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Emotions and story - from the sidelines

Wife of kidney cancer fighter's picture
Wife of kidney ...
Posts: 43
Joined: Mar 2017

I am not sure where to begin, but the past weeks have been a blur of emotions! Finding out that my husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer was only the start of an emotional rollercoaster that I don't ever want to ride again! As my poor Rob was undergoing all testing I sat there helplessly watching the pain and fear in his eyes! As our children found out I watched their fear and worries! 

Then the prognosis of the life saving surgery that Rob needed! Yes the surgery was dangerous and could kill my best friend, my soulmate...but without the surgery he would not live either!My life with Rob flashed before my eyes! From our night long phone calls while dating, to our first kiss, to just remembering why I fell in love with this man! The thought of losing him ripped my heart out! I can not describe the feeling! 

After endless days in hospitals to make sure Rob was stable and ready for surgery the day was here! I have never been this scared! I am driving my husband to Toronto to hand him to surgeons praying that they can save his life and give him a  second chance of life! I promised Emily that it was not the last time that she said goodbye to her Daddy, Cailey that her Daddy would be ok and Kian that he would be home soon again! I made promises that were not mine to make! I asked God to help my keep them and to please not take my best friend from me! I begged and prayed! I asked my friends and family to please pray for this man that means the world to me and our children! 

As they started prepping him for surgery and the fear in his eyes just became more and more I tried so hard to stay strong! If I could have I would have taken his place! I couldn't help my tears but I tried! People told me to be positive, be strong! I was positive but the fear took over!

When they rolled him away I broke apart and cried not knowing if I would see him again! I never felt so helpless and broken! I felt like someone took my heart and ripped it into pieces! 

Sitting and waiting in the waiting room was only bearable because my friend Shawna was by my side! 

While the hours passed we watched a woman lose her husband in surgery and my heart broke for her and for her little boy that is growing up without a father! 

The fear just grew from there and when the word finally came that he made it through, with everything removed I could only hug our amazing surgeon! He saved Robs life! I thanked God for hearing my prayers and the prayers of our children and the prayers of so many amazing people that helped us getting through this nightmare!  

When I finally was allowed to see Rob in recovery I was the happiest person! 

 

I realized through all of this that nothing is more important then the people that you love the most! I am so very blessed to have this man in my life! Nothing is more important than love!

I will make sure that he knows and is reminded every day that I love him and how much he means to me and our children! 

<3 

Thank you all of you have been a part of our lives and caring about us!

Rob, you are my everything! Don't ever forget that! Emily, Cailey and Kian, you guys are my light and I am so very proud of how much you love, care! Thank you Lord for keeping my family whole!

sandy23
Posts: 143
Joined: Jan 2017

What a perfect expression of my own emotions.  I feel as though I could have written it myself, right down to the daughter named Emily!!

Please keep us updated.  Do you know yet what type of kidney cancer it was?

damatken
Posts: 16
Joined: Dec 2014

When I read your post, I felt your fear, your pain, your love.  Prayers to you and your family.  Lean on your faith. 

APny's picture
APny
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

Very touching and I had tears in my eyes reading it. Exactly how I felt seeing my husband wheeled off for surgery, and I'm sure he felt the same when they took me. Hugs xo

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Our caretakers are such an important part of getting through this. You have been through the wringer and survived! Now for the next (much easier part_ - helping him return to health!

Hugs

Jojo

sucotai
Posts: 19
Joined: Jan 2017

The toughest thing I went through in my life was telling my parents about my diagnosis. I always thought they had it harder than me - I was asleep throughout the surgery while they had to anxiously wait outside the OR; and if I were to die at some point, they would be the ones attending their son's funeral and left to clean up the mess. The fear of dying isn't nearly as daunting as the guilt I have whenever I think I will not leave much behind for them. 

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1327
Joined: Oct 2013

YAAY Rob made it!! You ALL made it!

Your post is so touching and I am glad you were able to come back to us and share your experience.

Love is grand! This awful thing brought you all much closer!

Hugs, especially from me to you!

Jan

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

that things will be fine. I'm so glad you found us.

BoondockSaint's picture
BoondockSaint
Posts: 242
Joined: Mar 2017

That is so touching. I felt the exact same way you did when we first learned of my wife's tumor and subsequent surgery. I cant tell you in words how happy I am that we both have had good outcomes but at the same time my heart hurts for those not as fortunate.

this verse is written on the wall at the Crossfit gym that my wife and I workout at. It's burned into my memory and it is sooo true. I drew strenght from it when I first started just to get thru the grueling workouts and again when she was going thru her ordeal. Some may be familiar with it but for those who aren't I'll leave it here. I hope that it Wil help somebody as much as it did me in getting my mind right.

 

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

 

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