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The fun never ends...

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Just got out of the hospital the other day after being in for two weeks. I had septic shock. They figure it was from my colon being so irritated from not being used since the illeosomy that it turned mocroscopcally porous and allowed bacteria into my bloodstream. I had four different bacterias that are all related to the bowels in my bloodstream. I still feel like I got the crap kicked out of me. I have no energy and am so weak. Tomorrow I have to go back to the hospital to get the drainage tube they put in my kidney removed. 

Here's the best part. Earlier on the day my daughter took me to the hospital my husband had a heart attack and I'd taken him to the hospital. I felt fine at the time, this happened very suddenly. He's been in ever since and is waiting to get a triple bypass in two days. I need to get strong enough to take care of him once he's home which could be later on this week. They ship them out in four days.

I can barely take care of myself right now and I'm terrified I won't be able to look after him properly. My daughter has been looking after our dogs and the house while we were both hospitalized and me since I got home but she has to go back to work tomorrow.

I'm just dumbstruck that we both had to be taken to emergency on the same day. What are the odds? I'm seriously wondering why I can't catch a break. I'm going to ask my family doctor for some antidepressants as soon as I'm mobile. I'm havng really dark thoughts and just can't seem to get myself out of this feeling of doom and gloom. I'm starting to wonder why I fight so hard to live. That my body just does not want to go on and I keep fighting it and it's just going to come up with more and more crap. 

Jan

zx10guy
Posts: 266
Joined: Dec 2013

So sorry to read this Jan.  I've been following your updates throughout the year.  You've had a really tough go at it.  Not much to say but you do deserve a break.  I'd lend a hand but I'm over in the Mid-Atlantic which I think is really far from you.

PamRav's picture
PamRav
Posts: 280
Joined: Jan 2017

to hear about your and your husbands ill  health.  I noticed you hadn’t posted for awhile, I was wondering what happened.  

Sometimes life just isn’t fair and sometimes it’s scary as h**l;  you’ve had so much thrown at you at once, but please do not despair. .  Do your best to take good care of yourself and stay positive  You’ve always had a fighting spirit so work at tapping into that. This too shall pass, your husband will get better and so will you 

do You have visiting nurses or home health care in Canada?  Since you are both ill maybe you would qualify to have someone come into your home and help you both.   Take any and all help and support that comes your way  

wishing you both a speedy recovery  

Prayers and love

pam

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1054
Joined: Aug 2013

Sorry Jan, That's the hard part of life piling it on, alright. I'm still looking for something to blame it on, sometimes. You need help to get through the short-term at least, I wish I had a way to help. By way of trying to encourage things, my mom had a quadruple bypass when she was 60, she's now 84 and a bundle of energy, still, with no major down time since. As far as anti anxiety/depression meds. you know where I stand, if you have it and it helps, why not? I never became dependent on Xanax, I didn't use it enough to have that issue. I don't know much about anything else, but I know there's not that much nobilty in suffering, when you can cut down on the pain and anguish by taking a pill from time to time. I remember my hardest moments were being away from Cindy and helpless, trying to heal from the last surgery. The feeling was awful, but it passed in time. This moment for you, will pass too, you just gotta get through it. Ask for any help you can get, I let my pride make things harder than they needed to be, because I hate asking, but then I wound up angry that people didn't step-up. Better to ask then wonder later who could've/would've helped more. Hang tough, some time back I recall saying that anger sometimes got me through things when nothing else did. Whatever works to get you through, is what you need. You both are in my thoughts................................................................Dave

aoccc2015
Posts: 37
Joined: Sep 2017

Sorry you are having such a bad time,seems like bad things always pick the same time to happen.  But yeah that's interesting..i always wondered how long mine will float around in there before something happens to it. One year disconnect so far, we shall see if i make it long enough to see:) Take care of yourself, hope everyone gets better there.

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5175
Joined: Jan 2013

I have been wondering why you were not posting, and guessing that something bad was happening. 

I am so sorry that all of this is coming down on you. Its bad enough to be going through Cancer and treatments, then complications topped off with your husbands serious health problems. I would ask if more could happen, but that would be tempting fate. 

You are in my prayers. Your husband and also your daughter.  You are strong, but even the strong get battered in the storm. Take time for yourself while you can. Heal. And like Dave said, accept help. Ask for help. 

We all wish we could run to your door and be there for you, but all we can do is be HERE for you. Which we are. 

God bless! 

Tru

Bellen
Posts: 281
Joined: Aug 2016

Dear Jan - I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through.  I am also Canadian and live in Ontario.  We have nursing home care and I have a home nurse who sees me to remove chemo bottle, etc - set up through my cancer center.  She sees me up to 6 days when I have white blood cell shots.  Also they have offered me other supports if I want psychological or other home care.  I'm not sure what province you live in, but I hope there is something available in your city or community for you in terms of support for your physical and mental health.  Your family also needs that additional support right now.  Sometimes we just get "kicked" so much.  I pray that you can get that extra help you need right now and that you can stay well. Please let me know if you live in Ontario, although I believe it is B.C.  Everyone on this board helps so much with their input, but unfortunately we aren't physically close enough to be able to help in that way.  I have been taking a sleeping pill called terazapam since I was diagnosed a little over a year ago.  I know it's not good to get "hooked" on sleep pills, but my mind was going crazy when I first found out about my serious diagnosis, and I couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep - crying a lot - I figured it was better to use them, than to be so exhausted every day because my mind was going crazy and not to sleep all night - this was when I was feeling more doom and gloom.  I also find that if I have some pain, I can fall and stay asleep, and don't have to take pain meds so much.  I believe terazapam may be in the same class as lorazapam (Ativan), and do believe that it helps with depression as well as helping with sleep.  I so wish that you get the support and help you need, and wish you and your husband all the best in recovering.

darcher's picture
darcher
Posts: 257
Joined: Jun 2017

 Seems your situation is hitting the gutter.  My mom died a few weeks ago and it took everything I had to go out there for her last day and funeral.  I was in the last week of radiation where they really zap you hard when I got the news she wasn't going to make it.  My father passed back in February so this has been a bang up year.  Oh, and for shts and grins I got cancer.  Just freakin lovely.   Add to that a bunch of other things where I'm being targeted due to this illness so I can relate to some degree.  Those are the times when you wonder WTH am I doing or fighting for?  Standing at the 5th floor parking garage at the airport after getting back from the funeral I was tempted.  That's when I started reviewing all the other things that aren't negative. Come to find out, there are more of those than the bad crap so here I am, still here.  We have a habit of getting caught up in what's wrong with our life and forget what's right.  More often than not we have more good things than bad and that's why we have to stick around.

lizard44's picture
lizard44
Posts: 409
Joined: Apr 2015

I had just been wondering about you earlier today when I realized you hadn't posted in a while. Your rough patches  just seem to get rougher and rougher.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the shock of your husband's heart attack and surgery on top of your own  cancer and treatments.  Please, as others have said, get some help if  you need it, don't  try to do more than you  can or should. Do they have any  kind of  home health service in Canada that you could call on for help?  You, your husband and your family will be in my thoughts- I'm sending all the positive vibes I can muster up your way.  I hope your husband's surgery goes well and that he  makes a speedy recovery. Please take care and let us know how things are going.

Grace/lizard44

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6512
Joined: Feb 2009

I'm am so sorry that you are going through all of this, especially when you aren't feeling well at all.  Don't blame you for asking some type of antidepressants.  I've used them in the past (Ativan), but wanted to use the sleeping pill to keep me alseep at night because I'd lay awake all night and think.  You can't take both so mine was the Ambien.  I'd still have rough patches during the day though.  Wish they had something to help during the day and night.  I'm allergic to a lot of anti-depressants (Paxil) for some reason so I'm hoping that you get some relief.  Hope your husband is doing better and wishing you both the strength and recovery that will bring you both to a full recovery.  Your in my prayers.

Hugs!  Kim

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 2016

Not much I can say that has not already been said. lots Of prayers going your way and remember God is there for you.

Cindy225's picture
Cindy225
Posts: 172
Joined: Feb 2017

You're a fighter Jan...keep fighting...

BRHMichigan's picture
BRHMichigan
Posts: 368
Joined: Jul 2017

So sorry to hear.  Like someone recently advised me...take life one moment at a time.  What a mountain of issues you are faced with.  Celebrate small victories and I hope you can find rest & peace.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 659
Joined: May 2013

I can't even find the right words to tell you how terrible I feel for all you and your family are going through right now. It's too much at once, my thoughts are with all of you right now for some healing and peace.

CathC
Posts: 17
Joined: Sep 2017

Oh Jan, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. Over the past few months I have read some of your posts and responses and they have helped me. I'm  sending you prayers and many well wishes that things get easier for you soon xx

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear Jan. When it rains it pours. Haven't seen you post here for a while. Hope you and your hubby are doing better. Thinking and praying for you. Hope to see you here soon. 

Cinnamon Jones
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 2017

I don't get on here very often but I too had been very worried about you.  I am so sorry for all you and your husband are going through.  I sure hope you are able to get some help.  I am a home care nurse in Minnesota and we seen cancer patients and do the chemo disconnect and other services for those that are homebound.  And most people with multiple medical problems could be considered homebound-even if they are normally able to get out and about.   Your husband may qualify for some rehab at home also.  I pray that the road gets smoother for you. You have alot of people on this forum that are pulling for you.  

 

Phoenix_66's picture
Phoenix_66
Posts: 118
Joined: Jun 2017

Sorry to hear you are struggling.  You seem to be a strong person but sometime life's curve balls have a way of getting to us.  Remember that with all you have been through, you can overcome this also.  Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I am praying for a speedy recovery for both you and your husband.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 659
Joined: May 2013

i thought Jan was here :( it's been too long 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5175
Joined: Jan 2013

I found her on Facebook and sent a freinds request and message, but have had no response. I have googled her name, and happily no news (no news is good news, right?!!)  My next move will be to message someone on her FB friends page. I am seriously worried about her.

Tru

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

Thanks Tru for trying. I really hope she's ok. Maybe we should all friend one another on FB to keep track of one another. 

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1195
Joined: Feb 2015

If you get a hold of her, please say hello.  I have been concerned for awhile.

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 2016

How did you find her on Facebook?

 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5175
Joined: Jan 2013

She posted a news article way back, and her name was in that article. Even though she is not on FB under that exact name, I was lucky to run across her. 

Tru

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 2016

Okay ty

Joan M's picture
Joan M
Posts: 411
Joined: Oct 2016

Jan, Sorry to hear about your health problems. 

I sure hope things have  improved for you and your husband. 

It's been a tough battle for you and it is worth the fight. 

Stay strong!  

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Sorry for not posting sooner. Now I know who asked to friend me on FB, Sue! I can't seem to get back on my feet after the septic shock. Last week I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I've been kicked in the butt and fought back so many times from odd side effects that most people don't get to partial blockages and I just can't seem to find it within myself to fight again so I can have something else come up and start over again. I've lost my will to fight anymore.

I spend most of the time in bed and am too weak to stand for more than several minutes at a time. I am so tired and weak it's horrible. I'm short of breath just sitting here typing this.

Thank you all for your concern. I'll get through this eventually. And then something else can knock me back down. I even told my husband that if I get sick again with someting else before I get over this I want a do not recussitate order.

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5175
Joined: Jan 2013

I want to post my Happy Dancing Man, just because you are here again on the forum, but so sad to hear of your struggles that I will not post him, yet. 

It is good to hear from you, Jan. You have been missed terribly. Thank you for taking the time to post, at the cost of your strength. 

It is so scary when our beloved members don't post.

So today, we get to hear from you and from Joan. Not always good news, but better than nothing. 

I'm glad you figured out how I was on FB. 

Tru

beaumontdave's picture
beaumontdave
Posts: 1054
Joined: Aug 2013

Good to hear your typing again[ can't think of a better substitute for voice], sorry your feeling like Life's punching bag right now. I felt that way all of 2015, but at least I was up and doing while the hits were coming. I hope they'll found you the right stuff for the depression, sometimes meds are the best way to go, though they've yet to be able to put will in a pill. I'm thinking of you and hoping some things start going right, and you feel some will coming back........................................Dave

Mikenh's picture
Mikenh
Posts: 777
Joined: Oct 2017

Nice to see you back and sorry about the clinical depression issues. I know how tough they can be (two family members had similar issues and medication helped one of them overcome it). I do hope that you can recover from this current setback.

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1195
Joined: Feb 2015

I am so happy to see you.  Sorry you had more %^&**((    You have gone through much, but you are way awesome.  It is okay to be depressed with the things you are going through.  It is means you are normal.  It hits us all, and you have had it rough for sure.  I am not sure I have the right words, other than I know the stuff I have gone through becomes a memory and not as bad with a passage of time (though things bring it back) and that we are all here for you for whatver venting, laughing, crying whatever.  And also do not take my words as telling you as to what you should do or feel, we are all different going through different things.  Just words of so happy to see you...

Tunadog's picture
Tunadog
Posts: 235
Joined: Mar 2017

You are in my Prayers 

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

Jan!!! So good to see you replied. We were all worried about you. You have been fighting this for so long and so hard. You will get through this. We're all rooting for you. Stay strong! 

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 2016

So good to hear from you Jan! I’ve been so concerned about you. Keep your faith strong. You are one neat person and we need you to help us in our journeys. Please try to move around a bit.....I didn’t and my muscles were to weak when I did.

you are in my prayers Jan.

Ruthmomto4's picture
Ruthmomto4
Posts: 659
Joined: May 2013

i hope you get your strength back, we were all so very worried about you. Rest and take it easy know we are all thinking of you! 

darcher's picture
darcher
Posts: 257
Joined: Jun 2017

What helps is keeping in mind those that need you or care for you.  Family.  Your children and husband.  For me I see my two little ones who are now 4 and 6 and their innocense gives me the courage to push on.  I have to is what I tell myself.  They're too young to know what this is about.  I don't want to be some vague memory for them.  If I recall, your daughter is old enough to be aware and your husband had a heart issue recently.  They'll both need you and I'm sure are there to assist when you request. 

PamRav's picture
PamRav
Posts: 280
Joined: Jan 2017

to see your post. I️, all of here were so worried about you.  Please don’t give up. We are all here for you even if we can’t drive over to your house with a hot meal.  

Take care of yourself. And pop in here once in awhile, please 

peace, love, and healing  

pam

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6512
Joined: Feb 2009

Sorry you are struggling so.  We've been worried and wondering where you were.  Thanks for letting us know.  Wishing you the best.

Kim

lhduffer
Posts: 86
Joined: Oct 2015

So sorry to hear of all you are still going through but glad to see you respond.  You are, and have been, such an important voice to so many on this forum and you mean a lot to all of us.  All the best.

Joan M's picture
Joan M
Posts: 411
Joined: Oct 2016

Medication and counseling should help you get your fighting spirit back.  I understand how you may want the DNR.    

I'm still fighting the battle, and sometimes seems like fighting the doctors for the best possible treatment available. 

Praying for you to feel better soon!

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
Joined: May 2011

Jan,  so very glad to see you 'back in board'.  So sorry for all that you are going through....know of my prayer and concern.  Wish I could do more. You are a beloved member of the forum.

CM

dancer2
Posts: 49
Joined: Jul 2016

Jan, since i joined this forum your posts meant a lot to me....tho i don't comment much, just ask questions to this board for all are so NICE!  Please keep posting even if its 'hi'...means a lot to me to see the familiar names I (we) saw when joining or cruising and reading the posts.....I missed yours. My prayers are with you and your family.

dancer

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I'm still here and still terribly fatigued. I've hardly been outside since September. Today I go for an IV of a med that's supposed to lower my calcium level because my parathyroid's acting up and it's quite high and that can cause terrible fatigue. I'm hoping it works but it's hard to be optimistic. I have to sit there for four hours. The new antidepressants are helping a lot but physically I'm still weak and wiped out, no energy at all. My husband is doing great with his recovery from his triple bypass, thank goodness. 

Jan

Tunadog's picture
Tunadog
Posts: 235
Joined: Mar 2017

Take care of yourself. I hope you are feeling better.

I hope your husband recovers quickly.

Still praying for you and your family 

Cindy225's picture
Cindy225
Posts: 172
Joined: Feb 2017

Glad to see you posting Jan and letting us all know how you are doing.  Good news that you are getting treatment for depression and it seems to be helping although still having fatigue.  Also so happy to hear your husband is doing great.  We are all rooting for you.  Please continue to let us know how you are doing as well as reaching out to others needing advice and support. We miss your voice...

Cindy

Canadian Sandy's picture
Canadian Sandy
Posts: 627
Joined: Jul 2016

Hiya Jan! So good to hear from you. It sounds like your doing much better and hopefully your strength will get stronger with a bit of time. So glad to hear the hubby is coming along so well. We all miss your voice here.

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2012

Jan,

I‘m truly sorry to read your update. Life can be so heavy sometimes. I‘m sending you much light and Love and I’m praying that you, your husband, and family will be showered with Love and real support soon. And that these trials will pass quickly leaving you to write good news updates. Stay strong my friend. May God Bless you with strength and clear direction through this. 

Phil

lizard44's picture
lizard44
Posts: 409
Joined: Apr 2015

So glad to see you here-  and  happy that your husband is doing well after his  surgery. I hope the meds to lower your calcium level  help  with the fatigue.Fatigue can be so debilitating and depressing and it sometimes  seems the fatigue and the depression feed on and fuel each other. I hope both lift soon so that you have  more energy and can feel  better. Hang in there. We're all pulling for you.

Grace/lizard44

darcher's picture
darcher
Posts: 257
Joined: Jun 2017

Husband doing good and antidepressants are working.  Just need to get your energy level back up.  We're all praying for you.

dancer2
Posts: 49
Joined: Jul 2016

So glad you posted!! Made me smile, thank you. Keep the kettle on and if there is a tree up, turn it on and let it do its magic. Well, that is what i do anyway, since it never came down from last year uhem...I swear, sometimes Christmas lights just take you to another place. :)  Thank God the Lord was born as this season is the reason to grab onto each other and hang tight together. God Bless you...

Lily Flower's picture
Lily Flower
Posts: 253
Joined: Jul 2017

(((Jan))) I'm glad every time I see you post something here and on FB. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk or to vent. Just glad that you're ok. Also glad to hear your husband is doing well after the heart attack. :)

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