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Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

ultrasound yesterday showed a mass on right kidney, 4x9 4x8 4x6. Due for CT scan in the morning.The anxiety through all of this can be devastating. I am 64, no family history of kidney cancer. Dull ache in the side is what took me to the doctor last week. I am so glad I found this discussion group. The internet info is driving me insane.

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 3208
Joined: Jan 2010

Cally,

I assume the measurement is 4..9 cm by 4.8 cm by 4.6 cm which should be confirmed by the CT. Please clarify so we can respond appropriately.

 

Icemantoo

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Oh sorry about that, but yes, those are the demensions. The report did not say inches.

icemantoo's picture
icemantoo
Posts: 3208
Joined: Jan 2010

Cally,

Tumors under 4 cm rarely spread and are usually taken care of by surgery alone. Yours is only a fraction larger and absent anything else you should have an excellent prognosis. I was 59 years young when they removed my left kidney 14 years ago. It was 4.2 cm. We all felt devastated when we heard the words Kidney Cancer and they want to yank out your kidney right out of the gate. That too shall pass.

Icemantoo

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Thank you for sharing and giving some peace to this horrible time of waiting for the test and results. Tests are bad enough, but right now, before Christmas is hard to deal with. That is wonderful that you are doing well after your surgery and living everyday as we should. Thanks for your inspiration.

WhatIsLife's picture
WhatIsLife
Posts: 38
Joined: Dec 2016

Hi Callyco, I'm still new here myself so I can't offer much but support, but also, do be careful of the internet as you can get a lot of misleading information from it. I know, once I found out I had tumor, I spent days on the internet and ended up a bigger mess than I already was. But while there are good sources for info, like the Kidney Foundation and this site, as I understand it, a lot of the stuff out there is just opinion or is out of date, so be cautious. Either way, best of luck to you!

Kevin

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Appreciate your comments. You are so right about the internet. I started to have a panic attack from all the stuff out there. I have to practice what I preach to others about one day at a time. Time waiting is hard. My sister has come home for Christmas and that's a big help to keep busy and not stay focused on the diagnosis. I will certainly post what the doctor says when the CT scan is ready.

 

Callyco

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

Cally ,sorry to hear you had to join this sight ,but it is the best place to be when you have to deal with cancer . Alot of people on here had laps or partial removal of kidney and still have a positive attitude .like some say on here it is not a death sentence . I had my right kidney removed on April 21 2014, SO FAR SO GOOD . would love some advice on what to eat and not to eat . I was told not to take otc drugs . which i hardly do anyway . so never give up . 

JerzyGrrl's picture
JerzyGrrl
Posts: 760
Joined: Jun 2016

CTs will help to get a better glimpse of what's going on with the mass showing up with your right kidney. The good news is, you had that side pain, because some folks don't find out until much later. Typically, these suckers grow slowly, whether tumors or cysts. 

There's nothing tattooed across your forehead that says "Goner," although your thoughts may be racing in that direction. You'll get through this. After my first CT in April, I did a lot of consults and finally had my surgery last week (Due to varying opinions, and other complex stuff, not because the queue was that long or the red tape that sticky). 

Keep us posted --

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

i just lost my husband in March to Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma. Still grieving his loss, then to have this scare hit me has been a slam dunk. I am so glad to find this forum with others that have gone through these procedures and are doing great. They have wonderful testimonies. Reading so many of these have helped me relax a little before tomorrow's CT scan. I am truly grateful for any help and info I can get.

hardo718's picture
hardo718
Posts: 853
Joined: Jan 2016

First of all, my condolences on the loss of your husband. 

I'm also sorry that you're now finding yourself joining us. Rest assured though, we'll be here with you every step of the way.....if that's your wish of course.  

Regarding your CT tomorrow, I hope they're doing it with and without contrast.  My first one was done without & I had to go thru it a second time for the contrast.  (Just an FYI)  Although mine was a little smaller, my surgeon did a robotic laparoscopic procedure instead of an open procedure and only removed the mass & part of the kidney.  Of course that is dependent on many factors such as location of the mass, other health issues, etc.  Don't assume at this point that you'll lose the whole kidney because lots of us have had partial nephrectomies.  And the good news is that you've caught it relatively early.

Please keep us posted & feel free to ask any questions as they come up.  I'll be keeping you in my prayers,

Donna~

stub1969's picture
stub1969
Posts: 790
Joined: Jul 2016

After your CT, things should move rather quickly.  The CT scan will get a better look at the mass and provide your doctor with details as they prepare for removal.  Your mass is still on the smallish side, but it is past the "let's wait and watch".  I was diagnosed with a mass (5.3 cm at greatest dimension) the end of July and had a partial nephrectomy the end of August.  In between now and your pending surgery, ask us questions you have, stay off the internet, and try to relax (harder said than done).  You'll make it through this like a champ.  Like others have said, you are part of a lucky group that caught this early.  Prognosis is very good and the numbers are in your favor.  

Blessings,

Stub

 

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

I will keep posting and asking all kinds of questions. Now to wait until tomorrow for the results. Frightening. Apprciate everyone's input that have been down this road.

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1317
Joined: Oct 2013

Luv your name Callyco! So sorry for ALL you've had to endure and now this! I too am a widow.

Good news is that your tumor is small enough to be stage I which has a good rate of cure via surgery. And when you see your surgeon make sure they know how to do the robatic/ laproscopic kind of surgery. Its less invasive as the incisions are really small about an inch so the robatic "arms" can get inside to complete the surgery.

I also pick up the written report from the place you get the Scan usually its available in 1-3 days after your CT scan. Unless you don't want to know. But I found errors and was prepared to ask the surgeon more pertinent questions as he could explain and actually show me what my tumor looked like on the scan. I also had a cyst and he showed me the difference.

I am ok, going on 3 years now. You will be too. Do you have children or family to help you? I would strongly suggest you take someone with you at this upcoming appointment just in case you miss something he says and for extra support.

You WILL get through this.. but..while you wait, try to LIVE each and every moment and do not allow your mind to go into the future.Otherwise as you see, you can make yourself nuts worrying about things that may never, ever happen. See?

In the meantime, we're here for you, if you want us to be. You are not alone! We understand, we know and can answers most of your questions.

Sending you healing vibes, calmness and serenity!

Hugs, Jan

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

My sister is here for the holidays, which is a blessing. I hope she can still be here when I meet the surgeon and no telling how long it will take to get an appointment. I'll find someone to go with with me if she can't. It is very important to have another set of ears when you meet up with the doctors. Cause it's hard to understand what all doctors say. It takes us awhile to process what is going on.

After your surgery, did you go through chemo or what. What is the next step removal?

Callyco

JerzyGrrl's picture
JerzyGrrl
Posts: 760
Joined: Jun 2016

After the surgery, typically the treatment is to monitor and be vigilant via CT or MRI scans, sometimes Ultrasounds.

Generally (but not exclusively) it's the larger tumors that have cells that have gone on walkabout and these are followed up with chemo (and sometimes more surgery). Or, that cells don't come out of hiding for years. Again, these are generalities, and RCC treatments and prognoses are improving as each year goes by.  Not to mention, there's always a slight chance that a kidney mass is not malignant. Since biopsies tend not to be done, this you get to find out post-surgery when you get the report from the pathologist. 

I'm not very well versed on the sort of cancer your husband had, but from what little I know, renal cell carcinoma is so very different from that. So sorry for your loss.  I'm a little ahead of you in being widowed, by about 18 months. RCC moves slower, which is probably the sort of timeline speed I need right now, anyway. 

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

If you can always take somone with you to these apointments. When I first heard the word 'Cancer' I heard nothing else in the interview. It was only my wife who told me what wassaid at the end of the interview.

I find this often happens when I get given too much information, so I always contrive to have someone there with me.

Welcome to the club, sorry you had to be here. but Merry Christmas and good luck. I'm sure you'll be fine.

lobbyist0724's picture
lobbyist0724
Posts: 383
Joined: Sep 2016

Completely agree, I can only recall 60% of what the doctor told me after the appointment... :)

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1317
Joined: Oct 2013

Usually the surgery takes care of the cancer. A partial surgery is when they remove just the tumor and surrounding tissues and leave the kidney. But in my case I had to have a "radical" which is when the total kidney is removed. Mine was due to the fact the tumor was near the blood supply.

Actually I never think of it till its my annual follow up. So no, chemo is isnt even necessary.  Once the surgeon gets the pathology report and get a good look inside while doing the surgery, you have follow up check ups with CT scan alternating with Lung xray and labs .

For most of us, esp stage I (under 7cm) we are NED ( no evidence of disease) after surgery, but will continue follow ups for several years to  make sure. It will be nothing like what you went through with your hubby=RIP.

I think Stage I has a 95% survival rating.

Hugs, jan

Ask as many questions as you need or use the direct messaging (email) section under upper left of these pages called "CSN EMAIL"  Okay?

Hugs, Jan

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

Jan , I too had to have my right kidney completely removed ,it was growing around the blood supply at the top of the kidney ,I wish there was some diet or some advice on what to eat and not eat . my kidney function seems to decline after surgery . hope all is well and sorry for your husbands passing . Even though it has been 18 mts ago I know it still hurts .

Terry T
Posts: 42
Joined: Jun 2014

hi there - first, i am sorry to hear of your loss..and your current situation

your situation sounds similar to mine in the dimensions...like Jan4you, I had to have the entire kidney removed due to its location...it was stage 1 and i have been NED since...and, in an odd way, i am happy to have annual scans that help me know i am clean...

tough time of year for this but you will get through this...just take time post surgery to recover...i felt great the week after so...i went into the office...only to fall asleep at my desk!!..so take your time and be good to yourself!

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Welcome, Callyco! So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband....and now you have to face this new situation.

We are here for you! You already got great advice....all I have to add is that we are here for you whenever you need us!

Hugs

Jojo

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Hugs right back at you Jojo. Thanks for support.

Callyco

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

ps sorry to hear your lose of your husband . 

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Report says there is a 1.5 cm cyst on the right kidney plus high 4cm solid mass unspecified might be a neoplasm. Also calcific densities suggesting 1 mm stone.

Appointment with urologist is on Tuesday. Will be glad to see what the next step is to be.

 

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1317
Joined: Oct 2013

Sounds much like my results, cyst and 4cm neoplasm. It is GONE now and took the Cancer with it!

Hang in there. Thanks for letting us know Cally!

Hugs, Jan

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Met with urologist. Because where the tumor is located on top of blood arteries, the whole kidney is to be removed. 

Have to have a Pet scan first. Has anyone had a scan before surgery? Worries me to death. Wants to see if there is any cancer somewhere else. They will call me in a day or two when they get the dates scheduled for the scan and for surgery.

 

 

WhatIsLife's picture
WhatIsLife
Posts: 38
Joined: Dec 2016

Not before surgery, but the scan itself is nothing to worried about, if it's the scan that is worrying you. It's really no different that a CT Scan. Sounds like your doctor is being thorough, which is good but I could see why it would cause you worries. My doctor did order some extra tests before surgery to make sure the cancer had not spread and at that time, it had not, so in that aspect, it was good news and took away my worries.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't worry about the test itself. It's only human nature to worry about what the tests might say, so try not to worry about them but I know that's easier said than done, and either way, good luck, and we'll be pulling for you!

Kevin

 

JerzyGrrl's picture
JerzyGrrl
Posts: 760
Joined: Jun 2016

I had two CTs and one MRI before surgery (in addition to two ultrasounds). They want to know what they're dealing with, how your lymph nodes are getting along, that sort of thing. It's a great help for the surgical team, giving quite the clear 3-D picture. 

There was an ultrasound tech in the OR, but the CT / MRI showed them specifically where they needed to be looking. 

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Doctor said he wanted to check to see if there were any other cancers before he did surgery. I had not read on anyone else's posts, that they had a Pet scan before the surgery. CT scans and MRI, yes, I understand that. He didn't say anything about my CT scan results showing anything else suspicious.

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1317
Joined: Oct 2013

Yes, can appreciate your concerns about getting a Pet Scan. Take it as YOUR doctor is very thorough and that is a good thing!

Hugs, Jan

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

I guess I can understand his position. If it were me, I would have my patient have any additional test before surgery, to be sure. He also requested a 24 hr creatinine and protein test, too.

hardo718's picture
hardo718
Posts: 853
Joined: Jan 2016

don't hesitate to ask your doctor to give you their reasoning.  I agree, your doc sounds thorough.

Donna~

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

about scans? Or radiation? Every single person has heard horror stories of things that have happened to patients. You have heard many of these stories. Not once ever was a story due to radiation. Now if you worry about losing your hair in 50 years, or needing dentures in 40 years thats one thing. The risks are absolutely insignificant. The risk of doing too little when you have cancer however is extremely high and fatal.

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Has anyone had a problem with being still and not being claustrophobic for a Pet scan? What do I do, I get the shivers when I'm nervous and I can't handle closed in places?

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

I had to have dr prescibe me a Valium before my pet scan . I do not do well with closed in spaces . and it went ok

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

Don't people close their eyes when they sleep? I don't understand claustrophobia. Maybe if you had been submerged in a car and barely survived, or spent a night in a dark elevator that would be one thing. But how can anyone survive cancer if you can't lie down quietly for a few minutes? No one is trapped in a scanner. It certainly doesn't hurt. And if a bomb fell, I bet a nice cozy tube would be the safest place. How do you deal with being in a death trap compact car at 60 miles per hour? Or using a bathroom stall? What is the fear of being in a scanner? A submarine may be a death trap but a scanner?

Anyway,The pet vs ct scan has been discussed often. The concensus is that a pet scan is not as good as a ct scan because the isotope is tied to glycogen. Faster growing tumors absorb the glycogen/isotope and get identified with the pet scan. Renal cell tumors grow much more slowly. So they don't absorb the glycogen/isotope at any significant faster rate and therefore don't stand out better than a ct can with and without contrast.

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

I had a PET scan when I was first diagnosed: they were looking for bone mets. I enjoyed the Star Wars aspect of the machinery. They pumped my favourite music into the machine. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, my reverie only broken by exhortations to breathe. I concentrated on my breath to the exclusion of everything else.

Very relaxing and nothing to worry about

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

So Fox on my next scan I will try to close my eyes , the lying still with the arms above my head is the pits though  for 45 min. 

foxhd's picture
foxhd
Posts: 3183
Joined: Oct 2011

long mri's suck. I had to do 2 hours a couple weeks back. Right after my ct scans.  Usually I re-play a game of golf in my head. I try to remember all my shots and the walk for 18 holes of a recent round. I have also closed my eyes and hopped on my motorcycle. I try to visualize every mile I ride to New Hampshire, or someplace similar for a 200 mile ride. Anytime I lose my thought, I just go back to where I remember being and continue from there. You could forget arms over head from early 2014 thru this past summer. Between spinal mets and shoulder mets, I had to break them up because they hurt too much. But radiation has controlled all of my painful mets and I have been essentially pain free since this summer.

What's important is that had I not had all the scans and radiation treatments, I wouldn't be here. Regardless of surgery and drugs. Look forward to all the tests and treatments. The life they save could be your own.

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

It's just the thought of laying still being awake that makes me nervous. I never have been able to sleep soundly. I fidget a lot. And right now, I have a back and side ache that won't let me lay on my back.

Jan4you's picture
Jan4you
Posts: 1317
Joined: Oct 2013

Callly, call your physician and ask for an anti-anxiety med to be sent to your pharmacy.You take it ahead of time or when you get there. It will relax you, BUT listen to the guys who just posted.. its just RELAXING kind of test. I love to nap so will you. Not sure how long the test is, but you are convincing your mind to misbehave and make you fidgety when it wont happen! It just won't Cally!!

So practice this centered breathing: while laying still, take in a big breath via your nose, filling up your lungs, then let it out, very, very slowly, with lips parted and teeth not touching. Think of blowing at a lit candle but you just want to make it flicker not blow out the light. Keep practicing that centered breathing. Then as you do this breathing, go somewhere pleasant in you mind. Pick a person, place where you feel so calm and serene. Think of your husband holding your hand and gently soothing your brow...calming you into serenity~

YOU CAN DO THIS Cally!! And you'll come back and say, What was I so worried about?

Hugs, Jan

Footstomper's picture
Footstomper
Posts: 1238
Joined: Dec 2014

I like to feel the breath, like mist, extend down my limbs to my toes and fingertips before I exhale. I dont believe in any of this Hocus Pocus, but it works. My pleasant place is just in front of my forehead where my mind rests. Maybe I dont have Jans imagination.

Bay Area Guy's picture
Bay Area Guy
Posts: 384
Joined: Jun 2016

Callyco, I had to have an MRI on an unrealted hearing issue a few years ago.  I had already been prescribed Xanax for help with calming down in order to fly, so I asked the doctor if I could take one of those before the MRI.  He said no problem.  I took it and while I can't say it was an enjoyable experience, I was able to get through it without any issues.

Regarding the PET scan, I've never had one of those, but I did have a nuclear medicine test related to the kidney issue I was facing (1.5cm lesion.....just a baby).  On one of my monitoring CT scans, there was evidence of a previous fracture in, of all places, my butt.  I couldn't recall falling, so the urologist ordered a nuclear medicine scan to see if the lesion (which had yet to be confirmed as malignant), had possibly revealed itself by getting into my bones.  The test consisted of an injection of a radioactive isotope, waiting a couple of hours, then being scanned head to toe in a contraption similar to a open MRI.  That scan actually turned out to be easier than the prostate exam he gave me.  The scan turned out negative for any problems with my bones and, as luck would have it, I recalled what had happened to cause the fracture.  Probably a year earlier, I had been pulling weeds in my mother-in-laws garden.  I had one particularly stubborn one and pulled and pulled, and promptly fell backward onto my butt.  That likely would have been the end of it, but I'm a runner and it appears the constant pounding of my feet on the ground caused what was a tiny crack to become larger.  I remember having a problem walking for a while, but attributed it to a pulled hamstring.  Turns out I had busted my butt, literally.

And then a year later (this year), the monitoring scan revealed a slight growth in the lesion, so the urologist recommended surgery.  I had a robotic assisted laparoscopic partial neph on June 22nd that the good people on this board helped me understand and get through.   I already had the chest X-Ray that the doctor wanted along with the CT scan and it came back clean.  I'll have the CT scan in about a week and a half and then see the doc a week after that.

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

I will remember that breathing trick and relax. I will ask for some type of relaxing med to help take the edge off. I have just been scheduled for surgery on January 20th. Seems like a long time to wait. 

JerzyGrrl's picture
JerzyGrrl
Posts: 760
Joined: Jun 2016

Sure, it seems like a long time to wait, but this isn't like kudzu. In fact, renal stuff tends to grow rather slowly.

In the meantime, you can practice the slow-breath thing (It works for other stuff, too, being generally calming / relaxing). Make up single serving packets of your favorite casseroles and stick them in the freezer. Smile at others, smile at yourself, too. Stock up on your favorite movies or recorded books. Treat yourself to some comfy drawstring sweats or long skirts in a size larger than what you usually wear. Some folks on this forum say get a recliner to sleep in, but I have a memory foam bed, so I just got risers to make it bigger and therefore easier to get in and out of (You know your body - do what seems right). Connect with friends or family ahead of time to run errands or do chores for you when you get back home (Grocery store, library, Stuff-Mart, lift heavy things). Get yourself a pair of fancy Big Girl Panties (I never knew exactly what was expected of me when people told me to put them on, so I decided to just save time and buy a pair), plus a pair that's one size bigger for when you first come home from surgery. Stock up on paper products. Have your laundry caught up. Walk as much as you reasonably can - strong leg muscles make it easier to get yourself in and out of bed (and on and off the sofa) post-op when your mid-section is cussing you out. Update your Advance Directive and get those tests and scans done that are on the pre-op list. Be kind to everyone you meet.  Do something you enjoy - go to a movie, have lunch with friends, get a manicure / pedicure, have a massage, buy a cute scarf or pair of earrings. Laugh at the craziness of this world. Sleep well. Shed some tears when you see something beautiful. Start a list of things you're grateful for. Tell the universe and 2017, "We've got this." 

I'm thinking the days between now and January 20th are going to go by far faster than you realize. 

Hugs, 

Jerzy

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

I got cha. Makes sense to quit sitting here worried. Instead get active and have things ready to go. Thats a good idea about granny panties and sweatpants. Not a pretty picture but makes sense in making it easy to get clothes on and off. I know everything is falling into place. I was worried who was going to take care of me and the pets while I am down. Thankfully that worry has been solved. My sister is coming down to help me at the hospital and at home. Took a load off of my mind. My church family is wonderful about calling and checking on me. They always make my day shine. With love and prayers, you can't ask for anything more.

Ree_Maryland's picture
Ree_Maryland
Posts: 157
Joined: May 2014

The surgeon had me take a shower  with antibacteria dial soap the night before surgery , change my bed linens and take another shower the moring of my surgery. To keep down bacteria and infestions.

WhatIsLife's picture
WhatIsLife
Posts: 38
Joined: Dec 2016

When I replied to you earlier I didn't take into account you might have issues with claustrophobia, something I used to have problems with myself but they've been sticking in those things for years - since about 1991 when I suffered a back injury. I remember the first time they put me in a MRI I was about ready to crawl out! But over the years I've got used to them, but as others have mentioned, they'll usually give you something to help you relax, but also, and I don't know if it's possible for the test you're about to have, but sometimes they are able to place you in feet first, so you don't feel so confined. It may not be possible this time, but it can't hurt to ask!
Good luck!

Kevin

Callyco's picture
Callyco
Posts: 57
Joined: Dec 2016

Thanks for giving me an idea. I will ask the radiologist which way they will place me. I am going to ask the urologist for a little medicinal help. A relaxing drug works for me. My problem is that I have too much time sitting around thinking about this stuff. It's easier than making myself get up and get busy. Cause I do have tons of stuff to do Around the house. Since I just spent 2015 and part of 2016 taking care of my husband through his cancer journey, I am a little numb having to go through this all over again. We made several trips to MD Anderson, which is a wonderful hospital. Doctors there are great. There were no complaints. So, I'm just a little tired and anxious. 

Callyvo

Jojo61's picture
Jojo61
Posts: 1310
Joined: Oct 2013

Well Callyco, you got some great advice here. And Jerzygrrl beautifully summed up what I would have advised....prep ahead and immerse yourself in creature comforts. But since you have a little time to kill before the surgery, maybe getting your home sorted will be a great time occupier. I always find that if I get behind on my house load, I feel stressed. May I suggest that you go through room by room - focus on one area at a time - and before you know it, you will have your place in order (it doesn't have to be perfect!) and you will feel calm and serene...just how you want to feel before surgery. Plus it will make recovery much more pleasant. I really feel for you, and want you to know that you are not alone in this. We are here for you!

Hugs

Jojo

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