CSN Login
Members Online: 8

You are here

I am dying! Am I dying? We're all dying!

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5225
Joined: Jan 2013
I am having an issue with the 'We're all dying' phrase.
 
I know for some its a great way to take the pressure off of the emotional issue of acceptance of death, to say 'You could get run over by a bus tomorrow' or 'We're all dying', and that is good for them, but for me, it does nothing but make me feel like they are saying 'Get over it'.
 
I don't go around with the 'I am dying' look on my face, or even on my lips, but its there, in my head. That black cloud that won't shift, no matter how much sun I pour into my life.
 
I don't let it rule my heart or spoil my day, but it is there.
 
I'm heartbroken over the two deaths of forum friends this past week. It plays on my mind. These good people, whose time has come and gone.
 
Yeah, yeah, I know 'We all die'. Well, I don't want to die, not now or ever. *Stamps my foot like a two year old*
 
I'm musing. Griping. Whining. I don't do it often, but today is the day.
SUE
danker
Posts: 1256
Joined: Apr 2012

If you believe in eternall life, then dying only effects your body!  Like the poem about the sail boat, while some are saying"she is gone." others are saying "here she comes!" I hope to see you all in heaven for eternity!!!

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5225
Joined: Jan 2013

Actually, saying that, I have seen the spirit of one of my Uncles, so I can't really say I don't believe in an after-life. 

Thing is, I'm 57 (58 in two months) and I'm not ready to go and visit the eternal realm, no matter how beautiful it is. 

SUE

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I heard that analogy at a funeral years ago and I love it. Thanks for reminding me!

Jan

John23's picture
John23
Posts: 2140
Joined: Jan 2007

Heaven - where all the good have gone.....

Then I think of every innocent ant and bug I've stepped on, every cockroach I've squished in a burst of semi-hatred response to the sight of them.... I think of the thousands of millions of germs, however innocent in their quest for simple survival, dying from the chemical warfare I've imposed on their simple lives........

All, each and every one of them, greeting me at those Pearly Gates....

It doesn't stop, you know.... ever.

 

Be well,

John

 

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 835
Joined: Apr 2012

Sue, 

I know how you feel (as a tear rolls down my cheek). It is very sad and could easily overwhelm if we let it. 

And I don't know what to say...  I don't have words. I'm simply sad. 

Wishing you Light and Love. And thanking you for your words, pictures, kindness...

Your friend,

Phil

JanJan63's picture
JanJan63
Posts: 2482
Joined: Sep 2014

I agree with you Sue. Most days I'm upbeat and will even joke about my cancer. One is 'who'd have thought I'd have something in common with Farrah Fawcett', things like that. I do it because I don't want to dwell on it and I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. I want them to ask questions, I want them to not look at me with pity, I want them to see that I'm doing pretty well and that cancer can be maintained or dealt with in the right circumstances, I want people to see that I'm doing okay because I see that so many people refuse to go to the doctor and get checked out when they should because they're scared they'll be told they have cancer. The sooner they find out the better so I don't want anyone waiting until they're really sick. I think it's important that I'm seen as relatively healthy and just like everyone else. I often tell people that early detection is key so they'll have themselves checked.

On the other hand, I also get into funks where I'm so sad about it all. But I have a job where I have to put on a happy face and that helps. I'll do things like cry in my car or on my husband's shoulder. It's hard to snap out of it when that happens. I always eventually do. And I write in a journal to get my innermost feelings that I don't want to share out. Because sometimes my thoughts are very dark and I don't want to scare anybody.

Jan

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5225
Joined: Jan 2013

I was in a bit of a snit, yesterday.

They are very rare moments, because I am a very happy, go lucky person. Very positive. 

I'm off to a social at church tonight. Lets hope nobody gives me the 'we all die' speech. HA!

SUE

lp1964's picture
lp1964
Posts: 1240
Joined: Jun 2013

They way I see it and what I live by is: we all have and are entitled to our feelings, but a bad, negative mental state is only a problem if you let it stop you from living your days the way you like it. I have a dark cloud hanging over me all the time. I'm scared, feel that life is unfair a lot. But these are just feelings and I will try to take practical steps to make every day amazing for me and others. 

The more you dwell on or the more you try to fight your negative feelings the bigger they grow. Leave your feelings alone, get out there and do wonderful things to make a every day anazing!

All the best,

Laz 

Alyssha
Posts: 16
Joined: Apr 2016

I am so glad you are having a better day.  Thank you for telling me this - I am sure I have said this more than once and I will NEVER say it again.  Sometimes we just want as caregivers to say anything that we think will help or make anything easier - but we have no idea how it really feels to live with the fear.  Hugs.... hope no one gave you the speech today :) 

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 706
Joined: Mar 2012

Sorry to read you are feeling "off".  It happens, it sneaks up on us.

I read something interesting last week while at Onc visit getting latest CEA (0.6 - Yippie).

There was a bunch of sayings on the wall like a collage, my eyes fixed on just 1 - I do not know why.  It said, "don't count the days, Make the days count".  Wow I thought how simple but so direct. 

Some days you just need to let yourself get upset and then be over it.  Take back that control.  cancer sucks and takes so much from us. 

If you feel low again, do something you really enjoy, it can be very simple.  Change your surroundings and good thoughts will follow.  

All the best 

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5225
Joined: Jan 2013

I figured it out. 

I'm a very happy person. Not taken to moods or being upset by others. So, I wondered why this little moment of annoyance. Well, it hit me, I am up for my three month tests in a few weeks. 

Yep! Its that darn anxiety caused by the 'what ifs' of test results. I looked back on my journals, and you can read me like a book. As my tests get closer, my mind starts dwelling more on the 'what if the Doctor says.....' 

I don't like to wish time away, it is so precious, but I can't wait until my next set of tests and results are over, regardless of the outcome (which I pray are good). 

So, I won't apologize for my musing, its good every now and again. 

SUE

Easyflip's picture
Easyflip
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2013

luck my friend. Let's keep that streak going :)

easyflip/Richard 

 

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1205
Joined: Feb 2015

How that sneaks up on you and it builds up.  I had the same thing when all of a sudden it hits me "Scan in x days."  Hey the good news on my met, looks we are back on same schedule together again for scans.  Lemonade from lemons Tru :)

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5225
Joined: Jan 2013

Looks like we're all due for our next set of tests pretty soon. 

Well, lets all meet here after our results and CELEBRATE. It's going to be good news, eh!

TRU - SUE

NewHere's picture
NewHere
Posts: 1205
Joined: Feb 2015

We can all do a virtual toast :)

Subscribe to Comments for "I am dying! Am I dying? We're all dying!"