folks who have found answers to your questions or solutions to various problems.....support groups are the greatest resource NOT used. 

i would check with the cancer socity in your area, your husband's oncologist's office, search facebook, Google, etc. to find out if there's a group in your area.

i found a group when dealing with a family member who had Alzheimer's and it was the single best thing i ever did for myself.  It was a place where i could vent, cry, question, search, and be TOTALLY honest with what was going on at any given time.  i got encouragement, support, ideas, understanding, relief (we laughed a LOT......because we all "got it" when discussing stuff and sometimes, you had to laugh or else you'd cry).  i was also able to be there for others, to listen, to offer advice, to share what worked for US in certain situations, to let THEM know they weren't alone.  There was such comfort in sharing with those folks and i always felt renewed afterwards......like SOMEONE understood and i wasn't alone.  That is the power of the support group.

Please consider a support group - and also, make sure you take care of YOURSELF through all of this.  It's very easy to get lost in the disease and lose yourself in the process.  If that happens, you won't be able to care for your husband or be there for your kids.

In addition to a support group, this forum is a wonderful online support.  Please feel free to reach out to someone, ask questions, come and vent.......we've all done it.  Folks here understand and will help as best they can.

i'm glad you posted, though i'm sorry you are in a position to need us.  Please continue to post and let us know how things are going, okay?

~ accordiongirl

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