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It starts with I love you so very much

B312C
Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2018

evolves the next day to high irritability and minor insults

followed by a torrential downpouring of insults, degrading comments, and vulgarities 

last week she said I just wanted her dead

I am supposed to ignore it and realize it's not her it's the scourge talking 

most of the time I can but about every other month it gets to me in a bad way

I work so hard for her comfort and well being

hurts to hear things like that

yes I've talked to people and done my fair share of research

this forum confirms my worst fears about that part of this fiasco

 

Drainednconfused
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2018

I know the swing of emotions you are talking about. My husband was never a very kind man to begin with, but has turned into a  monster no one wants to be around. I too keep hearing don't worry I will be dead soon and you all will be happy. We have had to make many concessions to keep our bills paid. I work constantly and truthfully its as if  work for me is my only outlet and I have a high stress job to begin with. He isolates himself to an apt over the garage. Constantly says mean and hurtful things, does not let anyone come to our house. My handicapped mother, sister and nieces came to visit this summer for a week. It ended with him telling everyone including our two kids he wanted out a divorce, called us all bastards, they had to go to a hotel that night before they left, and he told me and the kids we had one month to get out. I saw a attorney, counselor, put a deposit down on apt, then 3 weeks later, he tells me I can't leave, he is all I have and that my children will leave me!! They are 6 and 14! He said he will spend every dime he has till he dies and that I will loose custody if I leave him while hes dying of cancer. It is awfully hard to stay for years in a relaionship void of any kind of positive emotion, and not to start to feel resentment. It's like a prison sentence for something I didn't do.

B312C
Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2018

That sounds far worse than I am experiencing. I have yet to read an idea that helps the patient understand how they are hurting the spouse by saying such things.  Time away, standing up for myself, and trying not to take it personally - the three recommendations I've seen aren't working. Has made it worse

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