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FORTY SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Helen321's picture
Posts: 1428
Joined: May 2012

I'm only 4 years ned but 5 years diagnosed and so to all I say THANK YOU!  Thank you for getting me through the absolute hardest part of my life.   When I got diagnosed, I promised I would celebrate 47 with a party if I made it and here I am! The terminology was so confusing, the fear was outrageous, the anxiety was beyond belief. I remember the first night feeling so scared and hearing the words from someone who has never minced words... cancer does not have to mean a death sentence, get a grip!  I remember needing to hear that.  And since that person is still kicking butt and still on the boards, he gets props because my treatment mantra became CANCER DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A DEATH SENTENCE.  I said it often and I said it loud.  I chanted NED for myself, for others, I got my family to chant it.  I still chant it when someone tells me they are having a scan and get others to chant it with me.  I talked to my chemo and my radiation when I was getting it, I closed my eyes and told it to kill those cells.  I imagined it, I breathed it.  I relaxed and let it take over and said do your thing!

To those still fighting, keep on fighting, take the plunge, eat right, give up the barbeque (it's a serious carcinogen when you have cancer), the wine, the sugar, look up those carcinogens and know what they are and cut  them out of your diet and life fully until you can get it out of your body.  Look up the big cancer fighters.  Learn as much as you can about your body.  Don't let your doctor tell you what you can or can not do and feel your power, it is your body and therefor your choices.  Stick to your treatment and tell yourself I'm going to do this.  YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cancer does not have to mean a death sentence.  I was stage III but one of the women at my office is now cancer free and she had been stage IV for three years. I cried when she told me she had a clean scan, burst into tears and cried over an hour.  She changed her diet, she joined the gym, she gave up carginogens and she showed up at every doctor's appointment and for every treatment, she did the ablations and the surgeries and we shared our worries and tears.  Cry your way through the pain and surgeries, there is another side.  It's okay to cry.  Shout why is this happening to me, it's okay to shout!  There are no guarantees, there never have been but it is freeing to feel like you are fighting so hard for yourself.  Even during treatment, I felt so free that I was able to fight for myself.  I am now so aware that I am not guaranteed 48 or 58 or 68 or even day two of 47 but for now I celebrate day one of 47!  If this is my last day on earth, I lived this beautiful day.  There are days where I am in pain and I struggle but in the end, I amazingly greatful to have had this birthday.  My friends who didn't make it but came to mean so much to me, especially Barb and Leena, even though I never got to meet them in person, will never be forgotten.  So many people have a special place in my heart.  The late night emails that we shared helped me to keep my sanity.  I read some of them recently and cried for them and for their children and families.  The sleepless night posts on this board helped me keep my sanity.

Tonight I had dinner with my children, my mom!  ......I still get to say that ...my mom....and I am amazed at the fortune of that. .....my mom who has alzheimers and struggles daily let out the biggest belly laugh at dinner tonight and it was a chain reaction around the whole table, I haven't laughed a real laugh like that in so many years.  Watching my mom laugh was such an amazing moment.  Sharing in that laugh meant the world to me.  My best friend since birth also joined us, my eldest sister and then my niece showed up and surprised me for dessert.  I got to see my grandson turn 4 this year! The week he was born, I just had my port put in and when I was alone with him as my daughter slept, I cried and cried.  I am greatful that I have gotten to hear his laugh and squeeze him until he squeels.

I love and appreciate you all on the boards and I think about you all and offer up my heart to whatever powers that be for each of you daily.  Tonight I raised my glass to all of us (that would be my glass of water....the alternative would have been almond milk lol), the ones who fought so hard, the ones who are still fighting and the ones who have made it through.  ...... I reserve the right to rescind my mushiness when this feeling wears off.  I am not a mushy type person.  I gave up wine since it is a carginogen so I can't even blame that.  I'm just amazed and greatful tonight.  I reserve the right to have some bad days when the pain takes over or the depression of the reality of my body changes or what I have lost sets in out of no where.  I reserve the right to have scary moments and then kick myself for putting myself through all of that for nothing.  I reserve the right to cry hysterically with friends or for friends as they struggle through scary moments.  I reserve the right to cry hysterically for friends who decide it is time to let go.  I reserve the right to have moments of panic if this dreaded disease comes back and I know it happens to so many and I could be one.  But for tonight, December 6, 2016, this day was mine and it was a beautiful one and I had a fabulous day one of 47 and will forever be greatful to have had it.  If it is my last, know that it was appreciated.  Love to all, one day at a time.  Helen

ron50's picture
Posts: 1729
Joined: Nov 2001

    You have always put your own unique slant on survival and it is working for you. May you have many more happy birthdays , Hugs Ron.

abrub's picture
Posts: 2175
Joined: Mar 2010

I was told the same just shy of my 55th birthday, that I would absolutely be dead by the time I was 60.  I spent my 60th birthday in France, having a wonderful time.  I'm now 64 and counting!  (by the way, I switched drs, to ones I could work with, and who were more encouraging from day 1.)

CELEBRATE, Helen!  You deserve it!


Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5493
Joined: Jan 2013

I know your birthday was yesterday, but its today also, and tomorrow and the next day. Each day is a day to celebrate you. I celebrate my brithday (which is also this month) every month. I decided that when I first started this journey, just in case I didn't make it to my acutal brithday. So on the 22nd of each month I celebrate my Birth day day. 

You post is AMAZING! I am going to save it, and read it again and again. You are AMAZING! 

Happy 47!


Posts: 1282
Joined: Apr 2012

Happy birthday youngster!! It must be nice Having most of your life ahead of you.  Enjoy your day and have many more of them!!!

DD3's picture
Posts: 134
Joined: May 2013

HaPPy BiRThdaY!!!  Here's to 47 more years. 

beaumontdave's picture
Posts: 1166
Joined: Aug 2013

Happy Birthday Helen and Congrats on finding joy beyond all the fear and hassle........................................Dave

marbleotis's picture
Posts: 715
Joined: Mar 2012


I just love your posts and you are 100% correct. 

Colonchick's picture
Posts: 36
Joined: Nov 2016

Happy Birthday!!! I wish you another 47 years!

Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Happy Birthday!!!!!  May you have many more birthdays, all NED, with joy on your spirit!

Joan M's picture
Joan M
Posts: 411
Joined: Oct 2016

I am so happy for you to be NED for so long!  It gives  me hope and the rest of us who are not there yet. 


traci43's picture
Posts: 775
Joined: Jul 2007

Helen - hope this coming year brings lots of happy surprises your way.  Congratulations!  Traci

Posts: 1019
Joined: Aug 2013

You make me smile! I wish you many, many more Happy Birthdays!

I'm glad you enjoyed it surrounded by family and friends. 



Helen321's picture
Posts: 1428
Joined: May 2012

Really thank you all.  Although the mushiness has worn off (I turned back into a pumpkin at midnight), the sentiment remains the same.  December 29, still here, still kicking.  Happy Birthday Sue, you share my mom's birthday and also one of my best friend's=)  The world brought us three kick *** women on one day!  Danker, I loved seeing new pics of you, you made me love the word NED=)  People say the word awesome is overused but I don't think so at all, life and the people in it are just completely awesome!

JanJan63's picture
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

Somehow I missed this post until now, I'm sorry. Congratulations! I hope you had a fantastic birthday! Many more years of good health! Hugs!


NewHere's picture
Posts: 1340
Joined: Feb 2015

I think I missed this post also.  Sorry :(

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