Emotions and story - from the sidelines

I am not sure where to begin, but the past weeks have been a blur of emotions! Finding out that my husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer was only the start of an emotional rollercoaster that I don't ever want to ride again! As my poor Rob was undergoing all testing I sat there helplessly watching the pain and fear in his eyes! As our children found out I watched their fear and worries! 

Then the prognosis of the life saving surgery that Rob needed! Yes the surgery was dangerous and could kill my best friend, my soulmate...but without the surgery he would not live either!My life with Rob flashed before my eyes! From our night long phone calls while dating, to our first kiss, to just remembering why I fell in love with this man! The thought of losing him ripped my heart out! I can not describe the feeling! 

After endless days in hospitals to make sure Rob was stable and ready for surgery the day was here! I have never been this scared! I am driving my husband to Toronto to hand him to surgeons praying that they can save his life and give him a  second chance of life! I promised Emily that it was not the last time that she said goodbye to her Daddy, Cailey that her Daddy would be ok and Kian that he would be home soon again! I made promises that were not mine to make! I asked God to help my keep them and to please not take my best friend from me! I begged and prayed! I asked my friends and family to please pray for this man that means the world to me and our children! 

As they started prepping him for surgery and the fear in his eyes just became more and more I tried so hard to stay strong! If I could have I would have taken his place! I couldn't help my tears but I tried! People told me to be positive, be strong! I was positive but the fear took over!

When they rolled him away I broke apart and cried not knowing if I would see him again! I never felt so helpless and broken! I felt like someone took my heart and ripped it into pieces! 

Sitting and waiting in the waiting room was only bearable because my friend Shawna was by my side! 

While the hours passed we watched a woman lose her husband in surgery and my heart broke for her and for her little boy that is growing up without a father! 

The fear just grew from there and when the word finally came that he made it through, with everything removed I could only hug our amazing surgeon! He saved Robs life! I thanked God for hearing my prayers and the prayers of our children and the prayers of so many amazing people that helped us getting through this nightmare!  

When I finally was allowed to see Rob in recovery I was the happiest person! 

I realized through all of this that nothing is more important then the people that you love the most! I am so very blessed to have this man in my life! Nothing is more important than love!

I will make sure that he knows and is reminded every day that I love him and how much he means to me and our children! 

Thank you all of you have been a part of our lives and caring about us!

Rob, you are my everything! Don't ever forget that! Emily, Cailey and Kian, you guys are my light and I am so very proud of how much you love, care! Thank you Lord for keeping my family whole!