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Having a hard time with life in remission

Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2018

Hey guys, so little summary I am 25 was diagnosed about a year ago with a 12cm mass pushing on my heart. Went through R-EPOCH 21day cycle 6 days in patient and 14 out to recover. Lost all my hair, gained a lot of weight, had to move into my boyfriend's mom's house since I couldn't work or pay rent, had my car stolen, and lost a 14yr old dog to old age and a 1yr old pup to a hit and run all within the 6 months of the hell we all have been going through or gone through . Went into remission in December and I'm so grateful that I'm alive and healthy, lucky to have people that support and love me. But it's still hard. I found a new job where I live, but I had to move away from all my friends, people keep calling/mistaking me for a guy, my boyfriend's brother, or even in one instance his son, my hair is growing back and im grateful to have it, I really appreciate the little things people don't even realize they have like when eyelashes and brows come back you start feeling like things get better. But anyways sorry for rambling, I'm really frustrated with my hair, it's super curly and to short to put in a ponytail and to curly to style. I'm so tired of hats and bandanas, and I just want it back to the length it was. I don't have any friends down where I moved to and I feel so insecure about going out and meeting new friends because of my hair, my weight, and that I had cancer. I feel like that's all I'm gonna be known for when I meet people, as the girl that had cancer. We are all fighters and we are going to make it but it's still sucks and it's a marathon and I know I have to be patient and my hair will get there but I'm just so sad and tired of being called a guy. And having people say every time they see me that they love my hair and it growing so fast because i know it looks bad, its a blonde afro and it  just makes me feel worse about it even though they mean well. Any advice would be great. Just feel that even though I'm in remission I'm still stuck in the same life I had during cancer and I want to get back to being fun me not sad depressed me. Thanks for listening. 

Sten's picture
Posts: 160
Joined: Apr 2013

Hi Bex23,

You have my sympathy. I hope that things will get better for you.


Posts: 9
Joined: Apr 2018


It has been a tough year for you. I started using hair and nail vitamins after my treatments. It seems to help. 

Sal0101's picture
Posts: 115
Joined: Sep 2015

Hi Bex,

You’ve had to deal with a lot that isn’t even connected to cancer!  Im not going to say it will get easier because I don’t know that for sure, but I do believe it will.

As far as the hair, mine came in very curly also. (Twice!) my normal hair is straight, not counting the grey hair that has a mind of its own! 

I had regular trims even when it was very short, especially the sides and back so the top could catch up. There are a lot of cute short hairstyles!   I also colored and highlighted it on a regular basis. I used a lot of product to smooth the curls a bit, although I have to admit it was nice having a bit of curl for once! (No hair dryer or curling iron needed)   I also made sure I put a bit of makeup on everyday, although I have to say that my 87yr old mom was better at doing her eyebrows than I was! 

The Curls are all gone now And I’m back to hair dryers and curling iron!  Stay strong! 




CritterMamaLori's picture
Posts: 29
Joined: Feb 2018

Hey Bex,

I so feel your pains of cancer remission. Hubby just found one of my old hairs, we measured it.... 36 inches! I can just barely pinch what I have now and hold on to it. I was known as "Lori with the long curly hair" for YEARS. My eyelashes and brows are finally back to a point where you can actually see them. Hubby and I moved far from our hometown and have no friends or family where we live now. I am now known as "Lori that had cancer". I get treated like I had the flu and now I'm all better. It's not that easy and I figure that all the people that haven't lived it have no clue about the treatment, the side effects or the recovery let alone the mental recovery. I try to keep living day to day and fortunately I have a husband that knocks me into reality and tells me I'm still recovering.... I have to be reminded that it may take a year or years. Even my long distance friends and family stopped the occasional "how ya doing" text or short call. There are no support groups in this area so I can't even make friends with people who understand. I drop in to the chatroom here when I have the time. At least the people there understand what we've been through. I have a feeling the mental part is going to be the hardest. Some days I have a good day and I don't feel so bad and no one will even mention my "issues". 

Here's my hand...we'll get through it all in time.... we are not alone. I just keep thinking that. I know it's hard to stay positive all the time but be grateful we are still alive. The others in chat tell me nothing will ever be "normal".... we have to create a new "normal". Just like moving away from where you know. I've actually told someone, "I ain't skeert....I had cancer and survived." Of course that was on a good day ;-)

Check out the chat room here. It can be very enlightening. You'll be surprised at the survivers and the fighters. You can PM me if you want to also. I work most days but always home in the evening. My job working at an ice cream parlor helps me stay in a good mood. You rarely meet a grumpy person eating ice cream! I'm old (55) but still think I'm young. 

So sorry about the pups and life issues. Those suck too.

Take care of you. We'll get there!

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