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ReeRee2's picture
Posts: 39
Joined: Oct 2017

i have 3 treatments of 5fU left. My hands and feet are killing me. My hair has thinned so I cut it really short. 

My family has not come around unless I have something for them to do. My daughter has not come for any treatment. We have only gone to our daughters house one time unannounced to tell her I had cancer. They live 3 hours away. Our son in law told us to never show  up unexpectedly again. Seriosly...

cannot wait to finish treatment.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2013

I am very sorry how your children are behaving. I would never say that to my mom and neither would my husband. My mom drops in all the time, sometimes it makes me crazy but I never tell her that lol I would give anything for my mom and my dad (he passed in dec of 2016) to both drop in all the time like they used to. 

I hope your next treatments fly by and I bet you look amazing with your short hair!

Posts: 110
Joined: Jan 2018

I am so sorry for this. I am the wife of a husband who with Stage 4. Our family has not resorted to this, but a few "friends" did. I know it is no where close to the same. We understood as they couldn't deal with the reality. I hope your family is able

to come to terms and be part of your life. Embrace those who are there in the now and accept the others who will be there later when treatment is over. Everyone deals with life events differently, it's not right how some may, but at the end of the day you will appreciate giving your loved ones a pass. At least once. I am sorry, I don't think this is very helpful, I do wish and hope this improveS. You are dealing with so much and need as much love and support

as you can have!


Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6722
Joined: Feb 2009

My children would call to see how things were going but I'm thinking that maybe your kids aren't sure how to deal with it either.  My kids hated what was happening to me, but in all reality, they were scared of losing their mother and it showed.  Maybe your daughter is wanting to distance herself because she is afraid you might not be there for long.  It's just a thought.  As far as treatment, if you are having problems have them reduce it or stop the oxy.  My doctor wouldn't do it and I'm now suffering with permanent neuropathy.  It's worth a good talk with your doctor before it's too late.  Wishing you the best.


JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Wow, that's horrible. I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Some people really don't know how to react, I guess. 

As for the 5fu I only had fatigue from it, no hair thinning or pain. I'm glad it'll be over for you soon.


Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5505
Joined: Jan 2013

I am terribly sorry for the way your children and son-in-law are treating you. Your son-in-laws behaviour is troublesome, and may possibly be the reason you are not seeing your daughter. 

I also had terrible neurpoathy when I was doing 5FU and radiation. My. Oncologist was a little bewildered, as he said it is usually the Oxaliplatin that causes the neuropathy; but I was weeks out from that. I also know just when it started; when my pump broke, and I missed eight hours of infusion. He upped my infusions to every 10 seconds instead of every 30, and I personally think I got too much too quick.

My hair also fell out and I looked like Gollum. I shaved it off and felt much better.  It grew back curly, then it went straight. I've never had straight hair, but who cares; I'm an old woman and nobody looks at me in any case. I'm alive hair or no hair.

It is hard to distance yourslef from children, but if they are not treating you with the care and respect you deserve, then you don't need them at this point in your life. You don't need to be stressing over anything other than getting better.

Wishing you the best.


Mikenh's picture
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2017

Horrible stuff from family but cancer (and some other diseases) does cause a lot of unease. The question is did they behave in similar ways before the cancer? I've received support from my sister locally and visits from my sisters across the country. The close one stays in touch, the ones far away - much less so. My mother calls from time to time and I call her from time to time. We do what we can and sometimes our kids disappoint us. Sorry for their rough treatment but at least you're almost done and I'd say that you're tough as nails (or at least tougher than I am).

Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

I can't imagine why they would do that.  Let's just believe that they're still in denial, or that they don't know how to deal with it that shunning you away (or cancer for that matter) is their defense mechanism.  I hope your other relatives would reach out to you.  No matter, you should just stand up for yourself even if others won't.  This is your fight after all.  We're here for you.  

ReeRee2's picture
Posts: 39
Joined: Oct 2017

This has been tough but it is for all of us. Sometimes I just would like a family member to say I want to come over and watch mov with you. My son in law is a doctor so you would think he would be more understandin. My husband and I are also dealing with his Traumatic brain injury. Life has been tough for two years. We have done Beverly good all of this with a few breakdowns. God is great.

BRHMichigan's picture
Posts: 368
Joined: Jul 2017

It's amazing how emotional hurt from people can be worse than what we go through physically.  I have 3 children at home and this is very difficult for them. Another 2 of our children live on their own. But they are near enough to check in. My prayer is that your daughter realizes you need each others' love and support, and in the meantime, that you are able to find some peace in all of this. 

Stay strong for you and your husband. It's so so hard but possible. 

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 254
Joined: Jul 2017

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter and SIL aren't so supportive of you. It breaks our heart when our children are disappointing us. YOu have your husband on your side for support and love. Is that brain surgery for you or your husband? Stay strong. You have us here as your second family! (((HUGS)))

SophDan2's picture
Posts: 151
Joined: Jul 2017

It hurt me to hear what your SIL, the doctor, said to you; he ought to know more than others what you are going through. I've met many doctors over the years with very poor bedside manner, especially when dealing with family members of their patients. You did not mention what your daughter had to say about his treatment of you; if she supports that behavior shame on her.

Consider all of us your family, we care for your well being. Please pop on anytime with your updates and feelings, as that is why we are all here anyway. Sealed

MaryCarol5's picture
Posts: 102
Joined: May 2013

Forgiveness.   This is tough one.  But, it is necessary.  I learned that most people, when they ask how you are doing, don't really want to hear the truth.  I never understood before my cancer diagnosis why my friends who had suffered through it always said "I'm good" when they obviously weren't.  It didn't take long after treatment began for me to answer the same.   After a few months of nursing hurt feelings and soul searching, I realized that their asking meant they cared, but their reaction to my answer was simply from a place of not being able to relate and the hard truth of what they did not understand.  So, getting back to the question most can't take the answer to, I began asking how they were after my "I'm good" and shifting the conversation away from my illness.   For me, I needed to feel connected to others in the game of life more than I needed to talk about my cancer with them. 

Then, I came here.  This is the place where people understand, a place to go to express honestly the journey.  

I am so sorry for the hurt this has caused you.   Prayers for you as you continue the journey to good health. 

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