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todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Wishing everyone a Happy New Years. Just wanted to say hello. I haven't been visiting often these days. I got very bogged down with family issues. Some good. Some not so good. My dad passed in September. My mom was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks and I ended up having to spend several weeks in Tulsa, Oklahoma to help care for her. She had diverticulitis that turned into an abcess and had to have a colon resection. I think we nearly lost her. I spend about a month in Tulsa helping coordinate her care and manage her affairs while she couldn't do it. Thankfully she's home now and better

On the good news front, my son and his wife had a baby so I've also been trying my best to see her. She's going to be 3 months next week. Her name is Arianna. She's amazing. When I had my first and second tumors, I really thought I'd not live to see a grandchild. What a blessing. Also, I've noticed this granddaughter has helped my relationship with my son. Before he had a child, he didn't seem that interested in spending time with me. Since the baby came along, he's happy to have me over any time I want to come. Another blessing I wasn't sure I'd live to see. Now I'm hoping and planning to be around long enough to have my relationship with my younger son improve. It hasn't happened yet, but I sure do hope for that.

Hope springs eternal.

Monday I will have my 3 month scans. Every year they've fallen 2 weeks before Christmas, so that I've gotten my feedback on the scan just a few days before my birthday and the holidays. This year I decided to take charge and move them one month forward. I just did not want the scanxiety right before the holidays, so I slipped to 4 months on this cycle (against doctor's advice).

Since coming back after caring for my mom, I haven't been taking the best care of myself. I think I fell into a bit of a depression. Stopped exercising. Started eating a little too much. Drinking a little too much. I noticed not caring for myself has increased my scanxiety this time around. I guess I'm afraid if I have recurrence I'll blame myself for not taking good care of myself. Planning to turn that around.

I'm so glad to see familiar faces and at the same time sad to hear of friends that are no longer with us.

My bio is up-to-date (I think) so if you're not familiar with me, please feel free to look at my bio page.

Hugs,

Todd

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

I'm so glad your son and you are now closer. A grandchild will do that! Congratulations on the new baby girl; what a beautiful name. I'm glad your mom is doing better, that's very scary. I'm not surprised with all that was going on you slipped a bit in taking care of yourself. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good checkup and good news. But no matter what, it's never our fault. Please remember that and don't beat yourself up. If it was our fault then children would never get cancer yet they do. Anyway, don't want to ramble on but I'm keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you a very happy and healthy new NED year. Hugs xo

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

I agree. But these thoughts have a way of creeping in. I think of them like that relative at the dinner table when you go home on holidays and hope they won't be there, but there they are. Annoying, but hard to keep your attention off of them! :)

So appreciate hearing from you and, no, I don't consider it rambling.

Hugs,

 

Todd

Allochka's picture
Allochka
Posts: 947
Joined: Nov 2014

Hello Todd,

nice to see you! Happy to hear about little Arianna. I know from experience that grandparents go crazy over their grandkids, more than about their children :-) And it is fantastic! Try to do anything to improve relationship with younger son too. For me my husband's cancer showed what really matters - family! And now, when I have almost 3 year old daughter myself, I can specify even more - children matter the most... And they always deep down need us, their parents, so I guess your son is glad to have his dad alive somewhere on the same planet :-), even if in not immediate vicinity :-)

 

Sorry to hear about mom, most probably she was devastated after your dad's death...

And good luck with your scans! I guess it is natural for scanxiety to increase when you feel down in general. NED report will help things, you'll be able to get back to healthy routine with calm mind. You've mentioned in your previous posts that you've lost weight, if I'm mot mistaken? My husband dreams about it, but with no results yet :-) Were you on a special diet?

 

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Had to laugh about your comment about mom and dad. They hadn't talked in over 45 years. LOL!! Of course there's no way you'd know that.

I suppose it was just a coincidence they got sick at the same time. His was lung cancer. He was diagnosed and dead within 2 months. Care is really poor in some of our smaller towns in the US and I think the elderly suffer the most. I've watched grandparents and now parents in my small town get some really bad care in their older years. On the other hand, my dad didn't trust doctors at all and probably didn't go until he was dying, so can't put it all on them.

I did a quick weight loss diet but it was under the care of a nutritionist and a doctor. I attended nutrition classes while I was doing the diet and they taught lots and lots about good nutrition and exercise. I lost 30 pounds. Unfortunately, I've gained about 15 of it back. I'm planning to work on it again. The program I went to was very helpful. Weekly classes and a nutritionist tracked us and we were weighed weekly and had to report what we were eating and how much exercise we were doing, etc.

Best to you!

Todd

 

Steve.Adam's picture
Steve.Adam
Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2016

Try a low carb diet. Seriously. Nutritionists mostly hate it, but they also never try it themselves.

Low carb, moderate protein, healthy fat.

It's good, solid food. Weight generally comes off easily and you never go hungry.

You might get a pleasant surprise.

Steve.

Wehavenotimeatall
Posts: 489
Joined: Aug 2017

praying for you

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Appreciate any help I can get! One thing my cancer taught me, is I need lots of help from others. Docs. Nurses. Friends. Family. Here on this board. It was a humbling lesson.

Todd

tango xray's picture
tango xray
Posts: 26
Joined: Oct 2017

than done but just continue to count your many blessings!  Hoping your scans are nothing but good news!!!

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Incredibly important to focus on this. I agree. And to stay positive. Appreciate the good wishes.

Hugs,

Todd

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1327
Joined: Oct 2013

Oh Todd, sorry for all you are going through, but glad you have a closer relationship now with your son. Yes, being a grandparent is such fun!

When I first saw your post title, I said Yay, its Todd, I wonder how he's doing!

But what concerns me is your letting go of healthy coping and lifesytle. Doesn't mean you cannot get up and try again. 

Drinking, over eating etc can be signs of depression and perhaps, suppressed feelings, esp those of grief. Many get stuck in grief or do anything to ignore it. Yet when you ignore it you often pay the consequences. Who do you have to confide in and talk about what may be underneath the drinking etc?

What I ADMIRE though is how you came back here, checked in (YAY) and shared your vulnberability. Hopefully it helped by sharing with us. Watch and see how we'll continue to be there for you, no matter what, no matter how long in between.

I am sending you HOPE and continued HEALING! From my heart to yours. 

Hugs, Jan

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Thank you Jan. Appreciate the wise and supportive words. I'm hoping to get back to what I was doing before. Planning on it.

It does help coming here and seeing you all and reading how you're doing.

Hugs,

Todd

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2014

Todd, Sorry for all you're going through but happy to know your mom is doing better and great to know your relationship with your son is closer after the birth of his little princess.

Don't blame yourself, you've been very busy recently and that's totally understandable, now it's time to focus on your needs and what's best for you.

Praying for you

Take care

 

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

And thanks for chiming in! Really great to see your post and thanks for prayers. Hope you've been well. Hope to catch up on posts to see how everyone is doing.

Hugs,

Todd

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Hi Todd,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your father. You are a good son to take care such good care of your mom. And now you have a beautiful granddaughter!! Lucky you! And lucky her. I know you will be a wonderful, doting grandfather. It is so nice that you and your son are moving in the right direction in the relationship department. You really deserve all those good things. 

Wishing you all the best with your scans! 

Hugs

Jojo

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Appreciate your post. Hope all is well with you. I'm hoping to catch up on the posts here. I've missed everyone.

Todd

hardo718's picture
hardo718
Posts: 853
Joined: Jan 2016

Happy to see your smiling face.  Congratulations on Arianna, those little bundles come with a lot of joy.  I'm so happy for you that your relationship with your son is on a better footing too.  On the other hand, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and all you've had to deal with with your mom.  It's tough stuff as they age.  So you are officially a "sandwich" now, caught between the elders and the new life.  The best & the worst rolled up in one and it can be taxing in many ways: happy, sad, busy as caregivers, even if that means spending countless hours you'll never get back just sitting and hand holding, but those will be hours you'll someday cherish just as much as any.

Best wishes and I'll be praying for you,

Donna~

todd121's picture
todd121
Posts: 1449
Joined: Dec 2012

Very insightful and helpful comments. I spent time with the little girl yesterday. She can flip over and hold her head up, but can't move. She gets frustrated and cries and yells. I was impressed by my son. I wanted to give her the toy she was trying to get to, and he said for me to leave her alone and let her get it herself. LOL. She actually did! She strained and pushed and yelled and wiggled and cried and then got over to it.

Hugs!

Todd

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