Having a hard time with life in remission

Hi Bex23,

You have my sympathy. I hope that things will get better for you.

Sten

Hi Bex,

You’ve had to deal with a lot that isn’t even connected to cancer!  Im not going to say it will get easier because I don’t know that for sure, but I do believe it will.

As far as the hair, mine came in very curly also. (Twice!) my normal hair is straight, not counting the grey hair that has a mind of its own! 

I had regular trims even when it was very short, especially the sides and back so the top could catch up. There are a lot of cute short hairstyles!   I also colored and highlighted it on a regular basis. I used a lot of product to smooth the curls a bit, although I have to admit it was nice having a bit of curl for once! (No hair dryer or curling iron needed)   I also made sure I put a bit of makeup on everyday, although I have to say that my 87yr old mom was better at doing her eyebrows than I was! 

The Curls are all gone now And I’m back to hair dryers and curling iron!  Stay strong! 

Sharon

Hello, i was once in the same exact boat but am now 4 years in remission (diagnosed at 23), so i thought i could offer some insight

I struggled a lot with losing my (very long) hair, and i didnt stop wearing a wig until my hair was at least 2 inches long because of it. When i decided to stop wearing my wig, i went to a hair salon and i asked if they could help me style my "new" hair in a way that i felt comfortable. They made me feel so good and helped me spice up my look with some cute headbands and accessories. It gave me a lot of confidence.

I was also afraid people would think i looked like a boy. Because of that, i would watch youtube videos of makeup tutorials and play around with new looks for myself. It also gave me a lot of confidence, and it was really needed. I felt like embracing my feminine side really helped me throughout the process, and trying new hair styles and makeup styles isnt normally something i would do. Just the little things that help, this put a smile on my face, and i thought it was fun.

But lastly, and what i think is most important - somebody once said to me when i went back to work "does it upset you now that you'll always be 'the girl who had cancer?'" - and my immediate reaction was to get defensive, since at the time, i took it as an insult. I asked back "what do you mean?", and she said, "people will always remember you in that way, that you had cancer". I just looked at her and said, "no they wont" and i walked away. I was so mad, i went home and cried that night.

I kept thinking to myself that people would in fact think of me in that way, but telling people i had gone through treatment was actually something i was proud of. I liked telling people, and always felt a sense of pride when i did. Some people feel bad and go "aww im so sorry to hear that", but others say "wow, thats so amazing". And it is, its amazing. You have fought the fight and you are surviving. Wear that title proudly, because you have a lot to be proud of... and honestly, all the better if people think of you in that way.

Because you have gone through such a traumatic event at such a difficult age, you will always have an insight and wisdom on life that takes some people until their elder years to accomplish. Stay true to yourself and be proud of who you are and what you've gone through - you are darn strong because of it. Its okay to be sad, but try not to dwell on the things that may bring you down. The saddness will subside, and your excitement about life will only grow stronger, and become more important. Do things that make you happy, surround yourself with people that make you happy... and my favorite, shed the negative! (negative people, environments, anything that doesnt serve a positive purpose in your life). 

rachelmila said:

Forgot one thing - i agree

Forgot one thing - i agree with what CritterMamaLori said, where we have to create our own "normal". Some things are out of our control, and in time we get used to that. Acceptance is huge, and focusing on the things we CAN change is important. Not a day will go by where you wont think of your past with cancer, but like she said, you are not alone. There are so many of us with the same or similar story that want to help.

If you have any questions, concerns, or really just want to vent, you are welcome to send me a private message!

Don’t surrender. Lead an active life. There are some on here who will tell you that suffering is a blessing and will lead to ”redemption” and a place in “heaven“ with a supernatural being. I don’t know about that. Maybe its true maybe its not. We all have to make our own decisions about that. Personally I see no value in suffering, especially when its not required. I do know you have here and now. We will all die eventually. I have noted that everyone wants to go to heaven but very, very few want to die to get there. The great tragedy is to not live while you have the opportunity. A friend of mine who died of lung cancer “rebelled” the last two years of her life. She took great comfort in refusing to wear a seatbelt and took long walks at night through unsafe areas. Though she was a millionaire several times over she went to Paris and slept on the streets with homeless people during a break in her treatments. She could easily have stayed at the Ritz. She was refusing to be intimidated by death. I don’t recommend that, in fact I strongly discourage that type of extreme behavior. Its the opposite extreme to cowering and surrender. Not a good thing. In fact its very bad. However it gave my friend a sense of control and enriched her life. What I am saying is avoid these extremes but don’t be paralyzed by risk aversion. Deal with any return of cancer when and if it happens. Don’t let it control your life now. Best wishes for an exciting and fulfilling life.

You are obviously a thinker. You will figure this out!