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Dreaming

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

So now that the surgery is booked I feel like this whole cancer diagnosis thing is becoming real. I am still waiting for the dr to call me and say they made a mistake and everything is fine. I am also waiting for them to perform the surgery and then tell me "it wasn't even a tumor." Did anybody feel this way? My mind has been flying since I found out so it was life as usual (working, etc.). However, now it is starting to hit home. I have a xray Tuesday to see if my lungs are clear and I don't even want to go!!! What a weird state of mind to be in. Yesterday and today I have been very absent-minded and just feel like crying. How long did it take you to settle with this whole thing????

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

I don't think I ever settled in with this thing at all. I have my 3 1/2 years follow up in two weeks and still get anxious and kind of sick in the stomach thinking about it. And yes, I did the whole, this is not real, he'll tell me it's all a mistake or afterwards, that it wasn't cancer just a cyst. No such luck for me but we've had posters on this forum whose did turn out to be a benign oncocytoma. There's always that chance and hoping that may be true for you. All the best!

foroughsh's picture
foroughsh
Posts: 779
Joined: Oct 2014

I was feeling the same 3 1/2  years ago. You'll feel better once it's out ,if it's a benign one then good for you otherwise don't lose your hope. You'll feel much better after first follow up, then the second one and then the third one all come back with good news and life becomes more similar to your old life. Although it never becomes the same, it's still a good one

May you have a successful uneventful surgery

 

Deanie0916
Posts: 422
Joined: Nov 2016

I think that is so normal, our wishful thinking. I do that a lot.I am a year out from surgey and have had two follow up scans (ultrasound and CT). Prayers and good thoughts to you, I pray that you have peace and acceptance and much wisdom as you go through this journey...

Rockspin
Posts: 77
Joined: Aug 2017

I felt the same way especially when it got closer to surgery time. I had my right kidney out on Sept.19th and I kept thinking maybe it isn't cancer this is all a mistake.  I was healthy, ate right exercised and cancer never crossed my mind. My family all lived to their 90s and passed peacefully with a heart attack. I'm healing now but the thought of cancer still scares the wits out of me.

Angie1496's picture
Angie1496
Posts: 154
Joined: Sep 2017

I’ve also felt like I was in a dream at first. Since my surgery that feeling isn’t as strong, but it’s so strange to say I’m a cancer survivor.  I didn’t have symptoms or pain from my cancer. I’m worried the first scan at 6 months will show more surprises. I was not prepared for the first time and had about 24 hours where I was in a daze before I got a grip and started being proactive. I feel like most people I know don’t understand what I went through mentally or physically or the fear of knowing this could Come back again. Every ache and pain makes me question what could be wrong.  I never was like that before this. I’m glad to have this site to come vent, read, and feel a companionship with people that know every feeling I have felt and still feel. 

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

" I feel like most people I know don’t understand what I went through mentally or physically or the fear of knowing this could Come back again. Every ache and pain makes me question what could be wrong.  I never was like that before this."

I couldn't have said it better. Describes my thoughts perfectly.

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

Totally makes sense. People can be there for you, but they aren't you and really do not know.

 

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

You guys are awesome! I just went for a jog and felt like I was training for an up and coming fight (I was a boxer/fighter before). I feel ready for the surgery...I mean as much as one can be ready, but what  a curve ball that has been thrown. Sometimes I just laugh and think life is crazy!! None of us could have ever imagined this stage in our lives. Thank you for your transparency and for sharing. It means a lot to me!!! I wish you all the best!!!!!

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

the same thing. Keep your eyes open for a unique experience. Just behave and cooperate. Do what you are told. Highly skilled professionals do this every day. This time they will focus on you. You will recover and your health will be closely monitored for the rest of your life. Don't be afraid. Focus on trust and confidence. And you are the star of the show. think of the karma you can generate.

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!

pamstayner's picture
pamstayner
Posts: 111
Joined: Apr 2014

Once again I am going to copy your response... You hit it on the nail... even for an oldie like me... 

behave and cooperate, do what you are told..focus on trust and confidence...  yep, this is a copy and read often...

Pam

 

hardo718's picture
hardo718
Posts: 853
Joined: Jan 2016

Not sure it ever leaves you.  The cancer may be gone, but not forgotten.  Life takes on new meaning and appreciation.  Speaking for myself, appreciation for the fact I heard what my body was saying and acted on it, appreciation for the fact that it was caught early because my doctor listened to what I was saying to her about symptoms and did something, appreciation that I worked with people that were familiar and led to me to the right surgeon, and of course, appreciation for friends & family that walked beside me during this crazy time until I could stand on my own two feet again.  And then, once I made peace with it, I found this appreciation for everyday that I wake up on this side of the grass and the people around me, whether I know them or not, I feel like we all have something to offer each other.  Many people comment on my smile, so if that's all I can offer, I'm good with that. 

Have a great day!

Donna~

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

Wonderful. Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

love_of_my_life
Posts: 77
Joined: Jul 2012

Six years ago, right before my wife's diagnosis, what I am about to say would have had my eyes rolling and pulling out the "cliche card".

In many ways, it has improved our relationship and really changed how we look at life.  We travel more, embrace moments more, stay out of trivial crap that we can't control like politics.  

Is it in the back of our minds?....yes.  Are the annual scans scary?....yes.  But there is something to be said for getting through this.  We are all terminal, its what you do with the time you have left and the past 5 years for us have been wonderful.

 

AnnissaP's picture
AnnissaP
Posts: 632
Joined: Sep 2017

Wonderful! Thank u for sharing :-)

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