B312C Member Posts: 16
edited June 2020 in Caregivers #1

this was originally a topic on how rough it is and how you get treated but I had to delete most of the subject matter for privacy reasons. 

best of luck to all in this battle. it's brutal and they can be downright mean. she says absolutely horrible things to me like you will read below. it wasnt that bad initially but it has steadily gotten to be utterly painful

- find time for yourself

- eat well and exercise

- get some basic help like a cleaning person 

- figure out how to get provisions delivered if possible 

- read up on the nasty side effects of chemo steroids and other meds....and how pending mortality,  fear, pain and suffering and how they can really have an impact on things at home...affects their state of mind in perverse ways

- get in a caregiver support group asap 

- try as best you can to ignore the critics and the nasty comments, those critics are not there at 3am when the **** hits the fan

- remember = the only people who understand what you are going through are either going through it or did



  • Drainednconfused
    Drainednconfused Member Posts: 1
    edited September 2018 #2
    The rollercoaster from Hell

    I know the swing of emotions you are talking about. My husband was never a very kind man to begin with, but has turned into a  monster no one wants to be around. I too keep hearing don't worry I will be dead soon and you all will be happy. We have had to make many concessions to keep our bills paid. I work constantly and truthfully its as if  work for me is my only outlet and I have a high stress job to begin with. He isolates himself to an apt over the garage. Constantly says mean and hurtful things, does not let anyone come to our house. My handicapped mother, sister and nieces came to visit this summer for a week. It ended with him telling everyone including our two kids he wanted out a divorce, called us all bastards, they had to go to a hotel that night before they left, and he told me and the kids we had one month to get out. I saw a attorney, counselor, put a deposit down on apt, then 3 weeks later, he tells me I can't leave, he is all I have and that my children will leave me!! They are 6 and 14! He said he will spend every dime he has till he dies and that I will loose custody if I leave him while hes dying of cancer. It is awfully hard to stay for years in a relaionship void of any kind of positive emotion, and not to start to feel resentment. It's like a prison sentence for something I didn't do.

  • B312C
    B312C Member Posts: 16
    That sounds far worse than I

    That sounds far worse than I am experiencing. I have yet to read an idea that helps the patient understand how they are hurting the spouse by saying such things.  Time away, standing up for myself, and trying not to take it personally - the three recommendations I've seen aren't working. Has made it worse

  • Tish2020
    Tish2020 Member Posts: 1
    edited June 2020 #4
    Trying to get a handle on it

    I am new, First posting....Just before the Covid19 shutdown,

    My healthy and young daughter was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer....3 types of cancer cells! One day we are pruning in the orchard, the next she is called by her GP.

    "This is serious!"  We were floored. The first thing my daughter said to me was, "I'm sorry mama..." Ever since I've been surfing along on this wave of denial. I mean

    I do accept the fact. She's had her surgery, and now started chemo.....but I still won't emotionally, soak it in. It's like I amclearly aware, that she has cancer, but I refuse 

    accept that she REALLY does.... it's just so out of my relm of motherhood, to say my daughter is struggling with cancer, and I am the healthy one.

    She is dealing with the whole process with such maturity, and grace. She has had to face all this by herself. Never bbefore having been in the hospital-it's a hard row to hoe.

    Her tests and scans, her surgery, and now chemo. And no one to squeeze her hand, or look her  in in the eyes, and say. "I got your back." I hate that!

    I know it has nothing to do with fault....but I DO feel guilty. I wish it was me instead.  I guess it's unrealistic to

    expect your child to go through life, without hurt or fear or anxiety.  They would never know compassion or empathy.....BUT! Did it have to be cancer!!!