The fun never ends...

JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478

Just got out of the hospital the other day after being in for two weeks. I had septic shock. They figure it was from my colon being so irritated from not being used since the illeosomy that it turned mocroscopcally porous and allowed bacteria into my bloodstream. I had four different bacterias that are all related to the bowels in my bloodstream. I still feel like I got the crap kicked out of me. I have no energy and am so weak. Tomorrow I have to go back to the hospital to get the drainage tube they put in my kidney removed. 

Here's the best part. Earlier on the day my daughter took me to the hospital my husband had a heart attack and I'd taken him to the hospital. I felt fine at the time, this happened very suddenly. He's been in ever since and is waiting to get a triple bypass in two days. I need to get strong enough to take care of him once he's home which could be later on this week. They ship them out in four days.

I can barely take care of myself right now and I'm terrified I won't be able to look after him properly. My daughter has been looking after our dogs and the house while we were both hospitalized and me since I got home but she has to go back to work tomorrow.

I'm just dumbstruck that we both had to be taken to emergency on the same day. What are the odds? I'm seriously wondering why I can't catch a break. I'm going to ask my family doctor for some antidepressants as soon as I'm mobile. I'm havng really dark thoughts and just can't seem to get myself out of this feeling of doom and gloom. I'm starting to wonder why I fight so hard to live. That my body just does not want to go on and I keep fighting it and it's just going to come up with more and more crap. 




  • zx10guy
    zx10guy Member Posts: 273
    So sorry to read this Jan.  I

    So sorry to read this Jan.  I've been following your updates throughout the year.  You've had a really tough go at it.  Not much to say but you do deserve a break.  I'd lend a hand but I'm over in the Mid-Atlantic which I think is really far from you.

  • PamRav
    PamRav Member Posts: 337 Member
    edited October 2017 #3
    So sorry

    to hear about your and your husbands ill  health.  I noticed you hadn’t posted for awhile, I was wondering what happened.  

    Sometimes life just isn’t fair and sometimes it’s scary as h**l;  you’ve had so much thrown at you at once, but please do not despair. .  Do your best to take good care of yourself and stay positive  You’ve always had a fighting spirit so work at tapping into that. This too shall pass, your husband will get better and so will you 

    do You have visiting nurses or home health care in Canada?  Since you are both ill maybe you would qualify to have someone come into your home and help you both.   Take any and all help and support that comes your way  

    wishing you both a speedy recovery  

    Prayers and love


  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,206 Member
    Sorry Jan, That's the hard

    Sorry Jan, That's the hard part of life piling it on, alright. I'm still looking for something to blame it on, sometimes. You need help to get through the short-term at least, I wish I had a way to help. By way of trying to encourage things, my mom had a quadruple bypass when she was 60, she's now 84 and a bundle of energy, still, with no major down time since. As far as anti anxiety/depression meds. you know where I stand, if you have it and it helps, why not? I never became dependent on Xanax, I didn't use it enough to have that issue. I don't know much about anything else, but I know there's not that much nobilty in suffering, when you can cut down on the pain and anguish by taking a pill from time to time. I remember my hardest moments were being away from Cindy and helpless, trying to heal from the last surgery. The feeling was awful, but it passed in time. This moment for you, will pass too, you just gotta get through it. Ask for any help you can get, I let my pride make things harder than they needed to be, because I hate asking, but then I wound up angry that people didn't step-up. Better to ask then wonder later who could've/would've helped more. Hang tough, some time back I recall saying that anger sometimes got me through things when nothing else did. Whatever works to get you through, is what you need. You both are in my thoughts................................................................Dave

  • aoccc2015
    aoccc2015 Member Posts: 37
    Sorry you are having such a

    Sorry you are having such a bad time,seems like bad things always pick the same time to happen.  But yeah that's interesting..i always wondered how long mine will float around in there before something happens to it. One year disconnect so far, we shall see if i make it long enough to see:) Take care of yourself, hope everyone gets better there.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,625 Member
    Heart sick to hear your news

    I have been wondering why you were not posting, and guessing that something bad was happening. 

    I am so sorry that all of this is coming down on you. Its bad enough to be going through Cancer and treatments, then complications topped off with your husbands serious health problems. I would ask if more could happen, but that would be tempting fate. 

    You are in my prayers. Your husband and also your daughter.  You are strong, but even the strong get battered in the storm. Take time for yourself while you can. Heal. And like Dave said, accept help. Ask for help. 

    We all wish we could run to your door and be there for you, but all we can do is be HERE for you. Which we are. 

    God bless! 


  • Bellen
    Bellen Member Posts: 281
    edited October 2017 #7
    Dear Jan - I'm so sorry to

    Dear Jan - I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through.  I am also Canadian and live in Ontario.  We have nursing home care and I have a home nurse who sees me to remove chemo bottle, etc - set up through my cancer center.  She sees me up to 6 days when I have white blood cell shots.  Also they have offered me other supports if I want psychological or other home care.  I'm not sure what province you live in, but I hope there is something available in your city or community for you in terms of support for your physical and mental health.  Your family also needs that additional support right now.  Sometimes we just get "kicked" so much.  I pray that you can get that extra help you need right now and that you can stay well. Please let me know if you live in Ontario, although I believe it is B.C.  Everyone on this board helps so much with their input, but unfortunately we aren't physically close enough to be able to help in that way.  I have been taking a sleeping pill called terazapam since I was diagnosed a little over a year ago.  I know it's not good to get "hooked" on sleep pills, but my mind was going crazy when I first found out about my serious diagnosis, and I couldn't fall asleep or stay asleep - crying a lot - I figured it was better to use them, than to be so exhausted every day because my mind was going crazy and not to sleep all night - this was when I was feeling more doom and gloom.  I also find that if I have some pain, I can fall and stay asleep, and don't have to take pain meds so much.  I believe terazapam may be in the same class as lorazapam (Ativan), and do believe that it helps with depression as well as helping with sleep.  I so wish that you get the support and help you need, and wish you and your husband all the best in recovering.

  • darcher
    darcher Member Posts: 304 Member
    That's rough stuff

     Seems your situation is hitting the gutter.  My mom died a few weeks ago and it took everything I had to go out there for her last day and funeral.  I was in the last week of radiation where they really zap you hard when I got the news she wasn't going to make it.  My father passed back in February so this has been a bang up year.  Oh, and for shts and grins I got cancer.  Just freakin lovely.   Add to that a bunch of other things where I'm being targeted due to this illness so I can relate to some degree.  Those are the times when you wonder WTH am I doing or fighting for?  Standing at the 5th floor parking garage at the airport after getting back from the funeral I was tempted.  That's when I started reviewing all the other things that aren't negative. Come to find out, there are more of those than the bad crap so here I am, still here.  We have a habit of getting caught up in what's wrong with our life and forget what's right.  More often than not we have more good things than bad and that's why we have to stick around.

  • lizard44
    lizard44 Member Posts: 409
    edited October 2017 #9
    Oh, Jan!

    I had just been wondering about you earlier today when I realized you hadn't posted in a while. Your rough patches  just seem to get rougher and rougher.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with the shock of your husband's heart attack and surgery on top of your own  cancer and treatments.  Please, as others have said, get some help if  you need it, don't  try to do more than you  can or should. Do they have any  kind of  home health service in Canada that you could call on for help?  You, your husband and your family will be in my thoughts- I'm sending all the positive vibes I can muster up your way.  I hope your husband's surgery goes well and that he  makes a speedy recovery. Please take care and let us know how things are going.


  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,715 Member
    Oh My Goodness

    I'm am so sorry that you are going through all of this, especially when you aren't feeling well at all.  Don't blame you for asking some type of antidepressants.  I've used them in the past (Ativan), but wanted to use the sleeping pill to keep me alseep at night because I'd lay awake all night and think.  You can't take both so mine was the Ambien.  I'd still have rough patches during the day though.  Wish they had something to help during the day and night.  I'm allergic to a lot of anti-depressants (Paxil) for some reason so I'm hoping that you get some relief.  Hope your husband is doing better and wishing you both the strength and recovery that will bring you both to a full recovery.  Your in my prayers.

    Hugs!  Kim

  • Canadian Sandy
    Canadian Sandy Member Posts: 725 Member
    Not much I can say that has

    Not much I can say that has not already been said. lots Of prayers going your way and remember God is there for you.

  • Cindy225
    Cindy225 Member Posts: 172
    Fight On...

    You're a fighter Jan...keep fighting...

  • BRHMichigan
    BRHMichigan Member Posts: 368
    edited October 2017 #13
    Praying for you & your family

    So sorry to hear.  Like someone recently advised me...take life one moment at a time.  What a mountain of issues you are faced with.  Celebrate small victories and I hope you can find rest & peace.

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 707 Member
    I am so sorry!

    I can't even find the right words to tell you how terrible I feel for all you and your family are going through right now. It's too much at once, my thoughts are with all of you right now for some healing and peace.

  • CathC
    CathC Member Posts: 17
    edited October 2017 #15
    Oh Jan, I'm so sorry to hear

    Oh Jan, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. Over the past few months I have read some of your posts and responses and they have helped me. I'm  sending you prayers and many well wishes that things get easier for you soon xx

  • Lily Flower
    Lily Flower Member Posts: 254
    Gosh I'm so sorry to hear Jan

    Gosh I'm so sorry to hear Jan. When it rains it pours. Haven't seen you post here for a while. Hope you and your hubby are doing better. Thinking and praying for you. Hope to see you here soon. 

  • Cinnamon Jones
    Cinnamon Jones Member Posts: 21
    edited November 2017 #17
    Prayers for peace and continued heaing

    I don't get on here very often but I too had been very worried about you.  I am so sorry for all you and your husband are going through.  I sure hope you are able to get some help.  I am a home care nurse in Minnesota and we seen cancer patients and do the chemo disconnect and other services for those that are homebound.  And most people with multiple medical problems could be considered homebound-even if they are normally able to get out and about.   Your husband may qualify for some rehab at home also.  I pray that the road gets smoother for you. You have alot of people on this forum that are pulling for you.  


  • Phoenix_66
    Phoenix_66 Member Posts: 118
    edited November 2017 #18
    Sorry to hear you are

    Sorry to hear you are struggling.  You seem to be a strong person but sometime life's curve balls have a way of getting to us.  Remember that with all you have been through, you can overcome this also.  Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." I am praying for a speedy recovery for both you and your husband.

  • Ruthmomto4
    Ruthmomto4 Member Posts: 707 Member
    edited November 2017 #19
    For a minute there

    i thought Jan was here :( it's been too long 

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,625 Member

    For a minute there

    i thought Jan was here :( it's been too long 

    I've tried

    I found her on Facebook and sent a freinds request and message, but have had no response. I have googled her name, and happily no news (no news is good news, right?!!)  My next move will be to message someone on her FB friends page. I am seriously worried about her.


  • Lily Flower
    Lily Flower Member Posts: 254
    Trubrit said:

    I've tried

    I found her on Facebook and sent a freinds request and message, but have had no response. I have googled her name, and happily no news (no news is good news, right?!!)  My next move will be to message someone on her FB friends page. I am seriously worried about her.


    Thanks Tru for trying. I

    Thanks Tru for trying. I really hope she's ok. Maybe we should all friend one another on FB to keep track of one another.